Dorcas Meadowes
Regulus didn’t sleep well on the first night he spent at Hogwarts. The shadows of the lake which appeared through the windows held him awake. During his insomnia, he had replayed in his head the series of events that had taken place in the evening. His brother's gaze haunted him, and he had felt that evening lived through the eyes of an alter-ego. Everything seemed detached to him, and even when all the new students had discovered the common room, he had barely reacted.
Even Evan had let slip a sigh of contentment. The common room had reminded Regulus of the decoration of his mansion, everything was sober and chic. It resembled almost every house in Sang-Purs. Nothing extravagant. Nothing worth choking from it. It was dark. It was empty. It was bleak.
The only reaction the others obtained from him was when he grabbed Evan's sleeve when he understood that their apartments were located below the Black Lake. No one noticed the change in attitude, but his friend had loosened his fingers that Regulus had planted in his skin through the clothes. Then they went up to their dormitory, followed the boys who would share it with them, the larger one had placed it on one of the beds, and rushed to close the curtains which gave a glimpse of the shadows of the lake.
The others had entered after them and the only one Regulus recognized was Rabastan. The latter cast an undecisive glance at him which he did not take. No one disturbed him, no doubt due to the gaze which Evan threw them, and everyone ended up going to bed.
In the silence and the darkness that covered their room, Regulus hoped to find some calm, but one of the boys eventually advanced to one of the windows and push the curtain. From there, it was impossible for him to act normally. Evan had already to sleep because he did not get up to fix the situation.
Petrified under his sheets, Regulus did not dare to stand up and close the curtains himself. It wouldn't bother anyone because everyone seemed to be asleep at last. Nevertheless, he was not prepared to approach this window and had to face what he was behind. He knew very well what would happen if he ever found the courage to move towards it. First he would knead, looking at the shapes of the undulating water in front of him as the memories rose to the surface. Then he would suffocate, as if he were drowning for real.
And everyone would wake up, and see it in that posture.
It wasn't worthy of the Blacks.
It does not matter if he was the heir or nothing.
Then he had lagged into these green linen beds, contemplating the roof of the canopy, illuminated by green and black reflections. He had managed to sleep intermittently, but in the morning, when everyone began to get up, he felt that he had not slept enough. Evan finally noticed the open curtain and approached him.
- Did it stay open all night?
- Yes.
Regulus tried to keep an equal tone to not alarm his friend. He failed.
- You should have woken me up. Did you manage to sleep?
-More or less. It's okay, it's okay.
His friend let it flow and they did not talk to each other until they arrived in the Great Hall. Most of the students were already severed, and Regulus's gaze was on the Gryffindor table where his brother was missing. Without one more glance, he went to the table of the Slytherin where Narcissa was already seated. His cousin had deliberately left her a vacant seat, and he settled next to her.
Regulus had never felt particularly uncomfortable in the presence of his cousin, but it had been years since they had lost the friendship that bound them children. But unlike his parents, Narcissa had never seemed dangerous to him. He was not afraid to stand next to her. All she was was the perfect heiress.
Narcissa was the person his parents would like him to be. Discrete. Cold. Superior. He had always admired him for the ability he thought was innate at home. Yet at this time she was neither discreet, nor cold, nor superior. She smiled at him, then laughed at a joke of one of her comrades, before returning her attention to him.
- So Reggie, how was your first night s here?
- Fine.
Narcissa did not take the tone of his cousin and continued.
- My first night here was complicated as well. But we're doing it. Is the separation not too hard?
- Uh... no? We're in the same school after all.
She smiled with tenderness, which was unusual for the Blacks.
- Not Sirius, Regulus, your parents.
-...
- I don't miss my father much either.
Regulus turned to his cousin, now suspicious. Narcissa is resuming the jam on her slice of brioche. She did not seem affected because she had just told him, as if, in their family, such confessions were normal. In this family where he had learned not to trust anyone. At last she turned to him and noticed his expression. A faint smile, imbued with contained sadness, appeared on his lips.
