Nova

There was something wrong, he could tell. This house was never quiet. Silent, sure. When Sirius and his friends where watching something on their rectangular glowing box.

When Remus had decided to give cooking another try and everyone was mourning the loss of some perfectly good eggs and a clean kitchen.

When they were all asleep. Sure, the house went silent then.

But right now, it was quiet. With hushed whispers and closed doors. With murmurs and secrets.

Regulus shut the front door behind him. Locking out the cool morning air, the one he craved so much every day when he woke up drenched in sweat. He usually left the house before anyone was up. Walking and walking and walking some more before he returned to all of them lounging in the kitchen, having breakfast and bantering.

One of them would always send a 'good morning' towards him, but all he'd do would be catch Sirius' eye and give him a quick nod, before disappearing into his room once more.

He knew that wasn't how it would go today. Suppressing the strange urge to call out for anyone, he walked towards the door to the kitchen only to jump back when it burst open, his brother storming through it with fury in his eyes.

"What the fuck Reg?" there was a letter in his hand. A letter with the seal of the ancient and most noble house of black. Shit.

"You still have contact with her?? With Walpurga? After everything?" his brother was right in his face and he felt the blood drain from it.

No, no, no, no, no, please no. This wasn't supposed to happen. His back hit the wall.

"Did you read it?"

Sirius exploded. "That's your concern? I'm your ward Regulus I'm fucking responsible for you, of course I read it! Don't you remember what that woman did to us?!"

Walpurga had never yelled. Cursed and hexed, she had. But never yelled. Orion yelled.

When he got mad his eyes grew hard as stone and his voice grew loud and booming.

Regulus steeled his gaze: never talk back, or your head might hit the wall.

He kept his eyes open: never let him out of your sight, because even if you can't block the blow, it's good to know where its coming from.

Don't look defiant or he'll burn it out of you.

Don't disrespect him by looking away or he'll make sure you can't look away again.

Don't fidget or he'll break your fingers.

But he had to know. "What ... what did it say?"

And now Sirius was laughing, dry and hollow and awful. Regulus usually laughed like that. It sounded wrong in his brothers mouth.

"You don't need to hide anymore Reggie. I know about the money. I know about your plans. I know now that you are going to leave the moment you turn eighteen," he snarled and Regulus' world tipped.

Maybe he should be used to it by now. To the feeling of free falling when the floor was ripped from beneath him once again.

Why would she do that? Why oh why would she write? They had kept everything so quiet. He'd visited her twice. They were on the phone once, whispering of plans on how he would escape this house, these people. Once he was of age.

He had always feared that day; the day his brother wasn't obligated to look after him anymore. When Sirius could finally get him completely out of his perfect house, his family, his life.

So Regulus had been faster. Had made a plan. He wouldn't sit around and wait to be kicked to the streets, and if that meant owing his mother again, he'd have to accept it. The money would have come in the night of his eighteenth and by the time the sun rose, he would've been gone. The perfect plan.

So why had she written? Why would she? What had she ...

Because she'd wanted him to see.

The realisation hit him like a punch.

She didn't write that letter for Regulus. She wrote it for Sirius. The one she couldn't keep, the one she could never control, so she chose to hurt him instead.

And as always, it didn't really matter that Regulus was standing in between when she loaded her gun. Worse, he was just an enabler. Just a tool to get to Sirius.

Even now, even with her in prison and him the only one still in contact with her, he wasn't good enough.

There was a ringing in his ears. Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. Again.

Just like Sirius.

Maybe it was him. His fault. His presence so disturbing that people couldn't help but betray him, but leave him.

Orions voice got louder and louder in the back of his head. He was there and then he wasn't. Here and back at the manor. His thoughts running, running, running.

His brother was still yelling something, but he couldn't hear him anymore. His body poised, locked in place. That was the most important part. Don't sway. No matter what he did, no matter where the blow came from: stay on your feet. Because for some reason once you where down, Orion lost it. He'd kick and punch, snapping your bones where he could reach them. Regulus had been stupid enough to let that happen once.

The storm grey eyes of his brother were indistinguishable now from Orions. Cold and harsh full of rage and violence. So dark he might be lost in their storm. Or maybe it was just his vision going dark.

Someone touched his shoulders. Every single muscle in his body tensed, his joints locking up, he wouldn't go down, not like this.

Something was wrong. Orions eyes where brown all of a sudden. Soft and further away.

"Reg? Can you hear me?" the words barely registered in his mind.

There was no more yelling. He blinked.

There was someone else in front of him. Someone who wasn't Sirius. Or Orion.

"Alright love, I'm gonna take a step back and you'll come with me so you can get off that wall alright?" the words still sounded like he was under water, but when James stepped away he followed. James. Of course.

There was a hand on his shoulder. James' hand.

Bloodtraitor. His mother said.

Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. Everywhere.

"Regulus look at me," he was swimming, drowning, "focus on my face okay, you see me?"

He was gasping for air now, wanting to run but nowhere to go. He had to get out. Out.

There were hands all over him. On his shoulder. He got him, Orion had finally gotten him.

Someone said something, a distant rumbling. Then the hand was off his shoulder. Slowly, very slowly, the others retreated as well. No longer pulling and punching.

There was space now, room for air. He focused on the face in front of him. The slant of James' lips, the hazel of his eyes, the way his hands expanded and retreated a little over his own torso, in sync with his breathing. Purposeful. Powerful. Calm.

He tried to match him. He failed, but it gave him something to do. Something other to feel than fear.

"That's it Reg, just keep breathing."

With every breath his vision cleared a little more, light pouring from all sides, falling onto James' skin, making him erupt in it.

Had his lungs been working correctly he would've told him. He would have told James Potter then and there that he was the brightest thing he'd ever seen.

Blinking, Regulus was finally able to take in his surroundings once more. His eyes immediately drawn to where his brother sat with his face buried in his hands, Remus and Peter close to him but not speaking or reaching to him.

They werde probably looking for the quickest way to get rid of him before his eighteenth after all.

"I'm going to come a little closer now, is that alright?" James voice was soft and soothing but Regulus' eyes still snapped back to him.

He didn't know if it was. It wasn't even that he was scared of his touch anymore, but it was dangerous, so fucking dangerous to be that close to someone you wanted to touch with your entire being.

He still nodded.

James stepped towards him and gently guided him towards the living room where he sat in the middle of the grey slant sofa. The thing large enough to fit all of them at once and Regulus felt small and lost on it.

He hated that feeling. Was always so careful to make sure it was locked and sealed. That his body was at least halfway strong, that his eyes never betrayed his fear. That the only fear others saw when they looked at him was their own.

He started picking on the scabs of his finger.

"Regulus?"

He startled. James had carefully sat down in front of him, right on the magazine's strewn over the coffee table.

"Sirius would like to talk to you, is that okay?"

He almost laughed. What was he gonna say? No? He nodded.

James looked at him a few more seconds. Then he got up, walking back into the hallway, muffled voices floating to Regulus and then Sirius was there. Gingerly closing the door behind him and walking towards the couch.

He sat down carefully, slowly, folding one foot under himself. So very unlike Sirius. Maybe he did have a bit of a conscience, Regulus thought bitterly, maybe it at least wouldn't be easy for his brother to kick him out. Would he be put back into the foster system? Probably.

For a while they didn't say anything. Regulus refused to look up and Sirius refused to look away.

"I'm so sorry Regulus."