Wolfstar - Living Through the low

September 1977,
The trainstation was filled with people as Sirius already annoyed, pushed away all the others. A fast look back and by the next second, the young man had already taken his chance of an unwatched moment to run through the wall, leading him to the platform 9 3/4.

White dust and a strong wind brushed his face and hair for a second, until he stepped forward to see where he was going.
9 3/4 was even more crowded than the other platforms. Hundrets of kids were running past him just to get the seat they always sat at. Sirius shook his head with a slight laughter.

The annoyance that had been coursing through his mind was gone within seconds, he was exited for this year more than ever, he promised Remus to take him and the others on a concert the next summer holidays.
He looked out for the brunette, but the only ones that caught his attention were his brother and mother standing together behind a glass door. Sirius took a deep breath and looked down into his pants' pockets to find an audio cassette inside. David Bowie's latest album "Low".
He had bought the cassette only because he was bored and drunk that day. Actually he had never really listened to David Bowie or even liked him, but he kind of felt that one specific album.
He was excited to show Remus his new cassettes and records as soon as they entered the next holidays.

Again his eyes flew over the crowd. Maybe he had just overseen them, where were they, his amazing friends, helpers and idiots, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew? And then there was Remus Lupin...that stunning, brave young man he had missed all the time, standing right inbetween a group of elders. He was the only one his parents didn't allow to come over.

His heart made a little jump.
"Remus!", he called over the heads of the others, jumping up and down to make the brunette notice him. In the end he didn't come far enough to fall into his arms, as someone grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back.
"Sirius.", a harsh voice whispered into his ear. His heart that had been beating at the top of his lungs, was now sinking down to the ends of his pants.
"Mother...", he murmured into the neck of his jacket.
"Come back here for a second", she commanded and pulled him into the room with the glass door. He looked around as the door shut. Regulus Black, his younger brother, father and mother. They all looked at him with cold emotionless eyes, the only thing they gave him was fear, fear and hate.

"You only have 2 years of school left", Orion started the conversation.
"I know father, is there anything you want to tell me or can I go for now? It won't be long until we meet again."
"There is something.", his mother interrupted him, "discipline is something a Black should have learned at your age, you don't seem to even be able to define this word Sirius."
"I don't mind not being able to define a word if I still know what it means."
"You don't know anything of discipline, take your brother as an example for this year."
"Why would I dress in such clothes, I'm not a middleschooler, and why should he be something I look up to, I would need to get down on my knees for that.", Sirius laughed, but then shut as he realized the killing silence.

"If it takes you that much of to be a little more like him, then you shall kneel."
"Excuse me?"
"You've heard me...now leave, I don't want the two of you to miss the train."
Sirius stared at her for a few seconds while walking out, until a warm hand grabbed his and pulled him into a welcoming hug.
"Hey Padfoot, missed you!", James comfortably warm voice said.
"James, Peter, thank Merlin it's only you."
"What are you talking about idiot?", Peter asked.
"Uh just my parents thinking they need to put my brother over me, nothing new hah..?", he explained and tightened the hug to feel the amount of acceptance that had been in all of James' hugs. He loved how happy felt, the second he was around them.

"I see...well let's get into the train and search for Remus."
"Sounds good, come on."
Sirius stopped the walkman and put it aside in his bag.
James grabbed both of their hands and pulled them into the train.
"Have you already seen him Sirius?", Peter wanted to know as he pulled his luggage behind himself.
"Yes but I was too slow to get through the crowd and catch him. But I think he is in the next wagon."
From the front they already heard happy laughter and James calling out in happiness.
"That's them, come on Wormie!", he said and started running towards the sounds.

He stopped as he faced Remus standing infront of his seat. He caught himself staring at him for a second, before he fell into his arms.
"Hey hey you stormy idiot!", Remus laughed and held onto the seats.
"You're making me go down on the ground."
"Maybe I wanted you to go down-?"
The raven haired smirked and let go of Remus.
"Y'all look good, how were the holidays?", Remus asked.
"Uh...acceptable...", Sirius chuckled.
"Pretty cool to be honest, Peter and I hung out a lot!"
"That's great. Now tell me, what are your plans for this year?"
"Well...definitely not making my parents proud? Okay now for real we need a plan. Maybe we can bully Regulus a bit!", Padfoot suggested.
"Uhm, I don't think that's right."
"Why not? That little fucker deserves it, he won't get any girls this year, I promise."
"Oh come on that's childish, you ar-"
"Are just jealous of him, because your parents only see the talent in him, am I right ?", a dark voice stated.
"Piss off Severus, nobody asked for your opinion, and nobody asked for your existence as well..?", another voice stepped inbetween.