- Oh Regulus... I'm sorry, I didn't want to push you into this situation. It doesn't matter if you're not ready to say it out loud yet.
Regulus no longer understood what his cousin expected of him. Since then, she had given the impression of making a point of honour that respect for the family should be preserved. It was important for her to do honour on her behalf and showed great respect for her father and her mother before her death.
But now he was discovering another facet of Narcissa. A facet that she only let escape to Hogwarts perhaps. She, who seemed to have a certain affection for their family members, had just said to her half-words the detachment which they had given her. Regulus felt that he did not see the same Narcissa as the one standing next to him on King Cross's wharf. And maybe that Narcissa, he would agree to learn to know her.
- So, what class do you start with Regulus?
-Potion.
- Oh, Slughorn then. He is not only the potion teacher, he is also our head of the house. He created a club with his best students. Almost all the Blacks have reported, including me. I'm pretty sure she'll like you, so don't worry too much about this class. Then the room is close to our common room, you shouldn't get lost.
Her cousin had spoken calmly, but this was the first time that Regulus had seen her speak as much. Usually she was tapestry like him. She spoke little and contented herself with rare polite formulas when people deigned to take an interest in her. Regulus had never understood why. Narcissa was much more interesting than her sister, Bellatrix. Only, she was the last. And that, he understood.
He recalled that this had caused a problem in the family. His uncle had been preoccupied with many weeks at a time when Narcissa was old enough to be engaged. No one seemed to care about the girl, but when her older sister, Andromeda, had been denied, looks were turned to her. His cousin had then become the subject of all the Pureblood of England. The one that created a recent link with the Black family. Eventually, she set her sights on the heir Malfoy.
The engagement was scheduled for the winter of 1972, and Regulus suspected that the reception would be held during the Christmas holidays. Here, he would be forced to participate. At this thought he wondered whether Narcissa was as well. If she really wanted this marriage. However, he did not ask his question aloud; it was not the kind of thing that was wondering. Not when marriage was the most important thing in their family. Narcissa had no say, nor was Narcissa allowed to complain. Which Regulus didn't remember she did.
She left the table, not without winking, followed by her friends. Regulus watched her go without answering. He had forgotten how surprising his cousin could be. That after all, she was also human. He looked away from the door where Narcissa had just disappeared and held out his hand towards the pot of jam when someone sat before him.
Pandora smiled at full teeth. The girl radiated and her matt skin shone. Her blue tie was perfectly ironed and put on and Regulus was happy to see her. It seemed to him to be an eternity since the previous day and nothing but to know it is ready, he felt appeased.
- Hello Pandora.
- Hello. You looked bad Reg.
Regulus heard more than he felt the kick that Evan gave to his little sister under the table.
- Hey.
- I didn't sleep well Dora, that's all.
Pandora moved on without formalizing it.
- You also have a potion?
The two boys nodded.
- Can we make the way together then?
- Pandora, you wouldn't rather stay with your Ravenclaw friends. You must acclimatize.
Regulus turned his head towards Evan. The tone which he had taken was cold and dry, which did not looks like him. And contrary to usual, Pandora did not let it pass, as if she too had felt that her brother's mood was nothing usual.
- What's that?
His clear and innocent voice in the face of the hardness that Evan's gaze took cracked Regulus' heart. It couldn't start now, they couldn't break their friendship so easily.
- You're a Ravenclaw, Dora, why are you coming to see us? Stay with them.
- We're friends, and I'm your sister.
- You see Regulus talking to Sirius?
- Evan, Sirius hasn't even arrived yet and-
- Nevertheless, you will not speak to each other.
The situation took a turn that Regulus did not like.
- What makes you say that?
- Oh Regulus. Don't tell me you didn't see the eyes he was looking at you last night. It looked like he was burying you.
- It doesn't mean anything.
Regulus would have liked things to have gone differently, and he didn't understand how they got there. As if he needed to be reminded of the pain that Sirius would no longer love him.
