Chapter 14
“Is it a strawberry, it feels too bumpy to be a strawberry?” They were supposed to be discussing the treaty with the King of Karth, but the political stroll in the gardens had digressed into Tom covering her eyes and making her guess the fruits.
“It’s a blackberry, so similar.” He moved his hand away from her eyes. “Now, which did you prefer?”
“This one, I would have this often if you would like?” It always had to come back to him. “Maybe your dear friend king Mitra would like to try? You bring fruits for me and Queen Khipa, but not him.” It wasn’t a chide, just a gentle nudging back on track. “Maybe he would like to take some for his journey home?”
“What I expected to find her was not what I found, not in the least.” King Mitra took a berry, humouring her. “Here we’ve found a happy couple, a happy kingdom, and a court that is stable despite its recent upheaval.”
“Well, Prince Kari did call it a love match.” Queen Khipa laughed lightly. “He spent a few happy weeks at our court regaling us of your tale, how you were to visit us as he came to lend support to our war in the north but you two fell in love when he stopped for supplies. To see it for ourselves, well it is reassuring.”
“And how is the war in the north?” Tom spoke before she could accuse the queen of lying, Kari would never say such things.
“Rather slow, Kari was urgently recalled.” Mitra replied. “We’re doing our best, but they’ve breached our borders twice.”
“Well, allow me safe passage and I’ll conquer them once more. Took me mere weeks last time.” Tom offered her a red berry, holding it to her lips with a smile. “I can be quite single-minded when I have a goal, nothing gets in my way.”
A voice whispered against the breeze, since the coronation two days ago Arista had hardly left her and it was comforting. To feel so alone, so frightened, and now to have someone every step of the way. Someone who knew all the things a woman should know, every single time they crested a prickly conversation she knew exactly what to say to smooth it over. All she needed to do was say her prayers, in the morning, at noon, and before bed.
“You wouldn’t leave me, would you?” She pulled her brows together, just as Arista instructed. “It’s so soon.”
“Not yet.” Only because he wanted an heir, something she was glad had not yet happened. “Nik will lead on my behalf, Abraxas will stay.”
Of course Abraxas would stay, she’d recently learnt that Tom didn’t trust Abraxas as much as the others yet still kept him close. Abraxas was of the old lords, technically he could make a gamble for the throne if Kari backed him. But Abraxas wouldn’t, because he loved Narin and in order to take the throne he would need a royal wife. That royal wife would be her, but Arista had sworn that would never happen.
“A few weeks?” Mitra nodded.
“If it takes me less than three, I’ll let Alina have her pick from the royal treasure.” Tom was too cocky by far, but she also knew for a fact they had many sapphires in the north.
“You’ll do it in three weeks, I’m sure.” And in one month she’d have a beautiful set of rubies. “May I have permission to leave, I’ll be late for my prayers?”
“You may.” Tom kissed her knuckles, motioning for a guard to escort her.
They might believe her to be a pious woman, she liked to think she was, but truthfully she’d found a direct link to getting exactly what she wanted. It made sense, Kari had spoke of the mortuary temples for their siblings he’d visited, she prayed to the moon goddess who had visited her once before, but sometimes she prayed to Arista to stop the threatening whispers that sometimes entered her mind. Whispers that Arista wasn’t sure where they’d come from. Of course she valued Arista’s advice and guardianship, but it was always Mama Moon who made her feel safe.
“Alina, the priest has come to visit.” Thalia pulled her from her contemplation, but not before the vision of a ship flashed before her eyes. She was very tired, exhausted really, but the more of the night she spent in the Generals arms the kinder he became.
“Call for refreshments.” The High Priest was the man who held the General’s highest esteem, if she was liked by him then it helped form the wall of safety around her. Safety from the General, the people, and any dissenters. “Let him in whilst I finish praying.”
