Hogwarts Express
Regulus barely had time to open the door to the corridor that he was beset by a multitude of children screaming and running in every direction. He, who had been accustomed to order and discipline since his childhood, froze by surprise. The clamped jaw he tried to move forward in the corridor far too narrow for the number of children present.
Sirius had disappeared, probably too tired of having to wait for him, and Regulus had no idea in which compartment his brother could well have settled. Now he tried to move between the many moving bodies without being pushed and the people around him began to recognize him, and that did not delight him. That moment was his first contact with Hogwarts, and he found himself alone in confronting the eyes of several dozen people.
When people began to step aside, he stood upright and applied everything in his education. If inside his heart beat his bed, his breathing was regular, from the outside his attitude became impeccable. He advanced at an equal speed through the corridor, throwing slight glances towards the compartments. He promised to make his brother pay his absence. Sirius did much better than he in such situations. With his confident smile and his relaxed look.
Regulus did not become aware of the surrounding silence until he heard splinters of voices from one of the compartments. No one around him uttered a word. Whispers were heard behind his back, but the silence of his future comrades surprised him. The Blacks was looked, Regulus knew it, what he didn't know, and what he would have liked to know, was that even him, the second, created unease in others.
The whispers behind him seemed to be stronger. They were buzzing in his ears, and Regulus could almost have heard what they said. Yet no one was reacting around him, as if all of this was happening in his head. And maybe that was the case. He almost turned around, and let his trouble be seen in the eyes of all, when the flashes of voice became more intense.
He recognized his brother's voice, and his walk became more certain. He wanted to get to this compartment as soon as possible, and he did not even reflect on the fact that James, Peter and Remus would be there. He just wanted to run away from this corridor where the eyes of these people pierced his back a little deeper every second.
He opened the door of the compartment with a dry blow and closed it without a look behind him and sat down on the nearest bench. The voices had stowed down to create only a brief whisper. This volume reminded him of the children of the corridor. Regulus closed his eyes and leaned to the back of the bench, his journey did not begin as he had hoped, and his mother's words continued to turn in his head. He blew to remove the tension in his shoulders, and he felt someone tap his knee.
-Reg, are you okay?
Regulus opened his eyes and crossed the gaze of his brother, who seemed anxious. The youngest turned his head to cross the eyes of three other people, one of whom he recognized as James Potter. The one next to whom he sat passed him at least one head, and his face was covered with a long right scar and precise from his forehead to his chin. The last person in the compartment happened to be a young boy with a pinkish and still childish. After his inspection, Regulus turned to Sirius.
-Oui. Well, I mean yes, everything's fine. You could have waited for me.
Sirius grimaced.
- Narcissa dragged me with her and I was able to get rid of it when I got here.
Regulus nodded, it was neither the time nor the place to doubt his brother.
-Oh, I'm sorry. Regulus, this is Remus.
The boy next to him held out his hand, and Regulus did not hesitate to shake her. Although he remembered his mother's words about the quality of his blood, the young wizard felt less difficult to hold his hand than to James. Remus gave off something he liked, a calm similar to Evan’s. Not all of Sirius's friends were all good to ignore. At this thought his gaze turned to James for a brief moment.
-And Peter.
He hesitated between reaching out or a simple gesture, and Regulus was relieved to see that he opted for the second option. The vision of his sweaty hands had made him paler than he already was. Regulus did as if he had not seen his hand up and did not give him back his sign, no one would take him into account, which they try.
-Remus, Peter, this is my little brother, Reggie.
Regulus was not even surprised to hear his brother present him under this diminutive. Sirius's satisfied smile agreed to make no comment to him; he would be too happy to receive it. Regulus therefore merely re-leads against the file and did not add anything. The four friends resumed their discussions without paying attention to him anymore.
The feeling of not existing, of being invisible to others, covered him, without hurting him. Not this time. Here, for once, he blessed the oblivion of oblivion which had surrounded him for years, since his birth. He needed to take stock, to think about him, to think about him without having to worry about what others thought of him. He did not exist for his brother's friends; he was invisible to Sirius. And that didn't matter.
