Nova

Regulus had always been small. A little behind on growing, and just looking fragile in a way most boys didn't. He wasn't sure of it, but Sirius sometimes thought that even if Reg hadn't been his brother he still would have had this burning desire to protect him.

But now things were different. In the two years they hadn't seen each other, Regulus had clad himself in amor inside and out.

All stringed muscles and fierce words.

Except right now he was back, back to looking smaller than life. Vulnerable. Hurt.

He'd fucked up. Again. He didn't know what to do, how to do this.

"I'm so sorry Reg," he started, trying for his voice to sound strong and sincere.

Regulus eyes flew up, his brows pinched and then his shoulders squared. No, no, fuck. Wrong thing to say.

He could basically see his brother locking up, a sneer setting in on his face.

"I didn't mean to go all nutcase on you," he added hurriedly as he saw the familiar mask of indifference slipping onto Regulus' face.

"Of course not," Reg scoffed, "just like you didn't mean to rip me from the only home I ever had."

Sirius sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. This was were they always landed, every conversation, every fight. It left him desperate, desperate and aching.

"Reg, this could be your home you know?"

A dry laugh escaped his brothers mouth and he folded his arms across his chest. It was meant to be intimidating Sirius knew, but it just made him want to hug Regulus tight. He'd probably bite his head off if he tried.

"This?" he gestured around with one hand, "you mean the house that you, the brother who abandoned me, and your friends, people I can not fucking stand, own. And that you're going to kick me out of in a few weeks? Bloody thanks Sirius, really."

Sirius blinked.

"I'm not going to kick you out Reg."

A nasty snarl appeared on Regs face. "I know. You're my fucking guardian. Even Sirius fucking Black isn't completely above the law."

"No, I can't kick you out Regulus."

"I. Know!"

"No!" Sirius was acting on instinct now, desperate to make his brother understand. He moved closer, still careful not to touch him. "No Reggie, you don't know. I can't kick you out because I'm your brother and I would rather start sawing my own limbs off."

Regulus face was hard and cold. "And I'm supposed to believe that from someone who abandoned me for years. Low Sirius, even for you."

A distressed noise ripped from Sirius throat but he had to do this, he had to keep speaking. "Reg, I know I left. I know I abandoned you, but it was the only way I could think of to get you out. I didn't do anything else for two years Reg, you can ask the lads. I- All I wanted was to get you out. Even if I had to leave you first for it."

"That's not what I'm talking about Sirius. You abandoned me years before you actually left. You gave up on me, you-"

"Reg you hated me," Sirius voice broke.

"I still needed you Siri! I was alone and scared and Mother told me to act like all of the others, and you knew what she did if I didn't listen. So what was I supposed to do?! You were off running around with Potter and I was alone Sirius."

Sirius shook his head, "you weren't alone Reggie."

"You weren't there," Regulus eyes were ablaze.

"I was."

Regulus jumped up, fury in his eyes and Sirius stood with him, taking a deep breath and cutting off his brothers sharp response.

"I promise you Regulus, I was. I was there."

Sirius focused on that point in himself he was now so familiar with, transforming into his animagus form in seconds.

For a moment the brother's stared at each other. Then Regulus stumbled back, shaking his head vigorously, his legs hitting the edge of the couch. Regulus was graceful even when he fell, but Sirius still leapt forward, desperate to catch him even as a useless dog. He missed, of course, and Regulus scrambled to the other end of the couch and then released a very colourful set of curses.

"Bloody fuckin' merlin Sirius, you? That was you? All this time-" his voice cut off and Padfoot winced, starting to pace a little but not coming any closer. Not sure if he was allowed to.

Regulus sat with one foot tucked under himself, one arm around his knee and one hand lightly resting at his throat. As if he himself was the only one who could keep him together.

After staring with wide eyes he cleared his throat, "so you're an animagus then." Not a question. Just a statement.

"And it's always been you? That dog that came to me?" Regulus asked and even though everything screamed at him not to, Sirius shifted back. Everything always seemed so much easier as Padfoot.

"I umm," he sat down, rubbing the back of his neck, "that was actually one of the reasons I wanted to become an animagus in the first place. I thought ... I thought I could look out for you better."

Regulus looked puzzled and Sirius chose to take that as a good sign, so he kept going.

