Touch.
August 1st, 1976.
The past 12 days have been a wonderful experience in the Potter household. Now that Regulus and Sirius are on good terms, they seem to be more sibling-like than ever, the only probably is.. No one in the Potter family has had a sibling, both James’s parents are an only child so they don’t know if this is sibling behavior or Black sibling behavior. Like right now for example.
“Sirius, I swear on everything I love, open my book and I will dye your hair green!” Regulus shouts as he runs down the stairs after his brother, Sirius is laughing and having a blast as he runs away with Regulus’s journal. Regulus is having none of it and goes to tackle his brother only for Sirius to throw the book at James right before Regulus shoots a body binding spell at his older brother, and being the athlete, he is James catches it and totally doesn’t almost fumble and drops it.
Now Regulus’s eyes are on James, and they look murderous.
So, James Potter does the only logical thing he can think of at the moment and runs out the back door, running like his life depended on it because it just bloody well might.
Regulus follows after him, wand in hand, and James is fairly certain he might die today.
“James Fleamont Potter, get back here!”
“No can-do Reg!” James yells laughing as his hair flows in the wind running full speed, and he guesses that Regulus wasn’t a fan of running cause out of nowhere James is being lifted into the air and Regulus has his wand out.
“Give me my book.” Regulus hisses his voice low and raspy showing that he’s not playing around and James smirks because oh..
Oh..
That is bloody attractive. Why is that so attractive? James has some issues he needs to work out.
But before he can question it too much Regulus has already walked over and ripped the book out of James’s hand and James whines like a toddler. “Reggie, that's not fair! This isn’t how you’re supposed to play the game. No magic allowed.”
“Yeah? Didn’t know being an insufferable idiot came with a rule book.” Regulus shoots back.
“Of course, it does!” James explains with his bright smile that Regulus swears is going to blind someone someday. It should really be considered a safety concern. “Page 3 paragraph 5, section B of the idiot handbook actually.”
Regulus only hums looking unamused trying to hide the smile that’s threatening to appear on his lips, the idiot had some good jokes up his sleeves Regulus will give him that at least.
“Yes, yes very interesting.” Regulus mumbles, waving a hand dismissing Potter as he walks away.
James looks confused as he kicks his feet still floating in the air. “Umm Regulus.. Reggie..” He calls out but Regulus ignores him as he keeps walking towards the door. “Come on Reggie this isn’t funny! I don’t have my wand!”
“Huh, should have thought about that then, shouldn't've you?” Is all Regulus says as he walks inside shutting the door. Effie and Fleamont would be home soon, they can get James down and Sirius out of his body binding spell. But Regulus also decided that if they were not home in the next 35 minutes, he himself would reverse the spells, he’s not evil after all, just wants to show the boys a lesson for not respecting his property.
And just like he thought, Monty and Effie came with 15 minutes to spare, releasing James and Sirius from Regulus’s spell as Regulus sat at the island counter drinking his tea. He half expected to get a scolding honestly but instead Monty laughed at the boys as soon as he seen what had happened and Effie gave them both a talk in respecting someone's privacy.
“You boys should apologize to Regulus this instant, that journal has his most valuable thoughts and emotions in it that he might not want to share with everyone an-“
“Mum, he put me in a body bind!”
“And? I would have done the same thing Sirius Black!”
“But-“ James gets cut off making his case as an owl flies through the window and drips 3 parchment of mail on the table.
Monty comes over a cup of tea in hand as he picks up the letters. “One for Sirius, one for James, and another for Regulus from Hogwarts. I bet it’s your school supplies list.” He says causing Euphemia to stop her lecture as she walks over to her husband.
“Seems they know Regulus is here.” She says and smiles at the boy, a big grin and Regulus can’t help but smile back as his brother and his annoying friend comes over to grab their mail. “We should arrange a day to go to Diagon Alley to get your boys stuff.”
“Ooh and we can invite Remus!” Sirius says excitedly. He’s always excited to get any chance to see his boyfriend, he misses him over summer holiday.
“And Pete of course, ooh and Lily.” Potter replies back smiling ear to ear.
“And If Lily comes, we might as well invite all the girls, get the group all together to go shopping with!”
