29/03/2009
Burn my body, point me to the undertow
Push me off into the void at last
Watch me drift and watch me struggle, let me go
“Does this Saturday still sound good for you?” Sirius is in a navy suit today, and Remus wants to touch him, desperately.
“Yes, it is. The more I think about it the more I want it. Does two pm work for you?”
“Two is perfect. James is beside himself. I’ve told him we’re going to Crystal Palace park so he doesn’t try and stalk us.” Sirius laughs, shedding his blazer. His shirt is white and patterned with small blue forget-me-nots and the flowers just serve to further highlight his beauty. They match the blue of his eyes and Remus thinks he could write an entire treatise on the art that is Sirius.
“He cares about you.”
“He does.” Sirius smiles. Remus smiles. He wishes he could place his hand on the table, palm up, and that Sirius would take it. Monty’s ring glows like the stars on Sirius’ hand, and Remus wants to feel how it’s been warmed by Sirius’ blood.
Pledge allegiance to my heart
Pledge allegiance to my burning heart
“Are you reading anything at the moment?”
“Poetry, mainly.” Remus tilts his head at the answer. “Like what?”
“Anything.” Sirius waves his hand. “Richard Siken. Houseman. Auden, Owen.” Remus raises an eyebrow.
“That's very…”
“Gay?” Sirius asks, laughing. Remus nods.
“Yeah, exactly.”
“I am gay. Of course the poetry I read is gay.” Sirius laughs again, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and Remus can tell the confession has made him feel vulnerable. He’s scared. He’s nervous.
“Those are some of my favourites, for the same reason.” Remus offers, hoping it’s enough. By the blush, by the eyes, by the smile, he thinks it is.
“Do you remember any of it?” Remus asks, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest.
“What, by heart?”
“Yeah, by heart.”
“You can recite poetry?”
“Of course I can. It keeps me company through the hard days. I recite it for Teddy when he cries. I recite it for myself when I cry.” Sirius nods.
“Dear So-and-so, I’m sorry I came to your party and seduced you, and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.” he says, brow furrowed with the effort of recall. Remus nods.
“I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow glass, but that comes later.” he responds, and Sirius’ eyes widen with surprise.
“You know it?”
Remus nods. “I know it.”
He can't remember the last time either of them did any meaningful work when they were together. All they do is talk, and he loves it. He wants to spend the rest of his life peeling Sirius apart, layer by layer, until he gets down to the very bones. Until he knows him inside out. Until he has loved him for a lifetime, and only bones are left.
Turn yourself away From the wickedness I said
Evil comes to play In the image of the dead
Time passes, as it always does, and fatherhood calls. Remus bids Sirius adieu, excitement sparking in his blood at the knowledge that their next conversation will come in two day’s time, rather than four. Sirius’ farewell smile shows he is thinking the same.