Fligh class
The first flight class arrived with Evan's birthday. It had been almost two weeks since it was postponed because of a succession of thunderstorms that had struck Scotland on the first Thursday of the re-entry. Since then, every night had been trying. Regulus was struggling to close his eyes; he thought only of the thunder which resounded far, far too far, above his head, and which made the waters of the lake roar. Every night he prayed to a God whom he did not know to do everything to ensure that the windows did not break.
At the moment, his tiredness had no impact on his current listening, which he no longer had difficulty finding classes. He sometimes met Dorcas in the corridors, but never had the opportunity to stop talking to her. Finally, Evan had noted that his complexion was pale than usual, and the contour of his eyes darkener. Regulus needed rest, and quickly.
Eventually, on the 15th of the month, the clouds had risen and the sun had reappeared. All the students had rushed out for a sunbath, which they deserved. Regulus had preferred to stay at the library, along with Pandora, who had sacrificed his Saturday afternoon in the open air to pass it with her friend.
He had spent several hours reading and reread books about Quidditch, methods for learning to fly safely, with maximum ease. Regulus wanted to do without the help of James Potter and was certain to be able to learn from Mrs. Benin's good care. It had to be.
It was at that moment that the famous James Potter had chosen to come to the library and disturb him in his reading. Strangely enough, Sirius did not accompany him, and Regulus guessed that his brother should be occupied with something more interesting than accompanying his best friend in the most boring room of Hogwarts.
- Hello Reggie.
Without raising the eyes of his book, Regulus stretched out on his chair. He had learned to accept the fact that James called him « Reg », although he was barely acquainted, but "Reggie" was something he could not let through. In front of him, he saw Pandora also reacting to the agreement of Regulus' nickname.
- Don't call me that.
James shrugged his shoulders, which had the effect of squeezing him with his teeth. The casualness with which he took his warnings reminded him of Sirius and the fact that the latter had been avoiding him for two weeks already. Regulus certainly did not need James's presence to remind him of his brother's absence.
- As you'll want Reg.
Regulus sighed, knowing that was all he could get from the boy. So he contented himself with it. He closed his book and got up to go and rest it where he had taken it an hour before. Pandora made it clear to him that she was waiting for him here and that they would leave from there when he came back. James followed him.
- You read books in relation to Quidditch?
- Yes.
- Do you really like that then?
- I don't know, our first class has been postponed for two weeks. I'm just getting involved.
- You tell me when you want to do your first real class.
James smiled with all this tooth, as if it could give Regulus the urge to spend more time with him. They had still not arrived at the Quidditch shelf, and Regulus wondered why it was so far from his table.
- I still haven't seen Sirius fly, so we're not going to say for a good time.
- You can see him at the next Quidditch game in early November.
- As I said, it is not before a good time.
Regulus was finally about to put away his book when he stopped his gesture.
- Wait, Sirius is going to play in the Quidditch game?
- If he joins the team, yes.
- But he doesn't even have a broom.
- The Hogwarts reserve is equipped enough to lend him one. And apart from that, he already has everything he needs.
- He can't. You have to not let him do that.
James let out an uncertain laughter.
- I'm sorry, what ?
- If he doesn’t have a broom, it's for some reason. You have to not let him do that.
- He's very good, if you're afraid to see him hurt again, everything will be fine. See you soon Reggie-Reg- sorry.
And James planted him there. With the idea that his brother was confronting their father's decisions. Injury? Are you afraid that he will be? He wasn't afraid it would happen, he knew it was going to happen. It was inevitable if his brother planned to join the team. It wasn't planned, Regulus didn't plan that. He thought his brother would be content, for once, with listening to their parents. And now Regulus was about to sink it into the idea that it was a good one.
He could still send a owl to Kreattur, but at the same time, he knew it wouldn't change anything. Sirius would still try to join the team. All Regulus could do now was to hope that he missed the selection. And again he knew that his hopes were in vain. If there was one thing the Blacks never did, it was to fail.
But he would still pray.
"-"
It was in this atmosphere that Regulus woke up on the morning of September 19, 1972. With the threat that his brother is still in danger for the mere desire to contradict their parents. But today it was Evan's birthday. It was the first time he would climb a broom, and that he would fly. It wasn't the time to think about that. He would have a good day with his friends, because his friend deserved that.
