They're just kids.
Regulus was wandering the halls of the house when he heard noise coming from Sirius’s room. He didn’t know what the noise was. He was only ten. He didn’t know what muggle music was. He didn’t understand why Sirius was so intent on irritating their parents. He pushed his brothers door open slightly and he watched him dance on his bed through the crack. His brother had come back from Hogwarts and the smile on his face had felt so unknown. He hadn’t smiled like that for years.
Regulus pushed the door open a bit more.
“Hey Reggie, what’s up?” Sirius asked as he jumped off the bed and walked over to his little brother.
“What are you listening to?” Regulus asked quietly.
It was such a simple question but to these two boys, it meant so much. To Sirius, it meant that his brother was still his and that he hadn’t lost him to the venom of their mother yet. To Regulus, it meant that he wanted to be apart of his brothers life. He didn’t want to sit in the shadows and cry when the shouting happened. They were just boys, but their lives were already more complicated than they should have been. The two of them sat down on the bed just like how they’d done as little kids.
“The Prettiest Star.” Sirius said in reply.
He must have noticed Regulus’s deadpan stare because he smiled softly.
“It’s by David Bowie. Remus from school showed me it.”
Regulus nodded. He’d heard Sirius muttering about Remus. He heard Sirius muttering about lots of people. He liked to listen to Sirius talking about the people who made him happy. He wished he was back when he was younger, and he made Sirius smile like how those kids make him smile. He wished their home wasn’t stained with black like how ink stains a page. He wished he didn’t feel like his hands were stained with black.
“I’m coming to Hogwarts next year.” Regulus said simply and quietly just like everything else he did.
“Yeah, you can meet my friends.” Sirius replied.
Sirius didn’t know it then but that made Regulus’s whole day, maybe even his whole week. He could meet the people who made his brothers smile brighter. They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Sirius broke it.
“I missed you, you know. It’s great at Hogwarts but I did miss you.”
Regulus nodded in reply. He didn’t know what to say to that. They didn’t really do heartfelt chats, mostly because they were only children but also it hurt too much. Anything good in this house got stained eventually and they’d known from a young age that if their feelings were to stay their own, they couldn’t say them. Regulus felt like he was stagnant. He was only ten after all. Ten-year-olds don’t understand the words they think. Sirius had always felt more than him. Regulus looked up at his brother for a moment.
“I missed you too.”
He did. He truly did miss his brother. He missed his smile and the way he gripped his hand when they were being yelled. He didn’t miss the pain that came from seeing his brother take the blame for everything though. Soon, he’d go with his brother, and he wouldn’t have to miss him anymore. He wouldn’t have to watch silently as the shouting happened and the smiles faded. They sat in silence once more. Their lives were filled with silence. They could say so much in silence. They could say even more with a smile then they could with words. The silence felt like a blanket around their shoulders. It was warmer than the scratchy ones that adorned their beds.
“Are you okay, Reggie?” Sirius asked as the blanket disappeared from around their shoulders.
Regulus thought for a moment. He could say the truth but then his beloved brother would worry. He was only ten, but he felt so much older. He hadn’t been okay, but he was okay when he was seated next to his big brother, so it wasn’t truly a lie. He was okay right then in that moment. He wouldn’t be okay when he walked back to his own room and cried himself to sleep but right now, he was okay. His big brother was here, and everything was fine.
He nodded in response to Sirius’s question. He would have said something, but he wanted the blanket to settle back over their shoulders. The silence settled back over them until their mother started shouting on the first floor. There was some mess, and it was causing her unbearable pain or something. They sat there for a moment before both getting up. Sirius put his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. Reggie flinched and Sirius instinctively moved his hand off his shoulder. They would never be normal children, would they?
“I’m right here.” Sirius said quietly.
Regulus nodded once more. He shut down when the yelling started. He wouldn’t talk for hours now, and Sirius understood that. He always understood. Sometimes Regulus wondered what it would take for him to not understand.
The two of them walked down together to see what their dear mother was screaming about. They didn’t want to but that was their duty as sons of the House of Black, serve the mother until you own your wife. Regulus wanted to vomit at the idea. He wanted to vomit because of a lot of things, one of them being that he’d just lied to his brother.