Chapter 2
Sirius floo back to the Borrow his mind a hazy mess. "Molly" he called out and Molly came running.
"Sirius, oh my boy, you got me worried sick! Merlin you looked pale as a sheet" she took him by the hand to the kitchen and a glass of water flew his way.
"Now are you going to tell me what happened?"
"Dumbledore called me to go to his office... " he spoke quietly yet the words came out thick from his mouth."He told me I can go see him."
"... who love?" She asked but her voice was small and fear was hidden behind her words.
"... Remus." Sirius felt tears quickly forming in his eyes and his throat tightening. He quickly rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the bathtub weeping as quietly as he could.
Every thought and feeling he had in his mind and heart was so convoluted.He knew he didn't want to miss this chance, he knew he had to go but everything in him felt sick just in the thought of him.
A few minutes later his crying died out. He splashed some water on his face and looked into the mirror before him.
Reflecting back was the man he learned to recognize as himself, even though it was not himself, it was not- Sirius.
He was tired, worn off. The confidence that was radiating off of him, the grin he always had in the corner of his lips, they were nowhere to be found. And most of all, the thing that hurt the most, his hair. It was now short. He never liked it short, still doesn't, but he couldn't bear to see it long holding all those memories, he didn't feel right having it...
He was just 25 and he already felt so old.
One thing was out of place though, his jacket. His favorite one, well, was his favorite one, his black leather jacket. He had not even realized he was wearing it.
It was such a nice jacket, he used to wear it almost every day the thing basically glued on to him. He traced his fingers over its collar. His chest got heavy. He took it off.
Once he felt collected enough he walked out of the bathroom. He heard young voices coming from the kitchen, there he saw Molly surrounded by four little heads.
"Mum! Mum it hurts!" Cried Ron. He clung his knee where he had a scrape with blood dripping down.
"Calm down Ron. You will be fine in just a moment love." Molly, calm and collected, pointed her wand to Ron's knee. "Episkey" she said and in just a few seconds the starch had despaired.
"Sirius!" Harry walked up to him. "Sirius we- we were playing in the garden and we were running and Ron fell down and hurt his knee! And then he started crying!"
"I did not!" Ron shouted, with a big sniff at the end.
"Yes you did!" One of the twins laughed… Fred? Yeah probably Fred.
"You cried like a baby!" No, that one was Fred. (... Probably. Sirius could never tell them apart.)
"Alright that's quite enough, come on go back outside to continue your game." Molly told the kids.
"Sirius, come play with us!" Harry took his hand and started to pull him towards the door.
"Oh Harry, maybe later." Sirius kneeled down and looked into Harry's big green eyes.
"I'm sorry buddy."
"... Fine, but you will come later!" He wrapped his hands around him giving him a hug before going off to play too.
Sirius' sunshine, bright and warm, and always making him feel better.
"He is a wonderful kid, Sirius."Molly smiled at him.
"He really is." He said his heart overflowed with something more than pride, something more than joy. Pure love.
Molly walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Are you better now dear?" She quietly asked and looked at him like she would one of her children.
"I am."
She looked at him for a moment longer weighing something in her mind. Shedidn't press it any further.
"Well you are staying for lunch and I'm not taking no for an answer!"
For the next hour helped Molly cook, to the best of his ability, which wasn't much, while they were making conversation over light topics. Even then her eyes would follow him when she thought he wouldn't notice trying to get an answer to a question just by looking at him.
"I will go." Sirius answered her eventually.
Molly understood.
"...Are you going to be safe?" She looked into his eyes at him, not letting his gaze go.
"I will be…" he said even though he wasn't fully sure about it.
"But I need a favor. I will have to go in three days and I have nowhere to leave Harry, would-"
"Of course Sirius! And not just Harry, anything you need… we are here for you."
He felt his chest get warm. He felt after so much time he had someone he could truly rely on, someone to support him, to be with him. It felt like family.
"Thank you Molly."
He heard the front door open and with that a loud "I'm home!". Arthut walked into the kitchen with a briefcase on the brink of exploding with papers.
"Hope food's ready 'cause I'm starv- Oh Sirius! What a lovely surprise!" Arthur smiled at him with a big smile.
"Hello Arthur." He smiled back.
"Sirius is going to have lunch with us today. Foods almost ready, why don't you get yourself cleaned up darling as we make the table."
"Sure thing." And as Arthur left the room Molly turned to him.
"Actually, why don't you go call the kids? I can manage here."
Sirius agreed and went out to the back garden, where he found the four kids running around.
"Guys, lunch time!"
"Finally!" Ron shouted in celebration and ran as fast as his little legs could go. Fred and George ran too, but Harry stayed behind. He walked back holding Sirius' hand. His cheeks were flushed from running and his pajamas were covered in dirt while Harry talked about this and that without stop.
