Really Harry!?
It was years after the Battle of Hogwarts, everyone had moved on from the war and had continued living their lives. This, as always, excluded the Golden Trio, more commonly known as Harry Potter; Hermione Granger; and Ronald Weasley.
As per Harry's wish, he got to be an Auror in the Ministry after the war alongside his best friend Ronald Weasley. Their other best friend, Hermione Granger, decided to become a healer as it piqued her interest due to the Battle of Hogwarts.
Although many remember that the golden trio had a particularly hard time with a certain group of Slytherins. Said group, is currently working alongside the trio and have long made amends.
This leads us to the beginning of our story where said few adults were sitting together after work having a drink and doing their weekly meet-ups only for it to be ruined by a certain red-headed woman.
Harry P.O.V.
"Well isn't this a wonderful site to behold?!"
"Ginny I swear we are just catching up."
"JUST CATCHING UP?! They bullied you. They bullied all of us and you are just going to go and be all buddy-buddy with them?! WHAT WOULD RON AND HERMIONE THINK?! WHAT WOULD I THINK? I'M YOUR WIFE HARRY JAMES PO-"
"Gin. Gin. Calm down look Ron and Mione' are with me. Alr, Calm down. And we are not married."
"HOW COULD YOU? ALL OF YOU. YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE ALL DEATH EATERS. So this is where you go. This is what you do instead of staying home and planning our wedding with me?"
"For the love of Merlin Gin. No, we are not having a marriage anytime soon. I love you Gin. I do, but I'm not ready to get married and settle down. Please, if ur going to be more persistent then just go."
*GASP*
"Potter, you don't mean it. You are just stressed from work calm down."
"No. Nott. I'm serious this time. I'm tired. I'm Fucking tired of having to go home every.single.day. and having to repeat myself. I'm not comfortable nor ready to get married yet Ginevra. If you can't respect that then please just fucking GO."
"Oh shit he didn't."
"Riddle. Now is not the time."
"Sorry, Granger."
"HARRY JAMES POTTER. HOW DARE YOU. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WE CAN'T BRAKE UP. DUMBLEDOR PROMISED ME YOU'D MARRY ME AND WE'D HAVE KIDS. HE PROMISED ME I'D GET ALL THE FORTUNES AND BE LADY POTTER. YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME. YOU NEED TO SLEEP WITH ME SO I CAN BLAME DEAN'S KID ON YOU."
"What did you just say, Ginevra?"
"H-H-Harry I didn't mean it. I promise. I was just really frustrated and said some random things. I promise its not true."
"Oh shit. She didn't."
"Riddle! And Ginny how could you do this to Harry? Being frustrated isn't an excuse you know."
"Right, right. Sorry, love."
"Well, you were never home. I haven't seen you in ages and we never do anything and when Dean came up to talk to me I couldn't help it. AND SHUT UP MIONE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT NOT WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON RON WITH HIM. I know Ron's not good enough but still choosing him? You really have no shame. He's a monster His pare-"
"Shut up."
"Ron?"
"I said shut up. I'm not going to just sit and watch you throw tantrums and act like a five-year-old. It's pathetic. It doesn't matter what Riddle's parents were like because they are his parents, not him. He's proved himself to have changed and I believe him. They've all proved themselves and if you can't open up ur fucking eyes and see it then you can go fuck off, Ginevra. And for the record, she is NOT cheating."
"Oh shit."
"Oh shit indeed, Harry."
Ginevra left.
"Well. Sorry mate but I don't think it's going to work out between us."
"Took you long enough, Harry. You never would have worked out she was way too obsessed with you and none of us noticed until it was too late."
"Well, this was an exciting day."
"Really? I realize that the woman I'm dating and considering marrying is not only cheatING on me but also using me. And you find this amusing, Malfoy?"
"In my defense, I never like the Weaslette. You lot were tolerable but she? She was a nightmare that I actually considered murdering."
"Wait. wait. WAIT. You're trying to say that you never considered murdering us? Even me?"
"Even you Weasley. Even you."
"Holy shit that's a surprise."
"Hey. You got no right to talk. You are single and you never told me, Granger."
"Ah. Details, details. Not important, Riddle. hehe"
"Alr. That's enough drama for the day. Let's continue with our annual drinking and games." After receiving positive responses we all start drinking, talking, and playing games and among these blurry moments, none of us notice the heavy deathly magic that seems to surround us.
-A few hours ago, Death's Office-
*Death P.O.V.*
Jesus Fucking Christ. Just how much had that madman altered the future of those kids? I will be sending those kids back no matter what Time says. Just as I was planning for a way to convince Time I'm brought out of my thoughts by a heavy and loud sound. I look up to see Eight people storm into my office.
