New Normal
Elphaba was still getting used to her new normal. She loved every second of it, but it was hard to believe at times. Like the moment she currently found herself in. Snuggled against the woman she loved in their library reading a book. Glinda placing kisses at her hair, her ears, her cheek while stealing glances at the book. Elphaba was done with the page, but she knew Glinda wasn’t.
The sound of rain was tapping against the window of the cottage with candles bathing the room in a soft light. Elphaba had learned a spell to produce a small light over her head long ago. It made for the perfect book reading light. She felt the delighted sound Glinda had made when she conjured it down to her toes.Glinda's reactions to any magic she did was addicting. She had even offered to teach the blonde, but Glinda had waved it off with a promise of ‘maybe later’. Stating that she wanted to enjoy seeing Elphaba in her element first. The statement combined with the way the blonde looked at her as she said it had reduced Elphaba to a fluttering mess for the remainder of that day.
She found herself smiling as she waited for the blonde to finish. Glinda often moved her mouth as she read, making it easy for Elphaba to tell when she was done. Her smile widened as blue eyes noticed her and rolled. “I wasn’t aware you liked reading, my sweet.” She so adored how the blonde blushed whenever she used the pet name these days.
Glinda almost looked indignant, like she wanted to give a snarky reply, but then her features turned into something more thoughtful. “I suppose I didn’t. At first. But the past few years I’ve found them to be an excellent escape.” She took a deep breath then, before placing another kiss at Elphaba’s temple. “I suppose I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.”
At that, Elphaba closed the book after bookmarking the page with the ribbon she had stolen from Glinda long ago. The blonde never noticed. Still hadn’t. “What’s on your mind?” She turned to give Glinda her full attention.
“The same thing as always, I suppose. How much time that was lost. My inability to tell you how I felt. How I feel.” Glinda wasn’t looking at her, just staring at a spot somewhere in the room. “Every regret I have. Every wrong I committed. How much I hated the role I played.”
Sensing the mood turning heavier as well as the unhappy scent coming from the blonde, Elphaba tried to steer her away from it. “Books helped with that?”
“ You helped with that. And when you were gone I… The books helped.” She then placed another kiss on Elphaba’s cheek. “We’ll talk more, I promise. Now, open the book! I wanna know the rest!”
The witch did just that, but found herself lost in thought. With them spending every day together, she had the chance to see Glinda clearly. Elphaba could tell that she wasn’t the person she used to be. Far from the person Elphaba had thought she was for all those years. She was guarded. Careful. Often lost in thought. She didn’t take up space the same way she used to. The only times she saw the traces of the old Glinda was when the blonde focused on her. A wide happy smile that made her eyes sparkle. The way she would smile then never failed to make Elphaba feel like that girl at Shiz. The one who had fallen so hard.
But they had made progress. Glinda was getting more comfortable taking up space. More willing to act like the house was her home. That she belonged there. Elphaba had lost count on the amount of times she had heard her name being called before she found herself carrying an armful of excited blonde ‘who just had to see her’. As if they had been separated, and didn’t live in the same house. It was so silly.
In all her fantasies she would never have been able to guess what it would be like to live with a Glinda who openly said that she loved her. Showed that she loved her in everything she did. She had absolutely melted the first time Glinda had made breakfast and brought it to her in bed ‘just because she could’. It had been a lazy loving morning.
Elphaba did not know life could be like this. She wouldn’t trade it for anything.
The first time the blonde’s fingers had touched her, she barely lasted a second. A fact that had embarrassed her until she had realized that the blonde had no intention of stopping. She never did. Elphaba often had to beg her. Which was probably the point. Glinda always looked so smug when Elphaba told her that she had enough. That she was too sensitive.
If she thought she had been worked up from dreaming about the blonde, she quickly learned that it was nothing compared to dreaming about the blonde, and then having the real thing play her like a finely tuned instrument. The blonde knew her. Knew exactly what she liked. Exactly which buttons to push. Had a claim on her that no one else did.
Though Elphaba would never get used to sitting at her study reading the Grimmerie, that Glinda har returned to her, only to be startled by lips on her neck and skilled fingers between her legs while a husky voice told her she worked too hard. Or trying to mix her potions while the warm tongue between her legs was driving her crazy. Elphaba loved the attention she received, but she wanted to give it as well. She loved touching the blonde. Loved giving as much as receiving. Loved the way Glinda touched her. Loved her so much. She wanted to make the blonde as crazy as she made her.
Their relationship was a dream come true. One she would happily spend the rest of her life being grateful for if she could. But there was something holding Glinda back. It was obvious in her scent. She insisted on taking care of Elphaba in any way she could, but never let Elphaba touch her in return. Their reconnection had been wonderful in every way, but it was clear that something was holding the blonde back. Something that made her hesitate.