On breakfast, Evan agreed that Pandora should eat with them, and the latter took the opportunity to give her the gift in common that she and Regulus had bought her at the Chemin de Traverse during the summer. It was a crystal ball that indicated how the day of the one who would hold it in his hands would be. In addition to the changing color, suns, clouds, and lightning flew inside and predicted the weather. At night, Regulus kept looking at her, the constellations appeared and revolved around a moon that evolved according to the lunar cycle.
It had cost them the last savings their parents had left for their school purchases, but to see Evan's half-smile, it had won. A movement next to Evan attracted Regulus' attention, and he recognized Dorcas. She looked at them without hiding from them, and when she crossed her gaze, a smile appeared on her lips.
- Hello Regulus.
Pandora and Evan turned to her, as if they had just noticed her presence. Then they turned to him, their eyes asking for answers to their questions. Afterwards, ever since they became acquainted with each other, Regulus had never made other friends.
-Dorcas, Evan and Pandora Rosier. Pandora, Evan, this is Dorcas Meadowes.
- Did you accompany Regulus on the first day?
Drocas nodded.
- You're in the second year, aren't you?
Again a nod, then turned to Regulus.
- I learned that your brother wanted to be part of the Quidditch team in Gryffondor.
Regulus clamored the teeth. He wondered why this surprised him as much as she knew. She shared classes with his brother and had boasted that he was practically part of the Quidditch team, he knew his brother enough to know that. Nevertheless, he was even more surprised that he was thinking of joining the team. After the summer they had spent and the punishments their parents had inflicted on him, Regulus wondered what might well stop Sirius Orion Black when the latter had the idea of contradicting their parents.
- I actually heard that.
- I intend to join the team of Slytherin as a Pursuer. I wanted to know if next year the idea of trying.
If Dorcas's face did not reflect such a glaring seriousness, Regulus might have thought she was trying to make fun of him. The girl could not really think that he was capable of playing Quidditch, he was not like Sirius. He was frail, small. Nothing that the most dangerous wizard sport required at first glance. The only reason he found at his request was that she compared him to Sirius, which she was not the first to do.
- You say that because Sirius actually?
The witch looked surprised.
- Not at all, why is that?
- Well... I don't have the corpulence to do Quidditch, you should ask Evan instead.
- On the contrary, you'd make an excellent catcher.
- One?
- A catcher. Regulus? You know more or less Quidditch, don't you?
- He and Sirius have never played it, they live in London, they have never had the opportunity to learn.
- Sirius sometimes took my brother's broom when they were visiting, but Regulus never agreed to try until today. He wasn't interested.
I loved to see Sirius fly. But he stayed on the ground. He never went high, but his smile was enough for me to know that it pleased him. Their parents were forbidding them to steal. It was not an activity that suited the heir of the Black family and his younger brother. Instead of flying, exiting the Chemin de Traverse, Orion's and Walburga Black learned French, went out to the receptions of their parents, and remained trapped in the ancestral mansion of the Black family.
It was not that Quidditch was not interested in him. It was that he had never had the luxury of even being able to take an interest in it.
- I could explain the rules to you.
Regulus nodded.
- See you next time? I have to go to my Metamorphoses class.
Dorcas rose and went under the eyes of Pandora and Evan. Regulus had returned to his breakfast, despite the ball in his belly which was gradually forming. To speak of Quidditch had reminded him of the flight price that was coming soon, too quickly to his liking. He was not ready. He hadn't read enough books. If he ate fast, he could still make a jump to the library in order to borrow a last book from Mrs. Pince.
In front of him, Evan was playing with his new gift and did not seem to be worried about the course that was coming. This was not surprising, Regulus had already seen him fly several times, and he was doing well. Perhaps Evan would join the Slytherin team.
Pandora rose first and joined one of her new friends in front of the door before he lost sight of her. The two boys waited for the last moment to get up and join the schoolyard where students were already grouped in front of a row of about thirty brushes.