His gaze derivated to the outside of the compartment. Through the window he saw that the corridor had emptied itself, and no one was jostling in it. No one looked at him with curiosity anymore. Sometimes Regulus said to himself that it was worse than being invisible.
At the end of the day, he chooses to close his eyes. In this way the others would think that he was sleeping and would not dare to disturb him in his sleep. Except Sirius. If Sirius wanted to tell him something he would wake him up, but it would not bother him. He would never mind being at the centre of his brother's attention.
With his eyes closed, he was finally able to concentrate on what worried him. It's been months, perhaps even years, that Regulus knew he would go to Slytherin. He had had no doubt about this, not even when Sirius was the first Black to be distributed to Gryffindor. He was always aware of his nature, of what his ancestors had bequeathed to him, and Serpentard shared it.
Yet the anxiety grew in him. Fear of failure. The fear of misunderstood his possibilities, now that he no longer had them. He was born and he grew up to be a Slytherin, it couldn't have gone any other way. It was not possible, it was no longer possible. Not since his mother decided for him to proceed. She had asked him to make a choice that was not his, which he could not make. But he had to do so, otherwise he would die.
Never had Regulus imagined being in his place other than among snakes, and from now on he never ceased to contemplate the possibility of belonging to another house. His mother had made his voice heard, he would go to Slytherin. He could not be otherwise, and Regulus had to do what he could to make his mother's decision happen. If he did not succeed, he was not worthy to be part of that family.
He felt someone tap his arm, and Regulus turned his head to cross Remus's gaze. He did not understand how this one could be as tall at as bad was as twelve years old, and he felt as tiny as he faced his parents, which was quite unpleasant.
-Yes?
-Not too anxious by the distribution of houses?
Regulus stiffened to the evocation of the distribution, and if Remus noticed him he had the politeness not to point it out to him.
-Everything’s fine.
-It wasn't my--
-Where are you think to be reparted, Reg?
Regulus turned to James, eyes dark. This one did not seem to take into account the gaze sent to him by the youngest. Regulus could not conceive that his brother's friend had dared to call him by his diminutive, they barely knew each other for Merlin. To the great despair of the young sorcerer who would have preferred it not to be the case at all.
- Excuse-m-
- My little brother would make a perfect Ravenclaw.
Sirius cut him by beating the tibia with his leg. It was a habit that the two brothers had for each other from small. This happened when one of them were about to say something that would cause their parents’ disappointment. Only, usually, they did so during meals, when the table could hide their gestures. Pretty, Sirius had forgotten the absence of a table, and everyone in the compartment had seen him strike him.
Near the window, Regulus heard a giggling and he felt his cheeks heat. Like all Blacks, he hated to be ridiculed, even more when the one who had had the audacity to chuck was a little, badly dressed.
- An Ravenclaw ?
- My brother is too smart for all of us. Well, except maybe Remus.
Apart from Peter, no one had pointed to Sirius's gesture, and the conversation had continued without him.
- I'm not that smart. All I do is study, you should try Sirius.
- Remus. It's mean.
Regulus no longer felt as if he was a part a the conversation, so he let his gaze drift towards the window. Side him Sirius and Remus were chased, and he took time to realize that James was staring at him. The young wizard was about to ignore him when his brother's friend called him.
- Yes?
- Are you planning to go to Ravenclaw?
- According to Sirius, yes.
- Yes, but now I'm asking you for your opinion.
Regulus wondered how that could concern him. He wanted to tell him that it was not necessary to make the conversation, he himself was indulging in silence, something he had become accustomed to. But the gaze that James made him agree to answer.
- I would go to Slytherin.
- Oh ! You look sure of yourself.
- All the Blacks went to Slytherin.
-Except
- Sirius, yes, I know.
James's smile grew, and Regulus cast a sceptical glance at him.
- Speaking of Sirius, he told me that you wanted to learn to fly.
Regulus felt to become even paler than usual. He could not believe that his brother had told his friend about it despite their argument. The young wizard had hoped that he had forgotten, or that he would resent him too much to think about helping him. Visibly Regulus had underestimated his brother, and his ability to mingle with what did not concern him.
- It's a chance that we'll have first-year flight classes then.
