just an idea you liked

She and James aren't together. He doesn't like her. They're probably just friends. Regulus hadn't had any proof they were together, he had just assumed. But they weren't dating. So that's not why James left him.

James left because of Regulus. It made sense. Regulus was weird. He was mean and off-putting, and he couldn't talk about his feelings. He was ugly and tiresome, and James had had enough. That was perfectly reasonable.

Lily was a much better option. James may not actually like her, but she seemed a good choice. She was pretty, intelligent, and kind. She could make him feel good. She would take care of him.

Regulus didn't know why he was still thinking about Lily. She wasn't important anymore. If James didn't like her, then she wasn't anything Regulus needed to think about. But he had reluctantly spent most of his time thinking about her. It was getting somewhat out of hand, but he supposed that's what jealousy did to you.

Regulus hadn't been alright since he and James had called it quits. His friends tried to make him feel better, which he appreciated, but they didn't understand. Pandora told him it was okay to be sad. That was all he wanted to do right now. Think about stupid, perfect James and stupid, perfect Lily, who weren't dating but could date anyone they wanted. While he sat in bed crying and being stupid and alone and unlovable.

Regulus skipped dinner most nights, too drained to be around others. Too sad to have to face James and Lily and their beautiful, glowing faces.

Regulus was lying in bed, tucked under his blankets, the curtains pulled shut around him. He heard his friends enter the room, their loud voices becoming hushed whispers when they did so.

“Reg,” Barty called.

“Leave me alone,” Regulus mumbled into his pillow.

“Sorry, mate, not gonna happen.” Barty pulled back the bed curtains, revealing a sad, blanket-covered lump. He pulled the blanket back and seized Regulus by the ankles. He dragged him off the bed, sending him to the floor with a thud.

Regulus gave Barty an irritated look, but he stayed there, sprawled out on the floor.

“Are you going to let that loser make you miserable forever?” Barty asked, lying beside him on the floor.

“Yes,” Regulus muttered.

Evan joined them on the floor, lying on his belly. “Reg, you have to accept that he just wasn't it.”

Regulus covered his face with his hands. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He squeezed them shut, but that didn't stop a few tears from slipping out, rolling down the side of his face into his ears.

“Reg,” Evan said softly.

Regulus sat up, wiping furiously at his eyes. Stupid fucking James.

“I loved him.” Regulus didn't know why he said that out loud. He hadn't even gotten the chance to say it to James. But it was true. As much as Regulus didn't want it to be, it was.

Barty pulled him into a hug, pressing Reg’s face against his chest. Regulus didn't bother to hide it as he sobbed into Barty’s shirt.

Evan stroked his knee and tried to think of something comforting to say. What would Pandora say? “Sometimes,” he began uneasily. “Sometimes we love people, but…but they don't love us the same way. And we, we just have to accept that they weren't the ones.”

Barty nodded against Reg’s head.

“And,” Evan continued. “You can't give your energy to people who don't want it 'cause then you'll have nothing left.”

“That's very wise, Evan,” Barty said, smirking at him. Evan shot him a glare. Regulus sniffled into his shirt.

“Of course, he doesn't love me.” He laughed bitterly. “Who would?”

“Woah, hey.” Barty pushed Regulus back by the shoulders to look him in the face. “Anyone with half a brain would.”

Evan nodded in agreement. “And that gremlin doesn't have an ounce of sense in him because if he did, he would know that you're the greatest thing he's wasted.”

“You deserve so much better,” Barty told him.

Maybe that was true, but no one would ever give Regulus a chance like James did. And maybe Regulus didn't want better. He just wanted James.

“We love you,” Evan whispered.