Mrs. Bibine was already there when Eva and Regulus reached the group. Laggards arrived a few minutes later and the course at last began. Everyone came forward and stood next to the brooms at their disposal. Their teacher's yellow eyes fixed one to each of the pupils, and stopped at him. It was their first class with her, and Regulus hoped she was not the kind of teacher that Slughorn was. He wouldn't do it if he had to endure the admiration for the Black family of a second professor.
But Mrs. Bibine added nothing to her.
"Put your right hand above the broom," ordered Mrs. Bibine, "and it will be necessary to say in a secure voice, 'Up. "
Regulus looked down to look at the old broom next to which he had advanced. The wood was split in some places and it lacked half of its bundle of twigs. If his mother saw him, she would scream at their teacher to force a Black to fly on this broom model. Bottom of the range, it was not suitable for a wizard of his rank.
He raised his right arm, and with all the assurance he had, although aware that it would not work, he ordered:
- Up.
The broom flew straight in his hand. The shock caused him to lose his balance, and he faltered a little before stabilizing. Around him some had managed to grab their brooms, but no one was paying attention to the fact that he had succeeded. Regulus turned to Evan on the right. The latter was already holding his broom in his right hand and looking at it. He had noticed. He seemed as surprised as he was, and, like the two children they were, an accomplice laugh slipped from among their lips.
From now on, all the students had their brush in their hands. Regulus had seen some pick them up on the floor when Bibine turned his back. That was probably what he would have done if his broom had not been docile.
- All right, now, when I whistle, you'll kick on the floor to get started. We'll have to hit hard. Then you will hold your broom straight, and you will rise one or two meters and you will immediately return to the ground by leaning slightly forward.
Succeeding in flying a broom up to one's hand was something. Succeeding in flying on and descending without hindrance was another. Regulus felt the sweat coming down along his neck as a breeze came to lift the sides of his wizard's dress.
- Hey. Reg, it's going to be okay.
Regulus tried to send a smile to his friend, but he was far too tense for that. He tried to reassure himself by repeating that no accident could happen at the first broom class. That he had just risen a few meters in the air and descend calmly again. There was not even time to respect, if he did so quickly, perhaps he would not even have to see the void under his feet.
- Come on, one, two, three.
The whistle sounded and the students rose in the air. Some gave too much impulse to their brooms and rose several meters high. Regulus accused some of having done it on purpose, since they went down again with ease that a beginner would not have had.
For him, things were more laborious. The joints in his hands were white at the sleeve of his broom and each muscle in his body was tense. At the whistle, he gave a weak impulse with his foot, but that is enough for his broom to delight to fly away. As soon as his feet stopped touching the ground, his breath cut off. He kept his gaze straight in front of him, if he dared to lower his eyes even a second, he knew that he would fall. He needed to concentrate.
Next to him he felt the presence of Evan. The latter had remained at the same altitude as him and he knew that his friend was staring at him, to stay with him. And Regulus was grateful for that. He needed to take this course to hope to move on. He had never suffered from vertigo or fear of the vacuum until today of summer with his mother. And he had to move on. He could not allow himself to be disturbed by such an innocuous event. It was not worthy of him. It was not worthy of the name he bore.
Regulus breathed out his nose and exhaled all the air from his lungs through his mouth. The view was magnificent. It was only two or three meters high, but the view was clear on the lake. The sun's rays were reflected on them, and tiny waves crashed on the sandy flank. On his left he saw the Forbidden Forest, which, in the light of day, did not frighten him that much. She even seemed welcoming. Finally. He looked down.
It was only two or three metres high, but the grass seemed so far away as it, and if it crashed, perhaps that would be enough. Again Regulus breathed out his nose and exhaled all the air from his lungs through his mouth. Then he went down again.
Evan accompanied him in his descent, slow but assured, and when they were both on the ground, he checked that all was well for him. But Regulus was on the ground, and what he had seen was magnificent. And Regulus wanted to see this view again, with this magnificent castle and this scintillating lake that he had refused to approach since his arrival.
He was fine.
He was starting to feel good here.
And maybe it wouldn't be that intolerable to learn how to fly.
The rest of the course went in the same way. Mrs. Bibine asked them to fly again and again and then to go down each time a little higher. Some stopped quite quickly, Regulus realized that most of them were of mold origin. He continued to reach 15 metres and did not dare to try his luck further. Fifteen meters was a reasonable height. His parents wouldn't know. They wouldn't think of him.