- But I want you to stay with the Ravenclaws Pandora. Don't come and eat with us, we have different tables, that's why.
Pandora added nothing and rose to move to the table right next door. Regulus turned his head towards Evan, trying to understand his friend's behavior. He used to see them quarrelled, but Evan had always been patient and kind to his sister. She was the thing he cared most about, and he had never had to say it, it was seen. But he remained silent and contented himself with chew in his slice of toast.
Beside them stood a young witch. Regulus noticed her as she looked at both of them. He did not recognize her as one of those who had been distributed in their homes and deduced her to be part of her brother's year. Her face was still too childish for her to be over twelve years old. They set themselves for a few seconds, without being embarrassed to have been taken on the matter. Regulus did not care about being unsuded, he had always been unsuded.
At last she cut off the contact and got up. She passed her bag over her shoulder and cast a last glance at him before leaving and leave the Great Hall. Evan had not noticed anything at the exchange, too busy avoiding Regulus's gaze, but he rose too and waited for his friend to do the same before they went to the potions room. Regulus looked one last time behind his shoulder to see Pandora watching them without going, the mine unchecked.
Although the castle was huge, Regulus had the impression that everyone was walking on it. Most of the classrooms seemed to be close to each other and all the students were shuddering to arrive on time despite the crowding out. Fortunately for them, the more they went down to the dungeons, the less they met by students.
They arrived in front of the classroom at the time when Slughorn brought in his students. The bell had not yet sounded, a sign that they were ahead. Regulus glanced behind his back to check if Pandora was walking behind them, but the corridor was inexorably empty.
He returned after Evan and sat on the benches at their disposal. It wasn't the kind of classroom he had expected. They had several-metre benches where about ten pupils could sit there without problems. The room was also poorly lit but must have been just above the lake since the sun was tapped through the only window of the room.
Slughorn sat behind his desk and began writing on a parchment sheet waiting for the last students to arrive. Several times Regulus looked behind his shoulder hoping to see his friend appear, after all she could not miss the first class of the year. But more the time passed, the more his certainties faded. He shaded a sigh of relief when, at the time of the bell, the girl finally passed the door.
The seat next to Regulus was the last available. No one had the guts to sit next to the last born of the Black family, he had heard them whisper behind him, and Pandora was forced to sit there. She cast no glance at her brother, but smiled at her friend, which had the effect of reassuring him.
Their teacher got up and shut the door. Slughorn was a small man with a provelling belly. His smile looked like a mouse, and dark circles stretched his little black eyes. He gave off a heat which Sirius had failed to describe to Regulus when he spoke to him of the Slytherins.
Regulus's sympathy began to bring him faded from the moment he understood where Slughorn wanted to come with him. He questioned him the whole class, ignoring the hands raised of the other students, and did not stop repeating his name all the times.
Regulus felt the eyes of his comrades turning more and more towards him, some curious, others impressed by the number of good answers he had been able to give-Merlin, praised his late summer revisions-and others annoyed. These were the worst to feel. All the more so since they did not come from people from his house, but from others who kept exclaiming as soon as their teacher gave points to his house for his correct answers. He would not be surprised to hear rumours of favouritism at the end of the course.
When the bell rang, Regulus put his belongings away as quickly as possible, but he was not fast enough and already Slughorn appeared before him. A huge smile was blocking his face, and Regulus wondered what reason his teacher might have to smile knowing that his pupil had probably lost all affection from his classmates.
- Well, Mr. Black, I was expecting no less from you.
You were expecting something from me for the first class, really?
- Thank you?
- Your cousin is also good, and obviously is part of my club. For you it is probably too early, but I have no doubt that in a few years you will be happy to join us.
Regulus had no serious idea what his teacher could talk to him about.
- Thank you professor.
- Goodbye Mr. Black.