And James laughs. Regulus had made him laugh. And no one seemed to realize what that meant. Because Regulus wasn't funny. He was boring, cold and bribable. He didn't make people laugh. And at that moment he managed to glimpse what Sirius saw in James, and he hated him even more. Because Regulus did not want to feel any gratitude to him to make him feel a little less hollow. Not to the one who made his brother happier than him.
James resumed his seriousness quite quickly and continued to smile. Regulus began to get fed up with that smile that sounded wrong. He wondered whether James used to do anything other than smile.
- I see that you know where I'm going.
Regulus clamped the teeth. If he spoke now, his tone would be sharp, and Sirius would blame him.
- He asked me to teach you.
James seemed to be waiting for an answer from him, a pleasure which the youngest would not give him.
- Will you?
-I want to see Sirius fly first. He says he's doing more than well, but I know my brother.
Regulus pressed the "my."
- He tends to overestimate his abilities. If it happens, you're a pitiful teacher. You must be aware that if I learn to fly, it must be with the best of teachers.
- You'll only have to see me, I, fly. I'm excellent, that should be enough.
- Theory and practice are two different things. A good teacher would know.
James had never ceased to smile during their exchange, a smile which had even increased. The pikes that Regulus sent him did not bother him and the young Black saw him. The Gryffindor took pleasure in speaking with him, at least that was what he perceived, and it did not reassure him as to the conclusion of this discussion.
- Do you want to trade places?
Regulus turned to Remus. He realized that he and his brother had stopped talking and were looking at him.
- Sorry?
- To chat with James more easily.
- No, it's okay.
- I don't mind.
- We were done anyway.
Regulus shifted his attention to the landscape that was parading outside, paying attention not to re-cross James's face, fearing that it would give him a reason to continue the conversation. He hoped that he had understood that he refused his proposal, but knowing his brother, if James resembled him he would continue to hope until Regulus refused to speak properly. And even under these conditions, Regulus doubted that James gave up so easily, Sirius might even push him to insist if he did not do so himself.
- You want to be next to the window?
The young sorcerer turned to Peter. He no longer gizzardled and proposed to exchange room. Regulus accepted his offer, between Remus and the partition that separated him from the hallway, he felt pressed on both sides and struggled to make a place on the bench yet comfortable.
Sitting next to the window he opened the window slightly to let the blast of the wind slush his face. He felt his black curls flying against his cheeks, but he was not concerned about them. No one in the compartment was paying attention to him from now on, he could let himself go. At least as much as he allowed himself.
Never was Regulus gone so far from home. He and his family went to their country house in Scotland, but it was incomparable with leaving the mansion. The more the train drove on the rails, the more Regulus felt the distance between him and his parents. Their influence on him diminished, and although he was aware that he would understand that distance did not prevent their hold from continuing, he took advantage of this feeble moment of freedom. He gave himself the happiness of being only Regulus, without a surname that haunted him on certain days.
The Regulus that climbed the roof in the night, and contemplating the constellations and their stars for hours. The Regulus that had given Kreattur a note and money so that the elf knew what broom model to buy. The Regulus did not reflect on the consequences that his actions would have. As long as these consequences did not fall on his brother's shoulders. The Regulus who managed to imagine what happiness was.
- Do you want sweets, kids?
Regulus turned towards the door of the compartment. An old lady stood in front of them, a cart filled with sweets in front of her. The young wizard could not help but look at the mountain of sachets with envy.
- A little bit of everything.
- All? Sirius you're not serious.
His brother turned to him, a big smile on his lips.
- We're rich Reg, let's take advantage of it.
- Our parents are rich.
- Well, then. They'll eventually die.
- Sirius.
Regulus could not make up his mind between taking offence of his brother's audacity, or amusing himself.
- Then I want you to taste everything. Hold on Chocofairs.
- What is it?
- If you see it's the chocolates with the cards that I told you about.
- Ah. And we can eat it ?
Peter answered him.
- We collect the cards instead, the frogs make their living, we'll say. Then they move too much to be really eaten. But you can try.
Regulus began to open the box while the others shared the candy with each other. He almost glapired when the frog jumped to his face, and he dared not to raise his eyes to verify that no one had seen him. The witch in her box told him nothing and he turned her down so that he could read her back.
