Chapter 7
They had to leave for platform nine and three-quarters in four hours so both James and Sirius were rushing to pack their trunk before Effie had their heads for their lack of preparation. They had already received the talk from Monty, Remus, and once even from Regulus. Though James was almost certain Regulus hadn’t packed his own trunk. However, James had no way of proving this as Regulus was an extraordinarily private person whose door stayed shut and locked the entirety of the time he had been at the Potters’.
It was infuriating how little James knew of Regulus despite living in the same house as him for almost two months. They had spoken a grand total of zero times since the incident at Borgin and Burkes. James had discovered that Regulus was a master of avoidance. He had barely left his room in the week since their outing except to collect meals or to assist Monty with a new potion he was producing.
The new raven was a menace. It pulled hair and tore up brooms and hid around corners just to jump out making these awful shrieks that always gave Sirius a terrible fright, it had even learned to mimic James. Of course, James found this hilarious, teaching the raven curses which got him scolded. The bird never bothered Monty or Effie which led James to believe that its destructive tendencies were a training on Regulus' part. Whenever he was about the raven settled on his shoulder, preening and acting like the perfect nobleman’s pet. James had nicknamed it Corvie since Regulus hadn’t stated a name outright and he was never around long enough for James to actually ask.
Sirius came tumbling into James' room, tripping over a pair of pants on the ground in his haste.
“Hurry!! Monty said if we’re not outside in five minutes they’ll leave without us!” He was breathless as he pushed himself up. Sirius sat on top of James' trunk to help him jam it shut before scrambling to dash down the hall and grab his trunk. James snatched up his wand and broom in one hand, grabbing his trunk in the other. The owls and Regulus’ raven had already been packed into the blue Ford Anglia earlier that morning, so it was just Sirius and James falling over themselves to make it out the door before they were late. Both were dressed in muggle clothing, robes packed for later.
Doors slammed and Monty started the engine. Hitting the accelerator as the car took off, guiding it into a steady glide as they flew over small plots of land. Effie activated the invisibility from the passenger seat. She had been barred from flying the car since she had nearly crashed it into the Big Ben clock tower the previous year. Regulus was curled into the back corner, staring out the window which fogged with his breath. Regulus was nervous. Everyone could sense it and Effie had even warned the other two boys not to bring up the return to school around him. As much as James wanted to talk to him, he knew that right now was not the time.
Instead, James turned to Sirius who was on his other side, his head stuck out the rolled down window and his tongue hanging out to catch the small raindrops. If James was honest, he was more likely to catch bugs but he wasn’t going to tell Sirius that. The wind ruffled his shoulder length black hair, and he was smiling so brightly.
Sometimes James thought it a wonder no one had figured out about their animagus forms. It wasn’t that they were careless, it was just kind of obvious. James was prideful (as much as he hated to admit it) but he also liked to believe he was rather regal. Not to mention how stubborn he would become when he wanted something, anyone who knew him, and Lily’s relationship could see that. Sirius was loyal to a fault but he was also ridiculously possessive – though, James wasn’t sure if that was his animagus form or his upbringing – and Peter could be silent as a mouse – or rather a rat James supposed – and his ability to find and stash food was unparalleled.
As they flew, James dwelled on his thoughts, letting his mind sweep him away, bouncing between memories and predictions and observations, just letting himself travel freely in his own head.
…
By the time they reached London, James was already halfway through mentally writing an essay for a subject he didn’t even study.
“Sirius, sweets, we have to put the windows up, please pull your head in dear.” Effie asked and Sirius whined. James snickered as he withdrew his head into the car and the window was wound up. They were about five minutes out from King’s Cross Station and the London air was filled with smog. Monty tilted the car into a nosedive, straightening out as they landed directly into an awaiting car park. The gentle landing allowed Effie to switch off the invisibility and the group of five quickly piled out of the car. Stacking trunks and cages onto trolleys and rushing into the station with their tickets in hand.
James noticed several other students running so they wouldn’t miss the good seats on the train. Technically it didn’t leave for another twenty minutes or so, but it filled quickly and the station was already crowded. They reached the wall between nine and ten and James turned to make sure Sirius and Regulus were nearby. He sped up, running directly at the wall and then through it. The tingling feeling of travelling through somewhat solid brick was always odd. James shook out his hands and cleared out of the way as Sirius came through, followed by Regulus and then Effie and Monty.
He saw Remus saying goodbye to his parents and Peter’s parents were already making their way back through to King’s Cross. James hugged his parents; Effie kissed him on the cheek and Monty mussed his hair. They repeated this with Sirius who gladly accepted the affection. Regulus – much to James’ surprise – also went in for a hug but opted out on the kiss. He tucked his head in beneath Effie’s chin and murmured something to her quietly. Effie’s reply was too quiet for James to make out and he turned away, feeling like he was interrupting something private.
Instead, he grabbed Sirius’ arm, dragging him towards the train doors. The two sixth years left their trolleys in the center of the platform, completely oblivious to the nuisance they caused. They lugged their trunks into the train and down the corridor between compartments until they found Remus and Peter seated in one. James and Sirius sat down on the other side of the table. Sirius was near the window, across from Remus and James sat facing Peter who had already set out a stash of snacks on the table between the four of them. They quickly greeted each other, and James and Sirius proceeded to give the other two a full recap of everything they’d missed.
