loving you was easy
Regulus traced Lily’s face with his finger. He dragged it around her cheeks, her jawline, the bridge of her nose. They were lying on a blanket in the courtyard, Lily’s head on Reg’s lap. The air was slightly chilly, and they were both wrapped up in their cloaks.
Lily laughed softly. “You're tickling me.”
“Sorry.” He drew his hand back.
“It's okay,” she laughed again. She grabbed his hand, bringing it to her lips.
Regulus and Lily certainly were not planning to start dating. But their friends seemed to have other plans for them. They'd been informed of their liking for each other and consequently shoved into an empty classroom together and forced to talk about it. Not the way they would've chosen to go about it, but they'd expect nothing less from their friends. The two of them went to Hogsmeade with Dorcas and Marlene, and since then their friends had officially dubbed them ‘a thing.’
Currently, Marlene, Mary, and Reg’s friends were the only ones who knew. And the only ones they intended to tell. Who else would they tell? Sirius? James? Yeah, right.
Lily smiled sweetly up at Regulus. He kissed her smile, and she raked a hand through his silky curls. It was nice, good even, but it made him think of James. Not in the way that he'd rather have James, but in a different, stranger way. The things Lily made him feel were the same things James made him feel.
Regulus felt a pit in his stomach. And a hole in his chest. They were the same, only in different spots. And one belonged to James, while Lily owned the other.
“What's on your mind?” Lily’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Her spring eyes met his winter ones.
“Nothing,” he replied. She somehow always knew when something was wrong. She always knew what to say. She was just like James, something familiar but different entirely. And equally as perfect.
“I like you very much, Lily,” he said.
“I like you very much as well, Regulus Black.” She puckered her lips at him, and he kissed her.
Unbeknownst to Regulus, Lily was feeling equally as confused. Her mind kept wandering to James while she was literally going out with his ex. She shouldn't even like James as much as she does.
She didn't spend much time with him anymore, but she still spent time around him. She was still friends with Marlene and Remus, thus making James a part of her life. She watched him from afar, and, for some bizarre reason, she grew more curious about what it would be like to date him.
It seemed more probable that she liked the idea of James. Besides, if she really wanted to know what kind of boyfriend James was, she could always ask her own boyfriend.
Regulus brushed Lily’s bangs from her forehead, getting lost in the shock of green that gazed back at him. This was good. This was something Regulus wanted. James would fade away.
Hopefully.
~~~
Regulus was minding his own business, reading underneath his favorite tree. It was getting colder out, beginning to turn into indoor reading weather. Regulus wrapped his cloak more securely around him and wished he'd brought some gloves. His fingers were starting to numb from the cold.
He heard something rustling through the shrubbery near him and glanced around in search of the cause. A large, shaggy black dog came padding toward him.
Regulus was surprised for a moment, but he quickly masked it, putting on a sharp, hardened look.
Regulus had accidentally found out over the summer that his brother, along with Peter and James, was an animagus. It had inspired Regulus to do some independent research on the subject.
The dog nestled itself against him, poking its nose into his side.
“Go away,” Regulus said curtly. He didn't bother to ask what he wanted. Sirius was the last person he wanted to speak to right now.
He watched as his brother transformed, sitting on his knees in front of him. “Sorry, I know it's easier for you to talk to me as Padfoot. I just want to talk, Reggie.”
It had been easier for Regulus to talk to the dog than his actual brother. It was still Sirius, but he didn't have to face him while he spoke. Regulus had never opened up to his brother as easily as he did that summer to Padfoot. Right now, though, he was not in the mood.
“I have no desire to speak with you.” He slammed his book shut, preparing to leave.
“I know,” Sirius said quietly, perhaps a bit shamefully. “I'm-”
He didn't finish. Because he wasn't sorry, Regulus presumed. He wasn't sorry for leaving Regulus alone in that house.
“You can't go back there,” Sirius said. “You can stay with the Potters. Come with me for the holidays. You know you're always welcome.”
“You still don't understand.” Regulus’s voice was cold, unmatching the feeling burning through his chest. “It's not that simple.”
