First deaths
I think a lot about how the world treats queer teenage guys. Like everything that’s good about us is a weakness.
Our hearts, our emotions, our empathy, means we need to be protected.
I walk inside the house after a run.
“How was your run?” Mom asks.
“Good” I reply, catching my breath.
“Want me to drop you off at school?”
“I’m good”
“Okay.”
My whole family treats me like they know I have all the potential in the world, but I have a lot to learn. Maybe both are true. All I know is I’m ready to prove to them what I’m capable of.
I get ready for school, put my book in my bag and walk to school.
At school I sit near the football field reading my book.
It’s not easy to make new friends when you know you will be in a new city in a few months. So I keep my head up and smile politely.
Some guy playing football accidently shoots the ball in my direction.
I pick it up and hand it to him. The guy says “thanks man” and then runs back to his friends.
Every day I just go through the day so I can get back home, to the only place I feel normal, with my family.
When my parents first started hunting. I started having nightmares. For years, every time I’d close my eyes, I’d see monsters. Ones with claws as long as steak knives, teeth as sharp as glass. That was before I learnt that the worst ones always look human.
I’m home, on my bed when I hear my brothers Peter and Noah outside.
I run outside as they’re going monster hunting again. When I’m outside I see them loading the car with weapons.
“Hey! Where are you going” I say, walking up to them.
“Got a tip, Jamie.” Noah says.
“From who? And saying my name like that isn’t gonna make me not wanna go.” I say.
“Out at Colonial Park Cemetery.” Peter says “Get back inside, we gotta go.” he gets into the car.
“Be back in a minute” Noah says and starts walking into the car. Bullshit.
“No, we’re not. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s gonna take longer than a minute” I get into the car and Noah starts driving. We’re listening to something loud, I’m not paying attention to the music.
I tap Peter on the shoulder and get him to turn the music down. I’m in the backseat, Peter in the passenger and Noah in the drivers. Peter turns the music down.
“Why do you think they’re showing up now?” I ask my two brothers.
“Who cares? The order sent us to kill them. So we kill them” Peter says.
“It’s actually a great question, Jam” Noah then says “it’s good to know why you’re doing the things you’re asked to do”
“We’re monster hunters” Peter says “That’s why we do what we do”
“But 25 years since the order came through and cleaned up” I say “and now they’re just back? Strange, right?”
“It’s strange it took them so long” Noah replies “Savannah's always been hard to keep clean, all those battles, that bloodshed. Centuries of violence and betrayal. The cemetery we’re going to now dates back three centuries. Final resting place of over 20.000 souls, including victims of the yellow fever epidemic and graves desecrated by Grindelwald's army.”
“That’s Noah’s way of saying you can’t keep a good ghost down” Peter says as we pull up to the cemetery.
I spend a lot of time pretending to be normal. Normal families go to the movies, have cookouts in the backyard, go fishing, and take trips to Disneyland. We do this.
“Said we got a tip. What kind?” I ask Noah and Peter as we step out of the car.
“Disturbed graves, exhumed bodies, some very human looking teeth. So we’re thinking” Noah says.
“-Ghouls” I say, interrupting him.
“Yeah” Noah replies.
“Ghouls.” Peter says, picking a sword up. “I love ‘em, don’t beg, don’t plead, don’t ask a lot of questions” I go to grab a weapon when Peter holds me pack. “Hey, woah, uh-uh, I don’t think so” he hands me a monster detector which means I’m the lookout.
“Lookout? Again?” I reply, when are they gonna let me help fight them? I want another chance at getting my first kill.
“Lookout is a vital part of the job,” Noah says, trying to cheer me up.
“Keeping you safe, so mom doesn’t kill us” Peter interrupts Noah.
One day I’m going to be the greatest monster hunter of all time. These fools will be known as my brothers, nothing more.
Noah was 11 when he got his first kill on a hunt with my dad.
Peter was 14 when he got his.
I got my first chance last halloween, and I failed.
“When am I gonna get another shot?” I ask.
“When mom and dad decide to let you” Noah replies.
