Fly.
July 20th, 1976.
“Come on Reggie! Please just play one game!” James begs from where he’s flying over the yard with Sirius.
It’s a nice day, the sun is out but not too bright thanks to the clouds, it’s windy to the point of making it a soft breeze but not chilly in the need of a jumper. Monty and Effie decided to go into town to the market leaving the 3 teenage boys' home alone. Sirius and James thought it was the perfect day for some quidditch, Regulus thought it was the perfect day to sit on the porch and read a Muggle classic. ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ Don’t get it wrong, Regulus can enjoy a good romance every now and then, but he thinks the main character ‘Romeo’ is a complete and utter idiot. He didn’t check or even shake the girl before assuming she was dead.
But Regulus does have to admit that dying in the place of someone you love seems like a good way to die. Dying so they can live. Or maybe just dying in general.
“Come off it Prongs; he’s never going to play. He’s too scared we will beat him.” Taunts Sirius, as he flies over to his best mate giving his brother a smirk and raising an eyebrow. “He’s too afraid of losing.” And at that Regulus raises an eyebrow.
Oh..
Oh..
Sirius knows Regulus Black well, if there’s anything he doesn’t like, it’s someone saying he won’t do something cause he’s afraid, and by the look in the older Black brothers' eyes he knows he succeeded in his mission, Regulus stood up, putting his book down and held out his hand making a broom fly into his palm as he wraps his knuckles around it. He doesn’t even have to look at it to know who’s broom it is, Fleamont Potters. The only reason Regulus knows that is because he knows there are only 3 broomsticks in the house, James’s which is gold and has his initials in bright red on the handle. Sirius’s which is the same one he’s had since 3rd year, with brown wood and a spiral design down the handle and Monty’s, the exact same as James’s but instead of ‘JFP’ on it, this broom has ‘FJP’ engraved on it.
He mounts the broom and takes off towards his brother and Potter, stopping in front of them and Potter takes out a snitch from his pocket. “Rules are simple, the first one to catch it wins.” Regulus shrugs as the gold ball spreads its wings between James’s golden-brown fingers. Easy.
“When Prongs release the snitch, we have to wait 10 seconds before flying for it, no trying to knock anyone off their broom.” His lovely brother says before James releases the snitch and Regulus’s eyes are laser focused on the ball watching it zoom away at lightning speed.
“6..5..4..3..2..1!” James yells and Regulus is the first one to zoom off his brother and James behind him as he shoots into the air knowing the snitch always starts out high.
Regulus won that round, and the next 5 rounds. Catching the Snitch in record time. Anywhere between 5-15 minutes each time, what can he say he’s a natural.
“You cheated.” Sirius spits out with no fire behind his words as they all fly back down to the ground, the snitch in Regulus’s hand as he carelessly tosses it up and catches it over and over again glaring at his brother.
“I did not cheat, you are just a sore loser. At least admit you lost and take it in stride.” Regulus says blandly and unimpressed and everyone stops. It’s like the trees had stopped swaying in the wind and the birds were quiet as the two older boys looked at Regulus. Regulus only rolls his eyes waiting for them to say something about him talking but they don’t. Instead, James laughs, he actually laughs a little and nudges Regulus, bumping their shoulders together.
“He has a point Pads; you don’t know how to lose gracefully.”
“Shove off Prongs.” Sirius mumbles, embarrassed that his friend didn’t take his side. With that Regulus turns and walks away towards the house taking the broom with him.
“Oy Reggie! Where are you going!” His brother yells after him, still standing next to Potter.
“Not my name Sirius, and I’m going inside, you guys are boring.”
Now it was James’s turn to get offended. “Boring? Please we are not boring Regulus. And aren’t you forgetting something?” That causes Regulus to turn around and raise an eyebrow. What possible could he be forgetting? But James motions to his left hand.
“My snitch.” He calls after it and Regulus rolls his eyes releasing it and watches as it flies off and the older boy curses under his breath. “Thanks.” He says sarcastically as he mounts his broom to get it and Regulus smiles sweetly.
“You’re welcome.”
As he shoots through the sky, he sees the smile and stares for a second before going after the snitch, and James swears his heart stopped. Who knew Regulus, who consistently frowns and snickers at people could have a smile so beautiful that could make Aphrodite herself jealous.
“I don’t know if it was the best idea to put in a phoenix feather.” Monty mumbles as he looks over the potion in the cauldron.
“Maybe not,” Whispers Regulus with his eyes wide as he looks at the potion that’s starting to bubble over.
“Oh, dear Effie is going to kill us if it explodes again.” Regulus nods at the man, he doesn’t want to see a mad Euphemia. Although she’s easier to deal with than his own mother when she gets mad.
Effie and Monty came home around 2 hours ago. Regulus was in his room still reading the same Muggle story when Monty came up to ask if he wanted to continue brewing their potion. In all of Regulus’s young years he never had as much fun making a potion before now. Fleamont Potter was easy to get along with, it’s obviously where James got his charm from and Merlin, the man is smart. And funny, and kind. A truly wonderful person. Regulus has found himself enjoying the man’s company more times than not. He hasn’t joked around with anyone this much since summer began. Oh, how he misses his friends.