Her alter was placed perfectly to catch the late afternoon sun, the rays would shine against her diadem and envelope her in a sacred light, her hair was half-veiled in the lightest of silks and her head bowed in the picture of a pious queen. When he returned to the temple after seeing this scene there was no doubt he would extoll her virtues to all that would listen, the people would love her more, the other priests would support her, her own claim to the throne would be strengthened. Perhaps one day she wouldn’t be at the mercy of men, perhaps one day she would sail home, or perhaps she would gather the courage to ask Kari why. Or perhaps she’d just live a quiet life in safety, that seemed more likely.
The priest had been waiting for quite some time, longer than she’d intended, long enough for a fatherly hand to be placed on her shoulder. Perhaps for all her grand plans, all the whispers she shared with Thalia, she was simply afraid.
“You seem much taken with prayer this afternoon?” The priest offered his hand, guiding her to the balcony. “I have always been the confidant of the queen, your worries are safe with me.”
“I feel as though I stand on the precipice of something great, that there is a choice in my hands that must be made.” She had the priest’s attention, but she had to play it just right. “I feel, well I don’t really know how to explain it.”
“Do you feel as though something new is coming?” He shot a careful glance to her stomach as Thalia poured the tea. “Something you may wish to see a physician about?”
“I’m not sick.” She almost rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t behave like that before a holy man. “I feel like we all must remember the will of the gods, that we must make an effort to always remember them- all of them. I wish I could call it from the balconies, and sing it through the halls, but that would be improper.”
“Very.” He was scanning her face, in the odd way the General often did. “That is a lovely shrine, have you always prayed to Selene?”
“Mama Moon, is how we called her.” But the name stirred a memory, something just at the edges of her mind. “It was my grandmothers, she was a queen here, then my mothers and my sisters before me. I feel her guiding me, more so than any other.”
“She was once much worshipped here, centuries ago, now it is just a small few who still offer at her alter and I believe we’ve suffered greatly for it.” His eyes held hers, there was a challenge to his tone. “I’ve often believed we should restore her temple, but never was there any gold to do so. Even now, the King must think of feeding the people before the Gods but we must think of their souls and not just their bellies.”
“I have no access to the treasury.” It must look to be perfectly selfless, from the way she softened her shoulders to the slight scrunch of her lips. “Does that mean we cannot rebuild the temple?”
“I’m afraid it does.” He was still studying her.
“But maybe, actually just a moment.” Even the way she rushed from the balcony was believable.
It did hurt to give away something so beautiful, the ruby set that father had given her was possibly one of the most expensive sets she owned and she was rather sentimental over it. But it was just stones and gold, things that she would have plenty of should her plan prevail. Besides people who made sacrifices were remembered, and to be remembered was to live forever.
“I think this may help, it was a gift from my father but if it could help your work then it would be my honour to give it to you.” She let her hands shake, as though she feared the offering was weak.
“I could not-“
“But you must!” She thrust the box into his hands. “Everything is through the will of the gods, you said that at the coronation and you say that at prayers every evening-“
“You’ve come to the temple in the mornings?” Respect was starting to creep into his gaze, she was more than the foolish girl she’d been painted as.
“I watch from the cloister, veiled of course.” She took her seat once more. “I hope you will keep that secret, I would be very upset if I’m no longer able to attend. The Ge-“ She almost slipped, it would have ruined everything. “The King is quite protective, he says I must stay in his sight. Nobody knows, Thalia and I go in disguise.”
“I will keep your secret but I shan’t allow it to go on, the danger of you sneaking beyond the palace walls with no guard is too dangerous for me to overlook.” Of course it was, which was why she’d said it. She’d never have to go, mornings could still be spent luxuriating in the bath as she preferred. “I shall visit you every morning and we will pray together then, the King has repaired the palace temple most beautifully. He would be proud to know how pious a wife he has chosen.”
“I don’t believe he chose me, what man would choose a bride who had wanted to be a priestess?” She was just a bargaining chip, for whatever Kari’s plan was.
“A righteous man who has seen things you and I could never imagine, open your heart to him and you will find him a dedicated servant.” The words prickled along her spine, a recognition she couldn’t place. “He will protect you.”
“From what?” A slight chill shook her words.
