Lost

Chapter 2

Lily and Petunia always had a difficult relationship, not bad, not violent. Only a little tense sometimes, they came from the same parents but were too different. Lily’s magic came earlier, stronger, spontaneous, and just marvelous in every single possible way. Petunia’s case was different, they didn’t even know she had magic until she received her letter too with Lily.

               Petunia’s power has always been poor, and weak, a step away from being a squib or a muggle. Lacking strength and destruction. Severus used to defend her all the time saying that Petunia’s power was simply different. It doesn’t need to be destructive to be useful, that’s why Lily had been pressuring her all their lives in order to do better, this way Petunia can stop being a burden and protect herself from the dangers that lay outside their classrooms.

               Lily, different from Petunia, knew the world out there, and how society function (or used to), she talked to people, made friends, and knew how to socialize and to whom. Petunia didn’t, didn’t want to get involved with new people, and was not interested in friends or parties.

               You know what? Scratch that last thing said. Petunia did all the same things as Lily. She met people, went to places and socialized. The issue here was that she decided to do all of that without Lily. That’s the problem. Lily and Petunia never had a date for the both only, there was always Severus there, or Lucius or Narcissa. A whole entire world besides Lily. ‘’I’m sorry Lily, I’ll be busy this weekend’’.

               ‘’You are always busy’’ Lily frowned, crossing her arms. ‘’They are… not exactly good people, Petunia’’ The Malfoys had a bad reputation, Severus seemed to getting involved in who knows what kind of business from a young age and well, the Black’s family was not exactly known for being kind with people like them.

               ‘’…They are nice to me’’ and that’s all she needed to know about. No about what people say about the Malfoys and Blacks, not the whispers that are born every time they walk down the hall, or all the times Petunia sits down on the Slythering's table instead of her own house or Lily’s.

               Lily massages her temples and sits down, ready to explain everything again from the beginning, as if Petunia was stupid. ‘’Our society is divided between three levels. Purebloods at the top, half-bloods at the middle, and muggleborns like you and me in the bottom. They can say all they want about equality, however, people like them will never treat us as equal, neither as people who deserve respect. How many times do I have to spell it for you?’’

               ‘’I’m not going out with you this weekend, sorry’’. It fell on deaf ears all of Lily’s explanations though. Petunia, just as Lily, was a loyal woman, and her loyalties were already set on these people, just as Lily had her own.

               Petunia loved Lily, and was nice going out of them just the two of them, but she knew James and his friends would eventually tag along, and she would cut her head before ever sharing a table with them. Just as Lily hated Lucius and Narcissa, Petunia hated James and Sirius.

Lily stares at the wall. They had been running like rats for a few years now. Having one home destroyed after another, each time losing one close friend at the hands of Voldemort’s army. ‘’Stop worrying about her’’ James says, with a little less patience every time she sees Lily’s longing eyes looking at the horizon, as if Petunia would ever give up her privileges for her sister. She does not deserve a pinch of empathy, they cannot hold empathy for traitors ‘’I’m sure she’s more than okay by…’’ warming someone’s bed.         

               ‘’Careful with what you say about my sister’’ Lily says, sharper than intended. ‘’She’s still family’’ with or without them, regardless of the decisions she has taken. Do not misunderstand her, she’s still angry at Petunia, and if she ever sees her again, she’ll definitely slap her face left and right for her stupidity, but her love for her remains.

               She still feels betrayed and she’s still hurting for her, but that doesn’t take away they feel for each other, it only makes it more complicated, like their entire relationship since they were children. No matter what happens between them, with a war in the middle, there is nothing in this world that could change the fact they were siblings.

               ‘’I was not going to say anything bad about her’’ besides the truth of course. ‘’She has chosen a side; you need to get used to this reality. One of these days we may find her tracking us down, she may use the love you feel for her against you, you need to be ready’’. Lily almost laughs.

               ‘’She wouldn’t’’ Lily says stubbornly. ‘’She’s… always been a coward’’. Lily recalls, leaning against the dusty wall, Harry sleeping on her lap peacefully unaware of the world they were living in. ‘’Petunia is delicate. Never wanted to get dirty when she was a child. Love playing inside with her dolls while wearing fluffy dresses, when eating always used all cutlery, with a napkin on her lap’’ Lily recalls painfully fond. ‘’War is not for her’’ Lily said. ‘She did not want to fight on our side, she wouldn’t fight on their side either’’.