"and George is the fastest" ," and Fred's tooth was all woobbly." , "and then Ron and me won".
Once in the house and cleaned up Harry ran to take the place next to Ron. There were plates forks and spoons flying out of the cupboards and on the tape each taking its place. Molly although was nowhere to be found.
"Siri! Come here! Sit with me!"
"Oh thank you Harry, how kind of you to save me a seat."
"Is it true that you can turn into a dog?" Ron asked with an amazed look.
"Oh who told you that absurd rumor?"
"Harry did!"
"But you can! I've seen you!"
"Well if Harry says it then it must be true."
"So you can really turn into a dog?... Can I see?"
"Hm I don't know, the dog might eat you."
"... he might what?..." terror filled the boy's face.
"Oh yes he might mistake you for a carrot... and he loves carrots."
"Oh Siri, now you are just saying stupid things!"
One by one red headed children came to the table, lastly Molly and Arthur with serious expressions. Arthur's eyes immediately fell on him when he walked in, Molly had told him. He sat next to him, his face was unreadable. For a moment Sirius was scared of what he was thinking but then he learned in and whispered
"Everything is going to be alright."
*
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*
Eating at the Wesleys was very different from what he was used to back at home. It was loud, everyone talking to one another, everyone laughing.
As he finished his food Sirius felt a tug at his shirt.
"Sirius, can you do it?"
He looked at Harry's plate, one last spoon full was left. Sirius took his wand and made it fly up to the air, twist around, fly around Harry and finally landed in his mouth.
This was a habit now, leaving the last bite. The first weeks when he got Harry he wouldn't eat any more than 3 bites. No matter what he was given. No matter what he tried. Until he made the food fly. The amazement in his eyes, his infectious joy over simple magic.
Ron looked at Harry then him and then Molly. "Mum!"
*
*
*
Soon after lunch he and Harry left, having settled all the details over what was going to happen in three days.
It was late evening when they arrived at their doorstep.
"The motorcyclel is so cool! Did you see how high up we were?"
"Yes I did. But now you need to go wash up, you absolute stick lord."
"Aw but -"
"No. Bath time."
Harry pouted his lip but accepted his fate and he walked up the stairs to the bathroom mumbling "I don't like bath time.".
After bath time came dinner and after that bed time.
Sirius tucked Harry into bed and sat on his bedside.
"You didn't come to play with us today..."
"I know, I'm sorry buddy... I've just been tired, that's all."
"When we went to Ron's house you left and then you came back. Where did you go?"
"... Well... I had to see one of my old professors from school. He had some important news to share with me."
"Oh,was it good news or bad news?"
"... Well... it's a bit complicated. Anyway, sleepy time."
"But I'm not tired at all!" He protested while rubbing his eyes.
"Goodnight." Sirius took off Harry's glasses and kissed his forehead like every night. Even though it made his heart sting to think that underneath that messy bunch of dark hair there was this constant reminder of that day.
Sirius tried to fall asleep but he could not. Memories had filled his brain and he could not get rid of them. Most of them were Harry when he just got him.
He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't play, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep. Every night for months he'd cry whenever he'd sleep. The first night he wet his bed, Sirius woke up to him sobbing.
Letter on when he opened up and he started talking more and more the questions came.
"Where is dada?" Or "When is dada coming back?"
He'd ask only about James. Not Lily... Harry would scream at the dead of night for her, he would weep till he fell asleep for her but he never asked what happened to her and if she was coming back. He was too young to know or comprehend death yet but he was there when it happened, he saw her... he knew... his mum was gone.
On his fourth birthday while Sirius was cutting his cake for him Harry asked
"What happened to mommy and daddy?" Sirius froze.
"Will they ever come back for me?"
"They... They can't, Harry..." Sirius responded quietly.
"... Can I see them?"
Sirius went up the attic, he knew that what he was about to do would break him inside but it was Harry's right to know. He pulled down two boxes filled with photo albums.
For the rest of their day they sat and looked over old photos. Mostly of James and Lily. Them at Hogwarts holding hands, them dancing in James’ kitchen, their wedding day, them holding Harry with the most beautiful smiles ever.
Harry lingered over that photo looking at it for a long time.
"... Are they dead?" He whispered.
The question was like a cold blade stabbing right through him... a familiar feeling but always just as painful. He always tried to be strong in front of Harry as best as he could but this time he couldn't. He turned his face away from him trying as fast as he could to collect himself.
"... I'm sorry." Was the only thing he was able to say.
He felt Harry wrap his arms around him and cling on to his shirt, he cried in Sirius' hug. It wasn't fair. Nothing about what Harry was put through was fair.
When he calmed down he reached again for the picture album and pointed to the picture of him as an infant in his mum's and dads arms.
"Can I have this?"
That night he filled the house with pictures of James and Lily.