Darkness and Flowers
Christmas holidays were over. Regulus sat in the Slytherin common room. It was sixth year. He wore jumpers all the time now. The black had stained his arm and his heart. He’d lost his brother and boyfriend in one fell swoop. He was going to be used and discarded and he didn’t know what to do. The common room door opened, and Pandora walked in. He hadn’t talked to her since before Christmas. He didn’t think she’d ever want to talk to him. He knew that her love was unconditional but even she had limits. She’d lost her brother to the very same darkness that Regulus was losing himself to.
“Panda, you don’t have to.” He said as he wiped away a stray tear with his sleeve.
Pandora smiled sadly as she came and sat next to him. She put her hand on his knee and tears fell from her eyes. Regulus didn’t know what to do. She’d walked away from him, Evan and Barty just like how Dorcas had. Her blonde hair sparkled in the dim lights. He remembered when he used to help her braid it. He still remembered how to, but he wouldn’t be able to do that again. He was stained and she wasn’t, and he hoped it would stay that way. A world without Pandora’s smile wasn’t a world worth living in. The silence that settled over them was like a summer breeze. It was a warmer breeze than the silence with Barty. No words were said. Neither of them knew what to say. How do you mend a friendship that never broke? How do you fix something that’s still there under all the pain and suffering? How do you look at someone who you used to run down hallways with but now they just turn away when you walk past? Pandora sniffled as her tears stopped.
“Sometimes I still think I’m dreaming and that I’ll wake up and I won’t have to miss you anymore, Regulus.”
Regulus. That hit him like a sack of bricks. She hadn’t called him Regulus for years. It had always been Reggie or love or some other affectionate name. He’d brought this upon himself, but it still hurt.
“I need you to promise me something.”
Pandora’s voice was small and quiet. Her hair was a mess, and her cheeks were stained with tears. She’d lost her family to this darkness. Regulus would promise her anything if it would allow him to see a glimpse of that smile that used to make every day brighter. He nodded and took her hand in his.
“Do you promise to keep Evan safe for me?”
Regulus’s heart dropped in his chest. He didn’t want to lie to Pandora but to see her heart break in two would kill him. She was the only pure thing left in his life. He didn’t want to hurt her right now, but he also didn’t want her to hurt when her brother’s death inevitably happened.
“Yes.” He said eventually.
It wasn’t technically a lie. He would take care of Evan as much as he could, but he couldn’t promise anything. He couldn’t promise that Evan wouldn’t get hurt. He couldn’t even promise that he’d take care of him. Was this the wrong decision? Should he have told the truth?
Pandora smiled.
Regulus’s heart softened. There it was. Her smile that he loved so much. He smiled weakly in response. The silence settled back over them. That smile made lying to her worth it. He would protect Evan for as long as he could if it meant she never had to cry over losing her brother permanently. If there was a chance that she could have her brother back someday, he would protect his friend with his life. If there was one thing that him and his friends had always agreed on, it was that Pandora deserved the whole world. It broke Regulus’s heart that he'd had a part in taking her smile away.
The only sound in the common room was their breathing. It was never busy anymore. Everyone felt the effects of the war, and nobody wanted to be in a dungeon as their lives were threatened by the good guys or the bad guys. It depended on where they stood. Regulus hated being down there in the dungeons and maybe that’s why he hardly ever left except for classes. He was punishing himself. He didn’t even attend meals much anymore. That would mean seeing his James with Lily. He didn’t hate her, but he was so jealous.
Pandora leaned her head on Regulus’s shoulder just like how she’d done the year before. It was such a small gesture but the significance of it meant everything to Regulus. The normalcy of it erased all the fear from his mind. He was 15 again and his biggest problem was how to ask Potter out. They sat in silence for ages before either broke it.
“Don’t die.” Pandora said quietly.
It sounded like a joke, but it wasn’t. It would never be a joke again. They were just kids. They were in the middle of a war that none of them had wanted to join. The black had stained everything good, and Regulus wouldn’t let it stain this. He couldn’t let it. He put his hand in his pocket where Salazar’s locket sat. He ran his finger over it as he listened to Pandora’s breathing. He knew what he had to do, and he wasn’t going to hesitate anymore. It had to be done.