“Pads, I like how your beautiful brain works!”
Regulus blocked out the rest of the conversation as the room started spinning a little. They’ll have to go into Diagon Alley to get their school supplies, James and Sirius want to invite their Gryffindor friends. Regulus misses his friends. He misses how Barty and Evan would argue over the dumbest things in the world, how Dorcas would kiss his cheek when he was studying too hard, how Pandora would randomly come into his dorm room talking about another mythical creature she learned about and how she a hundred percent believed in them. He misses hanging out with them in the Slytherin Dorm Rooms. Regulus and Pandora have been writing to each other but it’s not the same. He wants to see his friends; he has to see his friends. They were there for him, during a time that no one else was.
“Still nothing?..” Regulus faintly hears Evan ask.
“A letter from his mother but other than that no, Sirius hasn’t tried to talk to him all year.” Barty whispers back. It’s their first year, almost time for Christmas break, and Regulus’s twelfth birthday. Regulus and Sirius aren’t talking, not on the train, not before the sorting, and definitely not after the sorting. Regulus is a Slytherin, everything his older brother hates..
And he hates himself for it..
Regulus wrote Sirius after not talking to him all year, asking if this Christmas will be different, if this time Sirius will come home. Regulus hasn’t gotten a reply, and now it’s the day before they leave for break and Regulus feels like he’s dying.
“You know..” A soft, sing-Songy voice says smiling to herself. “I always believe the things we lose always have a way to come back to us.”
“That’s nice Pandora really, but that’s not going to stop Regulus from looking off into the distance acting like he got sucked by a dementor.”
“Hey Reg.” A face comes into view in front of him and he looks to see that it’s Dorcas, she’s a second-year student who decided as soon as she saw them that she would take in the first years, she calls the group her babies. They are not babies, they always have to remind her, but she won’t hear a word against it.
“Regulus, when was the last time you ate?..” She asks softly, her eyes full of concern and Regulus just shrugs. He’s used to going days without eating, the feeling isn’t as bad anymore after many years of practice.
Out of nowhere tears come to his eyes as the gravity of the situation hits him fully, so this is it huh? He’s destined to spend every birthday from here on out without his brother, every holiday. Every break? Going into that house alone?
“Shit Reg,” mumbles Evan and suddenly Regulus feels arms wrap around him, a few pairs of arms actually. He can see Dorcas hugging him, his face hidden in her neck. He can smell Pandora’s shampoo as her hair glazes up against him lightly, and he can feel Barty and Evan’s rings against his arm as they hold onto him tight.
And for the first time ever, Regulus thinks that he’s finally found a family. But he still misses and clings to the one he once had with his brother.
“Can I invite my friends?” Regulus asks out of the blue causing everyone in the kitchen to stop talking.
“I don’t see why not, of course you can.” Mrs. Potter says with a smile, looking at the small boy. She doesn’t understand why he looked afraid to ask, she can only imagine how much the poor boy has probably missed his friends. Sirius and James go over and see Remus, Peter, and even Lily and Mary on occasion through the summer, but Regulus hasn’t left the house since the night he came through the fireplace.
“Ughhh, you mean we have to hang out with the Slytherins,” complained Sirius and Regulus sent him a glaring look.
“Like I have been enjoying the company of you and James? I don’t but I suck it up. So will you.” Regulus answered back. He doesn’t care what his brother says at the moment. He just wants to see his friends.
“Hey now,” the youngest Potter boy replied, again bumping Regulus’s shoulder. He seems to do that a lot these days. “We are a delight, and you know it.”
Regulus just raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? And who are you trying to lie to? Me or you cause I know that is not true but if you want to stay in denial, please be my guest.” Regulus’s time came out dry as he waved a dismissive hand at Potter.
“Yeah yeah.” James says with his famous smile learning over Reg, and Regulus just rolls his eyes and gets up with his letter to walk upstairs.
“Why are you always running away?” James asks a smile on his lips as he looks at Regulus walking up the stairs.
“If you must know Potter I am going to go write to Pandora about our upcoming trip.” He says before turning around to look at the family. “When do you think we will go?”
