"You've got to see this Potter." Malfoy said, a mischievious grin on his lips.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville looked up at the former slitherin, who held a book in his hands.
The back was wraped in black leather with an extra band wraping around it, securing its contents from the world.
"And... what is that?" Ron asked.
"Yeah, I dont have good experiences with black leather books that come from your family." Ginny joked. She and Draco grinned at each other and Harry chuckled.
Hermione just roled her eyes and Neville huffed and nipped at his butterbeer.
"So, what is it then?" Hermione just couldn't hold back her curiosity.
Draco sat on his chair and put the book down.
"It's an old journal from my father, it starts in the first war and ends a few days before the battle of Hogwarts."
Neville furrowed his brows. "And what is so amusing about that?" he asked confused and sceptic.
But Draco shook his head and gestured to the book. "Just read it, you'll understand."
Neville shrugged and took it, opening the first page.
"My name is Lucius Abraxas Malfoy.
I decided to document my daylie life with my collegues and our progress.
Who knows, if it continues like it does now, mabey this will end up in the history books-"
Draco waved his hand dismissivley. "You can skip that part, there he just talks about how awesome he is for three pages. It starts here." he flipped three pages and put his finger on a paragraph, where a neat and elegant '1.' was drawn.
"This is far from the first incident, but the first I will put to paper, so I may start with the letter 1.
The Lestrange brothers set each other on fire today.
On purpose.
Without any reason.
And, excuse my language, but they laughed their asses of afterwards. These lunatics will kill each other one day or another.
2. Rodolphus Lestrange marriage with Bellatrix Black was nice. Until Rabastan Lestrange exploded the cake right into the brides face. She screamed and cried and raged for hours, while her new husband gave his brother a high five. No, it was not funny at all. I did not laugh. It was awfull.
3. What is wrong with these red headed madmen from the Lestrange family? Why do they keep a griphon in their guestroom? Why would they tell me to enter it if they knew they kept a fucking griphon there.
And why the fucking fuck is it named McFlufferton the 1st.
4. Antonin Dolohov confessed to be homosexual, entered a violent fight with Rowle, who seemed to have something against that, won with ease, kissed Rookwood on the mouth and then left saying "Act like anything I do makes perfect sense. I will go drown in Vodka now."
5. Augustus Rookwood ran around the headquarters screaming: "The whales, it's the whales, the whales are coming!"
I still have not been informed what that meant.
6. Rabastan Lestrange exploded into Alacto Carrows face today, screaming at her that, and I quote: "Your parents are siblings, and you know what the good thing about that is? When they marry, what they probably did and someday get a divorce, they're still siblings you dirty piece of shit, you sad little juice box, you fucking potato pealer, you dirty bitch, You look like your mom was a fucking goat."
I have never seen this man loose his cool like that before. Or at all. Neither has Alacto. And I am 99% sure, that she will never again call him short.
7. Macnairs biggest fear are bats. Don't ask how I found out, you don't want to know.
8. It has been a week and I still find fucking bats in my house. I swear, I am going to get the Lestranges into Azkaban when they continiue like this.
9. The Lestranges are in Azkaban.
But it was not my fucking fault okay.
10. It has been more than 10 years, they got broken out of Azkaban and the first fucking thing they do is set the carpet on fire and bite each other about who gets to roll around on the burning carpet first.
I have questions but I most definetly don't want them answered.
11. Rodolphus just threateningly ate a strawberry to assert dominance in front of Snape.
I don't know how else to explain this.
12. Augustus dressed for halloween as me.
I am not sure if I should be offended or astonished, because, well, he simply looked amazing.
13. A bunsh of children just whooped our asses AND broke a profecy that only exists once. Great. Also, Rodolphus managed to get deaged to a 9 year old somehow.
14. 9 year old Rodolphus just called the dark lord a slut. And got away with it.
15. 9 year old Rodolphus just choked a werwolf to death that was trying to rip the flesh off of his body?!!! I mean good for him, hes still alive but why the fuck is choking a werewolf on the skillset of a child???