“You must eat something, you look thin.” The priest batted away her question. “I must confer with the King about your household, I don’t believe you are being cared for in the way that you must be. These rooms are cold, there’s scarce wood, the servants aren’t near enough and not one woman has called to see to your needs. It simply won’t do.”
“The king is very kind to me.” She could never complain, not about the General.
“But I don’t believe you are being welcomed properly, that must change.” His eyes wandered to the jewels once more. “A queen as gracious as you must be treated with more respect, your trials have not gone unnoticed.”
She turned to speak to Thalia and frigid air stung her cheek, it was raining again and the cold had sept far into his bones. To get out of this forest, to deliver the message to the prince he’d sworn loyalty to all those years ago, to relay the message from the gods and finish their quest for glory, it was all a simple enough task but for months he’d wandered aimlessly only guided by a few soft words from the goddess that could free them all. Seasons had changed, the leaves on the trees had turned amber and were slowly fluttering to the ground, the end was near.
A sharp pain rang across the back of her skull as she stared at the strange man leaning over her, he was speaking a language she didn’t know, shouting at her, she was on the floor somehow. The cold sept along her spine but the room was odd, never in her life had she been a place as cold as this, never had she seen décor as odd as this, people were wearing bulky clothes, the torches were already burning but it didn’t seem so late. The man lunged for her, trying to pin her down as she tried to crawl for freedom, he was shouting strange, strangled words, his hand grabbed her ankle, this is how it always happened. The world went black, empty, there was nothing above and nothing below. She searched for anything, any inkling of life, her legs ached as she ran, her lungs screamed as the air vanished, there was nothing here.
“Alina, stay calm my darling.” It was a voice that soothed her fear, it was the goddess she knew would save her. “Remember what I told you, stay in the light.”
“I have-“
“Stay in the light, keep your prayers towards me. Only me. Only I can save you my little one.” A cold hand cupped her cheek, it was the motherly gesture she never knew. “He will keep you safe, I know that.”
“He hurt me, and you never helped me.” Only Arista had helped. “You said if I followed you, prayed to you, obeyed you in the way that I have been taught, then I would be safe. But I’m not safe.”
“You could be so powerful if you could make him love you.” It was getting darker, the air colder. “Stay in the light my dear, show him how precious you are.” The words were getting fainter. “Make him need you, he fails if you do.”
Quiet prayers trickled into her ears, a warm hand was holding hers, wherever she was seemed to be far busier than where she had been. It was that awful language again, Calchosi, the one she was doomed to spend the rest of her life hearing. The incense here was too sharp, just a touch too much bergamot, it wasn’t calm like wherever she had been. It was too bright to be her room, as her eyes fluttered open the palace temple swam into view. It was smaller than the temple in the city but far richer with gold coating almost every surface, she was laying on something hard under the open roof and it was freezing.
“Thalia, I’m cold.” Her joints screamed as she tried to sit.
“Oh Alina, thank the gods you’re alive.” Thalia wept, clutching her hand even tighter. “You were-“
“I’m cold, p-please.” Shivers warped her words. “Thalia, please, please-“
“You were poisoned, I think.” Thalia rushed to unbutton her cloak, only to be pushed aside by the General.
“Are you hurt?” He used his own cloak to cover her, it smelt faintly of the last embers of a fire. “Tell me if you are hurt?”
“I feel so cold.” A coldness she’d never felt before. “Why am I here?”
“You’ll stay here for a little while, in a room in the inner sanctuary.” He motioned to a corridor lit with torches and lined with guards. “Just until you are well.”
“And you?” It seemed exile was upon her, a mere five months into an unhappy marriage.
“I’ll be outside the door, standing guard.” His jaw tensed, every bit the soldier. “I’ll carry you.”
The room was beautiful, everything inside was a different rosy hue like the shells she so happily collected and the candles in the room were never allowed to burn out even as she slept. From the window she could see the ocean, hear the calming waves crash against the shore, from the bed she could hear the prayers from the main chamber of the temple and the harsh footfall of the soldiers by the door. If she had the energy she’d study the reliefs on the wall, but all she could do was allow the comforting arms of sleep to embrace her.