Regulus rested his head on Barty’s shoulder, staring at Evan through tear-filled eyes. He let out a watery laugh. Hearing Regulus laugh made Barty and Evan laugh, too. And soon the three boys were rolling on the floor with laughter, wiping the happy tears from their eyes.

~~~

Maybe Regulus was being stupid. No, he was most definitely being stupid. His friends were right, he deserved better. But he couldn't stop thinking about what Lily had said. She and James weren't together. And maybe that was simply because they hadn't established a relationship yet. Or James hadn't broken up with him for Lily. And Regulus was determined to figure out the reason.

Approaching James in the middle of the hallway was not the best plan Regulus ever had. But that's what he found himself doing, standing in front of James, offering nothing but a cold stare as an explanation.

“Hi, Regulus,” James said awkwardly. He shifted from foot to foot, clutching and twisting the strap of his bag. “Um, would you like to talk?”

“I would actually,” Regulus responded, venom lacing his words. “I would love an explanation.”

“And you deserve one,” James said. “I'll explain everything if you'll let me.”

“Well?” Regulus tapped his foot impatiently.

“Can we?” James gestured around at the other students passing them by. He motioned toward the courtyard, and Regulus agreed, following him outside. He leaned against the stone wall and waited for James to explain.

“This had better be good,” he told him.

“I broke up with you for someone else,” James blurted out. “But there's more to it than that.”

“Is there, though?” Regulus asked before James could continue. “You found a pretty, normal girl, and you thought, hey, I like her, let me break up with my boyfriend.”

“I thought it was the right thing to do at the time.”

“I'm sure it was, James. If you want to be with someone else, then go be with them.” Regulus sounded more resentful than he intended. “But don't come back to me. Don't act like you miss me if you don't.”

“I do,” James said urgently.

Regulus couldn't resist rolling his eyes. “You left me the moment you found something better.”

“I was confused. I'm still confused. I want both of you.”

“I'm not asking you to choose between us, James,” Regulus said sharply. “You made that choice when you ended things between us. You chose Lily.”

“How did you-”

“It doesn't matter,” Regulus cut him off. “I don't want you back.”

James looked hurt by Regulus’s harsh words. He took a step back, rubbing at his arm.

“I know,” he sighed. “I know, what I did was shitty, but if you let me explain-”

“What do you want?” Regulus interrupted him again. “Closure? Sure. I'm not mad.”

“You sound mad,” James pointed out.

“Well, I'm not.” Regulus stared down at his shoes, kicking at pebbles on the pavement. “I would've left me too. All I'm asking is for you to move on so I can do the same.”

“I didn't, I don't- Regulus I-”

Regulus put his hand up to stop James. There was nothing he could say to change what he'd done. He couldn't make this look better, no matter what way he spun it.

“I'm done here, Jamie.” He hadn't meant to use the nickname, it just slipped out. He turned sharply and walked away from James without so much as a glance in his direction. He thought he handled that well, but it didn't seem to make him feel better.

Regulus thought he must have the worst luck in the world because as he moved swiftly through the courtyard he bumped into someone else.

Lily. Why did they keep meeting like this?

“Regulus,” she said, surprised. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Regulus muttered. He didnt want to talk to Lily. But he didn't want to be mean to her either. She wasn't the one he should be mad at.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

Always so kind.

“I'm fine.”

“Can we talk?” She didn't sound upset or anything. She sounded like she genuinely wanted to talk to him.

“I don't really want to.”

“That's alright. I saw you talking to James.”

Regulus’s head snapped up to look at Lily. “It's nothing. It doesn't matter.”

Regulus thought Lily was too nice to be upset about someone like James. She deserved better.

“You deserve better than him,” Regulus told her.

“James? What did he say to you?”

Regulus may have said he didn't want to talk, but something about Lily made her seem so easy to talk to.

“He broke up with me because he wanted to date you,” he said. “But it turns out I'm harder to get over than I was to leave.”

Regulus huffed out a bitter laugh. This whole situation was pathetic, honestly.

“He wants you back?”

“He wants both of us.”

“Huh,” Lily snorted. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “I guess he hasn't grown up as much as I thought. He still thinks he can get whatever he wants with no consequences.”

Regulus knew all too well that James could get anything he wanted from him. But not anymore. He had cautiously handed James his heart, and he dropped. And now James was trying to pick up the pieces, but Regulus wouldn't let him. Not this time.

“You know,” Lily interrupted his thoughts. “I was jealous when I found out you were his ex. I might've been a little bit obsessed with you.”

Regulus threw his head back with a laugh. He gave Lily an understanding look. “I suppose that makes two of us.”

Lily breathed out a laugh. “It seems so silly now. Getting worked up like this over a boy.”

“Embarrassing, honestly.” Regulus couldn't believe Lily had been jealous of him. Had she been acting as crazy as he was? And for him of all people.

Just talking to Lily made Regulus realize why James liked her so much. She had a way of drawing you in. James could be happy without Regulus if he had all this to keep him satisfied. She was like the soft spring air, her laugh the kind that birds would sing along to. Not to mention, she was beautiful.

~~~

Regulus hadn't meant to become friends with Lily, they just started talking. At first, they talked about James, but their conversations shifted to various topics. They spent a lot of time together studying in the library.

Regulus’s liking for Lily grew with each passing day. He was glad he'd found a friend in her, and her in him. If she also gave him some unexplainable heat in his chest when she smiled at him, well, that wasn't important.