Regulus nodded his head and came out of class at the pace of the race. Evan was back on the wall and was talking to Pandora. They seemed to be arguing, and he had no desire to find it himself, for the second time of the day, between two fires. Moreover, his throat was dry due to the fact of having spoken for an entire hour. He walked to the nearest toilet to rehydrate, hoping that the two brother and sister would have finished by the time he returned. Only all he found on his return was Slughorn, who closed his classroom.
His teacher looked at him with astonishment:
- Mr.Black? I thought you were gone. I told your friend that you had left my classroom and were probably on your way to your next class. I think you'd do well to hurry if you don't want to get late.
On this last sentence he turned his heels and left the young wizard frozen, in the middle of the hallway. Regulus had no idea how far he should go to his class of Transfiguration. Evan was the one who had memorized the paths to be taken and the different classes. And he was leaving without him. By merlin he could not afford to get lost and be late from the first day of class.
So he began to climb the stairs as quickly as possible in order to catch up and Evan at the same time. But the more he went up the floors of the castle, the less he could find himself. All the corridors seemed to be the same, and he felt several times to turn in circles. He crossed different classes, never finding his own.
His anguish rose when he remembered that his teacher of Transfiguration was none other than McGonagall. His harsh air rose from his memories, and he felt his belly contract to the idea of being confronted again. Regulus turned once again at the turn of a corridor and missed overturning someone. The girl stepped back a few steps and he recognized her as the unknown of the breakfast. She carried in her hands a pile of papers, some of which flew to the ground because of her sudden deviation.
Regulus stooped down to pick up the few leaves and handed them to him. The young witch took them cautiously but did not move. They stayed a few seconds in front of each other, and as he was about to make a gesture to leave, she spoke.
- Regulus Black, isn't it?
He froze, of course, she knew him.
- Yes.
- Are you lost?
Regulus was alone, in the hallways of a school he did not even know, and the bell had just rang. There's no need to lie. It was already quite kind of him to turn the sentence into one question.
- Yes.
- Follow me.
She bypassed him and headed in the direction he had just taken, following him meant going back, which would lead him to nothing. But as he looked at her without a look back he turned in turn and followed her. She was his only chance.
- Mr. Flitwick asked me to distribute school rules in all second-year classes. You're coming to the end of my tour, but I'd tell your teacher that you helped me. Here.
She cut the heap in half and gave him half when they arrived in front of one of the rooms where Regulus had passed a few minutes before. At last she toat and entered without delay. Little assertiveness, he followed her without question.
The first thing Regulus noticed was that this classroom was much brighter than that of potions where he had been in the last few hours. He tried hard not to focus on the dozens of heads that had turned to their duo. He already heard several students whisper as he passed. One day he knew it, he would get used to it, but for the time being this attention made him more uncomfortable than it left him indifferent. Previously, he had never been the one for whom we turned.
As he passed into the ranks following his classmate, he noticed two students who seemed to want to attract his attention. Regulus grimaced by recognizing James Potter and Sirius. The two boys were sitting side by side. Of course. And he saw Peter and Remus in front of them who tried to stop them, without success.
When he passed their desks, Regulus preferred to ignore them. The others were already looking at him enough to make him even more noticeable by answering the phrases his brother found funny. He heard little cries of indignation behind him, and a fine smile stretched out his lips in spite of himself. At last the girl stopped in front of the teacher's office and Regulus was finally able to see him for the first time.
He had already seen ghosts the day before during dinner, but not so ready, and above all he did not expect to find one as a teacher. He let himself come to the surprise before regaining control of his body. Every early years were to have this kind of reaction at the first sight of this professor, but Regulus reportedly swear to have heard sneers behind his back. Under the sheet her nail comes for her skin and began to scratch the still bright one.
- Hello Professor.
- Hello. What do you want from me, Miss?
-Mr.Flitwick asked me to give the school rules sheets to all second-grade classes.
- All right, please distribute them, I have to continue my class.
