Chapter 2
Regulus didn't see Sirius very often, considering they were in different houses and had different friend groups. He focused mostly on his studies.
Everyone at school knew he was a boy, so that wasn't anything to worry about anymore. Of course, there were still times when he didn't entirely feel like it.
Like when he stood in the boys’ lavatory, staring in the mirror at his long hair. He hated his long hair. And that's how he came to the decision he'd made today. The awful, silly decision to cut his own hair. This endeavor had not turned out the way he wanted.
His hair was now sitting on his shoulders in horrid, chopped-up curls. He stared at his mangled locks in the mirror, tears blurring his vision.
He was startled at the sound of someone entering the room. “Hey, Reggie,” Remus greeted. He froze when his eyes landed on Regulus’s ruined hair.
“Does it look bad?” Regulus asked, sounding a bit more whiny than intended.
“No, no,” Remus hurriedly assured him. Regulus knew he was lying. He wasn't blind. He felt hot tears in his eyes.
“Hey, don't cry.” Remus moved closer, reaching to put a hand on Regulus’s shoulder.
“I'm not crying!” Regulus screamed. Remus immediately pulled his hand away.
“Alright, sorry.” Remus sounded like he was used to Regulus yelling at him and rather tired of it. Even though Regulus hadn't talked to him, much less screamed at him.
“Do you want to go scream at your brother about this?” Remus asked. His face was softer now.
Regulus nodded his head. He couldn't believe he'd just humiliated himself in front of Remus. Remus cautiously extended his hand to Regulus. Regulus took it and let Remus lead him to Sirius.
They entered the Gryffindor common room and found Sirius lying on the floor practicing little spells.
“Hey, Reggie,” he said, sounding surprised. Regulus didn't know if it was because of the unexpected visit or the dreadful haircut.
“What did you do to yourself, mate?” Sirius pulled himself up into a sitting position, staring at his brother.
“Tell me the truth?” Regulus implored him. “Is it terrible?”
“It's horrendous,” Sirius answered.
“It's horrendous?” Regulus whined.
“It's edgy,” Sirius said instead.
“Don't lie!”
“I'm not,” Sirius insisted, but Regulus could see the amused smirk he was trying to suppress.
“I look ridiculous!”
“You- you don't-” Sirius cut himself off with a laugh he quickly tried to mask.
“Don't laugh!” Regulus felt like he was on the verge of tears again.
“It's okay,” Sirius insisted. He slapped his hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. “It's cool.”
“It's not cool!”
“You look like a rockstar.”
“Oh, piss off,” Regulus spat.
“It's modern,” Sirius suggested.
“It's unsalvageable!”
“You look like a boy!”
“Really?” Regulus sniffed. He didn't know if Sirius was just saying that, but it made him feel slightly better.
“Yeah, it's just a bit choppy,” Sirius said. “I can fix it up for you if you want.”
“Yeah.” Regulus nodded gratefully.
He followed Sirius into his dorm room. He watched Sirius rummage through his things and pull out a pair of scissors.
“Do you know what you're doing?” Regulus asked. He didn't want to further the damage done to his hair.
“Of course,” Sirius answered with the least convincing smile Regulus had ever seen. But he ended up doing a fairly decent job.
Regulus admired himself in the mirror, quite satisfied with his brother’s accomplishments. He really looked like a boy now. For what felt like the first time ever Regulus thought he actually looked kind of nice. One might even say handsome.
“How do I look?” he asked.
“Like a proper young lad.” Sirius twirled the scissors in his fingers. “I told you I knew what I was doing.”
Regulus muttered a quick thank you and hurried off. He wanted to show off his new hair. He felt as if he'd unlocked some new sense of confidence.
His friends loved his new hair. They said it made him look cool and stylish.
His mother was not as pleased about the haircut. But Sirius had also taken being away from home as the opportunity to grow his hair longer. So, at least Regulus didn't have to face her wrath alone. And he still pretended to be a girl when he was home, so at least she didn't know everything. She still believed she had a perfect, respectable daughter.
Passing as a boy was fairly easy for Regulus. There wasn't much one could do to figure out if he was really a boy or not. He did menstruate, which caused dreadful weeks, but no one knew that was happening.
There was one incident where he had been lying in the sunny courtyard with Pandora, taking a nice, crampless nap, when she had woken him up to alert him that there was blood on his trousers. She asked him if he needed help, and when he said no she didn't say anything else. Regulus was thankful she never brought it up again, but he was curious to know why she didn't find it strange.
Regulus didn't notice his body changing until he was in his second year. He hadn't noticed the changes immediately, and he was almost convinced they'd happened overnight. But he didn't spend very much time looking at his own body, so maybe he just didn't realize.
One day, as he was getting out of the shower, he noticed something that he could've sworn wasn't there before. He had two chubby lumps on his chest. Where had those come from? Was he growing breasts?
Ew, ew, why? Why did he have to have breasts? That literally ruins everything.
He wanted to ask Sirius for help, but he also didn't want to talk to Sirius about his body. So he tried his best to hide it. It wasn't very noticeable underneath his clothes, but he still hunched his shoulders and tried to make them feel smaller. His mother would definitely rebuke him for such bad posture.
Pandora and Dorcas didn't have breasts yet, did they? It certainly wasn't noticeable, which made Regulus feel slightly less self-conscious about his own. He still hated them, though.
Sirius was somehow always alerted of Regulus’s discomfort. He didn't actually know what was going on, but he happened to brush past Regulus in the hallway and noticed his odd slouching.
