Chapter 4
Defense Against the Dark Arts classes weren't Sirius's favorite, but he promised something to Minerva and he had to try, so he listened to the teacher, sometimes even writing something down, taking notes.
Today they were discussing unforgivable curses. Delightfully.
"Who can name at least one of them?" Asked the teacher, a few kids volunteered "who could name them all" Remus and Lilly's hands were up "Miss Evans," he smiled at her, Lilly mentioned each of them, describing what they were, Sirius gave her a high five "very good, 10 points for Gryffindor" he informed "as your friend mentioned," he started explaining something further, when he finished he looked around the class "anyone would like to volunteer?" he asked jokingly, he was about to present spells to the students, he was reaching into his bookshelf for spiders.
"Sirius," he looked at James, frowning, "put your hand down," he whispered.
Sirius frowned. He took a deep breath and started staring at his hands, he just didn't want anyone to have to suffer, he was used to it, he could do it. His thoughts ran far away, as far as Grimuald place 12.
"Sirius," the teacher draws his attention once again. "I see that you are very focused on the lesson," he notes sarcastically, because Sirius did not pay attention to these classes at all "and since I am so interested in you this topic, tell me something about this spell, about the cruciatus curse," he demands, expecting the boy not to answer.
"It's more painful when used on the head," Sirius says without even looking up from his hands.
"Well," the teacher falls silent like the rest of the class "we haven't talked about it yet," decides to finish.
☆☆
" It's good to see you, Sirius, take a seat," Minerva McGonagall points to the seat opposite her.
"I didn't do anything this time," Sirius says, sitting down in the chair.
"I wanted to talk to you," Minerva decides.
"I guessed," Sirius snorted, immediately straightened up in his chair, bit his lip and looked up at the professor to check if he hadn't gone too far "on what topic" he asks, biting his cheek.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts class, final essay on unforgivable curses," Minerva opens her desk drawer and takes out a parchment.
"I handed in the job on time," he assures.
"I know," Minerva agrees with him "that's not the point," she shakes her head "the professor gave me your work to read" she informs.
"Did I write it that bad?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"You got maximum points," she informs Minerva.
"So what is the problem?" He wonders.
"Remind me, Sirius, what you were supposed to do?" She asks, placing his hands on the desk.
"Describe the action and effects of unforgivable curses, one of the three," he rolls his eyes, a trivial task.
"Let me quote a fragment," Sirius sighs and Minerva continues "Crucio - a spell that causes unimaginable pain. This is a true statement, the pain felt during this spell cannot be imagined, not until you stop feeling it. Only when you regain consciousness, your mind can you close it in any frame", "you feel like every bone in your body is breaking, like fire is filling your lungs, you can't breathe, you can't think", "you hear a scream and it takes you a long time to realize that it belongs to you", "you feel a pain you could die from, but you don't die, you stay in that pain. You feel like passing out, stopping feeling, you beg for dying, but you can't, you can't even pass out, not as long as the wand is pointed at you", "you feel pain from the top of your head up to your toes, it floods you, fills every part of your body and you can't do anything about it, you can only give yourself to it, the more you resist, the more damage it causes", "your mind does not respond to any stimuli, you can't think about anything else than pain", "stepping on sharp nails or hot coals is not even half of what you can feel during cruciatus", "if you could think or speak during crucio, you would beg for death, to end it as soon as possible", "crucio does not end when the opponent puts down the wand, the pain after the spell lasts from several days to even weeks", "the strength of the cruciatus depends on the anger filling the attacker, if it is small, you can endure it".
"Yes, and? I read my essay before handing it in," Sirius interrupts unimpressed.
"Sirius, this is not information that can be found in books," Minerva's voice is strangely quiet and fragile.
"We were supposed to use our imaginations too, weren't we?" He raised an eyebrow.
"That's right," she nodded "but I doubt your imagination could come up with something so cruel," she folds the paper in half and puts it on the desk in front of her.
"I didn't write it down from Remus," he crossed his arms offensively.
"I know that," Minerva rubbed her face with her hands "it looks too much like someone own experiences," she says calmly.
Sirius blinks. He stares at the woman, doesn't say anything, he knows that she is waiting for a denial. She won't receive it. Sirius couldn't lie to her.
"Merlin, how many times?" Ger voice trembled.
A fifteen-year-old boy stood before her. Wounded. Treated in the worst possible way. Abused with the most dangerous spells. The worst of the worst. The unforgivables.
Sirius doesn't answer right away. He doesn't know the answer. How many times? How many times was he treated with the cruciatus curse? Definitely too much but how much? After all, it's just a number.