Evan and Rabastan reached the 20-meter, and it was on that the course ended. Everyone seemed satisfied with themselves, and no one was paying attention to Regulus. Some Sang-Purs had glanced at the beginning of the course, but very quickly euphoria had replaced the desire to judge his abilities.
They arrived at the Great Hall for lunch with a smile on their lips. Regulus spotted Pandora's blond loops at the Slytherin table. She seemed to be in great discussion with a girl whom he recognized as how to be Dorcas. Regulus approached the table and sat down next to Pandora. The girl smiled at her and turned to her brother, who shot her.
- What are you doing here, Pandora, once again?"
- It's your birthday, so I'm staying here today. Then I wanted to talk to Dorcas and-
- Go back to your table.
- Evan.
Regulus had held Pandora's arm when she had get up, the gaze defeated.
- What is the matter with you ?
- We have different tables, that's for a good reason, we don't mix between houses.
- Yes, but still, it's your birthday and she wants to spend it with you. Just for today you can-
- Regulus, she ate with us this morning, that is amply sufficient. Now Pandora is going back to your table.
The grip of her fingers around Pandora's arm became softer, and the girl came out before heading towards her table. The joy that the flight price had brought to Regulus evaporated in an instant. That was not how things had to happen. He thought, he hoped, that if between his brother and him things broke, between his friends, things would remain the same. And as he watched Pandora move away from their table, he felt that each of his steps broke his heart a little more each time. If he lost Pandora in turn, he would not succeed.
Not her.
Everything but her.
- Evan. Come.
- What?
- Come on. Follow me.
Regulus rose without looking at if Evan followed him, he knew he would. He was not accustomed to getting angry, or ordering his friend to do anything. Evan was older than him, and he had been taught to respect the older ones. They were often the heirs.
No one paid attention to them, and it still seemed as strange to him as on the first day. Regulus had spent his life surrounded by people who knew him and his family. Now he realized that in Hogwarts, most of the students had never heard the name Black from someone's mouth before. Most of these students were muggles. Several times, Regulus had heard his parents call them "Mudblood". When he repeated their words, he knew what to do between the frightened gaze of his brother and those who gave off what was a matter of pride on the part of his parents.
They had reached the door when Regulus almost went into a group of people. He found himself face to face with his brother and friends. His brother had been avoiding him for three weeks, and he wondered what he might find this time to do. Regulus did not move, leaving his brother to understand that he was waiting for an answer from him after such a long silence.
Sirius kept his mouth closed.
Regulus sighed. So that would be like this?
Remus raised his voice.
- Sirius, let's go and sit down, James asked us to keep a seat for him.
Sirius shook his head slowly, his eyes continuing to stare at those of his brother. Regulus knew they had the same. What could his brother find in his own people to seem so sad when looking at them?
Regulus decaled and passed over Sirius, bruised him. He could no longer bear his brother's gaze on him, and they blocked everyone, if they did not stop this carousel fast enough, the eyes of the whole room would turn to them, and it would be even more unbearable than the gray iris filled with sadness Sirius felt for him.
It was at this moment that Sirius chose to react. He grabbed Regulus's arm which had the effect of making him rotate.
- I'm sorry. Really sorry.
- For?
- Whatever you want.
Angherous, Regulus turned round and left his brother behind him. Evan on his heels he walked through the corridors of Hogwarts, putting the most distance between his brother and him. He thought he managed to get as far away as possible from the Great Hall and all the students who were supposed to be there to eat when someone passed his arm over his shoulders.
- So, how was your first flight class Reg?
Regulus was not ready to face James Potter. The aggrieve he felt towards his brother and the semblance of anger that Evan's behavior towards Pandora gave him did not bring him the necessary forces people needed to talk to James. He swept the latter's arm with a dry movement, and without looking at him and continued to walk, he replied dryly:
- This is not the time for, Potter.
All he then heard before turning to the left corridor was:
- Potter?
If he felt hurt, that was not Regulus' problem. He already had enough to do with his own and those of Sirius, and those of Evan and Pandora. He had no strength to add James's to his list. He would never add James Potter's problems to his list.
