just an idea you liked

Regulus had a crush on Lily Evans. He accepted this as an undeniable fact. He had gone through this once, denying a crush only for it to grow and entrap him in its snare. So, yes, he admitted it, but he didn't like it. He couldn't let himself fall for someone again. Especially not Lily. And maybe he didn't even like her. Maybe he was sad about James, and Lily was nice to him, and he just thinks he likes her.

No, he definitely liked her. They had almost kissed, and Regulus almost wished they had. But he pulled away. He ran off like an idiot. She probably thinks he hates her.

Regulus was planning on keeping this to himself, but for some reason, his friends always dragged themselves into his business.

“So,” Barty said, lying back on the grass with his arms beneath his head. He kicked his feet up in Regulus’s lap. “I'm bored. Who's got something interesting to tell me?”

“We're with you all the time,” Evan said. “You would know if something interesting happened.”

Barty shot him a sideways glance. “Dorcas? Have you finally gotten it together and asked McKinnon out?”

Dorcas smiled at the ground, tugging at blades of grass. “I may have asked her to come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend.”

“And?”

“And she may have said yes.”

There was a chorus of ‘oohs’ and ‘finally’ from the group. Even Regulus was happy for her. But he was more focused on his own romantic troubles.

He liked Lily, and he liked James, who also liked Lily and him. Only James was his ex, and that wasn't happening. And even if it did, that would leave Lily out for both of them. And Lily liked both of them too. He assumed Lily liked him because why else would she have tried to kiss him?

“You alright, Reg?” Pandora interrupted his thoughts. “I can see the wheels turning. What's on your mind?”

“Ooh, tell me.” Barty shot up, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing at all?” Barty persisted.

Pandora gave him one of her looks. The kind of ‘I know you're keeping something, and you can't hide from me’ look.

Regulus could tell his friends. He'd already been through the embarrassment of the entire James situation. He couldn't do much worse than that.

“I like someone.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He was bombarded with questions of who, when, are they cute.

“Good for you, mate,” Barty cheered. “Finally over that clown.”

“Not exactly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dorcas gave Regulus a suspicious look, almost like she knew. But that was impossible. She couldn't know.

“You're not over him,” Pandora said.

“Yes, but I think I like someone else, too.” Saying it out loud didn't make it make any more sense.

“I'm sure that's normal when you're getting over someone,” Pandora said. “I think this is good.”

“Definitely good,” Evan agreed. “Who is it?”

“Um.”

“Regulus?”

“It's a girl,” he said. Not a great answer, but it was true.

“I thought you were gay?” Barty said.

Pandora kicked him in the calf. “That's not important.” She turned back to Regulus, her face warm and inviting. “Who is she?”

“A Gryffindor.” Another thing to get out of the way.

“Again,” Evan groaned.

“Nothing wrong with Gryffindors,” Dorcas said.

“You can tell us,” Pandora insisted. “We won't judge.”

“Yeah,” Barty added. “It can't be worse than your last one.”

Maybe not worse, but just as difficult.

Regulus let out a long sigh. He weighed his options. He could tell them. Or he could just run away. But they'd probably follow him and then force him to tell them anyway.

“It's Lily Evans,” he admitted.

“Who?” Barty asked. Evan looked equally as confused.

“Lily?” Dorcas said for him. “She’s friends with Marlene. Red hair, really smart?”

That seemed to do it for the boys, who nodded their heads in realization.

“Isn't she,” Pandora didn't finish that thought. Regulus knew what she meant. Isn't she the girl your boyfriend left you for?

“We've been spending time together,” he revealed.

“Isn't she friends with James?” Evan asked.

“That doesn't matter,” Pandora said. “Marlene is friends with James, and she's cool.”

“It's not like we're dating,” Regulus pointed out. “And we're never going to, so it does not matter.”

“You should ask her out,” Barty suggested, obviously ignoring what Regulus had just said.

“Barty, Regulus is conflicted.” Pandora shook her head at Barty and put a hand on Reg’s knee. “You don't know if you should pursue her because you still have feelings for James?”

Regulus nodded.

“Do you think Lily has feelings for you?”

“We almost kissed.”

Barty, Evan, and Dorcas got excited at that. Pandora did, too, but she hid it better than they did.

“She almost kissed you?”

“Yes, but,” he didn't finish. He didn't want to tell that embarrassing tale.

“But what?”

“I might've run away.”

“Aw, mate,” Barty groaned. “You really need to work on your romancing skills.”

“I am not trying to romance her,” Regulus snapped.

“Alright, alright.” Barty waved his hands at Regulus. “But if you do, I'm here to offer tips.”

“I will not be taking advice from you,” Regulus said, sending the group into a fit of laughter.