"Lily!"
James jumped out of his seat, but got pressed back into it, as the train started moving.
"Woah hey calm down", she laughed and leaned into the door, as soon as she had stopped looking after Snape leaving the wagon.
"That guy is such a creep, he's following you anywhere", James said and made some space at the edge of his seat for Lily to sit at.
"I don't really know...I think he's just a little lonely."
"Girls-", Sirius snorted.
"Hey? I just helped you, show some respect."
He just waved off and turned away.
"I can make you leave too Black, now say sorry."
Lily put her hands at her side and stared at him.

"Alright...I'm sorry..."
"Don't play insulted idiot."
Remus pushed his elbow at Sirius' side. The black haired flinched and sat away a bit.
"Hey man no hitting allright? I fell down the stairs yesterday it's still not entirely healed."
"Sorry Padfoot.", Remus mumbled and looked away.
"It's fine Remus, don't worry I-"
"Guys stop being such drama queens?", James interrupted.
"Uhhh now I get it, you don't want your girl to think you are friends with a bunch of kids hah?", Padfoot laughed and sat back up straight.

"Lily isn't my girl she-"
"Hah he said it, you said it was Lily!", Remus laughed and the redhead blushed.
"Oh come on for real? Look you're making her feel uncomfortable."
"Pfft, that's what comes with all the annoying things, when you are our friend Potter", Peter finally said.
"Wormie is right, learn to accept it, you are in love with her."
"Guys I'm still here?", she remembered them and the three of them immediately shut up.
"Oh well..."
"Let's be honest, I understand James, tho you're not my type."
"Well but she's Snape's type", Remus said.

"Severus? That boy is a walking rainbow."
"A what?"
Remus looked at Sirius confused.
"He's gay."
"Ohh....wait really?"
"Have you seen him? He's walking 'round in all long clothes, he looks like he was wearing a nun's dress."
"I don't think that makes him gay."
"Guys stop, just because you don't like him it doesn't mean you have to call him things he isn't actually, literally boys, you should learn to deal with your own stupidity before you judge others by the way they dress and talk."
With that Lily walked off.

A few minutes of silence had passed until Sirius started to nod his head first slow then faster.
"Well I guess she has a point...I mean..."
"Not now Sirius I think we should let that rest for a second, and alltho, the snack lady will pass us in a few minutes, I'd like to take that time and rest a bit."
"Fine."
Remus leaned back and James and Peter started talking about some random holiday activities. Sirius just sat there trying to fokus on the thoughts coursing through his mind, but too many backgrounds noises kept him from thinking. He needed someone to talk to, so he got up from his seat and left the sitting area, walking down the small halls of the wagon.

When he looked through the windows of other seatrows, the only thing he saw was happiness, joy, peace. He thought about how good it would feel to start into his last year of Hogwarts with absolutely no worries, nothing bad to think about that may come up in his life. Like all the others that knew they could go into life, being loved by their families, themselfes, and as he was thinking about all that, he knew it was the best thought he had ever had in ages. He thought about how life would look like if he was free, independent, he could be who he wanted and in the way he wanted, but there was...

"Sweets and snacks, come on hurry, the chocolate frogs have new people on their cards only for a limited time!", a loud voice called down the halls. Sirius interrupted his own thoughts and looked out for the sweets lady.
"Uh she's coming...", he mumbled and ran back to his friends, stumbling over a black cat.
"Ouch little boy get out of my way."
He shook his head and opened the door.

"Guys the snack lady is just one wagon away, get your money!"
Remus, who had fallen asleep with a book on his face, shrugged and looked up.
"Did you say you want money..?", he mumbled still a little sleepy.
"Wouldn't say no, but actually I told you to get your money because the snack lady is coming."
"Oh really?"

Sirius nodded and searched his wallet in the pockets of his handbag.
"Wow where did you get all that money from...?", Peter asked.
"Don't ask, I don't wanna say something they could use against me if my parents ever find out."
"Did you steal it from them?"
James looked at him, eyes widened.
"Borrowed, not stolen...just borrowed."
"You're in so much trouble Padfoot..?"
"You can't know that", he responded and sat back down, just the moment the sweets lady stopped at their row.

"Anything off the trolley dears?", she asked with a big smile.
"Uhh two Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and a quarter pack bottled Butterbeer", Sirius requested.
"Allright that makes 18,50. What about you boys?"
"One pack of milk chocolate frogs please", James ordered and gave her the money.
"Thank you, have a great day", she smiled and went on to the next seat row.

Sirius grinned at this friends, he opened the box and took out a bean.
Remus gulped. James laughed and held onto Peter.
"What's wrong with you that's orange or something."
"Uh I don't think so", Remus complained.
"Wanna try yourself, don't worry moony it's really just orange?"
"I don't know..?"
"Come on I'll take one as well."
"Fine idiot."
Sirius laughed and took a white bean.
"On the count of three, one, two, three!"

Remus took the bean in his mouth and started chewing on it, while Sirius hadn't even touched his own, just watching and waiting for Remus' reaction. A second of silence passed until Remus squeezed his eyes shut.
"Oh lord-"
The black haired bursted out in laughter and held onto his seat.
"You damn fucker, I'll kill you-!", Remus called and grabbed for the bean in Sirius hand, trying to make him eat it.
"Pff fuck off, I won't eat that."
"I had barf now eat it, it can't be worse."