***
The women who had once shunned her now came daily to offer her small gifts and titbits of gossip, led by Narin they sat beside her bed and sewed until the priest would come in to lead them in prayers or the General would come to take his meals. No one really spoke of what happened, but the way people looked at her was as if something miraculous had happened.
“Are you feeling stronger, we could walk in the courtyard if you’d like?” Thalia was sitting beside her on the bed, even if the women were now kind she only confided in Thalia. “Just a short walk, I think you should try.”
“The emissary is coming soon, he may have news of home.” Walking was far too much effort.
“He came and you were asleep, get up lazy.” Thalia giggled, ignoring the looks from the women who deemed her not of their station.
“Bring my shawl, the pretty one you made with the belt.” As she pulled herself from the bed the women swarmed forward, it was quite alarming really.
“Take my arm, let me help you.” Narin shooed the other women away. “What do you need?”
“I just want to walk.” Despite the spiteful urge to send the women away it was abundantly clear she needed them, the place of a queen depended on two things: the king and her ladies. Tom could keep her safe from most things, but they would keep her safe from him. Probably.
“Helen, Aura, prepare the room for the queens return. Gisella fetch the physician, the – Thalia and I will walk with the queen.” Narin offered Thalia a cool smile.
The courtyard was filled with flaming torches and cultivated flowerbeds, she’d seen it a few times when she’d stolen a glance through the closing door, but this would be her first steps beyond the chamber’s doors since her arrival and it had been perfectly timed with Tom’s absence. He wouldn’t let her out, he only ever wanted her to rest, and it was suffocating. Then there were the women, they piled on to his beliefs that she was soon to be captured by deaths net and forced her to live the life of an invalid with her every need catered to.
“It’s been nearly two weeks and the war’s still in full force, I think the King had hoped to retake the lands in the north by the next full moon.” Narin held fast to her arm, guiding her around the lily covered fountain. “A lot of us hope that.”
“I don’t know what’s happening over there.” As queen she didn’t need to know.
“But should we succeed, the soldiers that return will expect a feast.” Narin continued. “Perhaps we would all like to have a feast, a celebration would surely lift the mood.”
“I don’t tend to enjoy celebrations, I recall a lot of harsh words at my coronation.” She held Narin’s eyes. “The General was rather upset.”
“The King.” Thalia softly corrected.
“Where the King’s love goes, ours follows.” There it was, the truth of her position and a light threat bundled into the same soft breath. “He seems to adore you, at the moment.”
It was better not to rise to such a jab, it was all par for the course as the women measured her reach. They needed to know if she was a stable pillar they could flock to, or if her position was something they could strive for. Even as a mistress, if he loved them they would outrank her. He as a soldier, he liked to control things, conquer things, take things, but he also wanted to keep things safe as all soldiers do. Special things were kept safe, useful things, so that is what she would need to be.
“Shall we pray?” Prayer was held in silence, which meant no need to listen to Narin.
For some time she had been unable to speak to Arista, all her prayers and whispered questions had been ignored since she had met with the priest. Even now as she begged Arista for insight, for some of the useful tricks that’d had the General touching her with a gentler hand than he’d used to, she heard nothing back. So she turned her prayers back to the goddess who was always to look over her, the ones her sisters had taught her to pray to, the one who’d visited her then left her to the winds. By Narin’s sudden attention it was clear he was approaching again, and that he was angry but he was always angry.
“Why are you not in bed?” He never opened with a polite greeting, it was always why she was doing something she shouldn’t. Which was everything apparently.
“I wanted to walk, I won’t do it again.” If Arista would come to her, then she would be gifted the right things to say. But all she could say were her own words, and they were mangled by her inability to master his language.
“Come inside, a storm is coming.” He offered his arm, issuing orders over his shoulder to Thalia. If anything, he looked furious. “Narin, if I ever find my wife outside without a fur cloak I will flog you.”