That reminds him, maybe he should write to Pandora, he can’t risk writing to Barty or Evan, their parents might recognize his owl and he doubts anyone knows that the Black family has lost both heirs, no mother wouldn’t want that to get out to the public.
“Mum said that when you’re done you guys need to come eat. Dinner is almost finished.” A voice says shaking Regulus out of his head, and he looks up to see James leaning against the doorway his arms crossed. Him and Regulus make eye contact and Potter smiles a little and winks..
Did James Potter just wink at him?..
“We will be there in a moment.” The oldest Potter man reassures his son. Nodding James sits up straight and Regulus thinks he’s going to walk away but he doesn’t. Instead, he comes inside the room and stands between Monty and Regulus looking in the cauldron.
Regulus can feel the heat of his body next to him..
And Regulus likes it..
“What are you guys brewing anyways? You know secrets don’t make friends.” Jokes James smiling at his father and Regulus doesn’t say a word.
“And who said we’re trying to have you as a friend?” Monty jokes back at his son and ruffles his hair and for a second Regulus would swear that it was like looking in a mirror, the eye color, the messy hair, the stupid ridiculous glasses. James Potter was Fleamonts twin, only difference being the height, Monty had a few inches on his son and the skin tone. Monty is darker, James got his moms lighter skin tone, more like a honey brown color.
James rolls his eyes playfully at his dad, a jester Regulus would be in trouble for if he did it to his own parents, even if it was only in a joking playful manner. “Well, you guys can keep your secrets for now. But please come eat. Mum said you haven’t eaten today.” He says to his dad before looking at Regulus raising an eyebrow and Regulus dies a little. “And I know you didn’t eat lunch with us.”
Regulus looks away from James’s intense stare and can feel the boy's eyes burning into the side of his head.
“Yeah yeah, we’re coming.” Monty mumbles looking back at his potion and James only nods, smiling at his dad before walking behind Regulus to get out of the room, resting his hand gently on Regulus’s hips as he slides by.
His brain stops working.
His skin burns.
His heart skips.
And James looks up grinning like the devil he is before slipping out the door and Regulus lets out a shaky breath.
Great, just fucking great.
Dinner came and went pretty normally; Regulus didn’t talk again the rest of the day. He doesn’t have the energy for antics honestly. Lately he feels like he just goes in the motions emotionally drained and beat. He just wants to sleep, but he can’t. It’s only 10 so he goes upstairs to his room and closes the door, goes to his desk, sits down and pulls out parchment and a quill.
Dear Panda,
I am fine, I know that would be your first question, so I went ahead and got it over with. I am fine, I promise on the stars. I’m at the Potters, I got away. I do not know if I can see any of you before the school year starts in September, I hope I can. Please do tell Barty and Evan not to fret, knowing Barty he has been very dramatic about not hearing from me. I did not want to risk writing directly to those two because I do not know if me running away is really ‘news’ at the moment. Mother is probably trying to keep it hush hush. Anyways, how was your summer? Did you have fun in Italy? Please do share, I would love to hear about the nargle population in that country, you said they are native there yes? Please write back, I need company and Sirius and James are quite boring. Although James’s father is having me help him with potions most days and that is nice. Now I am quite tired. Bye Pandora.
-RAB
Regulus had just got done writing the letter and folding the parchment when his bedroom door opened up and in walked Sirius. He doesn’t say anything, doesn't even ask to come in, he just shuts the door behind himself and sits on Regulus’s bed.
Regulus turns to look at him, and sighs slightly annoyed. “Can I help you?”
“Well look who’s finally up and talking.” Sirius comments instead of answering the question and Regulus grows more annoyed.
“Yes, I seem to remember knowing how to talk since I was a toddler.”
“You didn’t speak very well as a child.”
“I was a very well-spoken child!”
“You had a stutter.”
“I did not!”
“You did, it was kind of cute.”
Regulus huffs, done with the conversation already. “What do you want, Sirius?”
“To talk.” Is all his brother says and Regulus nods softly.
“Ok then talk.”
“You left- “
“Ok I’m done with your talking.” Regulus blurts out, not wanting to have this conversation ever.
“No, no Reggie you have to hear this.”
“That’s not my name- “
“I don’t care!” Sirius yells standing up. “It’s my name for you, it was my name first, don't shut me out!” He pleaded with his brother and Regulus laughed, a dry laugh, not one of joy, one of anger and sadness and downright pain.
“Don’t shut you out? You mean how you shut me out? When you left and shut the door behind you and didn’t come back!” Regulus roared, feeling like he’s drowning all over again and Sirius’s eyes widened as he shook his head.
“No- No Regulus that isn’t fair. She was going to kill me, she found out about Remus, and she was going to- " Regulus cut his brother off with a look of despair on his face.