Regulus hadn't figured anything out, but at least he had his friends’ support. He just hoped they wouldn't try to meddle.

~~~

“Wait, backtrack,” Marlene said, twirling her finger around in the air. “Regulus likes Lily?”

“Yes,” Dorcas confirmed. She wouldn't usually go around sharing her friends’ secrets, but she thought Marlene could help them sort this out. Or at least give some insight into how Lily feels.

“That's excellent!” Marlene exclaimed, smacking her hand against the table. “Lily was telling me just the other day she likes Regulus, too.”

“Perfect.” This had gone exactly how Dorcas had hoped. “You can tell her Regulus feels the same. But do me a favor, you didn't hear this from me, yeah?”

“Of course not,” Marlene said with a wink.

Dorcas knew Regulus wouldn't be thrilled at the thought of her meddling in his love life, but she just wanted to help. And all she was doing was giving him a little push in the right direction. Surely he wouldn't be upset about that. Even if he wasn't aware she was doing so.

“But what about James?” Marlene asked suddenly.

“What about him?”

“He still has feelings for Regulus,” she revealed. “He didn't say so, but I know he does.”

“Well,” Dorcas replied curtly. “He should have considered that earlier.”

Marlene absentmindedly scratched at the wooden table, staying silent for a beat.

“He's an idiot, I know,” she finally said. “But he's a good person. He really is.”

Dorcas sighed. Marlene and James were close friends, but James had hurt someone Dorcas cared about. She didn't want to speak badly about him in front of Marlene, but she didn't take that lightly.

“I'm sure he is, Marls,” she said. “And he can be a good person for someone else. Regulus is perfectly fine without him.”

Marlene nodded, looking down. She stretched out her hands in front of her

“Yeah,” she sighed.

~~~

James feels like shit. And he can imagine Regulus feels worse. Lily, too. She hadn't been as friendly with him lately, avoiding him most of the time again. He didn't know what she knew, but he was sure she had good reason to be upset with him. He'd even spotted her talking to Regulus. He wondered what he might've told her. Whatever it was, he probably deserved it.

He knew how stupid he was being. When he broke up with Regulus he knew how stupid he was being. He had thought that the thing between them had been a summer thing, even if not a meaningless one. He thought Regulus had felt that way too, probably more so than James.

They went back to school, and they fell back into their usual routines. Regulus didn't want to hold James's hand in the corridors for everyone to see. At least, that's what James had assumed. He never actually asked.

No, he didn't ask. Because he's an arsehole who assumes things and only thinks about himself. He had assumed his relationship with Reg was a summer thing, a passionate but brief infatuation. Instead of accepting it for the genuine, heart-throbbing devotion it really was. Really is.

But now Regulus wanted nothing to do with him. Understandable. What James really should be doing is apologizing to both Regulus and Lily. He knew he was being selfish, wanting both of them, but his heart was torn. He was being dramatic, but his love for the two of them was dramatic.

Ridiculous is what it was. He shouldn't feel this way. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he be normal? Why did he have to long for two unreachable people?

Regulus was more of an unrealistic choice for him. James had loved him, still does, but he always knew they weren't built to last. Regulus was a wonderful experience, but they both had their own reasons it couldn't last.

Unlike Sirius, Regulus was still loyal to his family, and one day he'd have to marry a suitable partner. James’s family was nothing like theirs, but James had a family name and inheritance of his own. He always knew one day he'd be expected to settle down with a wife and children. And James did want that, but not like this. Not without Regulus. But not without Lily, either.

Maybe he was thinking too far ahead now, imagining his future with two people who wanted nothing to do with him.

James despised himself for creating this whole situation.

“You good, mate?” Remus broke him out of his thoughts

James groans, leaning back against the wall. “Yeah,” he muttered.

“That didn't sound good.” Remus raised a brow at him, his subtle expression asking James if there was anything he wanted to say.

“I'm okay,” James said.

Remus knew him too well for that. Remus wasn't one to pry, but he could read you like a book. If he wanted to know something, he'd get it out of you. And he was nice to talk to. He nodded his head in a gesture asking James to follow him. James followed him outside, walking down the pathway together.

“Remus?” James shouldn't do this. He wasn't even planning what he was going to say. As usual, he just started speaking, with no thought toward where this was going to go.

“Yeah?”

“Do you-” James hesitated, regretting this already. “Do you, um, is it-”

Remus gave him a sympathetic look, probably pitying his poor, foolish friend. Remus didn't speak just waited for James to continue.

“Do you think it's weird to like two people at the same time?”

Remus looked surprised for a moment like that wasn't at all what he had been expecting. Then confusion washed over his face. Finally, he let out a deep breath.

