Chapter 5
This is the stupidest thing you've ever done," Remus groaned, burying his face in his hands. They were on their way to Mrs. McGonagall's office.
"You say that so often," Sirius began.
"That these words have lost their meaning," James finished for him.
"They've lost value," Peter agreed.
"Care to explain, boys, why your dormitory was on fire?" Minerva McGonagall's eyebrows are raised higher than usual.
"It's Remus' fault!" Sirius said immediately, crossing his arms offensively.
"How come it's my fault!?" Remus was outraged.
"You weren't there when we found that spider!" he said as if it was obvious.
"There was no need to use fire against him right away!" Remus threw his hands up.
"How else were we supposed to kill him without touching or getting close to him!?" He asked, waiting for an answer.
"Certainly not with fire," James sighed.
"It was your idea!" Sirius pointed out. "But you were the one who reached for the wand!" The boy replied.
"Because I trusted you," Sirius said, hurt.
"Gentlemen, please calm down," Minerva sighed tiredly "fortunately, the fire was quickly brought under control," she informs.
"Yes, we know," Remus rolled his eyes. After all, they handled it themselves. The woman coughs.
"Gentlemen, you may return to the room with the reservation that the use of fire is not allowed," she says resignedly "there is no mention in the regulations about shooting fire beams at spiders, there is no such ban, there was no," she corrects herself "anyway, from today it is the next time, you will be punished for breaking this rule," she informs matter-of-factly.
"Just to be sure, if that spider is still there, I'm not going back," Sirius said.
"Just go," she sighed resignedly.
They didn't pay her enough for it.
Oh how much she missed him when she had these kinds of problems, how much she missed the time when the war didn't affect her boys, when they were still just pure, happy kids.
Day by day, she watched the flame of youth and happiness disappear from their eyes, washed out by visions of death and war.
☆☆
"Minnie!" Sirius exclaimed as he entered Minerva McGonagall's office.
"Yes, Sirius?" She was too tired to correct him. "Is it true that our school allows animals as emotional support?" He asks, sitting in a chair, crossing his hands and staring at the woman.
"Yes, that's true - she nodded and her expression turned worried "Do you need–" she begins the question.
"I want a dragon," Sirius said confidently.
"What?" She blinked in surprise. "I don't understand how a dragon could help you."
"I'm sure that if it breathed fire towards the Slytherins, I would laugh and feel positive emotions," he assured with a smile.
"Sirius, I can't agree to having a dragon," she sighs resignedly.
"But it really has a lot of benefits!" He assures.
Minerva doesn't have the strength for it.
They definitely don't pay her enough for this.
Oh how much Minerva missed laughing with her boy, their conversations, their jokes and the time spent together, oh how much she missed Sirius.
☆☆
Oh goodbyes were hard.
They were terribly difficult.
"I want you to know," Professor McGonagall begins in that instructive voice of hers as if she's about to yell at them again for running around the corridor "that if I ever had a son and he turned out to be half as good as you, I'd be proud."
"Ahhhh, she loves us !" Sirius yelled happily.
"I knew it," James just smirks.
"That's were kind of you Minerwa," Remus shakes his head.
"I feel like crying," Peter sniffs.
Minerva smiled slightly.
Oh, she's going to miss her boys.
Oh, how much her heart ached, knowing that these children were no longer safe, that they were entering adulthood, in a cruel, vile world and war, that they were entering adult life, cheating death at every step.
Oh, she wanted to cry.
But she will try, she will try to help them, protect them, support them.
They decided to join the Order of the Phoenix.
Oh, kids...
She knew James would do it, James had told her about it, he had promised to become an Auror, he had promised to fight actively.
She knew that if James, then Sirius, Sirius would come to her saying that he was afraid but he wouldn't leave James so he would join too.
If Sirius, then Remus, oh he would do anything for Sirius and if the three of them, so would Peter, oh sweet, naive, Peter.
Sentenced to death before they could grow up...
She felt like throwing up.
☆☆
"One day you're going to have let us go," Remus said one day in 7th year.
"One day you're not going to be able to teach us anymore," Peter added.
"And- and you can't be sure if we're going to be alright," Sirius purses his lips.
"I know," Minerwa noded, even if it broke her heart.
"But don't worry Minnie, we will come and visit!" James tried to cheer her up a bit.
"Yeah, Minnie, all the time," Remus smiled and Peter noded.
"You won't even notice we're gone," Peter said.
"We're gonna miss you so much," Sirius bit his lip.
"I will miss you all too," Minerva was not shedding tears at all.
She had the opportunity to spend 7 years with them, beautiful 7 years and now?
She watched them grow up, watched their first loves, was there with them when they won games, when they held pranks and when they cried in her office. She was with them and it hurt to see them go.
Somehow it hurt more than with anyone else, parting with other seventh years wasn't that hard.
Oh, Merillin, she will miss them.
But her boys often sent her letters and it was okay.
....
Minerva remembered all this and began to cry, sobbing disgustingly, she was shaken by tremors and seizures as she desperately searched through these memories, as she looked through the young Black man's detention cards with trembling hands.
