A New Life
It was three years before Elphaba’s life was turned upside down again. Three years of living quietly in the forest. Three years of healing or trying to heal at least. Three years of trying to figure herself out.
It hadn’t been easy by any means, but Elphaba was used to that. Nothing in her life had been easy. Ever. But she could not deny the end results. She felt more comfortable in her own skin. Enough to wear clothes that didn't cover as much of her. Foregoing the long dresses for some simple tops and trousers that made it easier to move around and get things done. More comfortable to do the things she enjoyed without care.
Tending to the garden. Experimenting with food. Mixing potions in her alchemy lab. Those were the things that the ‘Wicked Witch’ did these days. The alchemy potions especially. She had thrown herself into research. Had even formed a business of sorts with some of the Animals. Creating potions that then would get smuggled into the cities and villages around Oz. Helping the people. She even had people make regular ‘orders’ through the Animals. Potions to help facilitate the growing of trees. Potions to improve hair growth. Potions for virility. She would get the oddest requests. But it provided her something to do, something to focus on. If it aided someone in some way then that was just a bonus.
She was sure that there were some out there who suspected that she was still around. Probably the ones receiving her potions. But so far she has been left alone. The forest was doing its job in shielding her from unwanted eyes. Perhaps some were willing to overlook the how as long as the potions were doing what they were supposed to do.
She knew that they did. Elphaba made sure of that.
She loved doing research. The loss of the Grimmerie meant that she had to do much of it from scratch, but she was up for the challenge. She figured it was probably better if she figured it out herself instead of reading it from a book. Magic had become such a huge part of her life, and she loved figuring out new ways of using it. How it connected to everything. How it connected to her. See if she could figure out the tapestry of it all. It was a massive undertaking. One that she would spend the rest of her life on, but she loved it. There was no end to what magic could do, and she wanted to know as much as she could.
But even with all that there was a hole in her life. In her heart. A piece of the puzzle that was her life that was missing. A pink, blonde puzzle piece that now seemed to be lost forever. She was never sure what emotion the blonde would instill in her on any particular day. Some days it was the heartbreak of unrequited love, making it difficult to breathe and making her chest ache. Other days it was rage at the injustices she faces. Some days it was wistful reminiscence. Remembering a time where she and the blonde had a better relationship. When the blonde would look at her as something other than the ‘Wicked Witch’. A title she hated.
Sometimes it was a combination of all of those. A few days here and there, it was just plain horniness. Those days would often follow dreams of the blonde. Dreams of being naked with the blonde. She may not always remember the dream itself, but her body did. Leaving her throbbing and desperate for some kind of friction. With Elphaba having to take care of herself because she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else if she didn’t.
It always left her feeling empty afterwards. So much so that she had to wrestle with the desire to hop on the broom and fly to see Glinda. She wanted to be near the woman she loved, yes. That was a desire that never went away. But it was stronger on those days because she also wanted the blonde to fuck her silly.
The heartbreak, despair and rage was the worst during those days. That’s why she preferred to keep herself busy. If she had something to do, then she wouldn’t think of the blonde. If she didn’t think of the blonde, she wouldn’t end up feeling the ache in her chest that always accompanied thoughts of her. But she could not stop the dreams.
From the outside Elphaba was thriving in her new life. She was away from the hateful eyes of Oz. Away from the stigma that was placed on her. Free to just live her life.
But her heart was broken.
***
She had finally gone mad. That was the only explanation for the sight she was seeing just outside her window. A sight of blonde hair and a brightly colored dress. Not as fluffy as her normal attire, but still one that stood out against the green of the forest. One that screamed that she didn’t belong there. She had gone crazy. She must have. There was no way Glinda was just casually walking up to her home. Rubbing her eyes and shaking her head did nothing to dispel the hallucination.
She must have fallen asleep in her study. Again. Or accidentally cast some illusion spell. Again. A very vivid, realistic illusion spell that had her stomach doing flips and made her heart flutter in her chest.
Maybe she had accidentally dropped one of her potion bottles? She had done that once before. Ended up having a weird evening where the walls were moving, the pots were talking and the floor was uneven. Ending in a headache that lasted for three days. But she had learned to be more careful since then.
