Moonage Daydream

Remus found James, Sirius, and Peter in their usual compartment on the train. Remus plopped down on the bench beside Peter while James and Sirius were chatting. The two stopped once they noticed Remus joining them, excitedly welcoming him back.  

“What’d you all get for Christmas?” James asked, buying a pile of chocolate frogs off of the trolly.  

“Books, sweaters, a new record.” Remus shrugged. “I brought it with me, but I don’t know if anyone has a record player.” 

“Record? "Sirius quirked his head to the side. 

“For music. If someone has a player, I’ll show you.” 

“Well, mates, I’ve got the Christmas gift that we’ll love,” James said with a grin. “My dad gave me an invisibility cloak!” 

Sirius’ and Remus’ jaws dropped open. “You’re punking me,” Remus gasped. “He did not.” 

“No way,” Sirius agreed.  

“He did too! Hold on.” James drew the curtains to the compartment closed and reached into his trunk and pulled out a silvery cloak. He swung it around himself and flipped the hood up, disappearing altogether. 

“No way!” Remus and Sirius shouted at the same time.  

James let out a disembodied giggle, poking Remus and Sirius in the arm. The sensation of getting poked by an invisible force was disturbing enough, even if Remus knew that it was only James, he could only imagine how one might react if they weren’t aware of what was going on. 

Remus jumped back from where he assumed James was standing. “Oi! Don’t do that when I can’t see you!” 

Sirius grinned. “This is so cool! Imagine what we could do,” he laughed devilishly. 

“You’re terrifying,” Peter tisked.  

James laughed, pulling the hood down, leaving him a floating head. “Isn’t this great?” 

“This is worse than when I couldn’t see you,” Remus cringed. 

“Okay, okay. The cloak is coming off,” James hummed, taking the cloak off. “It’s cool though, right?” 

“It is,” Sirius agreed. 

James shoved the cloak in his bag, smiling brightly. “So, Sirius, what did you get?” 

“Oh, nothing interesting. I got a map, which is kind of cool I suppose. I can plan where I’m going to go once I’m out of that house.” Sirius shrugged. 

“Where?” Remus asked. 

“What?” 

“Where do you want to go?” 

“Mm, France. I had to learn French; I should give myself an opportunity to use it,” Sirius hummed. “Maybe the Americas, I hear they’re interesting.” 

“You speak French? Why?” Peter asked. 

“Part of my proper education,” Sirius said in an affected tone, trying to sound even more posh than he already was. “I had to learn a respectable language.” 

Remus raised his eyebrow. “A respectable language? What does that mean?” 

“If I knew I would tell you. My mother has a lot of rules.” 

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Peter gushed. “I can only speak English.” 

“I know a bit of Hindi,” James hummed. 

“I know Welsh,” Remus told them. “My mum taught me.” 

“Right, you’re from, uh Conwy, right?” James asked. “That’s the town?” 

Remus nodded. “Home sweet home.” 

~.~ 

By the first weekend the boys were already swamped with work. They sat on the floor of their dorm room, a mess of parchment and quills surrounding them. Sirius groaned, tossing his parchment across the room. “We should plan another prank.” 

“Yes!” James agreed. “This time you can’t leave anything out though,” he teased.  

“Oh fine,” Sirius sighed dramatically. “It needs to be bigger. More than just Snivelus.”  

“How big?” Remus questioned. 

“ Big ,” Sirius emphasized. “The whole school.” 

“You want to prank the whole school?” Peter scoffed.  

“Yes, I do!” 

“I’m all for it,” James announced. 

Remus hummed, tilting his head back to look at his friends. “Alright, let’s do it,” he agreed. 

Sirius grinned, finding an empty piece of parchment and a quill. “Let’s get planning.” 

Peter let out a groan but reluctantly joined in on their planning. The boys stayed up well into the night, fuelling themselves on leftovers of James’ and Peter’s holiday sweets while they concocted their ideas.  

~.~ 

One of the students had set their record player up in the common room, something Remus was eternally grateful for. He grabbed his record and called James, Sirius and Peter to the common room. “You all are about to hear the best thing ever,” he told them, setting the album on the player. 