Sirius turned on his heel and faced Regulus. “Why are you standing like that, mate?” He pushed him by the shoulder to make him stand straight. Regulus wrapped his arms around his chest.
“Usually, you look like this.” Sirius stiffened his back, squaring his shoulders, and put a solemn look on his face.
“I hate you,” Regulus said, glaring at his brother.
“Whatever. What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“But what is it, though?” Sirius persisted.
Regulus sighed and leaned forward to whisper in Sirius’s ear. “I have breasts.”
Sirius’s face twisted in confusion for a moment before it hit him. “Ohh.”
He unwrapped Regulus’s arms from himself. “You can't even see them.”
Regulus quickly covered himself up again. “Well, they're there.”
Sirius raised his hands in defense. “Alright, alright. What do you want to do about that?”
“I don't know,” Regulus hissed.
“Hey, chill, we’ll figure something out.” Sirius gave his little brother a less-than-reassuring smile.
They did in fact figure something out. Regulus had recalled the corsets his mother and cousins wore that pulled them in tight and flattened their bodies. Regulus needed one of those for his chest.
He informed Sirius of his new realization. After some thought and awful suggestions, they came to an agreement. They would steal some bandages from the hospital wing and use those to bind Regulus’s chest. For some reason, Remus was in the infirmary a lot, so Sirius would grab some bandages the next time he was there.
Thankfully, Sirius offered to help Regulus the first time he used them. Regulus would have hated having to ask. Regulus brought Sirius to his room. Barty and Evan were instantly interested in this new guest. They knew who Sirius was, but they'd never actually met him.
“Get out, fools,” Regulus ordered.
Sirius was shocked at how quickly Regulus’s roommates listened to him. His friends would've had an all-out fight if he tried to order them around like that. Barty winked at Sirius as he walked by. Regulus didn't notice. He took a seat on his bed, waiting for Sirius to follow. Sirius sat next to him and pulled the bandages out.
“Take off your shirt,” he said.
Regulus hesitantly pulled his jumper over his head. He felt shy taking his shirt off, but Sirius didn't seem to notice. He just sat there waiting for Regulus to be ready.
As soon as Regulus’s shirt was off, Sirius started unwrapping the bandage. He lifted Regulus’s arm above his head.
“Do you know what you're doing?” Regulus asked nervously.
“Do you?” Sirius retorted. “I'm just gonna wrap these around you to hold you in.”
Sirius pushed Regulus’s chest down and pressed the bandage on his skin.
“Is that too tight?” Sirius asked. Regulus shook his head.
“Okay, I'm all done. How does it feel?”
It felt tight, but Regulus could still breathe, so it was fine. He looked at himself in the mirror, observing his freshly bandaged chest.
“It feels alright,” Regulus said.
“Mmkay.” Sirius pulled his bag over his shoulder and headed out of the room. “Tell me if you ever need a hand with it,” he called as he left. Regulus was sure he could do it by himself now.
He did that for months. His chest was already relatively flat, but now he really felt like it. He loved looking down or turning to the side and not seeing any bumps.
This year, Regulus had decided he wanted to try out for the Quidditch team. Sirius played Quidditch, which meant they'd be playing opposite each other. Regulus would've liked being on the same team as Sirius, but he'd settle for holding his victories over his brother's head.
Regulus’s friends accompanied him to his Quidditch tryouts. Regulus stood with the other students who were trying out. They were all ogling the older boys on the team. Regulus saw a boy he recognized as Lucius Malfoy having a conversation with their captain. They were whispering, but they both looked upset.
Regulus looked at the rest of the team. He recognized one of the boys. His sleek black hair, which usually hung over his face, was halfway pulled into a messy knot.
He saw Malfoy come over to him and wrap an arm around his shoulders, tracing his fingers along his shoulder. He leaned close and whispered something in his ear, with a seductive smile. Regulus thought they must be very close if the boy let Malfoy behave like that with him, especially in the presence of others.
Regulus was glad when they finally started. One of the boys commented that he'd make a decent seeker. He felt incredibly proud of himself.
Regulus felt his chest tightening and his breathing becoming heavier. He took several labored breaths. He didn't expect Quidditch to take it out of him like this. He kept on playing, eager to show his skills. He really wanted to make the team.
Regulus felt dizzy all of a sudden. He was having trouble paying attention to the game, using all his focus to keep his breathing normal. He flew to the ground, hopping off his broom. He fell to his knees in the grass, clutching at his chest.
Before he realized what was happening, he felt two people pulling him off the ground. He heard Barty’s voice in his ear, but he couldn't tell what he was saying.
He must've passed out because he woke up in the infirmary. His friends were all sitting by his side. His chest bandages had been removed.
“What happened, mate?” Evan asked him. Four pairs of worried eyes were glued on him.
“I don't know,” he lied.
Pandora gave his hand a comforting squeeze.
Madame Pomfrey approached his bedside. She gave him a stern look. “Bandaging your chest like that is very dangerous, especially when partaking in physical activities.”
Regulus wished his friends weren't present for this lecture. His pride was wounded enough as it was. Madame Pomfrey continued to lecture him on the dangers of binding yourself like that. Regulus wished this hospital bed could swallow him up.
His friends didn't say anything the entire time. When Regulus was let out they didn't ask him any questions. They quickly changed the subject, which Regulus was eternally grateful for.
To Regulus’s surprise, he was informed that he'd actually been chosen for the team. He must have been really good if they were willing to overlook his blunder. He was even made the seeker. That was the same position as Sirius.
Regulus wouldn't be able to bind during Quidditch, which bothered him, but at least he couldn't see his chest under all his gear.