“Well I’m at 19 kills and I’d like to make it 20” Peter says “So let’s hope there’s actually some…” we hear some ghouls.
“You were saying?” Noah says, sounding annoyed.
So tonight I’m the lookout…again. My task is to spot the monsters. Only because I missed one once.
I climb into a tree to take place.
When it comes to monster hunting, there are three rules:
- Pay attention to everything.
- Be prepared for anything
- Always finish what you start
I hear Peter through my earpiece “got eyes baby bro?”
“Just clocked the first one. May be a ghoul” I say using the device Peter gave me and a kind of glasses to locate how its going and to make it more safe for Noah and Peter “clocked a second one, you got two”
“Good, we each get our own.” Peter said.
“Noah, you got one two rows east, three graves north.” I say, if I mess up it can go wrong but not too wrong, I don’t think “Peter, yours is on the move, go left”
Peter ran up to the ghoul, he quickly starts fighting it.
“See it, Noah?” I ask Noah.
“Yep. About to go to work.”
I can see both of my brothers fighting the monsters now “aim for the head” I say as I can see Peter struggling a little.
“Stop” Slash “Backseat” Slash “Hunting” Dead. “You’re number 20 buddy” Peter says as he looks down on his arm.
I see another monster, think it’s a ghoul.
“Peter, there’s a third” no response “Peter?” no response “Peter? Do you hear me? There’s a third ghoul” Peter doesn’t reply “I’m comin’ in” I jump down from the tree. “Peter” I’m running in the direction of where I saw the ghoul and Peter. “Peter! Peter!”
I found the monster. “Hey!” I start fighting it with the detector Peter gave me. The monster throws it away. Shit. I start fighting it with kicks and punches.
“JAM!”
“JAM! STAND BACK!”
“I GOT THIS” the ghoul pushes me against a gravestone. Shit. It’s not a ghoul. The vampire I thought was a ghoul was about to bite me, to kill me. Noah stabs the vampire. The vampire disappears like all monsters do when they die.
“A damn vamp?” Noah says as he sees the vampire die.
“Yeah, you definitely had it huh?” Peter says to me.
“She looked like a ghoul” I say.
I don’t remember the ride home.
When we get home mom had dinner ready and we sit down to eat.
“So how’d it go?” mom asks.
“Oh, you know I did my thing, so…” Peter says, his tone arrogant as always.
“Translation: two ghouls, we disposed of them in a short time.” Noah informed mom, Pete can’t say anything straight even though he's as straight as a ruler.
“And one vamp. It just came out of nowhere” I say, we’re not telling mom about my little meet with the vamp.
“Really? A vampire in the same place as ghouls?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, the way it came at me was weird. Feral.” Noah says before Peter has a chance to say anything. “Good thing Jam clocked it”
I smile at Noah, mom doesn’t need to know it almost had me.
“Oh, good job baby” mom said to me. “They didn’t used to be so bold. I mean even in Savannah. No wonder they sent us huh? We’ll get rid of them”
“I love to finish the job before dad gets home. He hates it when we do that” Peter said.
I look at Peter arm, his marks that tell us how many kills he’s done, how many monsters.
Why can’t they let me have my first kill now? They don’t understand that until they let me have my first, I won't feel like a member of this family.
Peter stabs his food “BAM! I stabbed it right in the chest, right?” I’m tired of Peter talking about his kills “and the thing slides down my sword like meat on a skewer. It was crazy” my phone rings, I check my phone “you should let me go train at the Order Academy right now”
I pick up the phone, it’s my dad.
“Hey dad”
“How’s my boy? You keeping your Pete and Noah safe?”
“I’m trying” I say walking away from the dinner table.
“And how’s that new school? You made any new friends yet?”
“What’s the point? We’ll be gone by Christmas”
“I know but, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try sweetie”
“You’re only 16 once, James. You’re allowed to have a life.”
“This is my life, dad. If you just let me show you”
“Your turn is coming, sweetie”
“Yeah, but…” mom walks up to me as I start replying to him. She signals for me to hand her the phone. I hand it to her and walk into the living room.