He couldn't be bad.
He couldn't be evil.
Her lovely boy.
How could she believe that he had done something so terrible? She remembered when the young Black came to detention alone for the first time.
It was the first time when Sirius was on detention alone, sitting in Professor McGonagall's office, knocking over a pen because he got tired of writing.
"Mr. Black,' Minerva broke out of checking papers, by Sirius, who was staring at her, he didn't even know why. He had noticed that she had tiny wrinkles around her eyes, the kind you get from smiling. "I see that you've already got bored of the task," she noticed amused which is a surprise for Sirius, because he expected her to punish him for his lack of example "so maybe, for entertainment, I don't want to check these works anymore," she sighed "we'll talk. What do you think?" And it looked like Sirius really had a choice. Sirius blinked in surprise and nodded, he really expected her to be mad at him "so why don't you, um, tell me what you like and don't like about this school?"
Was he really supposed to complain?
"I like my friends," Minerva nodded with a smile, and then there was a long silence.
"So," she continued "can I say you enjoy being in Gryffindor? I know it was difficult at first."
And they talked for a while longer.
"What do you want to be when you grow up? What will you be in the future?" She wasn't counting on serious answers, not from a twelve-year-old boy.
"When I grow up, I will be," he thought, because it wasn't an easy question. Sirius's head was filled with every childhood memory, all the anger, hatred, disappointment, harsh words and cruelty... Right after that he had his first year at hogwarts where he was happy. Where he had friends and felt good. Sirius met James Potter at Hogwarts and James Potter was nice. He was kind and it was the best thing that happened in Sirius life. "I want to be kind," he decided, because being kind could make someone happy like James made him happy. And it was definitely worth it.
"Kind?" She raised an eyebrow. "It's interesting but definitely worth it," she assured, she didn't expect it "hold on to that dream Sirius," she asked him "the world needs kind people, and you are one of them." She gave him a smile and then let him go.
She'd expected 'Quditch player', 'Auror' or something like that, but no.
Sirius Black wanted to be kind.
Minerva kept her fingers crossed that he would succeed.
Apparently he didn't make it.
Her beloved boy was sent to Azkaban for a terrible crime.
How could he? How dare he?
Minerva couldn't believe that Sirius Black had betrayed James Potter, these two were... they were like brothers, they loved each other, Sirius wouldn't do it... he wouldn't do it. Sirius wouldn't kill innocent people. Her Sirius...
Her boy.
The boy who trusted her,
the boy who told her his dreams,
the boy who was like a son to her.
The boy who held the door to let the girls in before him,
the boy who always thanked the house elves for meals,
the boy who gave her flowers for no reason.
The boy who was generally rough, hard to deal with, mean, loud, obnoxious, dramatic and hypocritical but when it came to his friends...
Sirius had never been more affectionate, sensitive, soft and gentle. That boy was so gentle with Peter, James and Remus and the girls. He was so kind when it came down to them. When someone needed him, Sirius was the most appropriate person to feel comfortable with, he was good.
The boy who came to her confessing that he was in love with his friend,
the boy who came to her choosing her as the first person to whom he told about his orientation,
the boy who came to her at least once a week for a cookie and they talked.
The boy who came to tell her that she will also be part of the order of the phoenix, that he will become an Auror together with James, that he wants to help win this crappy war,
the boy who came to her after finishing school and burst into tears saying and repeating over and over that his fault is the death of Regulus Black, oh Merlin, how much Sirius was broken then.
Her boy who took her baked goods to the Potter house,
the boy who became godfather to James and Lilly's son and had never ever been so happy.
The boy who...
Minerva was slowly falling apart.
Se cried and cried and cried.
Sge felt as if someone had put her heart into a boiling pot full of tears.
Her head was buzzing, starting to ache from the constant sniffling.
Tears obscured her vision, she took off her glasses, on which lenses also settled tears.
Her eyes were red, as was her face. She was breathing unsteadily, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow.
Tears had carved tunnels in he4 face, winding paths of sadness.
Minerva McGonagall was crumbling.
She hid his face in her hands, wiped her face with her hands, but tears were still flowing. Her heart ached. It hurt terribly.
Why did it hurt so much? So hard? It's unfair. Minerva felt angry, angry at how unfair it was. But what she felt more was a damn sadness that disturbed everything about her.
She should be out of the house in ten minutes, there was the meeting of the Order of the Phoenix announcing the end of the Wizarding War, how could she be happy about it when her heart was trampled on? And now? Now she sat crying in a locked room, all alone.
She was all alone with her broken heart and tears as the only company. Why did the world hurt her so much?
Why had it torn so many tears from her eyes, why was her heart beating so fast, and why did it hurt so much, why did her stomach clench with pain, why did she feel nauseous, why did she tremble, why did her hands not stop trembling? Why were her eyes still producing tears?
She choked on his own weeping. She was shaking, hiccupping and whimpering, sobing and crying
She cried.
She looked at the photo in the newspaper at the pain in her lovely boy's eyes and cried.
She cried over the loss.
She lost three sons today.
And Remus... oh Remus...