One evening, they were sitting in the library together, studying like usual. Regulus couldn't resist staring at Lily, her ginger hair falling over her face as she bent over a textbook. He refrained from tucking it behind her ear.

Lily glanced up a few times at him, clearly aware he was staring. She didn't say anything, just smiled and went back to her book.

“You're pretty,” Regulus said. He clamped his mouth shut, surprised at himself for saying that. But it was true. No reason to feel weird about it.

“I'm not really.” Lily laughed softly. Her fair cheeks reddened up to her ears.

“You are,” Regulus insisted. “You have pretty hair and pretty eyes and pretty freckles.”

Lily gave him a small smile, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. Regulus supposed he understood not liking the way you looked. He also knew he'd gotten far too comfortable around Lily because he told her this.

“You don't like the way you look?” Lily asked, astonished by the idea. “You're gorgeous.”

Regulus didn't respond. He didn't believe it, but he didn't think denying it would do much. Lily leaned forward, propping her head in her hand. She looked him over, smiling thoughtfully.

“If anyone ever made you feel different, they're stupid.”

Regulus laughed at that. He knew she was referring to James. “He was always really nice about it.”

“About what?”

Oops. He hadn't meant to say that.

“Nothing. It doesn't matter.”

“Okay.” Lily eyed him suspiciously. “but you know you can tell me. If it ever does matter.”

There it was again, that feeling. The feeling of wanting to share things with Lily, wanting to make her a part of his life.

“I'm transgender,” he said. He stared at his hands, nervous to meet her eyes. He was only out to a very few people, and he hadn't ever gotten a bad reaction, but it was still a scary thing to do.

“Ah,” Lily nudged him softly in the arm. She didn't say anything.

“I guess James did mind after all. Being so quick to find a normal girl.”

“I don't think James is like that,” Lily said, a bit sadly. “He's an idiot, but he doesn't mind that.” At least, she didn't think he did. “Did he make you feel bad?”

“Not purposely, but who wouldn't find it weird.”

“I don't.”

Regulus raised his head to meet Lily's eyes.

“You know, Reg,” Lily started. “One day, you're going to find someone who loves you and only you for everything that you are.”

“I've got a lot more than that to unpack,” he attempted to joke, but he sounded bitter and resentful.

“That's okay,” Lily said, unphased by Regulus's coldness. “So do I. We've all got our stuff.”

“What's yours?” he asked. “Your ‘stuff’.”

She raised a brow at him. “I mean, like you said, there's a lot to unpack.”

“Give me one. It's only fair since I told you something.”

“Mine’s kind of obvious, no?”

“No.” Regulus frowned. He couldn't think of anything unpleasant about Lily.

She gestured to herself as if that would give Regulus his answer. To her, it was the first thing anyone would notice. Apparently not to Regulus.

“What?”

“Why do you think James was always asking me out?”

“Cause he likes you,” Regulus guessed, not knowing where she was going with this.

She sighed, still smiling faintly at him. She looked hurt, though. He hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. He didn't know what he did, but he felt bad now. He was about to tell her to forget it when she spoke again.

“Some guys find it a rather hilarious joke to ask out the fat girl because there's no way anyone would ever actually like her,” she said. “It's just so funny to see her think anyone would be attracted to her.”

“That's,” Regulus didn't know what to say. That was awful. “That's vile.”

He was pretty sure James wasn't doing that, but he didn't think that's what Lily needed to hear at the moment.

“Well,” he said. “I think you've got many more important traits. And you're very pretty, anyway.”

“I'm sorry,” Lily whispered.

“For what?”

“Everything, I guess.” She shrugged. “For ruining your relationship.”

“I should be thanking you for saving me then,” Regulus joked. He joked a lot around Lily. Something about her made him feel so comfortable.

Lily laughed. She stared into Regulus’s cool eyes, her own flicking down to his lips one too many times.

Regulus did the same. Lily's lips were slightly parted, pink and full. They looked soft. Lily leaned closer to Regulus, close enough that he could feel the ghost of her breath on his face. He didn't move, and she leaned forward, not kissing him, just lightly brushing their lips together. Regulus pulled back instantly.

“Sorry,” Lily said, embarrassment coloring her voice as well as her face. “Sorry, I'm, um, I'm sorry.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I don't know.” Lily fiddled with the hem of her skirt. “I really like spending time with you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I mean, you just got out of a relationship.”

“It's fine, it's okay, it doesn't matter,” Regulus rushed out. He stood up, gathered his things, and hurried out of the library.

This was fine.