The room she was relegated to had been cleaned, the fires stoked, and dinner was waiting for their return. It looked prettier than usual with a gentle light emanating from the soft candles dotted about the room, there was even a vase filled with flowers sitting on a small table beside the chair. The ladies of the court were sat quietly on the cushions before the roaring fire, they had rooted through her embroidery basket and were now whispering how beautiful her stiches were as they clipped any stray thread. They always performed for him.
“Find out what’s happened.” She whispered as Thalia took her shawl, the several jugs of wine could never be a good sign.
“Alina, sit down.” A barked order, another ominous sign.
Power, that’s what the goddess had urged her to. Perhaps she had taken too much and given to little, if the goddess wanted her to have power then she must try harder. But power was a harder gift to give, Arista had only ever wanted prayers.
“Would you not like for me to move back to our rooms now?” Despite his sullen mood he’d taken the care to serve her broth, every meal of hers always had to start with an awfully plain broth. “I think you miss me, is that why you’re sad?”
“Sorry?” His jaw tensed, another bad omen.
“Nothing.” Never in her life would she dare flirt with him, it was clearly not the right thing to do.
“Leave us.” His tone had the women racing from the room, it was just the two of them and the heat of a dozen candles. “Alina, repeat it.”
“I said that you might miss me, because I miss you.” She was a princess, a queen, she wouldn’t be cowed. She was a great liar, always had been. “We used to walk in the gardens and you’d feed me berries, it wasn’t so long ago that you smiled and said I was your favourite flower. Now, I think you have other flowers.”
“Is that what you think?” He glanced towards the window, the shutters were shaking softly from the arriving storm. “Tell me what you speak to your emissary of.”
That was a faux pas, it was a well-known fact that any married-out princess should have the full confidentiality of her emissary. The emissary was there to intervene on behalf of her father or brother, he could order things her own guard couldn’t, he could even overrule the General. It was an opportunity she’d been too stupid to take advantage of.
“Today I fell asleep again so I didn’t speak to him, but sometimes we talk of home and how I miss it and others he reads to me updates from the audience chamber.” Gods this broth was bland, it was tepid water with the tiniest sprinkling of aniseed. “When he comes tomorrow, he will write a letter for me so I can speak to my father. If he is not busy.”
“He will write a letter that you cannot read, do you think that wise?” He had a whole plate of roasted meats, the smell was divine. “I’ll write it for you, we’ll send it tonight.”
It wasn’t a selfless act as she wouldn’t be able to read that letter either, and it would be in Calchosi which was a political message in itself. But if she refused, she would fall into his suspicions once more.
“I hope that you will help me think of all the good news to tell him, then he will know I am happy here.” The soup was vile, she couldn’t bear another spoonful. “I think we shouldn’t mention the horses you gave me, he will be angry that I leave the palace.”
“Are you happy here?” His features softened, like this he was strikingly handsome. Like a nervous boy bringing trinkets to a girl that he thought was pretty, like many of the lords’ sons had done in her old life.
“You are kind to me.” In some ways he was very kind.
“You aren’t hungry tonight?” He glanced at her bowl, but there was the hint of a smile at his lips.
“Not really.” To ask for something would upset him, it always did. “Today the priest joined me for prayers and we laid an offering for the safety of this land, I hope the goddess will listen. Sometimes I wonder, I worry that things might not always be safe.”
“Why do you think that?” He reached for her hand, his was always so warm. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”
“I have bad dreams sometimes, that’s all.” If she told the truth he’d call her mad, like Kari did. “Shall I pour you more wine?”
“Dreams are never just dreams, next time tell me.” His other hand moved to his side, where she knew his scar lay. “Go and fetch some paper, I’ll write the letter.”
There was a writing box in the antechamber, he’d placed it there as some sort of test she was sure, so she quietly slipped from the room and allowed the door to close over behind her. Thalia was waiting in the antechamber with a grave expression, her usually rosy cheeks had paled under the weight of whatever had happened.