…Regulus Black POV…
Regulus was anxious, he was also extremely tired and James Potter did not help with either of these situations. Thank god his parents didn’t share his hyperactive temperament. Before climbing onto the Hogwarts Express, Regulus had found himself unable to leave without showing his appreciation for them. He had hugged Effie and despite his usual aversion to touch, it had been … nice. When he thanked her for all the support they had given him she had merely told him that of course they had supported him, even if he didn’t know it yet, they were family. Regulus had tensed at that but Effie had explained that they could wait as long as he needed so long as he understood that he could always turn to them. It was strange knowing that there were people in the world he could trust with anything, with all of him. It had always been just him and Sirius, even when they were younger.
James and Sirius hadn’t been there when he turned around and Monty and Effie had shooed him aboard the train with hurried goodbyes, telling him to find his friends. So that brought Reg to the present. Standing alone in the train corridor as it began to shift with a call of the train whistle. He swayed with the train, using his trunk to keep steady and brushing a finger between the bars of Heraff’s cage to help calm the raven.
He began to make his way down the corridor, keeping his vision forward to avoid making eye contact with anyone. He knew that news of his disownment would be widespread, at least among pureblood families, and he didn’t intend on getting into any trouble before he even reached Hogwarts. As he entered the next carriage, a compartment entered and he closed his eyes as a familiar voice called out to him,
“Oi! Regulus, come and join us!” James’ voice was obnoxiously loud in the empty hall, and it caused Regulus to wince. He spun to face the overly energetic boy with a frown. James beckoned him forwards and he discovered his feet were already heading in that direction, subconsciously gravitating towards James like he was the fucking sun.
In the compartment was Peter, with a large array of food spread out before him, Remus, who was tucked against the corner pretending to read a book, but his eyes were actually caught on Sirius who lay across the seat he and James shared with his head in James’ lap, hair falling across his legs in an onyx waterfall. It was honestly rather pathetic how in love he was with Sirius. And of course, there was James. James who was smiling at him. Smiling at Regulus. At Regulus rather thought he may melt at the utter warmth of him.
Remus tore his eyes away from Regulus' brother to give Regulus a slight smile and indicate the empty space next to James,
“You can sit there if you like Reg. James was just talking about something to do with Quidditch.”
“Something about Quidditch?!” James exclaimed incredulously, “I just gave you a full rundown of all the new techniques I learnt over the holidays and how I intend to use them in the upcoming matches. Were you listening to any of it?”
“Oh good, I was hoping I was right with the Quidditch guess, I honestly heard something about brooms and assumed you and Sirius weren’t referring to cleaning as it seems to be a concept above your comprehension.” Remus chuckled and Regulus felt a small smile twitch at the corners of his lips. James was speechless, his jaw hanging open in horror and he looked down at Sirius in the hopes he too felt the betrayal, but Sirius was busy staring dopily at Remus. It was disgusting the way they looked at each other, and they weren’t even dating. He feared the day Sirius grew out of his stunted emotions and realised how he felt.
The carriage devolved into chaos and by the time it had settled, Regulus felt so out of place that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to stay if the offer remained. Remus looked up with furrowed brows,
“Why are you still standing there? Take a seat.” Regulus looked at the seat next the James and shifted forward in a moment of self-sabotaging consideration. How he craved to allow James’ warmth to envelope him. He was too selfish for this. But before he could sit, Sirius flung his hands over the empty square of seating.
“Nope! No. Definitely not. Remus! He is too innocent for the conversations that occur within this compartment. He is just a child.” Regulus rolled his eyes at Sirius’ antics, putting on a show worthy of a muggle soap opera actor but he felt something in his chest twinge.
“Sirius, we’ve been over this, he’s not even a full year younger than us.” Remus replied with a sigh.
“Still, this is our compartment. I haven’t seen you in ages. He gets you all the time in the library, he can have you later.” Sirius’ voice was a whine, but it hurt. He knew Sirius was trying to be playful, but he also heard the underlying tone in Sirius's voice, the one that portrayed what he truly wanted. It hurt that his brother didn’t want him around, but why would he? He already had James, a normal brother – even if not by blood – why would he want Regulus? His weirdo sister who Sirius left behind and when he came back was a completely different person from the girl he left behind.
It didn’t matter, Sirius had his family, and Regulus, well, Regulus had his, now he just had to go find them. So, with a rude gesture to Sirius, he retreated out the door, his arms aching as he tugged the trunk behind him, heading off in search of Barty and the others.
He found them three carriages down, Pandora reading the latest copy of the Quibbler, Evan and Dorcas playing a round of enchanted knuckle bones with far more cheating than was absolutely necessary, and Barty sharpening a small pocketknife he had evidently found somewhere on his person. When he dragged the compartment door, they all looked up with matching grins which he returned. They were some of the only people who could bring a true smile to his face, and they didn’t even try, maybe that’s why they were so good at it, because it was natural. Their smiles each held something of their personalities. Pandora’s was rather dreamy, though there was an edge to it, like her wit cutting through her daydreaming. Evan’s was rather calm but calculated. Dorcas's didn’t even try to hide her short fuse, her smile was a threat, as was Barty’s, but his was sharper, a baring of teeth.
