Being A Pureblood Sucks
Regulus was in his fourth year at Hogwarts now. He didn’t talk to his brother anymore. He did still glance at him across the halls and wish he would smile back. Sirius was 15 and the choices he’d made reflected badly on their family. That’s what his mother told him at least. He wished that he could be held by his brother again. He sat on the bed and stared out the window for what felt like hours but was only a few minutes. Something fell over outside the dorm, and he turned to see what it was. The door flung open, and Barty practically did a backflip into the dorm. Regulus’s jaw dropped as his friend posed after landing.
“Hey Reg. Evan and me were thinking about going to the lake this afternoon. You should bring that little notebook that you write poetry in.” Barty took a deep breath before talking again. “It might rain so also wear your scarf or don’t. I don’t really care.”
Regulus laughed slightly at Barty’s bluntness.
“Yeah, thanks Barty. I’ll come to the lake.” He said in reply.
Barty smiled and then flopped onto his own bed. The two of them sat and laid in silence though the silence wasn’t a blanket like how it had been with Sirius. This silence was more like a breeze that made your hairs stand on end. You could sit contentedly in it for a few moments but eventually you’d have to talk. Regulus didn’t like that about Hogwarts. He couldn’t just sit and not talk for hours on end. There was always a class to talk about or someone to judge or homework to critique.
The silence didn’t break for a few minutes. Regulus went back to staring out the window and Barty just stared up at the ceiling. The two boys had been fast friends. They’d sat next to each other on the train and Barty remembered Reg from some pureblood get together. Reg did not remember Barty, but he did spend half of his time at those events mute and hidden in a hallway.
“Are you okay, Reg?” Barty asked as he rolled onto his side.
Regulus glanced over at him. This was new. They didn’t talk about their feelings. Barty understood how if you talk, your feelings are no longer yours. He thought for a moment. He wasn’t okay but if he said he wasn’t, that would be awkward. He and Sirius weren’t talking so he absolutely wasn’t okay. He’d found himself glancing at the Potter who sat next to Sirus at meal times so there was no way he was okay. He had so many feelings and they made him feel faint. He plastered on a smile just like how he did after being cruciod.
“I’m okay, Barty.” He said and hoped that would stop the conversation.
“Yeah, sure.” Barty said in response.
Barty knew it was a lie, but he didn’t push it, so Regulus didn’t have to feel bad. They both understood each other, and everything was fine. Everything was always fine. They sat in silence for a few more minutes as thoughts raced through Regulus’s head. He wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been okay since that summer where Sirius came back but he wasn’t his anymore. He belonged to others, and he didn’t see a problem with that. Regulus wanted his brother back. He didn’t want a brother who had changed. He wanted the brother who held him when they were children. He wanted the brother who brushed his hair out of his face. That was his brother, and those boys took him from him. Sirius was his brother, but he wasn’t Sirus’s only brother anymore. He had been pushed off to the side like a toy that you grow too old for.
Barty rolled back onto his back and sighed loudly. Regulus turned back to him in hopes that he would say something so outrageous that his own problems would sound pale in comparison.
“Do you think I could fight the squid?” Barty said whimsically.
Regulus held back a laugh.
“Nope. It would kill you.” He said as he started laughing.
That’s what he liked about Barty. He was so different. The two boys talked for a few minutes about the squid as Regulus tried to get rid of the thoughts he was having about missing his brother and possibly wanting to know that James Potter with the glasses and the smile that could light up a room. He pushed those thoughts deep inside and swore he would ignore them until they rotted his heart from the inside out. He pushed them away and entertained Barty’s ideas of how he’d fight the squid.
“So, I think if I just managed to get it in the eye, it would be pretty simple from then onwards.” Barty finished.
“Have you told Evan about this idea you’ve had?” Regulus asked as he turned to face Barty.
Barty smiled nervously. Regulus knew of something that was going on between Barty and Evan, but he didn’t feel the need to pry so he didn’t. They’d tell him when they were ready, and he would be happy for them because he knew he could never have what they could have.
“I haven’t told him but I’m sure he’d say that it would work.”
Regulus shook his head and smiled. They weren’t talking about the squid anymore. They were talking in-between the lines. They were good at that.
“I think you should tell him.”
Barty laughed. His laugh was like honey. It was sweet and captivating. Regulus could listen to it for hours on end.
“You should take your own advice.” Barty said as he sat up and wiggled his eyebrows.
Regulus groaned and then chuckled. He didn’t think Barty had noticed who he kept staring at but if there was anything that Barty always would be, it would have to be observant. He was the first one who noticed that Marlene and Cas were making lovey dovey eyes at each other every morning.
“I’m a Black, Crouch.” Regulus replied with a sad smile.
“Sirius was a Black as well. Look at him now. He can’t stop snogging Lupin.” Barty said playfully.
Regulus smiled but this one wasn’t sad. This was something else. It was some hidden emotion in-between sadness and happiness. Bittersweet? That didn’t fully captivate it. Regulus didn’t waste anytime trying to figure out his emotions. They’d been unreadable for years. Instead, he just sat there and laughed with his brother, the one that he had right now anyways.