but they love me
He run... to where he didn't knew. Maybe the pain would go away? No that would never happen. The guilt, pain, angry and betray would never go away. James knew that. He was running his hand were fists. Not scared for whatever he saw or going through.
There was a small park near them. He stood for the gate. This was one of the things why Lily and he bought the house. With tears in his eyes he went through the gate. He found a bench to sit on and he tried to think. What had happened.... Wormtail betrayed them... His childhood best friend betrayed them... Voldemort came to his house and probably tried to kill James, but for some reason he couldn't.... Something happened between that.... Then Voldemort killed Lily. She probably died protecting Harry. She was so brave. His lip thrilled of imagining her scared face. His breathed shocked. When Voldemort killed Lily he killed Harry after, but how? Why? Did he knew about the prophecy? Who told him and why didn't Dumbledore warn them? He didn't know who the trust. Could he go to Remus and Sirius? He trusted Peter with his life, more important with Lily and Harry's life. Was Marlene plotting with Peter? All kinds of dumb questions appeared in his mind.
Breathe in breathe out James. It didn't help. He needed to break something, to hurt something, t-to kill something.... He closed his eyes. There was an old man sitting on the other bench besides him. He looked ahead drunk. With a bottle of strong alchohol in his hands. He saw James staring at the bottle. "Want some mate? You look like you need it!" His had crooked teeth and James nodded. He took a sip and the alchohol rushed through his body. It kinda helpt, he didn't feel sad, but the angry began to rise. "What happened?" The stranger asked while James took another sip look to the small river in front of them. "My family was murdered." He said coldly. The man frowned. He laughed. "Good one! In this town? Haha. Murdered! Bloody hell." Was the man joking? Did he thought this was funny? James tried to shrug it of. He stood up and walked away with the bottle. A angry face appeared. Yet another sip mad it even worse.
He walked through the whole park and it still didn't help. The morning wind in his dark curls and it hurt in his watery eyes. He grabbed his bag and sat near the river. The photo was all he could ever see again of them. If he knew in that photo what was going to happen he would've stopped everything and everyone. Maybe he would even kill Peter. In his whole childhood he never would've thought about saying that, but at this point it gave his mind rest.
He looked up at the sky, seeing the pretty stars. "I don't know what to do Lils.... There is no world without you. I've spend longer pinning over you then actually being with you...." He laughs in himself. "Harry would've laughed if he knew how many times you said no or how lovesick I was.... I'm still lovesick for you, I always will be, but I just or atleast I hope that i matured a bit. Or you just finally fell....But those years we're the best. I don't know what you expect me to do now.... " He was still. Lily wouldn't want him to become bad, but he needed to do something to Peter and to the rest.
The old man came back. He walked over to James and said:"You really shouldn't left! You stole my bottle and you're gonna pay." James didn't want to fight. He took out his wand and....
The old man was crying on the ground. Grabbing his own arms and looking scared in James eye. "Here is your bottle." James said coldly as he kneeled down to put the bottle besides him. His mind didn't process it. He actually crucioded a man, an innocent man. Still it felt good for a few seconds. His frustations were less.
He needed to visit Remus and Sirius. They could help. He could thrust them right?