“This is just muggle music, isn’t it?" Peter asked. 

“Just muggle music,” Remus mocked. “It’s David Bowie, one of the best musicians ever.” 

“What’s so special about him?” Sirius hummed, leaning over Remus to look at the vinyl. 

“Everything, just listen and then you’ll get it.” Remus started the album, swaying with the sounds of Life on Mars? playing. He hummed along quietly and shushed James when he started to talk through the song. 

Sirius lit up when he heard the music, he bopped his head along to the beat. “I am never going to be the same,” he said after Changes played. “Is he a wizard? He sounds like a wizard.” 

“I don’t think he’s a wizard,” Remus laughed. “Just amazing.” 

James laid across the couch while they listened the album. “I think I see the appeal.” 

“You think?” Sirius gawped. “You think ? This is the best thing I’ve ever heard!” 

Remus grinned and started singing along. Sirius was dancing to the music, attempting to sing even if he didn’t know the words. Peter and James abandoned the two long after the first play through of the album. Remus and Sirius listened to it roughly ten more times, singing loudly by the tenth as soon as Sirius figured out the words. 

Changes was determined to be their favourite song of the album. The excitement radiated off the two as they yelled the lyrics, earning push back from their other students. 

“I can’t believe that David Bowie is a muggle. I always thought muggle music was supposed to be boring, that wasn’t boring. That was the best music I’ve ever heard!” 

Remus grinned. “Next year I’ll have to bring all my records and we can listen to David Bowie for days.” 

“You must. How do the disks keep the music in them? Are you sure it’s not magic?” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Remus laughed. “Uh, the grooves are made by vibrations from the music and the record player just copies the vibrations I think.” 

Sirius hummed. “Sounds like magic.” 

~.~ 

Remus’ nerves were absolutely shot on January 30th. He spent the whole day wondering around the castle. James and Sirius had come to find him more than once but had been quickly dismissed under the guise of needing to focus on schoolwork. Remus wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect this night. Would it be any different than all his other moons? Madame Pomfrey had asked him to come earlier than usual to talk, Remus assumed that meant nothing good.  

He made his way to the infirmary before the sun started to go down. Pomfrey was waiting for him with a selection of finger sandwiches and a pot of tea. She had started doing this upon realizing Remus no longer had enough time to stop at the Great Hall for food. He sat down, accepting the cup of tea, but couldn’t bring himself to sip at it. 

“Remus, we need to talk about what’s going to happen tonight,” Madame Pomfrey started. “As you know, tonight is the lunar eclipse.”  

“Yes, I tried to read on what was going to happen tonight.” Remus looked down at his cup, worrying at his lip. 

“That’s good. Tonight will be harder on you, I’ve already put up some more powerful charms around the shack to keep you safe.” Remus furrowed his brows; it was to keep other people safe. “And tomorrow, you’re going to be staying in the infirmary. You won’t be attending classes, I will arrange for you to be able to catch up on your coursework, don’t worry about that,” she assured. “You’ll need your rest, so I don’t want to hear any arguments.” Remus nodded as she spoke. Madame Pomfrey patted his knee. “Drink your tea, dear.” 

Remus sipped his tea quietly while the two waited to have to head out to the shack. Madame Pomfrey squeezed his shoulder before leaving him alone. Remus was shaking as he waited for the change to happen. Perhaps it was from the cold or perhaps he was just in anticipation. The transformation came on, bending Remus’ bones and stretching his skin, he screamed out and howled. 

The morning light shown on Remus through the boarded-up windows. Every inch of his body ached, and he shook with each movement. He looked down at myself and felt his stomach flip. Large claw marks covered his chest and shoulders. The walls and the doors of the room were scratched and seemingly bitten at in his fits during the night. Remus curled in on himself, pressing his hands on the wounds, hoping to slow the bleeding. He let out a choked cry, writhing on the floor. He could have been laying there for hours for all he knew. It felt like it had been hours. 