               James stays silent for a moment. He’s worried Petunia may know about Lily’s weakness and will use it to fight against her in a duel if they ever encounter themselves face to face. People change all the time, Petunia is no exception to this rule. Look at Severus. He was a pitiful child the first time he saw him, unable to defend himself and stop the shameful situations he was put on.

The last time he saw him in battle, he beheaded Sirius and left James brutally injured, and Remus lost a hand, wand included.

               Severus is Voldemort’s First General. The fastest, strongest and one of the most ruthless of them all. He held no compassion for anyone, and kills and tortures indiscriminately, stranger or old friend, young or old. He’s unstoppable, and the thing that infuriates James the most, not only because the family he has taken from him in these last years, but for…

               How easy Severus makes it look, as if they were nothing, a nuisance to take care of, and not human lives.

               When he steps in battle, he’s always late. When the side of the light thinks is winning, Severus appears in a puff of dark smoke, he still carries a mask but he can see his expression, almost… condescending. He moves fast, and gracefully, not a single hair moves out of his head when he kills. Powerful enough to conjure non-verbally at this point.

               He’s Voldemort’s favorite soldier, one of the highest positioned. He’s pretty by this point he not only executes Voldemort’s orders. He helps him with planning too.

               The wealth he’s been accumulating from the families he’s been annihilating cannot be described. Severus was born from nothing. No name, no money, no power. However, today he was a completely different person. A legend. Petunia would never turn this man away. She is not stupid.

               James understands why Petunia took the path she did. Surely she saw what side was winning, and played her cards wisely by spreading her legs to the right person. Lily and Petunia part different ways in their early childhood but Lily still doesn’t seem to accept entirely that Petunia betrayed them the way she did when he left with Severus, a well-known deserter, a double agent.

The evil itself incarnated once again. A person who had taken advantage of them, using all of their secrets to torture and kill their friends.

               How could Lily still trust her sister after all? ‘’Stop crying, you are even uglier when you cry’’ Petunia was soaked, head to toe, cornered by James and Sirus in one of the dark, lonely classrooms of the castle, Remus guarding the entrance with an uncomfortable expression on his face, so closed to her dormitory and yet so far away.

               ‘’I don’t want a fight’’ Petunia’s voice was small, quiet. She didn’t want drama, nor to make a scene. She hated confrontation, of any kind, the only thing she wanted was to go to her safe place, dried up, and dress herself in warm clothes, it was the middle of winter.

               ‘’You can’t fight Petunia. You are useless’’ James took a lock of her think dark hair and wrapped it around his fingers, pulling it painfully. Petunia did not do anything to stop him, she closed her eyes and prayed he would get bored soon. ‘’Or you don’t remember what happened at Duelling club? You barely got a chance to take a breath before you were on the floor, ass kicked. So painful to watch’’.

               Again, silence.

Petunia knew who the Potters were, and they caused her more fear than the people Lily warned her about all the time. Lucius pulls a chair for her to sit when they eat outside if Severus is not on time, he guards her, and keeps her safe when Severus can’t. Lucius was a gentleman in all the extension of the word, Severus best friend, and acting perhaps not like a brother to her in the beginning, but always respectful and even friendly. Never pulling hurtful or humiliating pranks on her.

               Narcissa on the other hand, connected with Petunia since their first meeting, all full of curiosity and questions. Pulling her close to her, explaining to her etiquette and history that is not shown in books, Petunia always ate up all of her wisdom, happy to be considered worthy of sharing. Petunia knew they were not people who opened to just everybody, and was very grateful for the opportunity offered, aware that she did not deserve it neither was she at the same level.

               Lily’s friends were not as kind. ‘’Next time Lily asks anything from you, please have the courtesy to accept it. Be a nice sister, Petunia, Lily is your only true friend in this world’’. She wanted to refute it, Lily was her sister, not her friend and she was not the only one she had on both worlds, not anymore but she had brains enough to stay silent, she knew when to choose her battles, and she was nowhere near to defeat three wizards by herself. ‘’Honor your house by using that head of yours and treat her with the love and respect she deserves’’

               James felt Petunia was a pain in the ass. Lily was worried about her all the time but Petunia seemed to not care by the way she ignored Lily, that’s to say, Lily was busy all the time trying to snatch back his sister’s attention to pay any to James. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, he hated seeing Lily’s sad and pretty face. ‘’do you understand?’’