"Funny," he smiled slightly "the first time I was twelve years old, right after returning from Hogwarts, it was only seconds, I fainted, woke up after three days and the elf informed me that I had stopped breathing three times," Sirius could talk about it in the same way weather, like it doesn't matter "it's better now, during this holiday I fainted after it for a maximum of a few hours," he says, as if boasting that he knows the answer to the task.
"Sirius–"
"Do you know why I chose it? Of these three? I'll tell you. I chose it because the crucio of all three is the most interesting, the worst," he begins "avada kills, it's only a moment, faster than falling asleep," he shrugs "you can resist imperio, you can beat it," he informs, because he managed to do it more than once "but crucio? There's nothing left for you, you can't even fight," he looks at Minerva McGonagall's face.
He's not ready for what he sees. Minerva McGonagall's eyes are glazed over, Sirius could have sworn that one of the tears rolled down her cheek.
"Minnie," he said, amused.
"Merlin," Minerva got up from her seat, walked over to Sirius and hugged him tightly.
A young boy stood in front of her.
A talented wizard, a young wizard who had suffered far too much.
There was a child standing in front of her, and children should be loved, children should not know pain.
Sirius shouldn't have known pain, not yet. He should be focusing on the appearance of his hair like he used to do, not begging for death as he faced the nightmare again. He didn't deserve any of the evil that happened to him.
No human deserved to be under the cruciatus curse, no child should know it, let alone experience it. The thought of a twelve-year-old boy coming home from school only to almost die broke Minerva's heart.
"Did you know I just won a bet?" He smiles proudly at Minerva "we made a bet with Remus, James and the girls who would be the first to break you, congratulations to me I guess," he smiled cheerfully.
How hurt this boy was.
That was the only thought that screamed in Minerva's head. She squeezed him tighter, but Sirius didn't refuse. He hugged her and it was only a matter of time before tears flowed from his eyes.
☆☆
"You know what?" Minerva sighs heavily "Forget it, I'm not even shocked anymore," she shakes her head.
"Oh that's no fun," James pouted.
"This has become the norm for you two," Minerva informs indifferently.
"We'll have to try harder next time." Sirius decides solemnly.
"Please don't," Minerva reacts.
"I feel like we've been issued a challenge," James frowns, exchanging knowing glances with Sirius Black.
☆☆
Sirius Black.
McGonagall didn't think she'd have to have him in her office so often.
"Yes, ma'am?" He asks surprised, he doesn't know why he is here. This time he didn't do anything, he was sure.
"I noticed some flaws in your plan," she raises her eyebrows, Sirius looks at her surprised "there's a lack of defense against the dark arts," she says seriously, Sirius opens his mouth wide. "No, it's not possible," he shakes his head. He doesn't believe his parents did it. "I think I should bring this back, what do you think, Mr. Black?" she asks without taking her eyes off him.
"I, yes, yes, I want to take this class, please," he says, maybe a little desperation in his voice. He must know how to defend himself, he must be able to help his brother.
"So it wasn't your decision?" The woman asks.
"Of course not," he shakes his head. "I didn't even know, I–"he tries to explain.
"All right, Mr. Black," she nodded, tapped her wand on the plan and it immediately changed "there you go," she handed him a piece of paper.
"Thank you, Mrs. McGonagall," he smiled broadly before leaving the office.
☆☆
They were now creeping down the hall, James pointing at the map.
Minerva McGonagall was within a few meters, they wouldn't have time to escape. The cloak was left in the dormitory, but they were irresponsible in deciding that they didn't need it.
It was true that it was difficult for all of them to fit under it, but still, at least two of them would avoid another detention.
"What's your excuse?" Minerva raises her eyebrows.
She's not at all surprised to see the marauders. The boys stand in silence, staring at one point. They have no idea what they can say. Sirius steps forward.
"Minerva McGonagall, what do you think you are doing so late in the dark corridors of Hogwarts?" He puts his hands on his sides, as if he was outraged by her behavior.
Minerva stares at him, unable to say a word, too surprised.
"Do you have any idea how worried we were!?" Sirius asks seriously "you could have died!" He says dramatically. Remus, Peter and James just nod, trying to look very concerned.
"Mr. Black, Hogwarts is the safest place in the wizarding world," she assures, raising an eyebrow as the initial shock wears off.
"They said the same about Pompeii!" He blurted out "it was Pompeii, right?" He turned quietly to Remus, who nodded. "Pompeii! And do you know what happened? BOOM!" He explains worriedly, waving his hands to emphasize the tragedy of the situation.