Eventually he found a place isolated to speak to Evan without any indiscreet ears being surprised. The last thing he needed was everyone to learn that problems were born between the children of Sang-Purs.
- Explain to me.
- I don't see what you're talking about, Regulus.
Regulus loved his brother, buthe could annoy him. Regulus adored Evan, but Evan could irritate him. Regulus rarely got angry, he had little opportunity at home, where a word of hole turned into irrational fear. So when he raised his tone, Evan raised his head and looked at him, surprised.
- Evan, Pandora is your sister. You're lucky that she wants to continue to be here for you. It doesn't matter where you are. So why are you going to take her away? Why are you doing this to her? She just wants to be with you. What's wrong with that? Tell me.
- Regulus...
- No, I'd like to know. After all, big brothers are always right. Great apologies. You don't like my brother, and yet you do everything to behave in the same way. Is that what you want? To be the Pandora’s Sirius?
- I... you don't understand Regulus...
- I am used not to understand when I am not explained.
- What I mean is that you are not the heir.
And that hurt him more than all the words that Evan ever will tell him. Because he knew that things would remain the same. We would never let him understand. He had been treated for so long as if he were unable to understand. For he was not the heir, he was not important. He would never be to let him understand what it was like to be born first. He would remain the unaware that he did not want to be.
Explain to me. I beg you. So that it stops.
He wanted to understand why his brother apologised for things he had not yet done. He wanted to understand why Evan was driving Pandora out of their lives. He wanted to understand why Sirius went to this office without being able to do anything about it. He wanted to understand why it was not worth loving without compensation. He wanted to understand. He was tired of watching Sirius endure from a distance and seeing him always turn his back on him. He wanted to understand. He wanted it so much. But no one explained to him. Everyone looked at him and said, "You wouldn't understand, you're not the heir." And he didn't want to be. He just wanted to understand. But he would never be worth it.
- Evan, I beg you, explain.
Regulus woumd never knew what had decided Evan this day, to confide in him. Perhaps he had seen the distress in his eyes, a distress which he only rarely left on the surface. Maybe he was just ready to talk about it. No doubt he, too, needed to talk to someone.
- My parents had been very clear with me, I would go to Slytherin. I do not know if they have spoken with Pandora too, but I doubt it. She never had the temperament of a Slytherine. However, my parents hoped that she would be too. Only I didn't want her to be, I wanted her to go to Ravenclaw, where I know she would feel good, not like Slytherin.
- I don't see how it forces you to distance yourself from her.
- My parents are disappointed. I didn't have to wait for their first owl to find out. Pandora, in three weeks, did not receive any. We're only ten months apart, and it's like we're twins. She always counted on me and... and I know I couldn't always be here. I don't want her to cling to me... But... but I can't tell her Regulus. I do not want her to have only me and I know that if she continues to eat with us, to sit with us, to live with us, she will not find anyone else. And I don't want her to have no one else... I don't want her to have only me you understand?
- Evan...
- I'm his older brother. I am the heir of the Rosier family. I have to protect her. I have to honor my name. I must love it. I have to do the right thing. If she has only me... if she has only me I will hurt her, it is inevitable. I know that. That's what my parents asked me to do. From the moment she was not chosen in Slytherin I knew. But Regulus ... It is my little sister ... If she has only me in the world I would never forgive myself ... Because if it is, she will end up alone ... Because I am the heir Rosier and the name comes first. I promised them.
Evan's voice broke and collapsed against the stone wall behind him. Regulus advanced towards him to help him stand.
- I don't know what to do... I don't know what to do Regulus... she is my little sister...
- I know Evan, I know. I'm sorry.
Evan did not cry, but each of his words was like tears that robbed his tongue as they would have flowed on his skin if he had allowed himself to go. Regulus could not hear him, but he continued to whisper. Without stopping. Never had he seen him helplessly. Evan had always been calm and temperate. He chose his words accurately. Words that always sounded just to Regulus's ears.
He was not pressed against a wall, clinging to his friend to not to collapse. He was not losing ground because of his family's pressure. He was not lost. Evan wasn't. That was not possible. Not just after discovering Hogwarts. Not after spending a morning like this. Not when they learned to get to know new people.
Not when it was his birthday.
And while real tears were running down his cheeks.
Regulus realized that they were just kids.