“It can be,” Sirius spoke urgently, slapping his hands against his thighs. His eyes were wild and scared. “You don't have to be like them.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Regulus asked. “You didn't seem to care when you ran off that night.” 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦, Regulus didn't say.
Sirius didn't answer. He looked down, not able to meet the hatred in Regulus’s eyes.
“If you have nothing more to say, then piss off, would you?”
“Regulus.”
“Leave me alone.” Regulus tried to sound mean, but he only sounded sad. It racks Sirius's heart with guilt. “You're rather good at that.”
“Hear me out, and I'll leave you alone.” Sirius looked up, meeting Regulus’s eyes in an unsteady gaze.
Regulus releases a deep sigh. “Fine.”
“I know, I shouldn't have left you. But I thought you wanted to stay,” Sirius admitted, his words rushed. “Mother, she treated you different, liked you better. It felt like, like-”
Sirius paused to find the right thing to say.
“It felt like we'd walked through the same fire, but only I got burned. You wanted that life, I didn't.”
“I didn't have a choice,” Regulus said angrily. “Do you think she would have let us both leave? Do you think she would have let you go if she didn't have me?”
Sirius’s eyes widened, horror flooding his features as he took this in. He stared at Regulus with a mix of emotions on his face. Fear, guilt, anger, sadness.
“You can still leave, Reg. I'll protect you. Come to the Potters, you'll be safe there.”
Seeing the hurt in Sirius’s eyes made something inside Regulus break. He had been so angry when Sirius left. So hurt and confused. He needed his big brother. And now here he is, begging him to run away and promising to keep him safe. Regulus couldn't help the tears that burst out.
Sirius looked shocked, but it only lasted a moment. He cast a quick glance around before turning into Padfoot again. He nuzzled Regulus’s face with his nose.
Regulus took the dog in his arms, clutching at his fur. He sobbed helplessly, Padfoot tucked against his side.
“I n-needed you, Sirius.” His words were broken by sobs. “I was so-so scared and I-I was confused. I thought that,” he swallowed hard. “That it wasn't so bad if-if you and I were together.”
“I know you had to leave,” Regulus continued, wiping at his eyes. “But I just hated you so much. And we spent the summer together and I thought-I thought things would maybe be okay, but-but you still left.”
Padfoot licked at Reg’s wet cheek and curled up closer. He let Regulus hug him a moment longer before turning back and enveloping his little brother in a real hug.
“I'm so sorry,” he whispered into Reg’s hair. “I'm so, so sorry.”
“‘M sorry,” Regulus mumbled.
“You don't have to be sorry,” Sirius said, stroking his head gently. “You don't have to worry about anything anymore.”
Regulus sniffed, wiping his tear-stained face with his sleeves.
“Do you still hate me?” Sirius asked.
Regulus shook his head. “I wouldn't have hated you so much if I didn't love you.”
Sirius smiled. It was tainted with sadness, but it was a smile. “I love you, too. I think when we love people we get all crazy, and we do really stupid things sometimes. But not because you don't love them just because-”
“You're stupid?” Regulus finished for him.
“Yeah,” Sirius laughed.
They sat in silence for a moment. It wasn't uncomfortable, but there was still an unanswered question floating in the air.
“Will you come with me?” Sirius asked.
“I don't know,” Regulus sighed.
“Well,” Sirius said slowly like he was choosing his words carefully. “Whatever you do, I'll be here for you. Because I'm your big brother.” He lightly stroked Reg’s cheek with his knuckles. “I'm sorry I've done such an awful job at it.”
Regulus pulled his knees to his chest, resting his head on his arms and looking at Sirius. He smiled faintly. “Okay.”
~~~
“Why is everything so difficult,” Lily groaned. She tore off a piece of the croissant she was eating. “Why can't everyone be happy,” she mumbled around a mouthful.
Marlene gave her a sympathetic look from where she was sitting on the floor. She took a strand of hair, wrapping it around a big hair roller. “You should date both of them,” she joked.
“Not helpful.” Lily shot her an annoyed look.
“Hey, wait a minute,” Mary interjected. “That's a good idea.”
“It is not,” Lily objected. “We can't do that.”