“Sometime next week.” Monty says. “We will let you know what everyone says.” Regulus only nods, smiling politely before walking upstairs to his room to write to Pandora.
August 8th, 1976
“Come on Sirius!” James yells banging on Sirius’s bedroom door, they have to leave soon, and Sirius is worrying about his hair.
“Give me a minute prongs, perfection takes time!”
“Mate Moony is going to love you no matter what your hair looks like you know this. So, what are you worried about?”
“Prongsie I can’t go out in public with messy hair.” Sirius sighs and opens the door, his long hair put back with his wand. Always look your best. Love is measured by one’s beauty. A small voice in the back of Sirius’s head tells him, he’s been trying to shake that voice for years. In reality he knows Remus doesn’t care. Remus has seen him looking far worse seeing as they share a bedroom and have for the past 6 years but still- a small part of Sirius can’t help but think maybe, just maybe his mother was right about one thing. You can’t be ugly and be loved..
“We promised to meet everyone there in 5 minutes, Regulus and my parents already left.”
“Mum and dad left without us? That’s not very fair.” Sirius pouts dramatically but what can he say? Drama Queen is his middle name. “Oh, speaking of which I needed to talk to you about something.”
“Huh?” Asked James as he bends down to tie his shoe.
“Remus talked to Hope, and she said I could stay the night with them after we get back from Diagon Alley and I was hoping that you maybe.. Could you take my spot with Regulus tonight?”
James shoots his head up looking at his best friend. “And what makes you think Regulus would want me helping him after a night terror?”
Sirius steps over his friend and shrugs. “Look James, no one..” He sighs trying to find the right word, words were hard for Sirius sometimes. “After one of those nights.. You don’t care who it is, you just want someone there. At the moment you don’t care if it’s your worst enemy calming you down because they’re calming you down after reliving one of the worst nights of your life.”
James knows exactly that Sirius is speaking from experience. Hell, even James has experienced. James would console Sirius every night for months, for years even after Sirius had one of his nights. After a while Remus was the one who took over being with Sirius at night, at least while their in Hogwarts and he has one of his spells, but James is still on break duties, but from what James knows, Sirius hasn’t had an episode in months.
“Alright I’m ready!” Sirius yells, snapping James out of his thoughts. James looked at him and it was his turn to sigh. Sirius’s hair doesn’t look that different than it had been only moments ago.
“Great, let’s go then pretty princess.” James laughs as he goes down the stairs to the fireplace and Sirius follows him.
“Aww Prongs you think I’m pretty?”
“Devilishly so Pads.”
James and Sirius meet up with their parents outside Gringotts. Monty and Effie needed to make a withdrawal to get Gallons for the boy's supplies. By the time James and Sirius got there they had already gotten the gallons and were by the entrance waiting for them.
“Sorry for the hold up. The princess needed to make sure his hair was presentable.” James jokes, jabbing Sirius in the side lightly.
“Perfection takes time, can’t say the same for you Jamie.” Sirius laughs, all in good fun as he ruffles the boy’s messy hair.
The family and Regulus walk off into the town square. Regulus is pretty sure they promise everyone to meet them at Flourish and Blotts. Sure, enough when the group gets to the old book story there’s a crowd of Gryffindors and Slytherins and one Ravenclaw. Regulus smiles wider than he has all summer.
Sirius makes a B-line right to Remus engulfing him into a big hug, you can’t see where Sirius begins and Remus ends. You would think the couple haven’t seen each other in years with the way they act. James goes right over to Peter who’s talking with Lily and Marlene, before Regulus can comprehend exactly what the Potter boy is doing he gets attacked by a group of Slytherins and one blonde Ravenclaw.
“You guys are smothering me.” Regulus says dramatically as he pitches his voice, making it seem like he can’t breathe. He can’t let his friends know he’s missed them. He has a reputation to uphold after all.
“Oh please, you love us.” Evan smiles, wiggling his eyebrows as they all pull away from the boy. Barty wraps his arms around Evan’s waist pulling him into him and resting his head in Evan’s neck. Regulus has to do a double take and then blink.
“Oh, so you finally figured it out then, good for you.” Regulus replies trying to sound like he doesn't care but in reality, he is happy for his friends, he gets to hear Evan and Barty stop bickering about each other to him, he is grateful for that.
