The Awakening

I'm the twisted name on Garbo's eyes
Living proof of Churchill's lies, I'm destiny
I'm torn between the light and dark
Where others see their targets, divine symmetry

Should I kiss the viper's fang
Or herald loud the death of Man?
I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought
And I ain't got the power anymore

Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
Knowledge comes with death's release
Ah, ah

Regulus decided that it was time to grow out his hair again. He would absolutely despise it but it was the only way to cover up the deep scar that was forming on his body.

He had just arrived back at the Slytherin's common room using the floo network, most of the students weren't there. Either home for the Christmas holiday or fast asleep as it was around five in the morning.

He deeply hoped his roommates weren't there so he would finally have some peace.

Regulus had always been in the male dorm room which he specified from the beginning of the first year. Only Evan and Barty, who were his roommates, and his brother and his annoying friends knew that he was transgender, at least he assumed that James, Remus and Peter knew. His roommates had sworn not to say a word about it to anyone. His life would be in ruins if they would. He hoped they understood that.

He wandered up the stairs. He had managed to cover up the scar on his face the best he could with some of Narcissa's concealer, but it would still hurt. He wondered whether he could swipe one of madam Pomfrey's potions to ameliorate at least part of it, or maybe just some unicorn hairs and ointment to avoid infection, his parents had given him nothing, only engaged once in two days to lock him up in his room without food or water until he finally managed to escape to the only premises his parents would not dare to step foot onto.

Narcissa would help him, just a bit. He reckoned she unlocked his room when no one else was around. He hoped it was her.

First thing Regulus did when entering his room, was heading for the bathroom. the door creaked as usual and the space suddenly felt so much emptier than it did usually.

It took him a second to gain the courage to look up at himself in the mirror. He winced once he saw himself, or what was left of him, staring back at him. The eye bags under his eyes nearly reaching the colour of his dark brown pupils, an incredibly swollen lip and hollowed out cheeks. And of course, deep scar, now turning purple and yellow slowly.

Raising his hand, shaking, he carefully traced with his short, uncared for nails down his face, groaning when he pressed too hard and a new trail of blood slowly leaked down his face.

His hand hovered in the air for just a second before the anger began.

'FUCK!' He screamed, loudly, punching the mirror in the process, shattering it to a hundred pieces and leaving his hand bleeding, knuckles chafed and a deep red colour, his eye hurt, streaks of tears streaming down like a river.

He stopped, looked down, setting down both his arms at the sides of the sink and taking a few deep breaths in attempt to calm himself down.

He'd started getting dizzy, probably because of the lack of food and water, he hadn't eaten or drunk anything in two days after all.

Still dizzy, he moved to sit down tiled floor, using the toilet as a tool to stabilize himself so he wouldn't fall over.

His hand hurt now too, but he couldn't care less. They had ruined him, now not just mentally as before, but physically as well. It wouldn't fade. Ever. He'd never be able to get rid of the horrible memory of his family and would be reminded by it every time he would see himself.

He wished he wouldn't have to see himself.

Swallowing loudly, he grabbed onto a singular piece of the mirror that had fallen right next to his feet, he stared at it, not believing that the monster he was staring at was supposed to be him.

He didn't know why he did it. He just wished that he hadn't, in the meantime also not regretting it.

Regulus' breathing steadied, slowing down until he had fallen asleep.

Hours later he awakened, his throat dry and the bathroom dark. He moved, his back aching from the hard floor and walls. He'd probably missed dinner by now too.

His eye hurt.

He had probably damaged his left eye's optic nerve. Damaged beyond repair, he would never be able to see out of it again.

Yet, he would not go to the hospital wing.

Instead he would wander his way around, he would cast Incendio and Confringo at all the Godforsaken Christmas decorations hanging around the hallways and common rooms, he would take pathways around the castle he had never noticed were there before, and spent hours of free time looking at the stars in the astronomy tower.

He would sneak through the secret passageway leading down to Honeydukes' cellar, Mattheo had found this passageway on accident once, during the second year when he was sneaking around the castle at night, probably on his way to the kitchen or to target some mudbloods.

He entered the passageway, it was damp, cold, and full of cobwebs. It represented exactly how Regulus was feeling at that exact moment and how he would feel for long.

Entering Honeydukes, the emptiness continued, like a never ending trail of darkness and loneliness he could not withstand, creeping up at him from every aspect of the room. This feeling would chase him, sneak up on him and torture him whenever he was alone.

This was one of the main reasons why he was gratefully waiting for the return of his friends and roommates.