"Hey man, remember the first time we met? James told you not to trust me when it's about jokes."
"That was almost 7 years ago, how shall I remember such a story?"
"I don't know..?"
"You might be a dog, but puppy eyes won't work with me? Well just so you know..."
James laughed, "I think they do work."
"Yes just as you think Lily is in love with you", Remus responed.
"Ouhh..."
"Damn Moony where did that confidence come from?"
"Not from you."
"Merlin, guys not now."
"But you know what we should have now?"
"What?", Peter asked.
"The butterbeer I bought."
"Gosh you really are throwing your parents' money out of the window, aren't you?", James said.

"It's everything they deserve."
"The problem is that this isn't only your or your parents' problem, Gringotts might already be after you since it was you who took all the money, not your mum or dad."
"For fuck's sake James, they shall come and get me, but at least after all the money can't be taken back."
"You're crazy Padfoot..."
"I'm not crazy Moony, I'm just treating them like they treat me. I take away the thing they think defines them."
"Revenge isn't the right way Sirius."
"Maybe it isn't yet, but it could turn into the right one", he stated and looked away.
"If you think so..."
Remus sat away a bit and took out his book again.

"Hey, wanna play cards with us?", James asked.
"No...not now."
James and Peter both exchanged worried looks, but then went back to their game.

Minutes passed and passed, but nothing really happened, the sounds around Sirius had been swallowed by his mind, the only thing he really heard were the raindrops falling down on the windows. It sounded like a whisper, like hundrets of memories being replayed in his mind, once again. It was not his last year, he knew, but still it felt strange to not talk during the entire ride, it felt like he was wasting the little time he had left. They would stay together, he knew, but still it felt strange, like he was wasting the little time he had left...everything felt like that, just like the end closing in.

The raven haired man didn't like school, but he liked the time he spent with his friends together. He was sure of the thought that a life like this, wouldn't be possible after Hogwarts. No matter all the stress, hate and bullying, there still was the feeling of a home, a safe space to return to.
And as he was thinking, his eyelids got heavy...and even heavier...and from one moment to the other, he had fallen asleep, his head rested at the cold window, hair hanging down his face, covering it up.

A slight breeze caught his hair and made him freeze for a second. Sirius opened his eyes. He was...home? Black and grey walls surrounded him and all of those familiar voices...how did he get here? He stood up and swiped off the dust from his jeans.
"Hello?", he asked and followed the voices until he reached the door to the dining hall.
The voiced suddenly silenced as he opened the door and walked in.
"Where have you been?", his mother asked.
"I-I don't know...I think I had fallen asleep...sorry."
"Sit down."

He did as she said and seated himself at the end of the table, being watched by all the curious faces, the impatient eyes following his movements anywhere.
"You know Severus am I right?", Orion asked.
"Yes."
"Well have you heard? He is the best in your potions class."
"I know, he's good..."
"And that girl, Evans, how can she be better than you in every subject?"
"Isn't that good? You should be happy for her."
"Happy for a girl? A girl her age should learn cooking and how to keep a household."
"We are not in the 18 hundrets father."

"That's something timeless, you should tell her."
"She's a witch just as your wife is."
Orion pulled his eyebrows together.
"Well then you should at least think about your family, what we stand for. The Black family is a sign of power, of high standarts and great goals, not useless and silly actions, ignorance or a big ego. What were you thinking when you helped your werewolf friend Remus? It ruined the way people look at us."
"That's not egoistic, that's called help and friendship."
"Oh yes?"
"Yes. I'd even call it-"

The second Sirius wanted to end his sentence the walls of the room collapsed like they were made of cardboard.
"What is going on, Regulus-?!"
"Tell me what you'd call it?", the boy said as he stepped out inbetween two of the walls.
"Why would I?"
"If you don't, they all will die and you and me, we'll be the only people you will know. Everyone you ever knew is going to be dead.
"Why Regulus, why-?!"
Sirius wanted to scream out the word he wanted to say before the walls came down, but it felt like his mouth was sewed up so he couldn't speak.

"Just say the word, what would you call your friendship? It's just that easy, nothing more."
"I can't, I just can't..."
"So you want them to die?"
"No no no, come on brother, don't do such a thing, they do not deserve it."
"So you'd rather give everyone's life than theirs."
"If your life is the first one to be taken?"
"We don't have time for jokes, learn to respect the things our family stands for...great goals..."

An edge of the room caught on fire the second he added the sentence.
"High standarts."
Another edge.
"And power."
One last letter and everything stood in flames, all Sirius could see was the Black's family tree burning, slowly vanishing the faces that had been on it, only leaving the last name. The area around him started spinning and his vision got worse.
"Love, I'd call it love...", was everything his trembling voice could say before his eyes fell shut and his head felt like exploding.