“That is quite gay of you two.” Dorcas smirks. “I love it. Please carry on.” And she shouldn't have said that because Barty starts attacking Evans neck with his lips and Regulus could’ve gone without the mental picture.
“Okay, yeah B stop it, we’re in bloody public.” Evan huffs embarrassed, pulling away from his boyfriend and Regulus blocks them out as he looks over at James. Who’s smiling that bright smile telling a story to the group he’s with, if his facial expressions and big hand gestures are anything to go by. Regulus can’t help but wonder what on earth the boy could be talking about. Maybe Quidditch, he does talk about Quidditch a lot.
“How has it been living with your crush?” Barty asks rather loudly, causing Dorcas to have to smack the back of his head.
“Say that a little louder, why don’t you? I don’t think all of Britain heard you!” Dorcas hisses at Barty as he rubs the back of his head pouting.
So yeah.. There’s also that small factor that Regulus forgot to mention, but could you blame him?
When Sirius came home his first year, at first with how much Sirius talked about James Regulus wanted to hate him. To hate the boy who was stealing away his brother. Because Sirius was his, Ok? He was Regulus’s and this boy came in and stole him.. But with every story Sirius told him, about how mischievous, and kind, and loud the boy was.. Regulus couldn’t help but fall a little bit in love with James Fleamont Potter. In his opinion he thinks everyone should be a little in love with the boy cause how can you not be.
Regulus has been ignoring Sirius for a few days now. His brother didn’t care to see him last year, so Regulus is doing Sirius a favor and staying out of his way. Sirius hasn’t even tried to talk to him, so now on a Saturday, the first Saturday of his first school year he sits in the library reading. He has to admit the school library is bigger than his one at home, and he cannot wait to read every story on the shelves.
His reading was interrupted suddenly when a boy sat down in front of him, a boy with brown skin, messy hair, ridiculous stupid glasses with an even more ridiculous stupid grin to match. That was the first time Regulus actually felt his heart stop.
“Hello, you must be Reggie right? You look just like Sirius.” The boy says and Regulus rolls his eyes looking back at his book.
“My name is Regulus,” is all Regulus can say. He’s afraid if he says anymore, he’ll stutter from nerves.
“I like Reggie better; it suits you more. An adorable name for an adorable boy.”
Regulus doesn’t look up, hoping the book is hiding his face so it doesn’t show his blush. But thankful the boy continues.
“I’m James, James Potter.”
And oh..
Oh, dear Merlin please help Regulus cause he’s going to melt.
The kind, gentle, funny, loving, prank maker that his brother always talks about is talking to Regulus and Regulus finally has a name and a face of the boy.
Regulus knew right then and there he was a goner.
Regulus knew right then and there this boy will have his heart forever.
Regulus knew right then and there he met the love of his life.
And right then and there Regulus knew, he would do anything for the ridiculous boy, who had gold brown skin, soft pink lips, eyes that sparkled like the stars, messy brown hair, and stupid looking glasses.
There is not a line he wouldn’t cross for James Potter.
And he’ll take that secret to the grave.
Or he was going to until Dorcas found out a few months later not long after Pandora, Evan, and Barty found out. Evan said it was obvious, Regulus likes to think he’s more secretive than they give him credit for.
“No but seriously, how is it?” Dorcas asks, wiggling her eyebrows, the same smirk still on her face.
Regulus just shrugs. He doesn’t want to talk about it, and he realizes he hasn’t heard Pandora say anything, so he turns around, thinking she’s behind him but nope, she’s over on the other side of the street talking with Lily Evans.
Huh.
They all pack up and go to the shops, and it's unexpected but everyone seems to be getting along perfectly. Dorcas and Marlene are talking about some Muggle singer they both like. And Pandora and Lily are in the next shop over looking at crystals. So that just leaves Regulus, Remus, Sirius, James, Barty, Peter and Evan in the bookstore. Remus, Peter and Regulus are trying to actually find their books while the other boys are messing around.
“You need help with that sweetheart?” A voice says behind the boys actually picking out their books. Regulus, Remus and Peter, their hands all 3 filled with books, look behind them to see Barty smiling.