Mary sat closer to the mirror as she focused on the eyeliner she was doing. Without looking at Lily, she said, “I mean, you could. You could share.”
“Share?”
“Ooh, a throuple.” Marlene wiggled her fingers at Lily.
“That's weird.”
“It's not so weird.” Dorcas looked up from her homework. “If you all liked each other, then maybe it could work.”
“Yes,” Mary agreed. “It's not like you're cheating if you all know. It doesn't have to be like you're splitting yourself in half for them, you'd just be giving all of yourself to two people.”
“You're very knowledgeable on this topic,” Marlene observed, a teasing tone in her voice.
“I've been thinking about it,” she shrugged. “It seems like an obvious solution if you ask me.”
The other three girls stared at her like she was their teacher giving a fascinating lecture and they were hanging on every word.
“You like James and Regulus, who both like you and each other. If James and Regulus can work things out, then you three can all be happy. Together.”
“That…actually makes sense.”
“It makes sense, right?” Mary exclaimed.
“This is a really good idea,” Marlene agreed excitedly. “You need to tell Regulus.”
The three girls looked at Dorcas as if to ask her approval on the matter.
“I think,” she paused, tilting her head with a thoughtful look. “I think it's worth discussing.”
Dorcas made Lily a bit nervous. She had been the one to suggest Lily and Regulus get together, but still, Lily wanted to be on her good side. As Regulus’s girlfriend, she wanted the best friend stamp of approval. Although, as Marlene’s best friend, that was a two-way street.
Lily wanted to tell Regulus about this new idea. She didn't bother thinking too much about the logistics of it, but she was incredibly excited. A sudden anticipation filled her. She hoped James and Regulus would like the idea as much as she did and be able to work things out between themselves.
Lily giggled to herself. Giggled like a little schoolgirl with a crush.
It made Marlene laugh, too. The four of them laughed together, at what exactly they weren't sure.
~~~
James really hoped he hadn't screwed things up too badly. He spent hours rehearsing what he was going to say and he desperately wanted it to go over well with Regulus and Lily. He used the marauders map to find them in the library together. Nervously, he made his way to them, every step filled with anxiety and dread.
First, he would apologize. And based on how that went, he would decide if he should propose his idea. James’s nerves were ripping his insides out, but he was excited, too. He was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement and anxiety.
He found Lily and Regulus sitting together, holding hands and looking quite happy. He blinked at the sight, unsure what he was looking at. Why were they looking at each other all mushy? Is that the reason they've been spending time together? They were already dating? Without him?
Suddenly, he wasn't so sure about his plan. Was he really about to try and insert himself into the relationship of the two people he'd been an arse to? They looked so happy. It made James smile to himself until he remembered why he was there.
They looked like they were discussing something, so he stood awkwardly to the side, waiting for the right moment to butt in. He caught Reg’s gaze as he glanced over at him. He whispered something to Lily, who turned around immediately to look at James. She smiled and waved him over.
James was pleasantly surprised by the gesture. He hadn't expected such a warm welcome. He sat down beside them, drumming his fingers on the table and waiting for one of them to speak.
“James,” Lily spoke first. She didn't finish. She looked at Regulus, unsure what to say.
“Are you two dating?” James blurted out.
“Erm, yes,” Lily answered.
“Oh, um, good for you,” James said. It sounded almost like a question. “I suppose neither of you want anything to do with me?”
“That depends,” Lily said. “Do you want anything to do with us?”
James had no idea what she meant by that. Because, of course, he did. Perhaps that wasn't as obvious to the two of them.
“I want to apologize,” he admitted. “To both of you.”
He shifted in his chair, trying to organize his thoughts. He didn't want to mess this up any more than he already had. “Regulus,” he started. “I broke up with you for Lily, you know that. I felt guilty for liking her while we were dating, so I thought the right thing to do was to break it off so I wouldn't end up hurting you.”
James huffed out a self-deprecating laugh. “Sounds awfully stupid now.” He continued his explanation in a bit of a rush. “And then you weren't upset, so I thought, in the moment of it, this must mean we should be breaking up. But I missed you after. But I also still really liked Lily.”