“I heard about the disowning. Congratulations, it took you long enough. Pandora made a bet that she’d return all her winnings from our previous bets over your situation if you left before the end of the holidays. She owes me a lot.” Barty winked at Pandora who crossed her arms with a pout. They all knew she wouldn’t give him the money; it was an accepted fact that Pandora had a slight gambling problem and was also a terrible loser. Regulus laughed.
“You guys should stop betting on me, but just in case anyone did bet on it…” He quickly locked the door, pulling down the shutters before tugging up the hem of his sweater, baring his chest. The incisions had healed well, and he turned to give them a view of the tattoos that traced across his back. Gasps were audible and he rotated back around only to catch an armful of teary Pandora.
“I’m so happy for you Regulus!” Her voice was watery and she hugged him so hard he thought his ribs might break but he hugged her back just as hard. Barty and Evan stood to hug him as well, pulling back to clap him on the back.
“Congratulations mate.”
Finally, Pandora pulled back and Dorcas was stood looking back at him. There were tears prickling the corners of his eyes as they stared at each other. She had been the first person he told that he was a boy. Even before Sirius, though he was pretty sure Sirius had already picked up on it. He had told her in his shaky, too high, eleven-year-old voice after he had accidentally walked in on her in the prefects' bathroom. At twelve, she had primarily bathed in there for privacy. Her chest had been flat, as had been the case for most of her cohort at that age. Regulus, while not knowing her specifically, had known of her. The boy who liked to sit in the bathrooms and put on makeup, the kid who shoved oranges down his shirt in a mimicry of breasts.
It was all rumours, of course, Dorcas would never be so careless about getting caught, all it took was one little mishap and gossip stretched stories until they were barely recognisable. Dorcas had always dressed borderline feminine, and Avery – the prick – had woken late one night to see her standing before the mirror in their dorm in a flippy skirt and being the cruel child he was, he had told anyone who would listen about his weird cross-dressing roommate.
The day Regulus found her, she had been curled in the empty tub of the prefect bathroom with her knees pulled to her chest, the skirt she wore was torn and the base of the tub was dusted in a dull rainbow of smashed makeup products. He had frozen in the doorway, staring at the boy before him. It was a wonder the two hadn’t crossed paths sooner, but Regulus supposed the fact they were in different grades meant they didn’t spend much time together.
Dorcas had looked up at him, mascara staining her cheeks and her hair a curly mess and Regulus had known in that moment that they were the same. Ever a pragmatic child, he had vanished the damaged makeup, summoned a spare uniform, and instructed Dorcas to take a shower, promising to wait outside and make sure no one came in. He could still remember the sobs of joy that had left Dorcas when she realised he had given her a girls’ uniform. Once she was dressed, he had sat her down on the tiles before him and he had perched up on the edge of the tub. He had then worked his way through the tangled knots of her hair until it sat in a braid that just brushed the base of her neck. Then, using makeup techniques his cousins had taught that he never expected to actually use, he applied slightly shaky eyeliner, a coat of mascara, and a quick swipe of lip gloss from the pile of makeup stuff he had managed to salvage. He had helped Dorcas stand and he had told her to be brave. Looking back, Regulus knew that at eleven years old, he was the bravest he had ever been, and perhaps ever would be.
Dorcas had begun to sit with them at mealtimes. Barty and Evan had welcomed her with open arms and by then, Pandora basically sat with them daily too, despite the unspoken rule of houses keeping to themselves. Dorcas and Pandora had become fast friends, bonding over their love of magical creatures and herbology. By that point, Barty had gained quite the reputation, not only as the minister’s son but as a danger of his very own variety. He had already hexed a number of people for nasty comments towards him or his friends and that provided some degree of safety to any of the lucky few Barty staked his claim to. Of course, that couldn’t protect Dorcas in class when she was alone but after the first few incidents when Barty found out about the offenders, most people avoided causing her trouble.
The day during Regulus’ fourth year, when Dorcas had informed them of her upcoming gender-affirming surgery, Regulus had been so happy for her that he almost didn’t notice his envy. He had been elated but there was that niggling little voice in the back of his head that had told him, ‘You can’t do that, you could never do that. Can you imagine? Ha.’ And he had congratulated her and hugged her and the smile on his face had been genuine but even its legitimacy hadn’t prevented it from falling the moment he was out of sight; it hadn’t stopped him from sobbing into Barty’s chest about how unfair it was later that night. How he wished he could do the same but instead he would be stuck like this forever.
And now she stood there across the compartment from him and then they collided. Regulus hadn’t even realised he was moving until they made contact, crashing into each other with such force that it was a wonder they didn’t shatter on impact. And he could feel the heat of Dorcas tears mixing with his own and- oh, he was crying. They sank to the floor together, wrapped in each other’s arms, finally both exactly as they were meant to be. It was the best feeling in the world. Finally at peace with himself. Both of them finally home. Finally them.