Madame Pomfrey hurried to Remus’ side, casting a healing spell over him. The wounds scabbed over and started to numb. She wrapped Remus in a blanket and rubbed his back. “Shh, it’s okay. It's okay, dear. You’re alright.” She waited until Remus was calm enough to stand before escorting him back to the castle. Once in the infirmary, Pomfrey got Remus into a bed, had him drink a potion that he wasn’t entirely sure what it was, and brough him tea. “You should sleep,” she told him. 

Remus nodded, barely hearing the words she was saying to him. He turned on his side and drifted off.  

He woke up to the sound of three boys rushing to his beside. Remus wiped his eyes and tried to register who was in front of him. “What time is it?” he mumbled. 

“It’s three in the afternoon, mate,” James chuckled.  

Sirius leaned on the bedside table. “So... you aren’t contagious, right?” 

“No, Sirius. I’m not contagious,” Remus groaned. “What are you guys doing?” 

“We got McGonagall to tell us where you were,” Peter admitted. “She said you were sick.” 

“Yep. As a dog,” Remus hummed, chuckling to himself.  

“And apparently delirious too,” James teased. “We brought you something to cheer you up.” 

“Is it chocolate? ‘Cause I could really go for some.” 

James pulled some sweets out of his bag and set them on the table. “Yes. For your insatiable sweet tooth.” Remus smiled, grabbing a piece of chocolate and popping it into his mouth.  

“Is this why you keep disappearing?” Sirius asked. “You’re always sick?” 

“Erm, yeah. I get sick a lot.” Remus shrugged.  

“Poor sickly lad,” James hummed.  

“I know, it’s tragic,” he laughed.  

Peter dug out some notes from his bag. “I took a second copy of notes for you.” Remus thanked him, taking the notes. The writing was barely legible, but he could probably make sense of it. The three boys kept Remus company for the day, sharing stories of yet another fight with Snape.  

~.~  

Remus found himself chugging the coffee available at the breakfast table the next morning. He knew his mother would tell him coffee would stunt his growth, he was too tired to care. It was bitter and slightly gross, Remus mixed in as much sugar as he could while it still dissolved. He only perked up when the owls came to deliver the mail. Another letter from his parents got dropped in front of him. Remus grabbed the letter and crumpled it into a ball to shove into his robe, distantly noting that James was watching him.  

~.~ 

Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter woke up bright and early for their next prank. They decided to hold it late in February, not quite as soon as they hoped. James grabbed his cloak, the four huddled together underneath it. The halls were empty, it was far too early for anyone to be up and roaming.  

The four got to the Great Hall, spreading out with a small bag each. They crawled under the tables, planting their surprises for the other students to find when breakfast started. They ran back to the dormitory so the four of them could go to breakfast with everyone else.  

The boys were positively giddy when they entered the Great Hall for breakfast. Once everyone was seated, Remus pulled out his wand and whispered a spell. All around the Hall stink bombs started to go off, students squealed and shot up from their seats as the stink bombs sprayed sticky green goo over their laps. The boys laughed until the scent reached their own nostrils and they gagged. Remus covered his nose and coughed, they failed to take into account exactly how bad it would smell. Breakfast was officially ruined for everyone. 

~.~ 

Winter was starting to thaw finally when March hit. Remus was enjoying the shorter nights. He chatted with Lily over his pile of pancakes at breakfast. The owls came with the mail, dropping a few letters for James and Lily. One owl flew overhead, carrying a package in his claws, he dropped the package on Remus’ lap. Remus covered the top of it with the sleeve of his robe, obscuring his name and his parents’.  

Sirius perked up, leaning forward. “What’s that?” he asked. “What’s in it?” 

“I don’t know, I haven’t opened it yet,” Remus mumbled.  

“Open it, I want to see,” Sirius pressed, getting into Remus’ space. 

“No! Ugh, get away,” Remus shoved Sirius’ shoulder.  

“Come on, I want to see,” Sirius begged. 

“Yeah, let’s see,” James added. 

