Chapter 1
J,
My star looks so beautiful in the sky. I suppose it’s ironic how the sun and stars always seem so close, yet so far away. They never truly manage to touch, or get close enough: always stuck orbiting one another.
In a way, that describes me and you, J. Because even though I have touched you, felt your hands run through my hair and heard you whisper ‘I love you’ a thousand times in my ear, I’ll never get to have you the way I desire.
I’d like the think in another universe we won’t be such a tragedy, perhaps then I’ll get to walk down the aisle and spot your constant glow, your radiant smile as you say ‘I do’ .Maybe in another universe I’d be on your side, and my family wouldn’t complicate us. Maybe we’d have that small cottage in the middle of a field, where we could raise our kids, where we’d have a farm with horses to ride and chickens and cows and goats to take care of. Where I could wake up next to you every morning and see your smile, and I wouldn’t have to worry about wars or the Dark Lord.
I love you, JFP. I’m sorry we won’t get to have an unburdened relationship, but you need to know that I love you. I am completely and entirely infatuated with you, from the way you fix your glasses when they’re crooked to the smug grin you always get when you’re teasing Sirius about us.
I know that you're probably never going to want to see me again, and I know it’s all my fault. But I’m sorry. I had no choice but to take the mark, and I so wish that things could’ve been different. For you, I would try anything, but I will never be able to rid myself of the family burden that I carry. I hope you know that the mark changes nothing regarding the way I feel about you. That much will always be the same. And finally, know that I’m going to fix it, in the only way I can.
I love you, JFP. My sun, my love. My star looks so very beautiful when it is near the sun. It shines a little brighter; it gives a little more light. But of course, my star can only ever orbit the sun- they will never reach one another.
I’m sorry but this must end, J. We must be over. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you. But loving you means knowing I have to leave , because it’s hurting us both too much to stay.
Yours,
RAB
P.S
Tell Sirius I’ll light up the sky for him