It Ends
It was getting dark as Elphaba waited at Kiamo Ko. She hadn’t bothered with many candles, leaving the castle dark as she waited for the girl to arrive. Dorothy, that was her name. Accompanied by a ragtag group of beings. Among which a scarecrow. Also known as Fiyero. Leading the girl there.
She did not know it, but she was the key to end Elphaba’s miserable existence. For her figuratively, but as far as anyone in Oz was concerned, literally. She had been the ‘Wicked Witch’ for so long. And she was tired. She just wanted to live her life in peace. Fiyero’s idea had been a godsend. Die so that she could live.
She began planning for it almost as soon as he had told her about it. She found a forest in Gillikin Country, close to the border of Munchkin Country. Close to where Nessa lived so that she could keep an eye on her. Remote enough that most people would leave it alone. And for those that didn’t, Elphaba would make the forest as inhospitable as possible.
She tried not to think about the fact that Gillikin was also where Glinda was from. The blonde was a topic that Elphaba could never stay away from. Always in her thoughts in one way or another. It had always been that way. Ever since they met. More so once their relationship had changed. She had her suspicions regarding the truth of her feelings for the blonde even back then. But it wasn’t until she had tried moving on with Fiyero that she had fully realized, and accepted them for what they were.
She loved the blonde. More than anything. Had fallen in love with her while they were still roommates. Sometime after Oz Dust. It was why she had chosen to help the blonde with her rut. Why she had decided to give the blonde her virginity. The blonde had been her first in so many instances. Though she made sure to keep that fact a secret. Glinda was her first love. And given how strongly she still felt about her, Elphaba knew that Glinda would be her last love as well.
She had tried moving on with Fiyero. He loved her, passionately told her that he did, and had proven it many times. But she could not let go of Glinda. It was never enough. It was not his touch she longed for. His eyes she wanted to look into. It was not him she thought of constantly. She did love him. Just not in the same way. He did not have a hold on her the way Glinda did.
But Fiyero had offered a sense of freedom. Be with him, and be with someone who openly claimed to love her. Openly wanted to be there for her. But Elphaba had to admit that she could not give Fiyero her heart. It had been taken decades ago.
That realization made it so that Elphaba had to end things with Fiyero. She could not be with him when she longed for someone else. It was not fair to him. It would be … a wicked thing to do.
The conversation they had about their breakup had been a painful one. She felt awful for not being what he needed. What he wanted. She cursed her heart for not being able to let go. Or let anyone else in. But she hated herself the most for using Fiyero the same way Glinda had been using her. He had insisted that she didn’t. That he was there because he wanted to be. “I suppose you and I have that in common. Loving someone who can’t return those feelings. But not wishing to be anywhere else either.” He smiled then. A sad smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It had left her in tears. He deserved to be happy.
But even with their relationship ending, Fiyero had vowed to remain by her side. Help her see this through. Try to figure out some way to end this. Helping her get some kind of closure. A chance to live a normal life. Or something close to it at least.
Fiyero knew that she would seek out Glinda. Would go to the blonde to pretend that they were something else. Never while she was with Fiyero. That was a line she never wanted to cross. Even if her heart kept telling her that she was. That she was doing something wrong by being with him.
Kiamo Ko had become her base of operations, a decoy of sorts. But it never felt like her home. The only place that had felt like that was when she had indulged. Allowed herself to fall asleep in Glinda’s arms. Allowed herself to pretend. Just for a moment. Other than enemies.
The blonde always welcomed her whenever she came to see her. Always let her take the lead. She never questioned why. She knew the blonde hated her, but she figured that the alpha liked one lower part of her at least. Fiyero had questioned her on that numerous times. Why would she repeatedly seek out someone who she believed hated her? Why would she let herself be used like that?
“Because that’s how it’s always been for me, Yero.” Cursed to love people who hurt her. Desire those who didn’t desire her back the same way. Cursed to live a pained existence of unrequited love. That’s all she was good for. She would take whatever Glinda gave her. And if that was a quick fuck then so be it. At least it was enjoyable. That part had never changed. Glinda was as giving a lover as she always had been. Making sure that Elphaba was enjoying it. And she was. She loved each moment they were together even as her heart ached, longing for more.
When she was feeling the lowest about her unrequited feelings, she wished that she could love Fiyero instead. Like he loved her. But she never could. He was her friend, and she loved him dearly as such. Glinda was who she wanted. Who she had always wanted. The blonde had destroyed her. Ruined her for anyone else. That was to be her life. There could never be anyone else for the witch. Elphaba would live her life consumed by her love for the blonde. Only ending when she went mad or someone killed her. Both seemed to be a reality that loomed ever closer with each passing day.
***
Even as he turned into a scarecrow, Fiyero never wavered. Never stopped trying to seek out a solution. His idea of Elphaba faking her death had been a welcome one. An idea that seemed so simple that she kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner. All of Oz hated her. Hated everything they thought she was. Hated the Wicked Witch as much as they loved the Good Witch.
Those last ones she couldn’t blame them for. She also hated the Wicked Witch. Also loved the Good Witch. Desperately so. She sometimes wondered if she truly had gone mad. Driven to insanity by both a love and a world that shunned her. Would she feel this pain if she had? Would she even know?