               Petunia nodded quietly. Please just let me go.

               ‘’I did not hear you Petunia’’ James pressed the end of her wand against her neck, Petunia was shaking. This was the kind of person who walked around the world and knew no consequences would come to him. ‘’Say it’’ He could do whatever he wanted to her, and she could be blamed because of it in the end. He was wealthy, powerful, loved. All Petunia was not.

               ‘’I understand sir’’ How did Petunia speak without her voice breaking, was a great feat.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

It took a while, Severus thought, but the waters were calmed enough for Petunia to be on the outside, and still, she wouldn’t be exposed to any events and social life just yet. He knew perfectly well that some people still may view her as being a muggleborn, they wouldn’t dare to do anything to her because of Severus of course, because Severus was his superiors and commander. However, their enemies tend to be more stupid.

               Petunia was doomed to hate crimes but also for retaliation from her past affiliations with family, friends, or acquaintances. She would be taken as a traitor, spy, and worse, when her only crime was wanting a quiet life, and loving Severus. He would fight until the end of times to protect her and the choices she decided to make. It enrages him, as if Petunia had ever raised her wand to curse anybody.  

               It was him the one who conspired against their former master, colleagues and friends. The torture? Him, the murders? Oh, absolutely him. His hands are soaked in blood, That’s to say, all of those statements should be directed to him, not Petunia, sweet Petunia who has insomnia at the mere thought of someone suffering in his hands. He knows in that head of hers, there are a hundred scenarios in which both societies live together, in peace, but these can only be kept as pretty illusions.

  To this day, Severus has no regrets. He followed his wishes and beliefs. He saved Petunia from a hurtful fate, he knew if she had been taken by the Potters, they would have placed her in the middle of a crossfire and then failed to protect her. He just knew these people were more likely good for nothing besides creating problems, they loved filling their mouths with boasts of bravery and promises most of the time they wouldn’t be able to fulfill.

               They would have never taken her as a priority. In their world, Petunia is a meaningless thought, for Severus, Petunia was his world.  She’s no fighter and he had never reproached her for it. If she didn’t want to spill violence, or even be involved in or witness it, no one should force her to do it. That’s why he’s here for. To kill on her behalf and for her well-being. Again, Severus has zero remorse. ‘’do you like it?’’

               The fortress was a lovely place. Cozy, warm, full of books, food but no gardens a relative small space, they didn’t have time to build one when he took Petunia out of the Evans’ home that night. He needed to rush before someone else was quicker by attacking her home because Lily and James pissed the wrong people.

               ‘’It has a garden’’. for the first time in a long, long time, Petunia seemed to smile genuinely at the sight of the huge garden that was extended so far away she could only see where it started but not where it finished.

               Severus was aware gardening was one of her passions, well. Severus knew all her interests, gardening, baking, painting, and the arts of potions, they shared many of her interests since they were young, and it would do her good if she could relax again in activities that make her remember their childhood and not their present. ‘’I make sure to plant all your favorite flowers and herbs’’ Petunia cups his cheek as she fights a smile. She can feel her eyes watering. ‘’Why are you crying, my love? It isn’t of your liking? Would you want me to change it? Tell me how do you want it, I’ll give it to you’’. She only needed to ask.

               ‘’It’s nothing’’ it is everything. How could a man be so sweet, caring, and thoughtful with her and at the same time be all what Lily told her? For her, Severus still carries the same sensitivity and compassion he had when he was a child. She can’t understand, nor she want to, that he was not the same man. ‘’Don’t change, please don’t’’. she whispers against his shoulder, trying to regulate her breathing, drinking in Severus’ perfume by accident, it helps her calm down in the end.

               ‘’I’m the same boy you met’’. He promises, gently rubbing her back, with his cheek pressed against her temple, melting under her warmth. ‘’To you, I’ll always be the same’’. He promises.

               Even before the war finally started, Petunia had been concerned about the possible consequences this could detonate in their lives, when the war was only rumors, especially nasty stories and gossips about what would happen to muggles and muggle-borns equally. For her hearing all these stories was traumatizing, and especially terrifying when she was almost stuck in a couple of crossfires.

               It is understandable the amount of emotional anguish she’s carrying, her family is on one side, but the love of her live is on the other, both fighting to death because of their own principles and ideals, unable to coexist in the same space and time, united only because the same person. ‘’Come on, it’s cold outside, it will get you sick’’ and Petunia should never know again any pain at all.