"Why, hello fellow comrades. Who may you be? And do, pray tell what I have done to be blessed by your presence." I ask sarcastically
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Death. I am Fate"
"And I am Destiny. We are honored to be meeting you, sir." The twins reply in sync as usual.
"Really? Every damn time. You do this every damn time we meet Death."
"My, my. Who pissed in your cereal this morning Night. Can't take a joke?"
"Children, enough. We have matters to discuss." Life said not unkindly.
"Yes, we have things to discuss. First, I would like to suggest we send the kids back. I checked the timeline and I admit, we have no other choice. The whole wizarding world is going to be destroyed because of that old fool."
"Woah. Woah. Woah. Hold up. Who are you and what have you done with Time? Weren't you just against my plan?"
"Well maybe it was because it was you."
"Time!" I gasped dramatically and dabbed my nonexistent tears.
"Moving on, do we all agree with this idea?" Time asks.
"They must have their memories otherwise it would be pointless."
"They will have their memories intact Mrs. Potter. So, everyone agrees?"
"Yes. But let's help them out and stuff." Life replies.
"Deal, bring them here Death."
"Yes, sirrrrr." With a swish of my beautiful deathly majestic magic, I killed the said few adults in cold blood –painlessly, unfortunately- and brought them back to my office with a loud bang.
*Harry Potter's POV*
I opened my eyes, expecting to see myself in the pub from our meet up only to realise that I'm in... an office? I assess my surroundings in alert and let my guard down slightly when I notice the others in the same position. We locked eyes with each other and went into defensive mode, ready to fight as we have done together so very many times.
"Woah, woah, chill. All of you can put your wands down we mean no harm."
"Aaaand, Y'all are already dead so no point in trying to kill anyone."
"The fuck?"
"Ron!"
"Mione, love. Hate to break it to you but this isn't a time to be scolding Ron for his language."
"It's because of Him isn't it?" The second we hear this sentence everyone's head is turned to the speaker's direction and to our shock it's Blaise that spoke.
"What?" I ask
"Logically speaking there is no way that all of us would be here together because we know each other and we were having a meet up so unless we all coincidently died at the same time this has to have something to do with you. If that's not the case, then the only reason we are here together would be because of that old fool. And the fact that this fellow has the Deathly Hallows on his wrists while the white floating lady has the exact opposite aura to him means that they are either Death and Life, or this is just a hallucination and we are all fucked up due to the alcohol."
"Great now there's another one of them being with HARRY POTTER situations. My poor SANITY. Curse you, Harry."
"Well thank you ever so much Ronald. Buut acording to my research we are not simply dead, are we? There's some other shit that I have to go save or some shit right?"
"Spot on, son. Spot on. Right, so you guys will have to go back to a certain date in the past to relive your lives from 1st year. All of your fates have been twisted completely by an Old Dumb Goat who goes by the name Albus Dumbledore."
"James!"
"Lily-Pad he's old enough now. Well, anyway. He's been altering everyone's Fates and has been manipulating the British Ministry and has influenced the ongoings of international politics. His influence is causing the rest of the world to turn their backs on Britain and slowly causing the economic collapse of Britain so you are being sent back to prevent that."
"We would like to also say that you don't need to fear Voldemort as he wasn't the one who killed the Potters but Dumble-whore. Just restore his sanity with a bit of life elixir and his Horcruxes."
"What Life forgot to say was that we would give you the Horcruxes and a phone each for easier contact purposes. And that Bellatrix had a child." Death encourages.
"Her Name is Ji-Yung. Child of Bellatrix Black, Ji-Yong Kwon, and Rodolphus Lestrange. She won't be of much importance just will be mentioned that's all" Life explains
"Waiit. So like my step-sis?"
"And my cousin?"
"Whaa-"
"Mione in the wizarding world everyone is connected somehow. BUT what in the name of PORNHUB is this fuckery."
"You know your also related right Ron?" I ask
"Shove off, Harry."
"Right... Jokes aside let's get this shit straight. They are the child of Bellatrix, Ji-Yong, and Rodolphus. And Mattheo is the child of Bellatrix and Tom. So those two are siblings and then there is Draco who's the child of Narcissa and Lucius. So his cousin. Then there is Weasley who's related to this through a second uncle of sorts. And last but not least you have Potter who is ur second cousin through his grandma."
"Sounds about right Ms. Parkinson" Life nods
"holy shit you fucking inbred purebloods are giving me a headache."
"Alr. Now everyone is acquainted with the situation we will be sending you guys back and communicating through your phones." Death supplies. I give my parents a hug and say my goodbyes before going to stand with the others. Death swishes his hands and we are surrounded by a swirl of deathly magic that somehow sends us all back to our original places.