As her head was spinning, the apparition was getting closer. It was now almost walking towards her home. She had to do something. Without thinking too much about it, she ran over to the door and pushed it open.
The blonde literally stumbled mid-step. Turning pale, her eyes were as wide as dinner plates. “Elphaba?” It’s not fair that Glinda's voice still affected her this much. Elphaba felt her entire body tense up as she tried to maintain some control. Seeing the apparition from the window was one thing. Being face to face with the person she had been dreaming about for three years was another. Hearing the voice that she loved was quite another.
“Glinda.” She was almost proud of herself for managing to keep her voice even. Not giving away how hard her heart was beating. She stood stiffly in her door, not knowing what else to do.
The blonde rushed forward, hands outstretched and reaching for her. “Is that…? Are you…? How…?” Glinda can’t touch her. That was the one thing Elphaba was sure of at that moment. The blonde’s touch has been her undoing. Always has. She needs to be in control. The blonde can’t touch her. She moved away, avoiding the touch that would make her crumble. Completely missing the hurt look on Glinda’s face.
“Isn’t it obvious? I would never be able to live in peace. So I opted to die in peace.” A thought then came to her. How did the blonde get here? Did she come alone? Her eyes moved from the woman in front of her to the forest behind her. Almost expecting several Emerald City guards to be standing there, waiting to take her away and throw her in a jail cell somewhere. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Glinda turning as well. Looking at the same spot she was before turning back. Looking confusedly at Elphaba. Did she come here alone? Why? “Why are you here Glinda?”
She watched as the blonde opened her mouth several times before giving up. She then stood there, looking lost. “I… I don’t know… I felt like I had to investigate this forest. Something was… I don’t know… I just didn’t want to go back.”
Now Elphaba was confused. “Go back? To the Emerald City?” Why wouldn’t she want to go back to her home?
Glinda was no longer looking at her. “I wanted to escape. Just for a bit. This forest was the perfect excuse.” Tear-filled eyes then snapped to Elphaba. “I did not know you were here. I swear. I just... needed to get away.” She laughed then. A laugh so unlike her that it sent chills down Elphaba’s spine. Not the good kind. The blonde didn’t even seem to see her anymore. “Maybe I’ve finally gone insane. Seeing you here… You are here… Aren’t you? You really…And you didn’t…” As she watched the blonde, trying to make sense of it all, she saw something break. To her horror, Elphaba then watched as Glinda sank to her knees and started sobbing uncontrollably.
In all the ways she imagined seeing Glinda again, watching her hysterically crying was never a scenario Elphaba envisioned. Never. Glinda was unflappable. That was the image she portrayed. But this? This made her chest ache. Her scent was all over the place, further illustrating the distress and it was unbearable. Glinda was babbling now. Completely lost. “You couldn’t tell me you were alive?” Her voice was raw. Thick with emotion. “Do you hate me that much?”
That prodded at a scab. A hurt that’s been there for years. Never fully healing. Glinda was the one who turned away. Glinda was the one who hated her. Why is she asking like it was Elphaba’s fault? “Shouldn’t I? You hate me after all.” She snapped.
Red, tear-filled eyes then locked up. The look in those eyes was one she didn’t recognize. “NO, I DON’T!” The shriek was so loud that Elphaba flinched. A flock of birds flying away, startled by the sound. She was sure that everyone in the forest had heard it. Maybe even all of Oz. “How could you think… I’ve never…” The blonde rambled as she grabbed her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Her breathing was unsteady. Every bit of anger left Elphaba then, replaced by concern. The blonde looked like she was about to have a panic attack.
“Glinda? Glinda! Hey…” Forgetting all about being angry, suspicious or whatever emotion Elphaba tried to hide behind to protect herself, she rushed forward. Her only concern now was calming the blonde down. Sinking to her knees, Elphaba grabbed hold of Glinda’s shoulder. The blonde was so warm under her hands. “Glinda? Glinda, you need to breathe. I need you to breathe. Can you do that? Deep breaths. Slow in, slow out.”