“No. Back off,” Remus huffed, getting up from the table. He hurried to the dormitory with the package. He sat on his bunk, tearing the tape off with a pair of scissors. Sitting on top of the contents was a birthday card from his parents. He pulled out a maroon dress his mother had picked out for him. He cringed at it, hiding it in the bottom of his trunk. He scribbled a thank you note to send out later.  

All throughout the day Sirius and James bugged Remus to find out what was in the package. Peter was the only one who seemed to not care. “Okay, it was just a dumb birthday present from my mom,” Remus finally admitted. “It really wasn’t anything special.” 

“Wait.” James grabbed Remus’ arm. “It’s your birthday? You didn’t tell us?” he gawped.  

Remus blinked at James. “I didn’t think it was that important.” 

“Of course, it’s important,” Sirius told him. “Any excuse to celebrate.” 

“Happy birthday,” Peter patted Remus’ shoulder. “We’re throwing you a party.” 

Remus smiles. “You guys are ridiculous.” 

Sirius, James and Peter told Remus he couldn’t come back to the dorm until late. He stayed in the library studying until it was nearly curfew. He made his way back to the dorm room and knocked on the door to see if he was finally allowed in. 

Sirius threw open the door with a grin, he grabbed Remus’ arm and pulled him into the room. “Happy birthday, Rem!” The room was decorated with streamers, a hastily made birthday sign which was thrown up on Remus’ bunk, a stolen cake rested on one of their nightstands in the middle of the room, Sirius had convinced one of the older kids to lend them a record player for the night and Remus’ David Bowie album played through the room. James shoved a firecracker in Remus’ hands when he entered the room. 

Remus smiled brightly. “Where’d you get the firecrackers?” he chuckles. 

“Scored them off one of the older boys,” James answered with a laugh. “Come on, set it off.” Remus smiled and popped the firecracker. It whizzed around Remus’ head, bouncing through the air in a series of purple and red sparks. James laughed and waved his hands at the other boys, cuing them to loudly sing Happy Birthday to Remus.  

Remus laughed. “You guys are singing over Bowie, that feels like a crime.” 

“Agreed!” Sirius shouted.  

“Next year, we’ll give you a much better party,” James promised. “Now that we actually know your birthday.” 

“Here, we’ve got you a card,” Peter hummed, presenting Remus with a poorly drawn birthday card. “We made it.” 

“Oh, wow. Guys, this is amazing,” Remus said with a bright smile. “Thank you.” 

They dug into the cake, spending the night listening to David Bowie on repeat and lighting firecrackers. It was one in the morning by the time they finally called it a night and went to bed. 

~.~ 

James barely let up on Remus for the next month. He kept asking about where he went during the month. “Remus, you know you can tell me anything. We’re friends,” James told Remus for what felt like the hundredth time. Remus sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m serious.” 

“I know, James. Everything is fine,” he grumbled. His stomach was in knots the more James bugged him. He was sure James had figured something out, unfortunately he couldn’t determine what he had figured out.  

James eyed him. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. Please, don’t worry about me.” Remus waved off James once again. He hurried to the library to get away from James’ nagging.  

~.~ 

Sirius had decided to pull an impromptu prank on Snape during potions, and now Remus was helping pay the price. Sirius had put the wrong ingredient in his cauldron, resulting in an explosion and a fight which Remus had to step into. Sirius, Remus and Snape were made to stay in the classroom to clean out all the cauldrons by hand.  

“Why do we have to do this?” Sirius complained, dropping his sponge.  

“Well, you and Snape decided to start a fight, I don’t know why I’m here,” Remus grumbled. “I was just trying to stop the fight.” 

“And you did a poor job,” Sirius teased. 

Snape scoffed and shook his head. “You’re a brute.” 

“I’m the brute?” Sirius gawped. “You threw the first punch, you twat.” 

“You tried to blow me up! You’re such a ridiculous child!”  

“And you are a greasy, no good, slimy worm I wouldn’t even grace with being crushed underneath my boot,” Sirius hissed. 

“Sirius!” Remus snapped. “You’re going to get us into more trouble, just ignore him.” 

Sirius turned his glare on Remus. “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mother.” 

“They’ll contact your mother if you keep this up, you know?” 