“Yeah, I think so.” Remus looked down at his feet on the pavement, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You just need to figure out which one you like more, yeah?”

“How do you do that?”

“Pros and cons?” Remus suggested. “Weigh your options, you know? Consider the way these people make you feel and why you really like them.”

James hummed thoughtfully. “That makes sense. Thanks, Remus.”

“No problem, mate.”

~~~

James did what Remus suggested. Well, he attempted to. He gathered up all the things he could think of that he liked about Lily and Regulus and tried to compare them.

He thought that maybe he liked Lily more because he liked her first. But then again, if he liked her that much he wouldn't have liked Regulus at all, would he?

Regulus touched his heart in a way no one ever could. The way he made him feel was the kind of story that should be written in permanent ink and told for centuries, yet there were no words to describe it.

The way Lily made him feel could hardly be explained out loud, either. She made him feel fluttery and gooey and all the things a teenage crush would. But more than that, he wanted to get to know her. The more time he spent with her, the more he realized he didn't want to live a life without her playing a starring role.

Was he wrong for feeling this way? He felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. He knew he couldn't date two people at the same time. And if he couldn't choose, then perhaps that meant the answer was none. Maybe the only right thing to do now was to apologize to them and move on. As difficult as that would be.

There was no way he could have everything he wanted. Have your cake and eat it too, and all that. Regulus and Lily were like James’s favorite cake. Chocolate and vanilla marble. He never could pick his favorite flavor, so he went with both swirled together. They both tasted just as good in different ways, just like Lily and Regulus.

James didn't think that was the best analogy he'd ever come up with, but it fit pretty well. He wanted to eat both of them together. Could you do that? Date two people at once?

James was pulled back to reality by the sound of Sirius’s voice as he came trampling into the room.

“Hey, James. What are you doing?” Sirius tilted his head, staring down at his friend, who was sprawled out on the floor.

“Hey, Sirius?” James sat up, ignoring his friend’s question. “Is dating two people at the same time weird?”

“What? I don't know.” Sirius narrowed his eyes suspiciously at James. “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering, I suppose,” James lied.

“I don't know how you could date two people,” Sirius went on. “I'd be too jealous, I think.”

James hadn't considered that. He didn't feel jealous. He thought loving two people at the same time actually sounded really nice. There was even more love to go around. Would Lily and Regulus be jealous of each other? Or could they share James? How would this even work?

“I don't think I'd be jealous,” James said. “Do you think you can love two people in the same way at the same time?”

“I don't know.” Sirius shrugged, stretching his legs out beside James on the floor. “I can't imagine liking someone as much as I like Remus.”

“But what if you did?”

“Then that would be a lot of love,” Sirius said.

“Wouldn't that be nice?” James thought that would be really great.

“I guess it could be for some people.”

“So, do you think it's normal?”

“James, why are you asking me this?”

“No, reason,” James said, convincing no one.

“You're in love with two people? When did that happen?”

“Been happening.” James shrugged.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Sirius cried. He seemed genuinely offended that he hadn't been given this information.

“I just did.” James offered a sheepish smile.

“Who are they?”

“No one,” James said a bit too quickly.

“Is one of them Reg?” Sirius asked softly. James couldn't tell if the question was worried or hopeful.

“Maybe.”

“Who else?”

“Uhh,” James hesitated. “Lily.”

Sirius’s brows shot up on his forehead. His mouth opened, then snapped shut again. He looked like he was carefully processing this information.

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“You're-” James started.

“Yeah, I'm-” Sirius answered, being cut off by James’s nod. Sirius was taking it in. He wasn't freaking out, so that was good.

“If you like Regulus, why did you two break up?” Sirius asked.

“It's complicated,” James sighed.

“What are you going to do?”

“I was hoping you'd have an idea.”

Sirius shook his head, looking a bit scared. “Sorry, mate. You might have to be on your own with this one.”

“Thanks,“ James muttered. Sirius was right, though. This was James’s mess, and he needed to be the one to fix it.

James was relieved Sirius’s reaction hadn't been worse. That would have made this a whole lot harder.

“So, you think it's okay?” James asked. “You don't think I'm being selfish or creepy?”
“No, of course not,” Sirius quickly replied. “I don't particularly understand it, but it's kind of sweet, in a way.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean, loving two people at the same time,” Sirius spoke a bit unsteadily like he was afraid to say the wrong thing. “It makes sense that you would. Your heart is just too full of love for only one partner.”

James smiled at Sirius’s comment. It actually sounded very nice when put like that.

“Thanks, Sirius.”

“Sure.” Sirius gave his arm a squeeze. “Now. How are we planning to fix this?”