She repeated those words until the blonde appeared to have calmed down. Her breathing was now steadier. Her eyes were still shut, face stained with ruined makeup. Elphaba fought the urge to wipe her face with her hand and started removing her hands from the blonde’s shoulder. Only to be stopped by the blonde. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Those warm hands were now caressing her own. A touch so familiar that Elphaba’s heart skipped a beat. “Let go. Feels better when you’re nearby. Always does. Always want you near.”
The words were softly spoken. Almost at a whisper. But Elphaba heard them as if Glinda had shouted them at her. Her chest ached with renewed pain. Why did the blonde insist on torturing her like this? “You… You can’t just say things like that to me.”
Forcing down the pain, she felt anger swelling. Wanting to lash out. Yell at the blonde for doing this to her. But something about the way the blonde was acting was worrying her. She was crying again, her breathing unsteady, though it was clear that she was trying to get herself under control. Once her cries had reduced to hiccups, pained blue eyes looked up at Elphaba. “You are real, aren’t you?” The voice was so small. Insecure. Pained in a way Elphaba never would have expected.
It tore at her. For all her anger, she loved the blonde more than anything. The last thing she wanted was to cause her pain. Somehow it seemed that she had. “I… Yes, my sweet, I am real.” She gave a reassuring squeeze on Glinda’s shoulders. Tried to communicate with touch.
The blonde’s next words made her cackle. “Am I real?”
It was dumb. Silly. It was the old Glinda at her most vapid. Elphaba adored it. “Oh, I’m quite certain you are.” They then fell into silence once again. Glinda taking several deep breaths. Eyes still closed. Still trying to get herself under control. Elphaba took that opportunity to look at her. There were lines under her eyes that made Elphaba wonder if the blonde slept well. Her face smeared with makeup. Her hair was not as vibrant as it once had been. She also seemed to have lost weight. She was still the most beautiful woman Elphaba had ever seen. Still the very vision of all her hopes and dreams. Still her Glinda. Somehow. She couldn’t believe she was here.
"I am so tired, Elphie." Glinda’s voice was shaky. Drained. She rubbed at her face before looking up at Elphaba through blurry eyes. The use of the nickname made butterflies dance around Elphaba’s stomach. A familiar swooping feeling that only the blonde could instill. Glinda was the only one who called her that. "I am so tired of being Glinda the Good. I am so tired of pretending to be happy. Pretending that I am something I'm not. That you're something you're not. I am so tired of pretending that everything is fine. That I don’t feel the way I feel… That I don’t hate myself.” She rubbed at her eyes again, before closing her eyes and taking slow breaths.
It was like someone had stuck a dagger in her heart. Glinda hated herself? That’s impossible. She couldn’t, could she? “You… you don’t mean that.” But the blonde’s scent didn’t hint at any deception. Which made the pain in her heart worse. The woman she loved hated herself? Now not focusing on anything other than her alpha, Elphaba began sending calming pheromones. Doing whatever she could to soothe.
Glinda noticed. Giving her a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She then gave a mocking laugh. Sounding more like a crazed witch than Elphaba ever did. “Don’t I? I am a failure! And I’ve had nothing but regrets for years! It’s pathetic! I’m pathetic!” Her laugh ended in another sob. “I couldn’t even grieve you!” Glinda was hysterical now. “Don’t you get that? I had to pretend that everything was fine when all I wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare. I had to listen to them rejoice your death and pretend I didn’t care. That I didn’t love you.”
Time stopped. Elphaba couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Glinda had said… "You... What?" No, this had to be another trick. Elphaba focused on the anger. Anger was easier. “You lie! How dare you?” She tore her hands away, making the blonde’s eyes snap to her. Her eyes are clearer now than before. Her face stunned at the action.
As Elphaba focused on her own heartbreak, trying not to lash out, Glinda put her hand over her mouth. Eyes wide as if she was shocked. She then looked at Elphaba with the most devastating expression the witch had ever seen. “Sitting on the dirty ground crying like a schoolgirl. Of course that’s how I finally tell you.” Tear-filled blue eyes met anguished brown ones. “It’s the truth, Elphie. I love you. So much. I always have.”
