Homeward bound
September 1st, 1975;
Sirius followed James down the corridor as the Hogwarts express, pulled away from the station; past the rows of compartments loud with chatter, interiors lined with the same dated vinyl and green fabric draped cushions as every year. The bulbed lights overhead flickered with the rhythmic thump of the tracks underfoot,
They wormed past students headed up and down the train, carriage after carriage until they reached the end car, mostly void except for a few groups who stood chattering lowly, robes bundled in their arms.
The first compartment to their left was occupied by a couple so enamoured by each other's mouths, they hardly noticed James who had stopped to gape by the window, or if they did they didn't seem to mind.
“No shame on them,” James complained as Sirius tugged him along,
“Like you’ve never snogged a girl.”
“Not like that,” But James sounded more jealous than offended.
It was the third door along that Sirius stopped them at, the very same one that had offered him his first lick of freedom five long years ago.
He half expected to see Remus and Peter as he slid the glass open, the small and shrewish children they had once been, the type of children that would send his mother into one of her glorious fits.
But it was Mary Macdonald who shattered the perfect image, sat neatly against the window, a leg crossed over the other, looking half the devil, and sweeter than sugar.
She wore those flared pants Sirius knew muggle girls were crazy about, she looked like she ought to be traveling somewhere exotic, rather than the cobwebbed halls of Hogwarts. She gave them a cool look of recognition before turning back to Marlene, who sat beside her already in robes, dishevelled as ever and slumped half sideways in her seat.
They were having a heated discussion about what sounded like divination, and Sirius glanced at James apprehensively before stepping into the fire together. Hefting his trunk overhead on the netted shelves, as James did the same.
“It's creepy,” Marlene was saying, “No one needs to know when they’re going to die.”
Mary scoffed, “Don’t fear an end McKinnon, it’s coming anyway might as well make it useful if you ask me.” She flicked a hand, cherry red nails flashing under the dingy light, “Besides, I like being prepared,”
Sirius dropped into the seat opposite her, offering a wide smile “Where’s the suspense in that?” Sirius reasoned, “Life’s a surprise, not a book.”
Mary gave him a disapproving glare, “As always your priorities are lacking Black.”
“It's good to see you too Mary, now tell me something I don’t know.” He batted his eyelashes in a way he knew drove her up the wall.
Marlene snorted, “Gosh, summer's treated you both well, hasn’t it?”
Sirius faltered for the better of the moment, reminding him self that she didn’t know he amended, “Yeah, well enough.”
James fell easily into the seat beside Marlene, gracefully taking over for him
“Swear I touched the sun, you girls wouldn’t believe me.”
Sirius and James had spent the majority of their summer twelve meters in the air twisting around on brooms in the Potters’ back garden. They’d also got awful heatstroke, that had them vomiting into the flowerbeds, much to Euphemia’s displeasure. But James didn’t mention that part.
Mary grinned, “You talk about Quidditch like some infatuated lover.”
“James just so happens to be a romantic,” Sirius said mirthfully.
“Well hold on a minute.” James spluttered, “I'm telling you lot, we're gonna win it this year, I swear it.”
Marlene whistled appreciatively, “Damn right Potter, those Slytherins need a good humbling.”
“Give them something to cry about.” Sirius relished.
Even Mary who liked to make her distaste for quidditch known nodded, in a silent but solemn agreement.
They lulled into a steady conversation which Sirius tried his best to pay attention to, Mary had spent the summer on her grandparents' farm somewhere out here in the Scottish Highlands, while Marlene ‘sat around doing batshit’ at her parents' place.
Sirius offered little details of his fall from grace, grateful when James did the same.
The conversation lulled on, and Sirius watched as condensation formed against the rattling windowpane. He followed fat beads with his finger as they dribbled down the glass. Off in the distance, the horizon was loomed an off-putting sort of grey, a far away storm swelled behind the sculpted outcrop of the mountains that the train skirted between.
Everything inside of him itched for the acrid weight of smoke, craving a relief that was heavy in his lungs; he toyed with the idea of pulling one out now. Sirius hadn’t had a proper smoke since arriving at the Potter's, he’d been determined not to upset Euphemia a part of him terrified that she’d send him back. But he knew Mary wouldn’t have it at all if he cracked the window open now.
It was an awful habit or, so he’d been told, one he had mostly started as a means to peeve his mother, and then it had been nights spent blowing trails out his bedroom window, watching as the ash spiralled away with the breeze, cold air meeting the warm embrace of fire in his chest, a mechanism that kept him breathing, a robotic sense of assurance.
“You’re awfully quiet Black, are you sick?” Mary piped up, “Or has Sirius Black finally run out of things to say?” She caught him with intense eyes.