"Really, Mr. Black?" Woman raises her eyebrows "your are supposed to be in bed in five minutes, if that doesn't happen, the detention will turn into two weeks, understand?" She looks carefully at the boys "Mr. Lupin, I was counting on more manners from the prefect," he admits. "Potter, isn't there a match coming up? Please take care of the team."
Sirius, she would like to add something for him, but she has nothing to complain about, she can't tell him to start studying, because he was third in the year, he didn't run any club or team, so she couldn't appeal to that either, she couldn't blame him. She takes them right to the painting of the fat lady.
"Goodnight, Mrs. McGonagall," the boys say in unison.
"We really were worried!" Sirius calls after her.
"You're so stupid," Remus laughs.
"We'll finish it tomorrow, boys, now go to sleep," James suggests.
☆☆
"Reggie," There was a note of terror in Sirius' voice, so Regulus immediately got up and took his brother to a quieter place to talk.
"Talk to me," he demanded "tell me what happened, tell me who was acting like shit to you," Sirius looked hurt and Reg guessed it was about that thing that happened earlier this week.
Regulus didn't really care if Sirius wanted to do it or if he had lost a bet or whatever. His brother simply had the right to wear what he wanted and if it suited him if he wanted to change clothes, if he want to switch uniform with Marlene it's okay, he could do it, no one had the damn right to stop Sirius from being himself.
"Mother find out." Oh, and suddenly Regulus understood all the tension, the stress and the fear. Sirius' voice almost trembled as he said the words. He was scared. He was afraid and Regulus couldn't be surprised. Sirius will lose it.
"Did she send you a letter? How did she find out about that ? Is she really mad?"
"I-i don't know, but it's bad," he closed his eyes and take a deep breath.
"Calm down, everything going to be okay, right? She's not here. It's not like she's going to come to Hogwarts and punish you, true? She's not gonna hurt you," oh, Reg know nothing.
"Actually," he laughed grimly. "Mother is going to visit Hogwarts and is going to have an 'educational' talk with me. She can come here anytime," he informed.
"Fuck. I'm sorry," Regulus look at his brother worriedly "you can do that, right? Everything going to be alright. Just a half hour, at most. You are safe at school. Mother won't hurt you because she won't risk anyone noticing. She won't risk it," he tried to convince he didn't know if it was himself or his brother, but he tried to convince.
"I'm scared Reggie," Sirius whispered.
"I know. Listen to me okay? There's nothing wrong with what you do, I admire you, okay? Not just me, most kids adore you. You're brave, right? Don't listen to our mother's words. Don't listen to her because you are the one who should know who you are. She won't hurt you, not in a school full of teachers. She won't."
"You're wrong," Sirius smiled "I know her, she will use every small opportunity to punish me. She will do anything to make me suffer, find a place, find a moment. She'll do it because that's what the Blacks do, they raise their children to be decent people."
"Sirius I–" he started but didn't finish.
At the same time, an interesting conversation took place in Minerva McGonagall's office.
"Good afternoon, I'm glad that I finally get a chance to meet you," Walburga smiled because maybe she didn't want to be here, maybe she didn't like McGonagall but she was faking it, the Blacks were good at pretending.
"Hello Mrs Black," Minerwa nodded. Oh how she hates that woman.
"So, will you call Sirius here or something? I'm here to talk to my son," she announced without much emotion.
"He is not your son," Minerva looked dead into her eyes.
"How dare y-" Walburga was outraged but didn't even finish her sentence.
"No, you don't get to speak," her tone was dignified "you don't get to do anything, you gave up that right when you used an unforgivable on him," and at this point Walburga wanted to interrupt her but Minerva continued. "Do you know what the ministries punishment for crucioing your own child is? Because that's what you're asking for," her voice as dry as ever. "You may have a mountains of gold and a name with even more power, but that doesn't give you the right to act like that."
"I have no idea what that little crook told you or what fairy tales he sells to others in school, but I can assure you that it is not true. Sirius has a very vivid imagination, don't you think? None of these things are-"
"I haven't finished," Minerva interjects, "so when Sirius gets here, you have a chance to talk to him and it's better for you to keep it calm, if you hurt him, if you try to hurt him in any way, you can be sure it won't end well, is it clear?"
"Why would I hurt him? I just want to talk to him about the way he presents our family, it's a small thing, I'm sure that a few sentences will be enough for Sirius and I to explain everything," Walburga smiles as she continues to play her part, she won't leave the role until she completes her task.