16. Rodolphus got back to normal but it took two weeks of Rodolphus Lestrange at the age of 9 and I don't think I can list all the indescrivable things he did and said to people during this phase.
17. After Rodolphus got back to normal, he asked "Who dafuq made me relive my childhood?" and after we told him about the incident in the ministry he apparetly forgott about, he broke into said ministry, took 5 hostages, made 4 of the fall in love with him and befriend the 5th one somehow (?), destroyed all the timeturners that were left, sang charaoke with said hostages, played cards with the hostages, stole the ministers sunglasses and snuk out unharmed. Then he returned to the headquarters wearing the ministers sunglasses and Dolores Umbridges bright pink cloak, carrying another prophecy that, in the end, turned out to be quite usefull. After the dark lord asked how he managed to do that, he answered, and I quote "Rage, mental illness and massive amounts of childhood trauma." which, according to Rabastan, are also good ingridience for making delicous cakes.
I don't even know.
18. Bellatrix and Rodolphus got a divorce after she gave birth to their daughter. How? When was she pregnant? What just happened?
She just randomly said: "Fuck the baby's coming!" and everyone was like: "Excuse me, what?" Except Rodolphus, who was like: "Shit, i am not ready to be a father."
19. The child is healthy and was named "Juliette Druella". Poor thing only barely dodged having the middle name "Yourmomsia".
But what am I expecting from a family who owns a griphon named "McFlufferton the 1st" and a dog named "Sir Edward Gerhard Lestrange of Versailles".
You may be wondering why I didn't mention the dog before.
Well, that is because Rabastan stole it from an auror just yesterday and I was too emotionaly tired to write about it then.
20. Dolohov almost died again (for probably the tenthousands time in his life).
He somehow managed to survive beeing the toy of two giant-young for three days.
Everyone else who went with him on that expedition is dead.
I don't know how that man does it, but he always comes back.
Severly traumatised, but he comes back.
21. Rookwood gambled with a Sphinx for his life and won, because he told her a "ligma-joke".
22. Rodolphus, sitting crossleged in a chair, staring into the empty void of nothingness, while eating a can of tangerines with a bent fork is a phenomena I can't explain on paper. Its very depessing and I don't understand why.
23. Rabastan pretended to be a teacher at Hogwarts for three entire months, because nobody questioned him, before Amacys Carrow found out.
He taught the children how to knit a sweater, how to climb a tree very fast, in case a lion is chasing you (???), and how to theoreticly tame and ride a dragon.
No other deatheater OR the dark lord know how to tame and ride a dragon.
Why would Rabastan Lestrange know?
And why would he teach it to random classes at Hogwarts.
24. McNairs fear of bats has struck again.
Poor guy. He really ran around the house full of new recruits screaming as if he was about to be butchered, because Rabastan chased him with a bat he cought in the bathroom.
It didn't help that Rabastan was singing the phrase "Give Batty a kiss!"
25. Rodolphus seems to be the only one of the childs parents to care for her, because Bellatrix literally forgott she had one.
And then she signed all the custody documents to him.
It would be heartwarming that Juliette has at least one caring parent, and Rodolphus is surprisingly good at it.
The problem is that there are moments where he tried to make her first word be "Cruciatus" or when he came to a mission with her strapped to his chest.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
26. Augustus revealed his mother was from Italie and tried to cook for us. The only thing I will say is that he will be paying for the new kitchen.
27. Dumbledore just died. It would be celebratory moment, when there wouldn't be the fact that our Lord just found out that we have been making foot fetish jokes about him for months, because he always runs around bare foot. On tiles. Unheated tiles.
28. Rabastan got his head stuck in one of our good soup bowls.
29. Narcissa, my normally always level headed, calm, nice wife, just screamed at the dark lord to get his ego out of his ass and finally go kill Harry Potter himself, when he is so obsessed with him.
He was not amused.
30. The dark lord forbade us to wear shoes.
The floor of Malfoy manor is COLD.
And I don't think I need to mention that that sparked the foot fetish rumor anew.