Libraries And Chivalry Sorta
Regulus was sitting in the library, reading Wildes’s The Picture of Dorian Gray. He was in his fifth year now. Sirius was in his life again. James Potter was also in his life for the very first time and so were his friends which is why Remus walked up to him when he was pleasantly reading his book.
“Reg, hi.” Remus said as he sat down and held his cane in his lap. He looked awkward and there were new scars on his face.
Regulus turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Lupin. Talking to me without my brother or Jamie, that’s new.” Regulus said as he put down his book.
Remus chuckled and leaned back in the chair slightly.
“You’re not usually without your little gang either.”
Regulus shook his head and laughed. Remus was right about that. He only got alone time when his friends were making out with their respective partners these days, but he wasn’t too upset about that. They were just growing up and things were bound to change.
“So, is there a reason you’ve interrupted me reading Oscar Wilde?” Regulus said as he turned slightly towards Remus.
“Good book but yes, there is a reason. I have a question for you.”
The silence that fell over the two of them was awkward. They were friends but not alone. There’d never been a reason for them to hang out, just the two of them, so they didn’t. The question seemed to linger on Remus’s tongue as though he was tasting and trying to see if it was ready to be asked. Regulus felt as though he already knew the question. If it was from Remus, it was most likely to do with Sirius.
“Remus, the question?” Regulus said with a smile.
He was trying to get his voice back these days. He was getting there, turns out that silence is just like a tide. It comes and goes unlike a rip which swallows you whole and doesn’t spit you out. Silence wasn’t his enemy anymore. It was like an acquaintance who loomed over his shoulder but wasn’t actively trying to take him out. It still wasn’t his friend though.
“Ah, yes. My question.” Remus took a deep breath and smiled. “Are you okay with me dating Sirius?”
Now that was the question Regulus had expected but didn’t know how to answer. Remus made Sirius happy. Sirius made Remus happy. In a perfect world, that would be all there was to it. But this world wasn’t perfect, and Regulus was scared. He didn’t want to see Sirius cry when something bad happened to Remus as it inevitably would. He also didn’t want to see Sirius long for a love he could have had. He wasn’t okay with it, but he could be for his brothers sake. He could deal with the idea that Sirius absolutely wasn’t his anymore. Sirius was still his brother, but he was also James’s brother and Remus’s love.
“Yes.” He said hesitantly.
That was a lie. His heart was breaking in two. He knew they were dating already, and this was just a question that Remus felt like he had to ask but it still hurt. This was unfair of him. He hadn’t been only Sirius’s for years. It was mean of him to expect for Sirius to only be his. It was cruel and terrible of him to want to be the main priority in Sirius’s life when Sirius hadn’t been the main one in his life since that summer. The pain of having a brother should be mentioned more. It hurts more than having a lover.
The awkward silence settled over Remus and Regulus. They were just two boys who were trying to navigate their relationships, familial, platonic and romantic, amidst a war that could take everything from them in the blink of an eye.
“How’s being James’s beloved boyfriend?” Remus ventured.
“It’s good. How’s snogging my brother?” Regulus said with a small smile.
“It’s good, good. He’s pretty good in bed.” Remus said with a chuckle.
Regulus groaned in reply. Hearing about his brothers night-time activities was not what he wanted right then or like ever. “Do not tell me that my older brother is good in bed, ugh.” He replied as he leaned back in his chair.
Remus raised in hands in mock surrender. “You asked me how snogging him was! Bed is a reasonable direction for that to head!”
“Doesn’t mean I want to hear about what you and my brother do together.” Regulus put his head in his hands. “I need to wash my brain with soap.”
“I don’t think that’s the saying.” Remus said.
“Don’t wanna hear it, brotherfucker.” Regulus said as he looked up at him and frowned jokingly.
The silence settled back over them. After a few minutes, Remus put his cane back on the ground and slowly stood up. Regulus took notice of how he gripped the chair and how his knuckles were covered in the same scars that covered his face.
“Bad full moon?” He asked quietly.
Remus’s jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. He steadied himself with his cane and looked at the younger Black. “How’d you know?” He asked in a whisper.
Regulus chuckled and picked his book back up.
“Scars, chronic pain, rumours of a werewolf on school grounds.” He turned back to his book. “Your secrets safe with me, Lupin.”
Remus nodded before walking away. Regulus went back to reading and the silence settled over him once again.