“Tomorrow they usually start the harvest, today he went to the fields and they were barren. The people whisper that they will revolt, that he has killed descendants of the gods and we will all be punished.” Thalia whispered, handing her the entire writing box. “If they revolt, they will come for all of us. You are the only legitimate blood here.”
“So that’s good-“
“It won’t protect you, Alina they will use you to legitimate the claim of whatever man kills the most. Or worse, there could be much worse.” Thalia opened her mouth to say more, then turned away. “For a woman, status is not as important as it seems.”
“Thalia-“
“It won’t protect you, but he will.” A tear trickled along her cheek, but she said no more.
It would be better to pretend she’d never heard it, else he would know she was poking around behind his back, so instead she would return to him with the box and a shy smile and carry on this folly until his mood lifted. He could be a great leader if he would simply allow the people to see him, he was respected by his soldiers, the foreign dignitaries had greeted him with respect, he had ideas so incredible that Kari believed him capable, but he feared the repercussions of his actions and it weakened him. But he wasn’t weak, not in the slightest.
“What else would you like to say?” Together they had composed a letter that served both their causes.
“Just write that I love him and miss him dearly.” Her throat thickened, father had not been well when she had last seen him.
He studied her for a moment, always looking for signs of deceit, but when a tear gathered at her lashes he pulled another scrap of paper from the pile and began to write. She may never see her father again, she may never see Kari again, she would spend her life wishing she’d said that she loved him one more time before setting off on this foolish adventure.
“Write this at the bottom, it’s your words exactly as you spoke them. You said you can write your name?” It was kindness, politically motivated of course but still kind. “I’ll the priest to begin lessons, you’re halfway there love.”
“It doesn’t look as nice as yours.” Her writing was shaky, clearly someone who hadn’t learnt their letters properly, his was beautiful. “Wait!” She held tight to the parchment, carefully writing another message. It was supposed to say that she loved them but in her own language, but she could only hope the words were simply written how they sounded. “You will send it?”
“I said I would, so I will.” He scrawled something else before pulling off his ring.
She had seen seals many times but never seen one stamped, his symbol was a snake twined around a skull and according to Thalia some mocked him for it. But a snake was wisdom, eternity, power, and a skull was a reminder of mortality, it was a symbol of a conqueror. His hand grabbing hers shocked her from her thoughts, she’d been staring at the ring and he was now staring at her gold rings. They were all pretty rings, expensive of course, but they had no seal and no crest. Despite being a princess she simply wasn’t important enough, none of her sisters had ever had one.
“My ring is far too big for your finger.” He slipped the ring over both her finger and the ruby ring it bore. “Your hands would be weighed down under such a burden. But why would you wear it anyway? The skull is a symbol every slave is forced to wear, to remind us our lives are at the mercy of our masters. I know they mock me for it, but I don’t care.”
“I could wear it on a necklace, I think it’s too big for even my thumb.” If they could get back to joking, to nicer thoughts, then it wouldn’t be so worrying.
“You know you’re married to a slave, to a man who killed your family?” There was a sharp crack as he placed the ring on the table.
“Yes, but you are a king.” So no longer a slave. “You were chosen by the gods to do great things-“
“Of which I’ve done none.” He struck the table, the broth splashed over the side of the bowl.
“This is a temple, control your anger.” If she kept cowering things would never change, and this was a sacred place. “If you want to do it, then do it. Pray about it, set down an offering, do what needs to be done and I will stand beside you as your wife. But please, do something.”
“The crops didn’t take.” He dropped his head to his hands, the burden of the world seemed to sit on his shoulders. “They’ll kill me, they’ll rape you and sell you as a slave. Or back to your brother, if you’re lucky. They hated the old king but they hate me more, they’ll probably stone me tomorrow when I visit the fields tomorrow.”
“Ask them to miss your face, I like it.” She placed her hand on his arm, comforting him the way she comforted Kari when he was whining. Not too much, else he’d get angry. “Tomorrow the fields will be full and you’ll have something to celebrate, maybe they’ll be news from the north.”
“Do you honestly believe that?” His voice was muffled by his arm, it was completely dramatic.
“Yes.” She had no other choice.