After a bit we are all sat here to get our assignments. I hope I get a real one this time, I want to help.
I take my hand out to get one of the assignments.
“You have a job James, it’s called school” I sit back again, I’m kind of disappointed even though this is always my ‘job’.
“Stop looking for something to be unhappy about it’s just covers” Noah says. He’s trying to make me feel better about it but it doesn’t make me feel more like a part of this family.
“Just covers? For who? I worked in that gym for six weeks. Punched the clock every day.” Peter says not getting what Noah is trying to do.
“I’m sure the fact that it was on a college campus, full of pretty girl has nothing to do with the fact that you went in every day” Noah says, he’s right.
Mom opens her assignment “Oh, I’m a stay at home mother.” She says pretending to be surprised, she’s always a stay at home mother.
Noah opens his “independent analyst”
“What does that even mean?” I ask.
“Whatever I need it to”
Peter opens his “You gotta be kidding me. A trainer. Again. Qualifications, good liar? Oh yeah cause everybody can have a body like this. This is some bullshit.” Why is Peter like that? At least he gets one.
“Hey!” Mom says when he says the word ‘bullshit’ “you really want me to lose my religion tonight?” she says, I can see Peter rolling his eyes. “I know that the adrenaline rush from the kill talking. But you better watch your language”
“Plus it’s not a bad cover. You get to talk about your favorite subject all day. You.” Noah says with a grin.
“Mom, can I please tell him to go to hell?”
“Sure, if you got somewhere else to live” I know mom doesn’t mean it, I’m glad mom doesn’t tolerate Peter being like that, if she did his ego would be way bigger and I don’t think thats healthy.
Later in my room my best friend, Lily Evans, calls me. I pick up.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“You’re alive? I was beginning to wonder”
“Just been busy. Y’know how movin’ in can be”
“Is that code for ‘I found another person and spent all my time making out with her behind the gym’?”
“Yeah, right”
“You can tell me. What are friends for?”
“And exes?”
“Come on Jamie, who are they?”
“He’s…I don’t know”
“You’re feeling him”
“I’m not”
“You used to be a better liar”
I think about Regulus. “There might’ve been moment but we don’t have a lot in common”
“I hate that. I swear straight people should come with a warning”
“Hey, you still in Philly?”
“No, actually I wanted to tell you”
“I did it, I got my first kill”
“Wow, that’s amazing. What was it like? I mean like…”
“Sorry, gotta go. Fams planning a surprise celebration they think I don’t know about. Mom’s calling to meet for dinner, I’ll call you later”
“Okay. Yeah.” We hang up.
I don’t feel the best I mean even Lily got er first before me.
I take a pen and draw the mark you get on your arm when you kill. I find it stupid so quickly wash it off again.
Everyone in my family always underestimates me. But don’t you worry Regulus I won’t underestimate you.
There’s a feeling you get when a monster's breath eases up your nose. There’s a warning prickle on the back of your neck. So pretend all you want. Pretend to be kind, gentle, pretend to be human. I know exactly what you are. A daywalker.
Why else would you need blood pills?
I planted a silver necklace by his locker.
My dad says that most hunters just know a monster when they see one.
I am using my phone camera to look over the corner without being seen. I have to make sure I’m right.
I see him pick the necklace up and quickly drop it, I was right.
He just didn’t look like one, but he’s the one they warned me about. The kind that leads with a smile. You’re a monster. I’m a hunter.
He had invited me to Evan Rosiers party and I went. I joined a game of spin the bottle at the same time as Regulus.
He spun the bottle, his friend made it land on me. There’s only one way this story ends.
He kissed me. He’s pretending to like me…or is he telling the truth? I mean he is my type.
Regulus asked me if we could kiss again, I take my hand around the dragger I had brought with me, to be safe.
We make out for a bit, I go over the rules in my head.
Keep calm.
Keep your head up.
Always finish what you start.
I feel him biting into my neck. Shit. I quickly get the dagger out and stab him in his chest.