“I mean before that idiot! Before all of it!” Regulus stands up looking at his big brother. “You left me before that. I can forgive you for leaving me when it was your life on the line, but you left me way before that.” Tears build in the younger ones eyes and Sirius is still in shock, he doesn’t understand what his brother is saying. “You went off to Hogwarts, you got sorted in the house you wanted, you made friends, and you forgot about me.”
“Reg, I didn’t forge-“ Regulus puts his hand up to stop Sirius from talking.
“Let me finish. I sat up night after night praying on your star that you would remember that you had a brother at home, one that needed you. Because being in that house without you was like a dementor came and sucked all the happiness and all the light out.”
“Reg-“
“But I forgave you, the first time I saw you the whole year and you came home that summer you were forgiven the moment I laid eyes on you, and I ran, and I hugged you and I was so happy” Regulus’s voice breaks, and this is it. He’s laying everything on the table. “I had my brother back and that was the best moment of my life, and we went up to my room and I hadn’t talked to you in months and the only thing you could talk about was.. James and Remus.. And Peter.. And how you had 3 new friends, and I was happy for you I really was but then.. Sirius, you called them your brothers.. I sa- I sat there.. And you.. You called them your brothers and it was like I didn’t exist anymore and that hurt.”
“I-” Sirius starts but he stands there frozen in time as his brother's words fill his head. No.. No no please no that’s not how it happened.. “Regulus I-I wrote to you every day..”
That caught Regulus’s attention and he shot his head up and shook it fast. “No, no you didn’t write once. And you stayed at that school for every single break Sirius, because you didn’t care, you didn’t want to come home.”
Regulus waited with big eyes as he sat on the staircase, right in front of the door so he couldn’t miss it when his brother walked through. It was Christmas break, Sirius was finally ready to come home and Merlin, Regulus missed him. He can’t wait to hear all about Hogwarts and stay up in Sirius’s room talking and laughing quietly to themselves as Sirius shows him all the new spells he learned at school.
But slowly the minutes trickled by.. Then hours and before Regulus knew it his stomach was growling, and he looked at the clock on the wall and it said 7:54pm.. Regulus has been sitting here for 10 hours waiting.
A laugh startled him and made him jump, behind him coming down the stairs was his mother, a glass of wine in her hand and Regulus sat up quickly, straightening his back and keeping his chin up. Blacks always have perfect posture even when sitting on a staircase.
“He’s not coming.” Is all his mother said as she walks past him, not even looking at her youngest son. “Forgot to tell you, he wrote to me earlier this week. Said he would rather stay at that school then look at you and have you follow him around like a lost puppy.” And with that Regulus’s soul was crushed by one sentence and Walburga Black left him there.
A few more minutes go by, and Regulus is still waiting trying not to cry. No.. No no that can’t be right. Sirius loved him, he.. He wouldn’t just forget about him and leave, not on Christmas.. N-Not for his birthday please.. But it was no use so at 8:25 Regulus finally got up and went upstairs to his room where he stayed for the rest of the night, and a few days later for the first time in years Regulus truly was alone for his eleventh birthday.
Sirius snapped him out of his trance as he grabbed Regulus and forced him into a hug, Regulus can feel the boys' tears on his neck but doesn’t say anything and doesn’t move to hug him back. “I wrote to you every day; I wrote over 100 letters to you Regulus.. I-I didn’t come to break cause Moth- Walburga told me not to bother, that I would get punished and I.. I tried.. I tried to write to her.. I begged her to let me come if only it was for an hour just to see you..”
Regulus blinks and notices a tear fall down his cheek, he hadn’t even realized he was crying until the tear fell. “What?.. But- No but she said you-“
“But nothing.” Sirius pulls away to look at his brother and cups his hands on his cheek rubbing the tears off Reggie’s cheeks with his thumb. “I could never and would never forget about you Reggie- You have to know that please.” He begged looking into Regulus’s gray eyes.
“But I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for I shouldn’t have-“
“I’m so sorry for leaving you in a house and not a home, and I knew.. I knew the flames would burn you and I just sat back and watched the ashes fall..”
That did it, those simple words ‘I’m so sorry for leaving you in a house not a home’ that’s what broke Regulus and he let his dam break into pieces and he collapsed onto his brother and he cried, he cried, and cried and cried and Sirius, just like every night he held his brother as the fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs and Sirius whispered reassuring words in his ear.
“Shhh.. Let it out..”
“It’s ok..”
“I’m so sorry Reggie..”
“I’m sorry bub let it out..”
“I’m here..”
“I’m not leaving you ever again..”
“You’re safe..”
“You’re home..”
Regulus Arcturus Black was finally home, in his big brother's arms where he belongs, with his family.
Then why-
Why doesn’t it feel
Right?..
Maybe it’s because Regulus doesn’t have a full family..
But he has Sirius, and right now Sirius will do, right now Sirius is perfect, right now Sirius is everything but a part of Regulus, the selfish, childish part, craves for more.