Checking her scent, Elphaba found no hints of deception. Then why…? “No! You used me. Hated me. You hate me!” Refusing to let go of her anger, her voice grew louder with each word. “You must have! Why else…?” Her heartbreak then became too much and her rant broke off into a sob. The only question she could think of was why? Why didn’t Glinda tell her? Why did she let her think that she hated her? Why now?
She flinched as hands gently grasped her face. Tilting her head up to meet blue eyes. The previous anguish was gone. Replaced with the one thing Elphaba never thought she’d see. “I never hated you. I never could. Even if I wanted to. Which I never did.” Her fingers were now gently caressing Elphaba’s face. The blonde’s touch was as devastating as ever. “As for the other thing – we used each other. At least after the mess with the Wizard. You were the one who sought me out in the City, remember? Most of our trysts were not instigated by me.”
Elphaba scoffed. “You could have said no.” She would have been hurt, but all Glinda had to do was say no. She would have left and never bothered her again. But the blonde never did.
“Yes, I could have, but I didn’t want to. Anything with you was better than nothing. Because I loved you. Love you.” All anger leaving her, Elphaba opened her eyes to meet Glinda’s. “If you thought I hated you, why did you keep seeking me out?”
“You really have to ask?” The words came out croaked. Glinda still didn’t know? She felt her skin stinging from where her tears had landed. That pain was easier to focus on than the one in her heart. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Fighting the urge to close her eyes again as the blonde gently traced the side of Elphaba’s face. Trying not to think about that touch touched the edge of her lips. It was a balm. One she had been missing for three years. For more than a decade even. She felt her eyes fluttering closed once again. Only to snap open at Glinda’s next words.
“I was a coward. That’s all there was to it. You had been right all those years ago. I was… I am a coward.” Fingers now gently traced green lips who parted at the sensation. “But I don’t want to be. Not anymore. Not ever.” Those distracting fingers were then replaced by even more distracting lips. Oz, she hadn’t kissed Glinda in so long. Had almost forgotten what it felt like. Grabbing Glinda’s face, Elphaba help her in place. The kiss grew more heated. More desperate. She never wanted to let go. She felt Glinda grab her sides, pulling her even closer. Not close enough.
The need for air finally became too much and Elphaba pulled away. Only slightly. She still held the blonde close enough that she felt each breath the blonde took. "My sweet…" Her thumb had begun caressing the blonde’s face. Gasping as Glinda playfully bit at her fingers once they got close to her mouth. Feeling that action all the way down to her toes. And between her legs.
Glinda smiled as she kept kissing her. "My Elphie." Bestowing small kisses all over Elphaba’s face. Carefully wiping away the tears with her lips. "I can't believe I found you. That you're really here.” Glinda then pulled away suddenly. Her eyes wide. “Please tell me I'm not dreaming."
So dumb. She’s so dumb. Elphaba loved her so damn much. "If this is a dream then I think we're both having it. If so, I'd rather not wake up." She gasped again as Glinda began trailing kisses down her neck. "Glinda, I..." Her words broke off into a moan as teeth nipped at her pulse point followed by a long lick of a tongue. But she was nothing if not stubborn. She had to know how the blonde had found her. Pushing gently at the blonde, she looked into her eyes. "How did you find me?"
The blonde looked sheepish. "I… don’t know? Accidentally I suppose.” Elphaba found that hard to believe. “I wasn't looking, believe it or not. You were dead, Elphie. Dead. I grieved for you while having to pretend that I wasn’t. It was torture." She broke off. Once again trying to collect herself. Taking slow breaths. Elphaba then reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. Running her fingers through that hair. Glinda leaned into the touch. "I had received news that there was unrest in Gillikin Country, and had gone there to help. To get away from the city for a while. Think about everything. All my regrets." She laughed bitterly. "It was there that I heard about this forest. Bad things happen here. Rumors of a curse. Of dangerous animals and hungry trees. That people get lost in there."
"They are not just rumors. It's all true. Because I want it that way. The animals and I have a pact to help each other. The trees themselves are enchanted and dangerous. But that doesn’t explain how you found me here. The forest should have hidden me."
Glinda looked confused then. "I... I just followed the path? It led me straight here."