It was hard not to like a girl like Mary, with a cruel mouth and legs for days.
Sirius certainly had for the entirety of his third year and when he’d finally plucked up the courage to confess, she hadn’t agreed, been rather nasty about it too, said she wouldn’t be his mother, whatever that had meant.
There was still something inside him that sought her approval, brutal and unforgiving as she was, she certainly made him earn it.
“No.” Sirius answered, “Just thinking.”
Mary made a sound of mock amazement, “He thinks.” Like it was a revelation, “Go on then, tell us what’s troubling the pride and joy of the noble house of Black,”
Maybe it was the itch he couldn’t scratch or the prim way she said it, maybe it was the mockery that bothered him, such an untrue thing, the accusation of something he would never be.
The match that had been quietly burning inside his chest, threatened to drop into his stomach.
“Don’t call me that,” Sirius said sharply, with more venom than he had intended.
James winced and Marlene stopped mid-sentence mouth open. For a moment the only sound was the obnoxious buzz of the compartment light beside his head and the rain that had begun to collide with the window.
Mary was looking at him oddly as if something had changed since the last time she’d seen him, and she was only just noticing.
She pursed her lips folding her hands delicately in her lap, “All right.”
James laughed uncomfortably, subtly shifting his leg closer to Sirius, so their knees brushed as he leaned forward and began to prattle on about Quidditch and the Cannon's latest game, the only one listening was Marlene, and even then, James aloud little room for her input at all.
Once again Sirius turned his attention to the countryside that blew past outside the window, ignoring the way Mary's eyes bore into the side of his head.
It was the outraged yelling that erupted from somewhere down the train that pulled him back to himself, Mary was still watching him intently, but Sirius couldn’t look at her instead watching as James twisted around in his seat so that he could see through the compartment window.
“Jesus, well what’s happened then?” James swore.
He was not left in the dark for long, as hurried footsteps thundered down the corridor, and the door was roughly thrown open just a moment later.
Peter and Remus stumbling into the compartment, out of breath and wearing matching shit-eating grins.
They all stared at one another, If summer had treated Sirius well then Remus was royalty, he looked awfully tired, skin dusted with a grimy tan, tight curls falling into his eyes. Sirius suspected a the weeks spent with his father hadn’t been entirely all that fun, especially with a full moon, that meant the basement.
It was Mary who spoke up first, “You two look guilty.” She observed.
“Hello.” Remus offered them between breaths, shaking his head. "Jesus Pete, you’re lucky there were no prefects around."
Peter looked bashful from where he stood, a blush rising steadily up his neck "Sorry, I got a bit mad is all, Snape’s a right prick, the things he was saying Remus." He frowned as if he couldn’t decide whether to be excited or concerned.
"What was he saying?" Sirius narrowed his eyes, he was in the mood for a good fight, and Snivellus the oily slug was as good as anyone.
"He-" Peter began.
"Doesn't matter much now," Remus cut him off, "Pete set his robes on fire, Evan's lost her shit."
James barked out laughing, "Oh you're bloody brilliant Peter, God wish I'd seen that."
Mary flicked a look at Marlene, lips twisting unhappily.
She sighed dusting herself off as she stood up, "Thought I told that girl that boy was no good, guess I'll catch you lot at the sorting."
She proceeded to slide the compartment door open and made a swift exit.
"Tell Evans I said hello." James called after her.
Mary gave him a dismissive wave over her shoulder as she disappeared down the train.
Marlene didn't hang around for much longer after that, something about owing someone money.
Then it was just the four of them, they grinned at each other, excitement electric and palpable in the air.
The train steamed deeper into the highlands, closer to Hogwarts and everything that mattered.
Sirius who couldn’t resist any longer practically folded over himself to fish his cigarette's from his pocket, looking sheepishly at James who wrinkled his nose, though he didn't say anything as Sirius cracked the window open.
The cold air whipped at his face and Sirius protected the flame of his lighter with a cupped hand.
He took a long desperate drag, chest burning and head clearing, he blew it out the window.
Remus watched him with those tired eyes of his, he wore a well used worried expression, his forehead prematurely creased with overuse.
Sirius knew James had written him over the summer, the truth hung between the four of them, a battered secret that Sirius pretended not to notice.
"Well what do we think boys. Is this our year?" Sirius raised a thoughtful eyebrow.
"Every year is our year." James confirmed with a crooked smile.
Pete nodded, Remus smiled wolflike and with promise, "May I propose a few ideas?"
"I'm listening," Sirius said more than enticed.
They collectively leaned in and plotted for the rest of the train ride.