Ready to Go (Get Me Out of My Mind)
James POV
The St. Mungo´s Hospital was completely quiet. So quiet he could hear his own heart. He didn´t like the quietness. It left him alone with his thoughts. He has never liked it. And it was the first time since Harry was born. Caring for an infant was hard and every free minute he had left, he used to sleep or to get some alone time with Lily.
The thought of his wife brought that rock pin his stomach back. She was dead. Her body lying in the basement of the hospital. They didn´t need to do an autopsy, it was obvious that she was killed by the Avada Kedavra Spell, but they still needed a place where they could put the bodies.
James was in an empty room, laying on a hospital bed. Harry was in a baby seat on the other side of the bed, sleeping like a rock. After Sirius had found him crying on the floor, separated him from Lily and calmed down Harry, he somehow got them here. James didn´t know exactly how, everything was a blur.
He ran his hand through his hair. James was tired, but he couldn´t even think about sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Lily lying in the floor. The Image would haunt him forever.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. For a second James just considered not answering, he wasn´t ready to talk to anyone right now, but than a too familiar voice followed.
“James, it´s me Remus. I have Sirius with me. Can we come in?” It was weird to hear his best friend using his real name and not his nickname. He didn´t do that often.
“Yeah, come in” James’s voice was just a croak, probably due to the fact he hadn´t drank anything since dinner and his throat was very sore. But he couldn’t bring himself to stand up and get a glass of water. It was just too much. Even now just sitting up to greet his friends took all his energy.
The door was opened, and Remus and Sirius entered. Both had worried looks on their face and puffy eyes. Sirius was carrying a familiar backpack. It was the one they carried the necessities for Harry in when they went out. For a few seconds they just looked at each other. None of them really knew what to say. It was awkward. For the first time it was awkward between the three best friends. Of course, there had been silence before, but it had never been awkward.
“Hi guys” James said, just to break the silence. Not hesitating anymore Remus walked up to James and pulled him into a hug. The werewolf smelled like coffee and cigarettes. Even though James normally hated this smell, the familiar scent of his best friend now was very comforting.
“I´m so sorry James. No one could have expected this. I can´t even imagine your pain right now” Remus said while wrapping his arms tighter around James, who appreciated the comforting words but just couldn't answer. What was he supposed to say? A simple thank you? No, that wasn't enough. So, after Remus let go of him James nodded, to show him his appreciation. Sirius had also come closer to the bed. He still seemed shocked. Reasonable. He was the one who had found James, crying on the floor, his arms wrapped around the body of his dead wife. And not just them. Also seeing Peter lying unconscious on the stairs must have not been easy for him. Moreover James had said some pretty hurtful things to him, when he tried to separate him from Lily, so he probably didn't know how to approach him.
“James, mate, listen I´m sorry-“Sirius began an apology, but James stopped him by finally getting up from the bed and pulling Sirius into a hug. He didn't know where he got the energy from, maybe from the fact he just couldn't let Sirius apologize for getting him outside of the house. In retro perspective and James now having a clearer head, knew it was the right thing to do.
“Don´t apologize. You did the right thing. I´m sorry” James said, straining his voice. It was now even raspier than earlier. He really needed to drink something. Sirius was a little tense at first when James hugged him, but he relaxed as soon as James talked to him. Sirius wrapped his arms around James as well.
After a minute or so, they let go of each other and James said down again. Remus brought him a glass of water and he gulped it down in one sip.
“Thanks” he said and put the glass on the side table next to the bed. His throat felt better already. Sirius had gotten some chairs from the other side of the room, and they sat in front of James. None of them really knew what to say. Was there even something to say? At least it wasn´t awkward anymore.
“Uhm, we brought some stuff for Harry. Diapers and all those things. And your wand” Sirius said and dropped the bag in front of him on the floor. Remus reached into his pocket and got out James’s wand. He thanked them and placed it in his pocket. Then they went back to silence.
Suddenly a cry filled the room. James turned around to see Harry awake. And crying. Remus seemed to want to get up, but James put his Hand up to tell him, that he should stay on his chair. “I will get him” he mumbled and got up. His legs felt like jelly, but he didn't care. He needed to be strong for his son. He took Harry out of his baby seat and held him close to his chest. James started walking around the room, knowing that’s what would calm down his son. He bobbed him up and down while doing so.
“Is that a cut on his forehead?” Remus asked and James nodded.
“Yeah, he had when I found him. The doctors said, it´s not too deep. It will probably leave a scar, but nothing serious” He answered while still walking around. Harry just wouldn´t stop crying. Maybe he needed his diaper changed. James smelled and yes definitely. “You guys I´m sorry, but I´m sure Harry needs his diaper changed. I will just go to the bathroom. I will be back in a few minutes.”
James grabbed the bag Sirius brought with him and left the room still bobbing his son up and down. The bathroom was just down the hallway. Without really looking around he walked there. His feet just carrying him without having to think about the way.
The restroom was empty. Thank Merlin. After he set everything up at the diaper change station, which was located next to the sinks, he started changing Harrys Diaper, who thankfully stopped crying. He started to talk to his son.
“I do not know if you will remember this, hopefully you don´t, but just so you know, we will get through this. Together. You and me. Life will never be the same without Mummy, but we will make it. And it´s not like we will be alone. We have your uncles and aunts. And plenty of other people. My old headmaster Dumbledore for example. I know he will support us…”
A bump, followed by a cracking sound and many swear words in a voice interrupted James’s speech. What the hell? The voice was familiar, but he couldn´t place where he had heart it before.
“Hello, is someone there?” James called out. No answer. He peeked around the corner, where the toilets were. No one was to be seen. But he could swear he heard someone whisper a spell, but it was too quiet to hear which one.
James put up Harrys Pants and picked him up to hold him close to his chest again. He wanted to investigate the noise. It could be a Death Eater who wants revenge for Voldemort, he thought. Maybe he was a little paranoid, but could you blame him? Before he walked to the stalls he got his wand from his pocket, just in case.
“Is anyone there?” James asked again, but still no answer. He walked next to the stalls to see if he could see anyone standing in there. And in the last cabin he could see feet. So, someone was here. “I can see you standing in the last cabin. Just come out of there and not make it more awkward for the both of us” The person sighed and James could hear them opening the door. Before they could step out James raised his wand, so he was prepared.
But who stepped out of the cabin was worse than any death eater.
“Reggie?”