- Morgan...
- A real Slytherin.
Regulus looked up to cross James's gaze. He was the only one who had stayed to see which map the young Black was going to have. The other boys paid no attention to them, and Sirius did not hear what his friend said. Regulus surprised himself to smile at him. A slight and fleeting shudder, but to see James's eyes shining, he understood that he had seen him.
- You really don't want me to teach you how to fly?
Regulus sighed, however, little surprised by James' insistence. He was really like his brother.
- I don't prefer it, no.
- That would please Sirius.
- It's deceitful, Potter.
James smiled more, Regulus wondered if it was even possible.
- I try to get into the head of a Slytherin, see how to make them give in.
- I never fly.
- Are you afraid to make a fool of yourself?
Regulus shrunk unwittingly, stung in the spotlight.
- No.
- Sirius was afraid anyway.
- Really?
James shook his head.
-I want to do my first flight sessions with a real teacher. Then I'll see.
James's smile grew and his teeth appeared. Regulus was afraid that he would take him in his arms so much he seemed happy with his response. Then, at the moment when he thought he was obliged to stretch out his arms to keep him away, James turned to Sirius and shook his arm so hard that his brother let go of all the bags he held in his hands.
- I succeeded. I persuaded him.
- Really !?
- You owe me 5 Gallions.
- You abuse Reg... I'm going to get poor because of you.
- I thought you were rich.
- Reggie...
- Don't call me that.
- Come on, eat that instead of making me lose money.
Sirius handed him a candy with a greenish aspect which did not inspire him confidence. Nevertheless, he took him in his hand and would have allowed him to fall on the spot if his brother did not fix him, as well as all the boys in the compartment. Without even knowing what he was in the hollow of his palm, Regulus felt the trap closing over him. With a disgusting look at the little candy, he swallowed it in the hope that it would not be as bad as its appearance would presume.
- So? So?
Peter was over-excited, and Regulus looked at him, he exasperated him, and he did not understand how anyone as Sirius could be friends with such an energian.
- So what?
- Do the taste?
-Why ? Sirius ! What did you give me?!
Sirius's laughter resonated in the compartment, and Regulus continued to fix him, waiting for a response. Remus gave it to him.
- These are Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. You never know what you're coming up to, tastes are a surprise, one blow is chocolate and the other is a vomit taste.
-You never ate it?
- No.
- Really? By Godric you're uneducated.
- Sirius didn't know either Peter.
- So?
The three friends spoke quickly and Regulus was lost in their discussion. He was grateful to his brother for refocusing the subject of the conversation, his ears buzzing.
- Watermelon.
- Lucky man.
Sirius tried to make him eat other Flavour Beans, but Regulus refused each time, and the boys eventually got tired and moved on. The four friends did not care of the young wizard, and he returned to his contemplation of the landscapes, which were parading through the window. The scenery of Scotland already appeared and the expanses covered with lakes and forests captivated it.
His brother had told him about a lake that stretched around Hogwarts and where it was possible to skate on during the winter. If Regulus did not intend to bathe in it, as Sirius seemed to envision, he was already considering spending hours contemplating the beauty of this place, far from that of the dreary and noisy city. All Regulus wanted was a little calm. This is something that the other four did not seem to have to grant it. Yet, despite the incessant hustle and bustle in the cabin, Regulus closed his eyes and fell asleep.
A brief jolt was enough to wake up Regulus. Night had fallen and the train was beginning to slow down. The calm had returned to the cabin, and he realized that Peter had fallen asleep on James' shoulder, looking out the window. Remus read a book, his back fitted to the partition separating them from the corridor, and that Sirius was on the floor, for a reason which he did not know, and which he preferred not to know.
Regulus could not believe that he managed to sleep as much time, especially in a noisy environment as he was when he fell asleep. His sleep was usually rather mild, but the excitement and stress had overwhelmed his nerves. Sirius stirred to the ground, and Regulus realized that he had fallen asleep on the ground. Carefully he shook it with his foot.
-Wake up, we're coming.
- Hmm?