“No need I got it.” Says Sirius sweeping over to take the books from his boyfriend's hands, causing Remus to roll his eyes and blush slightly at Sirius’s jealousy.
“Great cause he wasn’t talking to Remus.” Evan says, also walking over, rolling his eyes at Sirius.
“Hey.” Sirius puts a hand up stopping Barty from reaching over and Barty lifts an eyebrow. “What now Black?”
“Hands off my brother.” Sirius warns, causing Barty to laugh, like actually laughing and Evan chuckles slightly.
Regulus is done with them all.
“Wasn't talking to Reg either man.” Barty mumbles as he gets done laughing. “But thanks for the warning I guess.”
This causes them all to get confused before Evan walks up in front of Peter and smiles sweetly. Evan, always the charmer, reaches his hands out.
“Can we help with those cutie?” He charms, and everyone watches as Peter blushes.
“M-Me?..” The shy boy stutters looking between the whole group and Barty laughs a little walking up to him.
“Well, we don’t see another cutie around here do we Ev?”
“Certainly not. So, can we help you carry your books?”
Peter only blushes some more and chews on his lip as he nods, Evan smiles and reaches to take the books out of his hand, passing Barty half the stack as he keeps the rest.
“Th-Thank you..” Whispers Peter and they smile softly at the boy.
“Of course, darling.”
“Why don’t you go and pick out some more, we’ll follow you.”
And with that the three boys are gone, leaving Remus, Regulus, James, and Sirius standing there in shock.
“Well, that was interesting.” Remus says smiling as he turns back to the bookshelf and Regulus only hums.
Interesting indeed.
____________________
The group continues to shop and by the end of the day they all seem friendly and- In groups? Regulus did not expect that. The whole time Evan and Barty are carrying Peter's books and joking with the poor kid to the point he’s so red in the face you would think it was his natural skin tone. Pandora and Lily have been buddy buddy and Pandora even bought her and Lily matching charms, Marlene bought Dorcas a book about some band called ‘Queen’ who comes to find out James is also obsessed with, and Sirius has been attached to Remus’s hip.
As Regulus looks around the group, he smiles a little at the newfound friendship that is born but he can’t help that small pit in his stomach he feels when he sees Barty and Evan whispering to Peter.. Or when Pandora leaves her hand on Lily’s wrist a little too long.. Or when Marlene laughs at something witty Dorcas said and Dorcas smiles, and Sirius kisses Remus softly on the cheek.
He wants that.
He wants all of that and more.
But for now, he’s only people watching. Looking. Living through them vicariously.
Crush culture makes him want to spill his guts out.
With Regulus looking at all the happy ‘couples’, what he doesn’t notice or realizes is that he’s not the only one alone. There is one boy that also isn't in a group.
Another thing Regulus Black doesn’t see that Barty and Remus do is the look that James Potter gives the younger boy when Regulus isn’t looking.
Dinner without Sirius is quieter, but not uncomfortable, just different.
When they got home Monty offered Regulus to come and help on the potion again, they’ve been slacking off the past few days, but Regulus understands. After all Monty does have a real job but he looks forward to the moments when it’s only them and the cauldron and it seems like nothing else matters in the world. James went to go help his mother in the kitchen, he and Sirius do that from time-to-time Regulus figured out and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, the food is good.
The hours seem to pass by, and Regulus thinks that he and Monty actually made some progress today on the potion. When he went to lay down, he couldn’t sleep, just looked up at the ceiling for what could’ve been hours before getting up and going outside looking up at the stars.
It sounds ridiculous but when Regulus stares up at them, and they shine down on him it’s almost like his family is whole again. After all, they are all up there together, something Regulus can’t say about right now on Earth.
“I’ll hex you!”
“Not if I hex you first!” Bella yelled back at her cousin Sirius as they chased each other around in the yard laughing and smiling. They're not old enough for wands yet, so they're using sticks.
They were at Uncle Cygnus’s manor, and the adults were all inside talking about boring adult stuff that appeared the kids aren’t old enough to hear, so they sent them outside to play. It was a rare occasion but one that the kids always enjoyed.