***
One thing in particular bothered the blonde. The fact that she hadn’t shifted. Glinda had confessed that it made her feel like she was less. As if she was failing at some fundamental level. It tore at Elphaba that she couldn’t figure out how to help her. She didn’t know how to convey her feelings, her thoughts, and have the blonde believe her. The truth was that she did not care if Glinda was ‘alpha enough’. She couldn’t care less about that. She never had. It was just stupid biology. The blonde was perfect just the way she was as far the green woman was concerned.
It came to a head one morning when they had been fooling around. Kissing and caressing in bed before Glinda had suddenly pulled away with a frown. “What’s wrong?” Elphaba had asked, still breathing heavily with lips tingling. At first she wondered if the blonde had even heard her. She appeared to be far away in her mind. “Glinda?”
“Huh? Oh… uh… it’s nothing.” With a plastered-on smile, the blonde then leaned back in for a kiss. Stopped only by Elphaba’s hand on her chest. She leaned back with a sigh. “It’s nothing. Really.” Elphaba gave her a pointed look. “Alright. Fine. Sorry. Didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”
“You didn’t. But something is clearly bothering you, my sweet.”
“Like I told you, it’s nothing.”
“Didn’t seem like it was ‘nothing’.” Glinda opened her mouth to reply but Elphaba cut her off. “I don’t mean to upset you, my sweet. But I do think we need to talk about this.”
“Yes.” A shaky sigh. “Yes. You’re right. Of course you are.” Glinda then sat up, taking another breath, as if to calm herself. “I just don’t know where to begin.” The words were said with the fidgeting of hands. Another habit the blonde seemed to have picked up at some point. The energy coming from Glinda now was nervous.
Sitting up as well, Elphaba grabbed the blonde’s hand and placed a kiss on each knuckle. Still holding her hand, she ran her thumb gently back and forth. Touches only meant to soothe. “How about you tell me what you’re thinking right now?”
A shaky breath. “Not much.” She then noticed Elphaba’s raised eyebrow. “Oh, hush you!” A slight laugh before she turned serious again. “I was married, you know? Or still am I suppose?” Elphaba failed to hide her surprise at that. “Oh, don’t look so shocked, Elphie. It was a marriage of convenience. Of appearances. And of maintaining status. Gaining power. For him more than for me.”
“How so?”
“I was Glinda the Good. One of the most powerful people in Oz. Politically at least. There were even people who wanted me to rule. Take over the Wizard’s role.” The Wizard. That vile man who claimed to be her father had finally gotten his comeuppance.
She had heard that Dorothy had accidentally exposed him. Fiyero had delighted in telling her that part when they met up to say their goodbyes a week or so after her ‘demise’. He also told her that Glinda had wasted no time in revealing the truth about him. At the time Elphaba couldn’t figure out why. A ploy for power? Her own personal vendetta against him? She never once considered that she would be the reason. That seemed too far-fetched. And yet… Fiyero had also mentioned that Glinda had tried to spread good things about the Wicked Witch. But to no avail. She somehow found that harder to believe. Not the part of the people not believing it. The part about Glinda.
Oblivious to the storm in her mind, Glinda continued. “I was married for appearance’s sake. I’m sure he is now playing up the role of the poor little widower.” Glinda scoffed. “Let him. I don’t care.” She looked down at the joined hands. A smile playing on her lips. “You should know, he never tried anything with me. In the bedroom I mean. One of the few good things in that marriage, I suppose. He was not keen on being with me like that.”
“What do you mean?” Elphaba felt her voice tighten. She suspected that she knew exactly what the blonde meant. The subject of Glinda’s dalliances was not something she wanted to talk about. But if what Glinda was saying was true, then that man was an idiot. How could anyone not want Glinda?
“I am an alpha and he wasn’t. A fact that wounded his fragile ego. So, he left me alone. Found his pleasure elsewhere.” Glinda scoffed. “It’s not like I chose this. I’m not sure I would even if I could. For the longest time I just wanted to….” She trailed off, looking guilty. Elphaba knew exactly where her mind had gone.
“You just wanted to be normal?” She finished dryly. Glinda didn’t look at her as she slowly nodded. “I suppose that’s another thing we have in common then.”
The reply was fast. “What? Why? You’re perfect.” The words were so passionate that it made Elphaba tingle.
“I think you might be one of the few people who think that, my sweet.”
“I’m one of the smart people then.” There she was. That’s the Glinda she remembered. She had even turned her nose up as she said it, making it hard for Elphaba to keep the smile off her face. Glinda noticed and leaned down to kiss her. “I’ll never tire of that.” She said once they broke apart.
“Me neither.” Smiling through another kiss. “Stop deflecting.” She chuckled at that dramatic eye roll she received in reply.