Regulus heard a general sigh rise from the whole class and turned his head to watch the students. He then noticed that some had been lying on their table sleeping, while others were busy making paper birds and having fun giving them life. Not surprisingly, the table of Sirius and James was full of them. Regulus wondered what kind of course this teacher was teaching so that it sounds so annoying.
The girl began to pass into the ranks, and Regulus did the same. He noticed that she seemed to want to avoid a certain group of Gryffondors, and he almost breathed when he realized that it was he who was going to have to take care of it.
He began with the most left-wing rows, but approached his brother's table far too quickly to his taste.
- Hi Reggie. So, you missed me too much?
Sirius smiled at all his teeth when Regulus did not even look at him. This was not the time to be noticed.
- You know, if you're running out of company I can give you a big hug.
Regulus contented himself with stretching the leaves. James took it. Sirius ignored him.
- Isn't they too scary the snakes i mean? Didn't anyone attack you in your sleep?
- Sirius, take your sheet, you're not the only one waiting.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I honestly think it doesn't bother you and Meadowes any more time. This class is boring if you knew.
- Imagine that I'm running, so take this card that we're finishing.
- Don't you miss you a little Reggie? Do you your darling brother?
Regulus did not reply, hoping that it would dishonest him the urge to continue this discussion. He had no time for his brother's nonsense.
- You know, I'd totally understand if the decoration of your common room was cold to you behind your back, it looks like a grave. It gives me goosebumps just to think about it.
Regulus placed his brother's card on his desk and looked him straight in the eye.
- If it is to make fun of me, or of my house, that you talk to me Sirius, pass your way, I have no time for that. It was a pleasure to be demeaned by my own brother on this.
- No, Reg wait.
Regulus began to advance between the rows without turning around. He was not strictly speaking angry with his brother, but he had spent one of the worst nights of his life, and his day did not begin as he had hoped. He would have liked the first words his brother to say to him would be less salty.
Meadowes, as Sirius had called her, was waiting for him at the door, and they went out. Regulus fought against the urge to look behind him, to see if his brother looked at him too, but he had neither wanted to cross his eyes, nor to feel this pinch in his heart when he realized that his brother was no longer thinking about him.
- Who do you have classes with?
- McGonagall.
- She's still teaching in the same room, you'll find out next time.
Regulus nodded.
- Come on, follow me, it's two floors above.
The young witch took the lead in the march and Regulus followed her without adding anything. They remained silent for several minutes, but this did not bother him. Regulus was accustomed to silence, and she too seemed to be so. Usually, most people were uncomfortable in her presence, but that was not the case with that girl. And knowing it made him less nervous than usual. She made him less nervous than in the presence of many others.
- So you're really Regulus Black, aren't you?
- Yes.
She turned to him, and Regulus waited for the usual sentences to come: "You're Sirius' brother, aren't you? "Your father doesn't work in this department of the Ministry of Magic?" "Are you really Bellatrix's cousin?" "You're the cousin of the one who ran away?" " For everyone, he was simply a person connected to other people who were more important than him. For the time being, Regulus was not enough to be content with itself.
- Are you a Hatstall Regulus?
He turned to the girl frowning, not knowing what she was talking about.
- It's rare, but it happens. Some people are compatible with different houses. Last night the Sorting Hat took time to assign you to Slytherin, then you looked at the Ravenclaws table with curiosity, so I presume that it hesitated between us and the Ravenclaws.
- Uh...
- I do not oblige you to reply. I have heard of your family, and their obsession with the Slytherin House. I presume it didn't go well for Sirius when he got home last year. If telling me that you almost went to Ravenclaw will get you into trouble, keep it for you. Anyway, I already know that.
She spoke quickly but articulated enough for Regulus to follow the conversation. He did not reply to her, as she suggested to do so, and he contented himself with hollowing out his head to show her that he had heard what she was saying to him. At last they arrived at a door and before she toached, she turned to him and said:
- I didn't introduce myself, my name is Dorcas, Dorcas Meadowes. Nice to meet you Regulus.
Then she knocked.