Sirius stiffened his jaw. He set his shoulders and took a deep breath. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop. Happy?” 

Remus nodded, returning to scrub the cauldron.  

Snape snickered. “You’re afraid of dear old mummy, are you? Are you scared she’ll take away your allowance? No more new toys? What a shame.” 

“What would you know about anything? You’re a good for nothing, disgusting, writhing slug with no prospects, the only person who can stand your presence for longer than five minutes only puts up with you out of pity,” Sirius muttered coldly. 

Snape glared at Sirius and got to his feet. “Shut up, you don’t know what you’re saying!” 

“Really? I’ve talked to Lily, she’s much happier in Gryffindor than she ever seems with you. Shame, she’s apparently just too nice to tell you the truth. There’s no reason to be around you,” Sirius hummed, continuing to scrub the cauldron as he talked. “You wanted to talk about my parents? Let’s talk about yours; how did they manage to raise you? Or were they even there at all?” 

Remus shot to his feet and grabbed Sirius’ arm to drag him out to the hallway. “God, do you want to get suspended? What if the professor came back and heard all that?” 

“He deserved it!” 

“Maybe! You took it too far though. You already punched him, so give it a rest. We’ve got detention, don’t get us more,” Remus sighed. 

Sirius glowered at Remus. His glare was enough to make a grown man wilt, and Remus wished he could dissolve away from it. “You can’t tell me what to do, Remus. Shut up and piss off about it.” 

Remus huffed. “Then stop getting me into trouble for your stupid ideas.” 

“I didn’t ask you to step in.” Sirius crossed his arms. “I don’t ask you anything.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You have dozens of secrets, I give you the courtesy of not asking about,” Sirius hisses. “I don’t get in your face about how you seem to hide everything away when I could. Don’t get in my face about Snape.” 

Remus set his jaw. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“There you go again. Keeping secrets.” Sirius stepped closer to Remus, backing him into the wall. “You are an awful secret keeper, what’s so scary? What are you so ashamed of?” 

Remus stared at Sirius, his breath started to pick up and he balled his fists. “I’m not ashamed of anything,” he mumbled. He wanted his words to come out with bravery, with conviction. Instead, they fell flat. 

“I’m sure. You sound very confident in yourself.”  

The two stomped back into the room to clean their cauldrons, all three boys remained in silence for the remainder of their detention. Sirius barely spoke a word to Remus while they walked back to the dormitory. Remus glared ahead of himself while they walked. He marched over to his bed and shut the curtains, refusing to say a word to anyone. 

~.~ 

Remus and James had their dorm room to themselves for the afternoon. Sirius had convinced some older students to lend him a broom which had become Sirius’ infatuation, and Peter was doing some extra credit work with a professor. Remus was flipping through a comic book he brought from home.  

James looked over at Remus from his bunk. “Hey, can I ask you a question?” 

“Sure, what’s going on?” 

James got up and sat on Remus’ bunk. “Why is it whenever you get something from your parents, the name on it isn’t Remus?” 

He froze and his stomach flipped. He stared down at the comic without uttering a word.  

“I don’t care what’s going on, as long as you’re honest,” James told him. “Just tell me what’s going on.” 

“I’ve got to go,” Remus finally muttered, shooting off of the bunk and out the door. He ran down the halls, finding his way into one of the towers. He paced the small space, his breathing picked up and his head felt light. He sat on one of the windowsills, gripping the stone until his knuckles turned white. His breath came in quick, the floor seemed to be moving underneath his feet, nothing was quite right. He couldn’t see across the grounds anymore, all he could see was the red veins shooting across his vision while buzzing filled his ears. Remus curled in on himself, pressing his forehead to his knees. 

Remus stayed in the tower all the way through dinner and well after curfew had already started. The door to the tower creaked open, Remus looked up but didn’t see anyone there. He tucked his chin back into his knees.  

“Rem?” James’ voice rung out through the room. He pulled off his invisibility cloak to reveal himself to Remus. “Mate, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You ran off and didn’t even come to dinner, I was worried.” 