She and Fiyero had painstakingly worked on their plan. Elphaba would die and Fiyero would return to his human form. Being able to live his life free from the influence of the ‘Wicked Witch’. An ending that was steadily growing closer in the form of a simple farm girl. So, now she was sitting in Kiamo Ko waiting for the end. It had been a rough go. Nessa’s death had almost ruined her plans. Glinda’s interference making her lash out. Why did she give the girl Nessa’s shoes? The one thing she had left of her sister? What was the point? And why were they red? Did Nessa paint them that color?
Her rage had led her to confront the blonde. Demanding to know why. But Glinda had distracted her. Looked at her like she was something precious. Something desirable. She did that whenever they were alone. Another thing driving Elphaba mad. “Don’t do that to me.” She had said, desperately trying to keep her distance. Trying to resist the magic hold that the blonde always had on her. Fighting against her heart like she had for years.
Glinda seemed surprised at the question. “Do what, Elphie?” She softly asked as she stepped closer. Only stopping when her forehead caught the brim of Elphaba’s hat. Her scent made Elphaba’s head swim. Made her want to jump into the blonde’s arms and never let go.
No! She had the right to be angry! Nessa had been killed by a thunderstorm. Morrible most likely. Glinda had then shown up like a lapdog and given the shoes to the girl. Dorothy. Nessa’s shoes. The ones that Elphaba had enchanted. She was angry and no amount of trickery was going to fool her. “THAT!” She shrieked. “Don’t do that!”
Too loud. She was too loud. She heard the clanging of armor as the guards came running. Glinda heard it too. For a brief moment, she looked panicked. “Go, Elphie! Get out of here. Don’t let them… They can’t find you here.” She even picked up the broom that Elphaba had dropped in her outburst and shoved it into her hands. “Go! Now!” She placed her hands on Elphaba’s arms as if to shake her into moving.
She thought Glinda looked genuine in her concern. In her panic. The way her eyes shifted from the witch to the sounds of approaching footsteps. A frown on her forehead as she appeared concerned. The use of the nickname. Her scent also seemed to convey those same feelings.
It was an excellent act. One that only served to break Elphaba’s heart further. Why did she act like that? Why did she pretend to care? Why couldn’t she just love her? Why wasn’t Elphaba enough? She had then left without a word. Flying away before the guards arrived. It would be the last time she spoke with Glinda. She thought she felt the blonde’s eyes on her until she had moved far out of sight.
The sounds of chaos drew ever nearer, snapping her out of her reverie. She thought she heard the voices of the group. The voice of Fiyero as he was leading them towards her. Soon the girl, Dorothy, would arrive and Elphaba would have to put on the performance of her life. Play the part of the Wicked Witch.
Soon she would be free. She only hoped that there was some part of Glinda that thought of her kindly when she was gone. Some part of her that still cared for the friends that they had once been.
***
After her ‘death’, she had fled to her new life in the forest once opportunity came. She adjusted to life there quickly. Her days were spent tending to her garden, reading, mixing various potions or just relaxing. It was a quiet life. The kind that Elphaba had longed for.
She had made it so that the forest shifted constantly. Making sure that no one would find their way out. The trees would consume whoever was that dumb. The animals scaring away the rest. She had friends in the forest. To the Animals she was not known as the Wicked Witch. But as someone who fought for them. Who cared for them. Alongside Fiyero, they had been the ones that allowed her to remain safe. Warning her of the guards. Even hiding her when necessary.
Many of them had chosen to move out into the forest. Chosen a life of freedom alongside her. Two of her friends, a Bear and a Wolf, had helped her construct her new home. With a touch of magic her home had become a haven. It was much bigger on the inside. Plenty of space for her to do anything she wanted. She even discovered that a hot spring ran underneath the cottage. She then made sure to build a bath right on top of it. She never even stopped to think about it until the Bear had asked her what the bath was for. She had an aversion to water, so what was the point?
It had been a startling reminder of the hold a certain blonde witch still had over her. Looking around the home, she then noticed all the little touches that she had left. A mixture of pink and green. Things that reminded her of Glinda. She had chastised herself for being pathetic. But she didn’t want to change anything. The touches of Glinda felt like they should be there. The essence of the blonde in the house made it truly feel like a home.
She truly was pathetic.
To her friend, she had lied and said that she was trying to come up with an antidote for her water aversion. She suspected that he knew that she was lying, but he was kind enough not to voice his question out loud. She then set about trying to make her lie come true. Trying to figure out if she really could cure her water allergy. And if she couldn’t find a cure, then maybe she could find a way to damper the effects at least. Remove the danger of water from her life.
She wanted to know what it felt like to stand under the rain. Glinda had done so one evening. Standing in the opening balcony with her arms out as if it was the best feeling in the world. Gleefully stating that she loved the sound of rain. Elphaba had thought she was crazy, but she had secretly wondered ever since. The blonde looked so free, so beautiful, standing under the rain.
The blonde was never far from her thoughts. She wondered if her life in the Emerald City was what she wanted. If she was happy. She wondered if Glinda ever thought of her. Her Bird friends had offered to spy on the blonde for her, but she refused. Too afraid to be told that Glinda was thriving now that the ‘Wicked Witch’ was gone. She wanted to keep her fantasy where the blonde cared for her. Where Glinda loved her as much as Elphaba did.
She did tell them to check up on Fiyero though. She had been worried. He had moved to the Emerald City. Now human again, he seemed to be adjusting. He gave Elphaba a message directly, knowing full well that the animals watching him had been sent by her. “Live well, darling. You’ve earned it.”
She would spend her days trying to do just that.