Chapter 4 - Lion Party
It hurt Regulus to admit, but in the month he and James had been tutoring one another- they'd grown close.
Every Thursday became Tuesdays and Thursday and then turned into any night they had free.
They'd spend hours together in the Room of Requirements studying.
James loved to talk, something Regulus was now very aware of.
He wouldn't complain- nor ever admit it- but he loved to listen.
Really if they weren't such an unlikely pair, they might have been friends from the start.
James also didn't sit still for very long.
Regulus had to take him on occasional walks like a dog, just so the boy would stop whining.
Whenever they weren't studying- which was a lot more often than Regulus would have liked- they were talking.
Talking about anything and everything.
Simple things like each other's hobbies and likes.
Occasionally, James would concoct a deeper question that would have both boys pondering answers.
They were shower thoughts, really. Questions that didn't have a specific answer.
Other times the pair could find themselves outdoors.
There was a field, not too far a walk from Hogwarts.
A field of poppies that Regulus liked to get lost in.
It had once been a sanctuary- to get away from it all- but now that it was common knowledge to James it sort of became their place.
Regulus hated that it had become their place, although the flutter in his chest planned to prove him otherwise.
He wondered how James had managed to get away for such long amounts of time.
James was practically attached to Sirius' hip.
In fact, Regulus can't even remember the last time he saw James without another Marauder around.
Regulus hadn't heard anything from Sirius- or rather he hadn't been hexed yet- which made him curious.
Sure, Regulus thought Sirius would be a little peeved, but it wasn't like they were doing anything bad.
All they were doing was tutoring each other.
So why was James keeping it a secret?
Regulus let the question plague his every thought, even as he studied right beside the boy.
James was twirling his wand throughout his fingers as he and Regulus sat at the wooden table.
Regulus had only looked up for a moment to watch James' movements in slight awe, but a moment was all it took.
James' eyes were on him, as if searching for Regulus' deepest darkest secrets.
Really all he had to do was look in the mirror to see one, but that was something Regulus would take to the grave.
Their eyes were locked on one another for far too long for it not to mean something.
"You should come to the party tonight." James suggested.
Regulus raised his eyebrows, "Party?"
"Yeah, it's a Gryffindor party so you know it'll be a good time." James explained.
"No thanks." Regulus scoffed.
"At least just think about it." James muttered, before looking back down at his notes.
Regulus had thought about it.
And he wasn't going.
His brother would skin him alive, if the other Gryffindors didn't get to him first.
No way was he setting himself up for that.
~
Regulus' legs dangled off the Astronomy Tower and his face leaned against the cool guardrail.
The sky was so beautiful that night.
Each star shown bright against the pitch black vastness.
Regulus spent many of his nights just like that- sitting in the tower, watching the sky.
It was peaceful up there.
No brothers hating your guts, no parents controlling your every move, no death eater friends.
There it was just Regulus versus the world.
It was one of the few times he enjoyed being entirely alone- the type of alone that brought peace, not despair.
Although, it seemed nowadays Regulus was rarely alone.
And that stayed true, even then.
"You're a tough boy to please." James huffed, plopping down beside Regulus.
"And yet you make it look so easy." Regulus retorted.
James only laughed softly.
It was a lovely sound. One Regulus would think about nonstop.
"Don't you have a party to be at?", Regulus quizzed, "Wouldn't want you to miss out on all the Gryffindor fun."
"Is it so surprising that I'd rather be here?", James quizzed, before adding, "With you?"
Regulus wasn't prepared for that response, but still he collected himself enough to respond.
"A little."
With how close they'd gotten, Regulus could smell the liquor on James' breath.
Their faces were so close, so close that the littlest effort could bring them together.
Regulus wondered if he was dreaming.
Was James really going to kiss him?
The James Potter- kiss him? The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black scum- It was unthinkable.
And he didn't.
Instead James' head tiredly fell onto Regulus' shoulder.
Regulus didn't fight it, instead he ignored it.
He returned his focus to the sky and found himself unconsciously running his hand through James' hair.
He only realized after James hummed contently.
Regulus froze- his soul practically jumping out of his body.
"Don't stop." James whined.
So Regulus continued running his hair through James' silky soft hair and tried to ignore the speed his heart was beating against his chest.
"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you had run away with Sirius?" James quizzed softly.
However much Regulus dodged everything about his brother, James always seemed to find a way back.
"Sometimes." Regulus admitted.
It was true.
Sometimes Regulus pictured a world where he and Sirius were as close as they had been.
Where Regulus stayed with the Potters and was given a chance at happiness.
Regulus imagined having friends like Sirius'- having James.
But that's all it was.
Imagination.
Because Regulus was his parent's son.
He would bleed and bruise, but he wouldn't run.
Regulus could have never ran.
He wasn't close with his brother, nor his friends.
He didn't have James.
The truth in the matter was that Regulus couldn't have run because he didn't have anywhere to go.
Sirius could play the hero. The courageous victim who escaped a toxic household.
He could claim he was braver than Regulus, in that he'd chosen freedom over duty.
That he had fought for his beliefs rather then comply to his parents demands.
Sirius could compare himself to the great Merlin.
In the end, what Sirius was, was lucky.
Luck.
The one thing that separated the one who ran from the one who stayed.