"You weren't really supposed to see me, I just wanted to check in, but I guess a big black hound's kinda hard to miss huh?" he asked with a nervous chuckle, "I didn't mean for it to go on for that long I swear Reg, but when you wouldn't talk to me ... I just thought it was better than nothing."

Better than nothing was an understatement. He'd been ecstatic about having found a way to see his brother back at Hogwarts, and when Regulus kept coming back to the spot right outside the Green houses where they'd first met he let all pretence of trying to stay away drop.

Regulus grimaced, then swallowed, "so, all the things I told that dog, I actually told you?"

Sirius grinned, and nodded. "Yup, I'm highly aware of you swapping spit with Pandora that one time, and the fact that it was 'positively miserable' if I recall correctly."

Regulus groaned and buried his face in his hands and Sirius could only laugh a little.

"Cmon' it's not that bad Reggie, everyone has a bad snog once in a while," his brother replied in a rather rude gesture, not lifting his face and after a moment Sirius sobered.

"That's how I knew I had to get you out of there, even though we weren't talking."

He could still remember the day Regulus had shone up with a horribly ashen face, could recall the way his tears and hands had clung to Padfoots fur as his brother had sobbed.

'a B,' he'd kept saying, almost hysterical, 'I wrote a B. She'll lock me up for days, weeks.'

Sirius had nearly torn his skin with anger as he'd finally understood. He had always caught every physical punishment from Reg. Had made sure to make an even bigger mess if he'd seen his little brother make a small one. Made sure to scream out all of his pain when his mother lashed or cursed or beat him, because he knew that's what she wanted.

It had worked. At least he'd always thought it had. If somehow Regulus did get punished he'd drilled it into the boy to not make a sound. Tears were okay, but he had to stay silent, or she'd do it again.

But of course that vicious fucking cunt of a woman had sniffed out the one thing that hurt the most. And so she'd lock Regulus up. Sweet, lovely Regulus who craved nothing more than to be loved, who pressed close against you if he got the chance, who never let go first from a hug, who always asked to braid Sirius hair just to be near. Shut off, locked up and alone.

That was when he'd known. It wasn't even really a choice at that point. He had to get Regulus out. By all means necessary.

And he had. He had.

Now it was time to actually take care of this kid. Who wasn't really a kid anymore. Who was scared and scarred and looked like his whole world was crumbling. Sirius took a breath.

"I know I messed up. I got so angry that you'd still have contact with her that I lost it. But Reggie I'm so scared that I can't take care of you properly, that you'll hate me forever, that you'll just leave and go back to her. I don't think I could bear it Reg," he smiled sadly, "but that doesn't really excuse what I did. I shouldn't have yelled and I should have given you a chance to explain and I already shouldn't have opened the bloody letter! So, yeah, I'm real sorry Reg."

Sirius wasn't sure if Regulus had ever been apologised to. He had always had James as an example, showing him how to love people properly. How to treat them with respect.

He'd tried to bring that back to Regulus, but they were more or less strangers for most of their teenage years.

And so they just sat there, staring at each other, trying to assess what the other one was thinking, where to go from here.

As always in Sirius' life, James saved him. Both brother's eyes slid towards him as he stepped into the room and gently cleared his throat.

"Is it alright if I come in? I wanted to apologise as well, Reggie."

In any other situation Regulus' expression would have been funny; as if he'd been force fed tablespoons full of something way too sauer. Or sweet, knowing Reg he'd probably despise that just as much. Yet his eyes never left James, watchful but not as guarded as they were used to seeing him.

When he finally nodded there was visible relief in James' face. Although Sirius wasn't sure if only he could see it.

With an honest expression he stepped towards Regulus who was still curled up and stiff.

"I'm very sorry Regulus. I shouldn't have just grabbed  you. I wasn't aware that you had problems being touched, but that's exactly why I shouldn't have done it."

Regulus looked a bit like a deer in headlights. "I don't have problems with that," he mumbled, "and you didn't grab me but you know ..." he gestured with his hands a little helplessly.

James smiled at him, "but the situation was difficult. I understand. I hope you can forgive me?"

Regulus mumbled his agreement and James beamed at him. If Sirius hadn't known any better he would've said there was a faint blush on his brother's cheek.

Thankfully he knew better.