Remus closed his book in a snap and shook him in the same way as Regulus, but with less gentleness.
- He told you to raise your ass from there and prepare your business. The train enters the station.
- You're just a blunt.
Remus just rolled his eyes as Sirius rose gently. Everyone in the small compartment stooped in order to put their wizardy dresses and take their suitcases high. James offered him his help in getting his suitcase back, but Regulus prevented him, having more than enough to deal with him.
- I can cope myself.
- Regulus, we leave in front to take the carriages. With the early years Hagrid is waiting for you to the locomotive.
- What does he look like?
- Oh, don't worry about that, you'll recognize him when you’ll see him.
Regulus refrained from correcting Peter that one could not recognize someone we did not know already, but it was probably the last time before a long time they were talking to each other, at least that is what he had hoped, so he kept his mouth closed. He shook his head and took care of his suitcase. Kreacher had placed it in a strategic place, which meant that despite his small size, Regulus managed to recover his belongings. He noted in a corner of his head to thank the elf for this kind of attention.
When he passed his head through the door, he noticed that the hallway was completely empty. Sirius had told him to wait at the locomotive level, he began to advance, dragging his heavy suitcase behind him, towards the front of the train. It was then that he noticed a shining shine on the ground. Out of curiosity, Regulus stooped down and was surprised to find a silver chain on which hanged a pendant with three engraved letters: JFP.
Regulus picked up the necklace to look at it more closely. The letters were probably initials and he wondered how someone might have lost it. It was the kind of thing that we kept preciously, around his neck, and that could hardly fall. He looked closely at the clasp, but the clasp did not seem to be broken. The one who had lost it was not the kind of person who has attached to this kind of thing.
- Reggie.
He turned to the call of his name. Behind him, right next to the door, stood Pandora and Evan. Suitcases by hand they were ready to leave the train. Regulus fake the pendant into the pocket of his wizard's dress and joined his friends.
Outside the air was fresh and damp, the streetlights illuminated the quay of the station with an orange light which reminded him of the lights of the city and their shadows. Regulus noticed a group of young people like them who were waiting a little further away, and beside them a mountain of suitcases and bags laid carelessly. The three friends advanced towards them and put their affairs cleanly aside, then joined the group.
At first, Regulus did not notice the man standing before them. Suddenly a gruff voice rose and he raised his eyes. In front of them was half a genius, Regulus had never met them, such people did not frequent the high-society salons, but if this man was not, no one else could be.
- The first years. This way. Go ahead, move on. Well, is everyone here? Follow me.
The half-giant turned around and the whole little group advanced like one man. The more they advanced, the more darkness encircled them. Only the lamp held by the half-giant protected them from the shadows of the forest. Regulus was not particularly afraid of the dark, in their country house he even went out in the evening to play with Sirius when they were still young. Too young for their parents to decide to physically punish them.
It’s been years since they stopped doing it.
The half-giant began to slow down and Regulus could let go of Pandora's arm. He no longer remembered when he had caught it for him, but he remembered holding it at least since the young witch had moved away from the group to look at a flower which she found particularly pretty.
- Children listen to me. You're first years, so it's decided to show you Hogwarts from a different perspective. You're all going to love it, you’ll see. Follow me, it's right after these trees.
Intrigued, the children accelerated the march behind the half-giant, all curious to know what might well have expected them. Sirius had not told him about that, just because the first years came after the other, for distribution. He thought he had to wait for the carriages to return, but obviously they were given something else. Something better.
- And there you go.
The man disrolls to reveal to the wizards what awaited them. Under the cries of surprises of some and excitement of others, Regulus felt his blood ice-cold. Boats were floating in front of them, ready to welcome them. And all he could see was the water on which he was going to have to navigate.
- Not more than three per boat children. Go ahead, go up, go upstairs.
Regulus now understood why his brother had not told him anything. If he had known, Regulus would have done everything to follow him in the carriages. He would never have followed this man who led them to the lake and forced them to go up boats.
And while he was the last one on the ground and all the other children had already gone upstairs, the half-giant approached and grabbed his arm.
His first thought was that the man's hand was similar to the one that his mother placed on his shoulders to plunge him whole into an iced bath.