the diary

This year had changed many things, but most of all for Regulus it had changed his perspective. Regulus would have never thought that he could possibly be friends with his brother's friends. But events took place and somewhere along the way he was disowned and abandoned, readily picked up by the potters. 

Then there was that problem, he now lived with the boy he was stupidly pinning for. But Regulus could ignore it, he’d learnt how to his entire life, he’d learnt to mask it to tuck it away into a corner of his brain where it would never see the light of day again. Ignoring it would have been easier if James Potter wasn’t a twat.

Regulus could not have foreseen that his rekindlement with his brother would mean that he too would have to socialize with his brother's friends. Remus wasn’t too bad, Regulus even could say he liked him, he was quiet and always had that wise look on his face. He could see why Sirius liked him. Peter was decent, they barely socialized but he couldn’t fault the boy for that. But potter, oh potter was a different breed of obnoxious, potter would do anything for a laugh. 

Of course he still had his own friends but he more often than not found himself laying out by the black lake surrounded by the quadrant. Just as he was now, he had been foolish, normally James and Sirius would get into some conversation which would lead them into a rather animated state, where they would wave hands and converse loudly, case and point is they would be too enthralled by each other to care about his presence. So he assumed that bringing his diary to draw or write for a bit would have been a safe decision. He assumed wrong.

He sat leaning against a large oak tree Remus nearby him as the boy read, Peter Sirius and James all were a few feet away from them, Peter describing something, Sirius bent double with laughter and James- James was walking his way.

“Do you lot ever get tired from reading?” The gryffindor asked

“I don’t know James why don’t you check your magical history grade and get back to me” Remus quipped back quickly

“You alright baby black?” James asked, regulus hated that name, but if he was being honest James could call him anything and he’d still think the world of him. 

“Get lost potter” he answered, it was light hearted, funny even, in rich contrast to how he spoke to James last year. When all James was to him last year was the boy who stole his brother, Regulus was all mean comebacks and passive aggressive remarks, but now it was all different, now it was light hearted and James curled his mouth into a smirk.

“What’s that then” James asked, he was towering over Regulus now looking straight down at him as he shrunk back into the tree a bit, gripping his diary but clearly not tight enough. He had only been writing down what he thought, he did that sometimes- he thought of it as an outlet, “don’t speak it, write it.” He had once said to Remus, who had nodded agreeingly. 

James looked down at him for a while waiting for him to answer when he didn't. He did just what Regulus had expected the obnoxious twat to do, he snatched it, right out of his hands. Regulus shot up to his feet as potter backed away, albeit slowly, but the twat had a few good inches on regulus and regulus was not going to make a fool of himself by jumping up to try to reach the book that was now hanging in James’ hand which was outstretched above his head. 

“James, give it back!” Regulus knew he must look mortified, and James must have recognized genuine fear on his face because James potter was many things but cruel was not one of them, so he smirked ruffled regulus’ hair with his free hand and outstretched the diary back to its rightful owner. 

“Calm yourself Reggie I’m just playing” James said, and with that he turned around and went back to join Sirius and Peter who were still laughing about something unknown to regulus

Regulus stood glued to the floor and watched James go, he heard Remus’ voice 

“Well…you know I could cut the sexual tension with a knife” the sandy haired boy said, that made regulus whip his head around 

“Oh shut up” 

of course Remus of all people could tell, Remus had made a lucky guess a few months ago when he visited James’ house in the summer to see Sirius, he asked and regulus had never told anyone, and Remus was the only gay guy he knew aside from his brother (and he would rather die than tell Sirius) so he kinda…very quickly… blabbed all about his massive crush on the boy to Remus with a small to zero filter. Remus just nodded and said “I had thought so”. 

“There is no sexual tension, there is no tension, there is nothing” regulus said always one to be pessimistic 

“You’d be surprised reg, maybe his feelings toward you would-  Remus started

“Don’t go there, I am not telling him” Regulus quickly shut him down, Remus left it alone.

——

Regulus had never thought that James would remember the incident, he never thought that he would have remembered the book or what it looked like. But of course James had, and this time Regulus wasn’t paying attention.

Midterm exams quickly approached and so the marauders and co found themselves in search of areas to revise in, the gryffindor common room had been too noisy, the library was packed, regulus quickly denied the idea of his own dorm or common room purely out of personal want to not be hexed by any Slytherins. So the lot settled on the marauders dorm. 

The girls had passed by earlier on in the day, they had stayed for a bit but after Lily deemed that Marlene was not revising well enough in the presence of others so they quickly packed up and left to their own dorm room. So that left the five of them.

He sat on the floor with James on his right and Remus on his left, he had been too focused on rewriting a potions concept to notice James who had clearly mistaken one of his books for Regulus’ precious diary and picked it up, flicking to the latest page.

“This yours?”he asked, James knew full well whose it was, Regulus had incredibly neat handwriting neater than Sirius’ it was hard not to recognize. The older boy wore a cocky expression as he flicked through the pages, Remus and Regulus both looked up from their work, Peter and Sirius long asleep scattered around the dorm room. 

Of all the things James could have done, the bastard started reading. Reading aloud

“I wish you held me through the night” james started his voice transforming into something teasing 

Regulus wanted to crawl into a hole and die, he tried to grab the book out of the boy's hand but years of playing sports gave James a clear advantage over Regulus, so all he had left to do was beg.

“James DON’T” Regulus’ eyes pleaded, Potter didn't acknowledge him, far too amused to care. 

“Put your lips all over mine” James continued, his voice still too cocky, Sirius who obviously heard the commotion began to stir and peaked an eye open, gathering what was going on the boy quickly smiled. James and Sirius usually fueled each other's bad ideas; this was no different. 

“Give it back, James!” Regulus continued they were now standing James moving away from regulus as he tried to wrestle the book out of his hands, but it was no use. 

Remus wore a disapproving look on his face which contrasted highly to his boyfriend who looked far to amused

“James” Remus spoke, his tone a clear warning, but Potter only smirked his way and continued 

“Could you be my first time” James read more, regulus was defeated

“Eat me up like apple pie” from that line James looked down at him with a slightly questioning look, Regulus just shoved at his chest again trying to get the book which the boy was holding above Regulus’ reach.

“Make me not want to die” “love me rough and…” and Regulus realized he must have reached it, he must have understood, something must have clicked in James’ brain because as he cut himself off, he had cut himself off and proceeded to read in silence with a look of pure guilt on his face.

“Are you happy now?” Regulus asked, James handed back the book finally looking into Regulus’ eyes. Regulus black never cried in front of anyone, he hasn't since he was a child, he had been trained out of it, it had been beaten out of him first and they salted his wounds with snarky remarks and unnecessary comments after. He didn't cry, but for some reason he felt stinging in his eyes and the world around him blurred slightly. 

“Nice one James” Remus muttered sarcastically, Sirius looked perplexed from his place on the bed. The tension in the room was thick, James looked awfully sheepish and apologetic, he opened his mouth to say something but Regulus didn't want to hear it. The boy may have taken him in to live with him but he did a good deal at embarrassing him, at humiliating him. And the worst part is, now James knew, he knew about the pinning and the thoughts which Regulus had, James knew and Regulus didn't want him to say anything. 

So he pushed him, he shoved him rather childishly, albeit James did not move very far but it had its effect and shut him up. Regulus didn't want to hear anything from anyone anymore, he wanted to leave.

So he walked straight out the door slamming it, diary clutched in his hand.