“The point of all this is that I was confused and needed to figure some things out, and I dragged you into my mess. And I'm very, very sorry. To both of you.”
“Do you actually like me?” Lily asked.
“What? Yes,” James replied, caught off guard by the question. And rather confused. “This whole incident wouldn't have occurred if I didn't actually like you.”
“That's the problem.” James slapped his palms against the table. “I like both of you immensely. Reg, I've been the worst boyfriend ever, but I-”
He cut himself off, leaving the other two to come up with their own conclusions as to what he was about to say.
“Never mind it,” he said. “I didn't leave you for something better, or whatever it is you believe. I wasn't thinking.”
“That seems to be an ongoing problem of yours,” Lily quipped.
“Yes, it does,” James sighed. He propped an elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.
“I am terribly sorry,” he apologized again. “I understand why neither of you would want to give me another chance. And you shouldn't.”
James took in a deep breath. He wanted to be happy for Lily and Regulus. He wanted to see them happy.
“You both deserve someone who will put you first. Someone who loves and adores you and makes you their number one priority.”
“What if you had two number one priorities?” Regulus said.
James perked up at that statement. “Exactly,” he exclaimed. “I was talking to Sirius, and he said it wasn't so odd, loving two people, I mean. He said it's kind of nice, that my heart is too big for only one of you.”
“That is really sweet.” Lily smiled at Regulus.
“Sirius said all that?”
“Yes, and it makes sense, doesn't it?”
“It does,” Lily agreed, recalling what Mary had said about it. “It's not like you're dividing yourself, you're just giving all of yourself to two people.”
“Like cake,” James said. Upon receiving two confused looks, he explained the cake analogy he'd come up with.
“Yes,” Lily laughed. “Like your two favorite cakes.”
“So you really do like Lily?” Regulus asked.
“Yes!” James exclaimed, growing frustrated. “Why do you keep asking that?”
Regulus and Lily shared a look that James tried, and failed, to read. James took Lily’s hand in his.
“Lily, I've liked you for a long time,” he said. “I understand why you weren't interested, I was a bit of a tosser.”
“A bit?”
“Anyways,” he went on. “I would very much like if you were willing to give me a chance. No joke. I've never been this serious about something in my life.” He glanced over to Regulus. “Well, one other thing.”
Lily looked at her and James's interlocked fingers. “I would like to give you a chance, James.” She looked at Regulus to see if he agreed to that statement.
“Reg,” James said his name softly. “I made the mistake of taking our love for a summer’s fling. I thought you did, too. But it's so much more than that.”
James leaned across the table to be closer to Regulus, his fingers still locked in Lily’s. He grabbed Regulus’s hand in his other one.
“I love you.”
Regulus almost felt like crying at the words. It was like he hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear them from James’s mouth until he did.
“Sometimes,” Regulus started quietly, sounding a bit unsure. “When you love people, you get all crazy. And you do really stupid things.”
“That's for sure,” James agreed with a laugh.
“I love y-” Regulus didn't get to finish, being interrupted by James’s mouth on his.
Lily giggled at the sight, her pale cheeks lighting up with pink. She didn't feel at all jealous. In fact, she rather liked the sight.
The boys pulled apart and looked at her.
“Lily,” Regulus said. “I think you're- I very much,” he struggled to string together exactly how he felt for the girl.
“I like you too, Reg,” she said sweetly. “And I want to keep getting to know you. I want to love you too.”
Regulus felt like his heart would burst. He felt overwhelmed by the thought of having two people want him wholly and endlessly. He put a hand on the side of Lily’s head, pulling her into a kiss.
James couldn't help the grin spreading across his face. Regulus and Lily were so perfect. Everything was so perfect.
“So you're willing to give this a try?” Lily asked Regulus when they pulled apart.
“I would like to,” Regulus confirmed.
Lily kissed him again, then turned to James and kissed him too. It was their first kiss, and it felt like every firework and butterfly and nervous jitter it was supposed to.
Regulus felt his heart flutter at the sight. He wanted this so much. He wanted them. He was a very lucky man indeed.