"Path? What path?"
The blonde then turned her head. Her stopping in mid-air as she began looking around. "But... I walked a path. It led me here. I'm sure of it!" She then turned fully as she looked around.
Drawing the blonde’s attention back to her, Elphaba started explaining. "There is no path. There couldn’t be. The forest constantly shifts." Elphaba slowly caressed Glinda's arms. Just because she could. Needing the touch to ground herself. “Anyone who ventures in never finds their way out. Never finds me. Because I wanted it that way. I get to live in peace and the forest itself takes care of whoever was foolish enough to try to explore it."
Glinda turned back and looked at her incredulously. "It's not that I don't believe you, Elphie. But I walked a straight path here from the clearing." Glinda then turned to point at a section of the forest. “It was just there. It was so easy to walk here. Like the forest was leading me.” Spinning around, the blonde seemed to reassess her surroundings. “I actually wondered what people were talking about. The forest was so easy to navigate. But… I don’t know how…”
"Hmmm…" Elphaba believed her. Believed that the blonde had walked a path to the cottage. She also suspected the reason. In her studies of magic, she had learned that desire was a powerful tool to enhance the magic. She had created an enchantment on the forest to keep everyone out. But she had held on to her desire, her hope, of seeing Glinda again. "Of course it wouldn’t affect you…" Elphaba couldn’t believe it. She had led Glinda here.
"Why?” Glinda said as she looked at the witch. “Do you know?” She looked genuinely curious.
Elphaba smiled. “Guess.”
“Uh…” Glinda took a moment. “Because you want me here?" Her scent was open, wanting. But the woman herself looked so shy as she said it. So unlike the Glinda she knew.
It was adorable and the naked hope in her eyes made Elphaba feel shy as well. This was the one thing she had dreamed of. The one thing she had never dared to hope would happen. ".... Yes… Because I want you here." Taking a breath, she decided to be brave. If she truly had the chance to have her dream come true, she had to take it. “Will you stay with me? For good?” She held her breath as she waited for reality to hurt her. Like it always did.
Her heart beat once. Twice. Then she felt the blonde’s lips on hers in a kiss so full of emotion that it made her shiver. "Darling, there is nowhere else I’d rather be.” Another kiss. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me now.”
Trying to hide her shiver, Elphaba gave a light chuckle. “I can live with that.” Her heart was now beating so fast.
“Good.” Was all the blonde said before she leaned in for another kiss. “I love you. I always have. I'm sorry it took me this long, but I’m here with you now and I’ll never leave." Elphaba leaned in for a kiss then. Trying to convey everything she felt in the kiss.
***
They had spent the rest of the evening talking. And kissing. Mostly kissing. There would be time for more talking. Deeper conversations. Elphaba knew that it was needed. She didn’t want to necessarily, but she knew that she needed to bare herself entirely. No more secrets between them.
The blonde had surprised her again once it was time to go to bed. “Where do you want me?”
From the simple way the question was asked, there was no ulterior motive behind it. But Elphaba’s thoughts still went there. Feeling that familiar tingle. “What… ? What do you mean?”
If she noticed Elphaba's flustered state, she was kind enough not to mention it. “I mean, where should I sleep? There are so many rooms? Where do you want me?”
Now she was just confused. “What do you mean? I want you with me.”
“Oh.” Glinda blushing was still one of her favorite sights in the world. “I just assumed…”
“Stop assuming and talk to me.” They had spent close to two decades assuming. Not talking. And hurting because of it. “Do you want to sleep in your own room?”
Glinda shook her head. “No. That’s the last thing I want. I just… I don’t want to impose…” The words cut off by a kiss.
“I want you with me. In my home. In my bed. In my life.” The words then punctuated with a long kiss. The dreamy expression on the blonde’s face as they pulled apart made Elphaba feel giddy in a way that would’ve embarrassed her any other time. But now she couldn't care less. She felt happy. Truly happy in a way she never thought she would.
When she awoke the next morning, she had a brief moment of panic. Of thinking that she had just had the best dream. But the warm body behind her and the hand slowly caressing her side quickly dispelled that fear.
She couldn’t remember the last time she slept so well.