Remus pouted and stared at the floor. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine. You know you can trust your friends; we’ll be here for you.” 

Remus sniffed, tears forming on his eyes. He wiped his eyes and hiccupped. James’ eyes went wide as he watched Remus. He awkwardly sat next to Remus and patted his back. Remus tried to compose himself, gulping down air.  

“Are you okay?” James asked softly.  

Remus nodded. “I, erm, I have a secret.” 

“Yeah, I guessed.” 

“I’m not- I wasn’t-” Remus sighed and took a deep breath. “I wasn’t born a boy.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I wasn’t born as a boy. I was born as a... a girl. But I’m not one. Even at the stairs, I couldn’t go up to the girls’ dormitory. I’m not a girl, I don’t think I ever was one. It’s wrong, isn’t it?” 

“Well, I- I don’t know. I don’t think it is.” James pursed his lips and shrugged. “I’ve never heard of that before. Does that make you a crossdresser?” 

“What? No, no. I don’t think so. I’m just a boy, nothing else.” Remus shook his head. “I’m just a boy, not a crossdresser.” 

James nodded. “Okay. You’re a boy. You’re just a boy.” 

Remus smiled at James. “Thank you.” 

“You don’t need to thank me, mate.” James held out his fist, Remus tapped his against James’.  

James flipped the invisibility cloak over him and Remus while they snuck back to their dorms, narrowly avoiding Filch in the hallways. They managed to make it into the dorm without waking anyone up. James whispered a goodnight to Remus before heading into his bunk. Remus got changed behind his bed curtains. He paused, sneaking out and heading into James’ bunk. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “James.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. Just, wanted to say; thanks. Thanks for understanding.” 

James smiled at Remus. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. We’re good.” 

Remus nodded with a smile. “Goodnight, James.” 

~.~ 

Remus had been giving Sirius the cold shoulder ever since he had snapped during attention. He kept everything civil, short responses when he was spoken to, it wasn’t possible to avoid Sirius anyways. That didn’t mean he could let Sirius get away with being a jerk. Remus didn’t even invite Sirius to listen to his albums. He knew Sirius wasn’t sure how to use the record player without him.  

Remus laid on his bed, the sounds of his David Bowie album filling the room. The other boys had gone off who knows where, letting Remus to have the room for some much-needed peace and relaxation. He levitated a ball around the room and mumbled along to the music. He tried to bounce the ball to the beat of the song. 

“Rem?” Sirius hummed, walking in and leaning on the doorframe. “Are you still mad?” 

Remus sighed. “Yes. I’m still mad.” 

“Why?” 

Remus dropped the ball he was levitating. “What do you mean why ? Do you honestly not know?” He sat up to stare at Sirius. 

“I thought you would be over it by now.” 

Remus scoffed and stood up. “No, Sirius, I’m not over it . You haven’t even apologized yet. Apologize first for being a jerk and then we’ll see if I’m over it.”  

~.~ 

It took several more days before Sirius finally approached Remus with his tail between his legs. Remus stared at Sirius, they were in the common room, it was late in the evening and most everyone had gone to bed already. “I’m... I’m sorry,” Sirius muttered. 

Remus raised his eyebrows. “You are?” 

Sirius pursed his lips. “Yes. You got in trouble because of me.” 

“I did. And you were a jerk.” 

Sirius huffed. “Yes. And I was a jerk. I’m sorry , okay?” 

Remus watched him. This was likely all he was going to get out of Sirius. “Okay. We’re good.” 

~.~ 

Exams finally passed, somehow all the boys survived through it. Remus passed with flying colours, he and Lily argued endlessly over who was the better student, Sirius did oddly well for someone who barely did his homework all year, James did weirdly well in potions, Peter just barely scraped by. The four boys were crammed into a compartment with Lily, Marlene and Mary. Remus was pressed against the window the entire ride. The closer they got to London; the more Remus’ stomach flipped over.  

The train stopped and the kids started to file off. “Listen, Rem, I know your parents are weird, but you have to write to all of us,” James told him. 

Remus grinned. “I will. I’ll see you guys next year.”