"Wish me luck," there was tears in Sirius eyes. Regulus felt the chill too. Pain pierced his bones, emptiness filled his mind, the smell of pungent perfume reached his nose, Reg shivered. Cold.
"Welcome mother," Sirius bowed.
"Stop being ridiculous. Change your clothes, now" she waved her wand with disgust. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the words to prepare himself for the punishment he was meted out to, but instead his clothes simply turned into his old uniform. "And what's the deal with your face? Pathetic." Okay. It's now, Sirius gritted his teeth as he waited but nothing came, oh so he's going to torture him by waiting for punishment, cool. "Do you realize how important tradition is to the Black family? Do you know how dishonorable it is to behave in this disgraceful way?"
"I know, I understand and I want to apologize," he said, he was trying to be calm and the fact that they were at Professor McGonagall office helped, he liked the place. It was warm.
Minerva had never seen him like this. So meek and agreeable, so fearful.
"I would like to speak with my son in private," Walburga looked at Minerva. She definitely didn't like being part of Gryffindor and she definitely want to hex her son.
"This is not an option. As the guardian of Sirius' house. I am going to participate in this conversation. I am not going anywhere," Minerva wouldn't leave that terrified child here alone with that beautiful but cold and yet so cruel woman.
"What's that supposed to mean? Such behavior is not acceptable!" Walburga was indignant.
"Please don't raise your voice," Minnie warned, just as she did with the boys when they were too loud in the hallway. Sirius wanted to laugh at his mother's indignant expression "if you want to talk to the mr Black, please go on," Minerva encouraged
"Sure," she smiled "so Sirius," the boy tensed on the sound of her voice "would you please kindly explain to me what are you doing? Your behavior is wicked, where did you come up with such a misguided idea in your stupid little head? You tried to annoy me? Congratulations you succeeded," Sirius winced in pain, fighting back tears.
His arm was burning. His mother's work. He suddenly feel pain in his chest.
"Wands on the desk," Minerva demanded. Sirius blinked slowly "in our school we do not tolerate any kind of abuse towards students," she looked at Sirius' mother with condescension "please stop," she smiled meanly.
"She's not doing anything," Sirius assures hastily. It wasn't his fault the professor noticed. He didn't do anything. Walburga put her wand down anyway. Minerwa nodded.
"Why did you do that? Do you know what consequences this can have? You don't deserve to be called an heir, you don't care about our heritage." Now she had no wand but still was hurting him, Sirius tried to breathe and ignore the pain spreading through his body. "You despise that. How dare you do something so unacceptable? You are such a disappointment."
"I'm sorry mother, please accept my contrition," he said exactly as he should and exactly as he didn't feel. "I don't know what drove me or what pushed me to this outburst, youthful excess. My example of rebellion in this way could do a lot of damage, I agree with you. It was pathetic and irresponsible of me. I should have behaved better. I will be working on it in the future," his heart was breaking, he wanted to have another chance to play with clothes, colors and makeup. Did he really lose it?
"If I may say a word," Minerva entered the word of Walburga. She couldn't stand the fake smile and the fake words from Sirius "Sirius," she smiled "breaking stereotypes takes a great deal of courage, opposing society for a good cause is commendable. You're the bravest boy i know. Your devotion to your friends, youthful excess and defiance, 'being rebel' as you called it reformed our school, was not in vain. Your son Mrs Walburga is a gifted child, you should be proud of him and praise him, he has done nothing wrong."
"Sorry professor but can you hear yourself? He was ridiculed by his peers. Plus, he did it on purpose."
"Sirius may have a difficult character but he is a good kid," she assured "I don't see any point in retaliating or punishing him, he didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you don't understand it, but children should express themselves and they do it in different ways, we as a school try to support them in discovering themselves and in every choice, even the difficult ones. Acceptance it's something we try to teach here. Ma'am, no offense, but you missed a few lessons. If you think Sirius disappointed you the moment he made his friends smile, the moment the whole school started admiring him. When, thanks to him, the rules were changed, finally allowing girls to participate in the thematic circles, which had been forbidden to them until then. Please think what part he had in changing the world step by step. If that's disappointing... if it doesn't show purposefulness and responsibility, then I don't know what you're asking of Sirius."
"Does that mean Marlene can be legally in team!?" He asked, can't stop the joy.
"Sirius, silence, the adults are talking," mother silenced him.
"Let's talk," Minerva triggers a duel. Walburga opened her mouth in shock and disbelief.
How dare the teacher talk to her like that?
Minerva was always there to support Sirius.