“I wasn’t …” She grew quiet then for a moment before laughing softly. "You know, it's actually kind of funny me being the alpha is what led to a sexless marriage.” When Elphaba looked at her curiously, she continued. “I don't even think of myself that way."
"What way? You mean like an alpha?"
Glinda nodded. "I don't. I don’t think of myself as an alpha. That’s why I don’t understand why my inability to… Why that is bothering me so much.” Her hand had begun moving up and down Elphaba’s arm. The touch was distracting but Glinda didn’t seem aware of what she was doing. “I think of you that way. It fits, you know? You are, in every way except one."
“You think of me as… ? Oh!” Elphaba felt her face grow warmer. Even more so when she noticed the desire on the blonde’s face.
“Oh, the things I’d let you do to me.”
If her face grew any warmer, Elphaba was sure it would melt right off. That husky voice Glinda was using was not making things any easier. She found herself moving her legs, trying to find some friction. “Stop that. We need to talk about this.”
Glinda was then so close. Warm breath against Elphaba’s throat. “Do we? I can think of so many things I’d rather be doing.”
It took every ounce of willpower Elphaba had not to give in. “So can I, but remember how this conversation started? We need to figure that out, my sweet.”
“Ugh… fine!” Glinda then sat back with a huff. An action Elphaba would’ve found cute if she wasn’t so turned on at that moment. She needed to get herself back under control. “My alpha-status has been nothing but a source of frustration. I’ve never cared for it, but it is part of me.” Growing quiet, the blonde appeared to think it over. Elphaba didn’t say anything, opting instead to wait for what the blonde would say next. “I am torn.”
“What do you mean? About what?”
“I don’t really care about shifting again, you know? After your … after … I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t. That part of me died with you.” She looked at their joined hands and smiled. “Now I have a second chance. I want this to be right. I want to give you all of me. But I can’t …I don’t… ” She looked down again. Her voice now sounded too nasally, as if fighting tears. “I feel broken.”
Three simple words and Elphaba could feel her heart shatter. Glinda was the very thing that made Elphaba feel complete. But the woman herself felt like she was broken? They sat in silence. Glinda was clearly trying to get herself back under control. And Elphaba tried to think of anything that could help. “What else do you want to know?” Now Glinda sounded more like her old self. A bit too forced though.
“Glinda…”
“Please, Elphie… Can we change the subject?”
They shouldn’t. They probably needed to talk more about that. But Elphada always struggled to resist Glinda. She then focused back to the original part of their conversation. “Your … husband … “ The word tasted vile on her tongue. “... found his pleasures elsewhere. What about you?” This was also not something she wanted to talk about. She’d rather jump in a river. She hated the thought of Glinda with anyone else. Felt jealousy licking at her insides. But she tried to keep her tone light. They did need to be open with each other. About everything.
Thankful for the change in topic, Glinda seemed unaware of the green woman’s inner turmoil. Instead, she tapped her finger to her chin in a faux thinking manner. “Let’s see… Well … there was this Wicked Witch who would occasionally stop by. That usually left me in a daze for a few days.” The words were teasing, but Glinda’s voice had dropped again. Becoming husky in the way that made the green woman shiver. “Cold, Elphie?”
“No, I'm feeling quite warm at the moment.” She then moved her hands along her sides down towards her hips. Delighting in the way Glinda’s eyes followed the movement. Two can play that game. “Now how did that Wicked Witch leave you in that state?”
“She was near me and I got to hold her.” Glinda’s voice had grown warmer. Softer. It made Elphaba shiver again. This time Glinda just pulled her closer before kissing and sucking at Elphaba’s neck. Just because she could.
But Elphaba was nothing if not stubborn. “Scandalous! What would the people of Oz think?” She heard how breathless her voice sounded as she forced the words out. She felt the blonde chuckle against her. “Was that your favorite dalliance then?”
“… My only dalliance…” The reply was quiet. The teasing edge completely gone from the words as they were whispered against her neck, accompanied by kissing that was far gentler now. She didn’t say anything else. Instead, she seemed to wait for whatever Elphaba would say.
“What … What do you mean?” Her heart was now beating faster, and not just because of the blonde’s touches.
“I mean exactly that. I only ever had one ‘dalliance’.” Glinda then moved so they were face to face. Her face conveyed only honesty.
Despite that, Elphaba found it hard to believe. Old insecurities that she thought she had moved past rearing their ugly head. “I don’t know… Surely there was some barmaid willing to let Glinda the Good have her way with her?”
The blonde chuckled humorlessly at that. “Oh, there was. But I never wanted to. Never wanted them. There was only one person I wanted…” The words trailed off as she now stared at nothing, clearly lost in her own thoughts. From her scent Elphaba could sense a great deal of embarrassment. But no deception. Glinda was being completely honest.
“You … I …” Her head was spinning. Not knowing what else to say, she climbed into the blonde’s lap and hugged her.
She loved her so much.