“Guys come on! You’re running through my house!” Narcissa, Cissa, or Cissy yelled at them as she stomps her foot. Her and Andromeda are trying to play house!
Regulus the baby of the family laughed, he’s only 4 and his brother was chasing after his cousin, so he got up and ran after them.
“No Reggie,” Cissa yelled again out of frustration, “you’re supposed to be my baby!”
“I-I pway wi-with bubba.” Little Regulus said, crushing his arms and Cissa came over and picked him up, or tries too, the 8-year-old was small for her age and Regulus was almost half her size.
“Don’t you wanna play with me and Andy?” The blonde girl asked, her eyes big as she pouted, and Regulus shook his head.
“I no-not a baby C-C-Cissa.” He mumbled annoyed; he hated when people called him a baby. He was 4! That’s almost a whole hand!
“Come on, let him play with us.” Sirius suggested laughing, as he shook his own head as he and Bella come over and sat in Narcissa’s ‘house’ with Andy following closely behind them.
Narcissa pouted and her eyes filled with tears as she sat down, crossing her legs, holding Regulus close and Andy follows along with the rest of the kids; sitting down, looking at Narcissa concerned.
“Cissy what is it?..” Bella was the first one to ask and Narcissa shook her head her curls bouncing slightly as she clung on tighter to Reg. Regulus only looked around the group with wide eyes, not understanding fully what is wrong at such that young age.
“This is the last time we will all be together..” Cissa mumbled, her voice filled with emotions. “B-Bella goes off to school in 2 weeks and-and we won’t play like this anymore..”
“Hey Narcissa, look at me.” Bella said in a soft tone that she only used for her little sisters and baby cousins, as she picked up her sister's chin to look up at her. “Nothing is going to change.”
“Promise?..” The blonde whispered and Bella looked around the group and they all nodded to each other.
“Promise,” Bella, Andromeda, and Sirius had all declared in unison.
After all, they thought they were all telling the truth.
Today Regulus wipes his eyes, trying to forget about the broken promise of the past. He lets out a breath before looking up at the stars and saying a goodnight to his family, he can only hope they heard him, somehow.
“Crusio!” The voice yells and a shot of red and then just pain, so much pain.
Laughter. They laugh as he cries.
“Get up boy.. Get up!” Another voice says.
Another curse
He’s dying.
He can’t move.
He can’t breathe
He can’t stop screaming.
It hurts.
Stop
Make it stop!
Please make it stop!
“Regulus!”
Go away! Leave me alone!
“Regulus!” It calls again but he can’t reply, it hurts so bad.
What else do they want from him?
He wants to die.. The release of death please..
“Regulus, wake up! You’re okay, you're okay!” James reassures the boy as Regulus screams himself awake, moving away from the person holding him.
“It’s me Reggie it’s me..” James’s voice is soft in the dark room as he reaches over and turns on Regulus’s lap on the bedside table.
Regulus gets a good look at him, he’s in his pajamas, a loose shirt with some type of band on it and blue pajama pants. His hair is messier than usual, and his glasses are crooked. Regulus just stares and can’t help himself before reaching up and straightening the boy's glasses for him and James smiles softly. “Thank you, Reg,” he whispers and all Regulus does is shrugs, not knowing what to say or what convinced him to touch the boy's glasses.
“Are you ok?..”
Another shrug.
“Reg..”
Regulus ignores him and sits up on the bed putting his legs up to his chest and James scoots closer to him, holding his hand out. It’s an unspoken question, can I touch you? Regulus only nods and that’s exactly what James does. He rested his hand gently on Regulus’s knee.
Regulus’s brain isn’t working..
He knows his brain isn’t working because of the next thing he says.
“Stay with me?..” He asked, his voice so soft and quiet and broken it made James’s heart hurt.
“Of course,” and he did. He stayed his hand on Regulus’s knee, until the younger boy lays down and James gets up to leave again and Regulus.. Regulus grabs James’s arm.
“Stay,” is all he says as he scoots on the bed making room for James to lay down next to him, and who the hell is James Potter to say no?
So, James Potter does the only logical thing he can think of and gets in bed next to Regulus Black, takes his glasses off, and falls asleep next to Reg.
Both of their hearts explode as their shoulders touch.