Moonage Daydream

Remus laid on the floor of the sunroom, his dad brought home a new album for him. Mabhe was curled up on his stomach while Remus hummed along. This was his second listen through of Electric Warrier by T. Rex. Lyall and Hope had left him be for most of the day, they usually let him have it easy the day of a full moon.  

Lyall walked into the room to tap Remus on the shoulder. “Come on, ███████, it’s getting late, we have to get ready.” Remus cringed and gave one last pet to Mabhe before shooing her off of his stomach. “Let’s go, sweetie,” Lyall said gently. He and Remus met Hope outside at the entrance to the storm cellar.  

Hope gave Remus a kind smile and a kiss on the forehead. “Mum, I’ll be fine,” Remus groaned quietly. “This isn’t anything new.” 

“I know, I just worry,” she hummed and smoothed out Remus’ hair. “I’ll come get you first thing in the morning.” Remus nodded and headed down into the cellar, hearing the familiar sound of the doors locking behind him. The cellar doors were reinforced with iron bars to keep him from potentially escaping. He almost had once. After that incident Lyall had added silver onto the doors that gave Remus a headache. 

The cellar itself was empty. The walls were lined with claw marks from over the years. Remus didn’t have a space on the wall in the house where his mum measured how tall he got, instead he could come here and look at how his claw marks got deeper into the walls over time. The smallest ones near the base of the wall looked pitiful, they barely made a dent. He wondered what the wolf looked like then, perhaps it wasn’t as monstrous as it was now. The air down in the cellar was damp and stuffy, especially in the summer.  

Remus stripped off his clothes and hid them in the corner of the room, he could feel the moon was rising. He paced the room while the onset of the transformation started. 

Above ground, Hope stood by the doors to the cellar. She winced while her son howled, even through the doors she could hear him clearly. Her poor child was in agony, was there nothing she could do to alleviate his pain?  

Hope waited by the cellar doors all night; she could barely stay awake by the time the first light came. She got to her feet, unlocked the doors, collected Remus and led him back inside to his bedroom. Soon after she too collapsed in her bed. 

Lyall took it upon himself to take care of the house while the two slept. Thankfully he didn’t have to head into his job at the ministry, he had to keep Remus’ condition close to the chest, it wasn’t an option to take care of his wife and child every time the full moon happened. He cleaned the house, made food for the two, and managed to get most of the chores done before Hope and Remus ever woke up.  

Remus woke up first, he stumbled down the stairs to meet his dad in the living room. Lyall placed a plate in front of him. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to wear some of your dresses,” Lyall hums, looking at Remus’ attire. “It would make your mum happy.” 

Remus frowned, pausing between bites. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?” 

“You don’t dress properly. We’re going out to dinner this week; I expect you to dress well.” 

~.~ 

Remus stood in front of his mirror, pulling at the maroon dress he was wearing. The corduroy dress buttoned up in the front, it had one pocket on his left side, and Hope had given him a black turtleneck to wear underneath it. He frowned. The dress looked wrong on him. It looked like something Lily would wear, it was pretty, but it wasn’t for him. Maybe he could gift it to her, though, he wasn’t sure how he could do that naturally.  

Remus frowned, turning away from his reflection and joining his parents in the living room. Hope smiled brightly at Remus. “There’s my beautiful girl! You look lovely.” She touched Remus’ cheek tenderly. “See how nice it is when you dress properly.” 

Remus gave her a strained smile. “Yes, mum.” He kept quiet as they went off to their nice dinner.  

~.~ 

It was late, well after Hope and Lyall had gone to bed. Remus found himself wondering the streets of the muggle town, gazing up at the castle nearby. The castle loomed over everything in the dark, blocking out his view of the stars. He kept walking, seeing no one until he came across one of the bars in town. It was small, the neon sign flickered showing it was open, rambunctious music flowed out of the door along with jeers and laughter. Remus stopped, spotting two men groping at each other in the alleyway beside the bar. They didn’t even notice anything going on around them. A tall woman with harsh dramatic makeup dressed in sparkling clothes and hair that seemed too large to be hers stepped out with two other similarly dressed ladies with cigarettes in their mouths. They laughed with each other while their smoke circled around them. The first woman stopped when she noticed Remus.  

“Little boy, what are you doing here? Isn’t it late for you?” she spoke with a deep husky voice, Remus would akin it to the sound the car makes driving over gravel roads. She walked over and knelt in front of him, she was certainly talented to be able to balance on the platform shoes she was wearing. “Do you speak, or do you just stare?” 

Remus blinked, tuning back in enough to realize he had been looking at her with his mouth open. “Sorry. I can speak.” 

The woman smiled at him. “That’s good, are you lost?” 

“No.” 

She nodded. “Why are you here then?” 

“Why are you?” Remus crosses his arms.  

“My girls and I are out having a good time,” she laughs. “Something you’re a bit too young for.” 

Remus narrowed his eyes. “I’m not too young for anything.” 

“You’re not, are you?” The woman raised her eyebrow at him. She spotted Remus eyeing her cigarette. “Did you want to try this?” She held it out. 

He nodded, taking the lit dart and putting it to his lips. He inhaled and coughed, the taste of nicotine filled his mouth and entered his lungs, he couldn’t place if it was horrible or not. “See, not too young,” he coughed out. 

The woman chuckled. “You’re right, I misjudged you. I’m Miss Direction.” 

“Misdirection? That’s your name?” 

“Well, Miss Direction is my drag name, dear.” 

Remus hummed, trying to take another drag from the dart in his hand. “I don’t know what drag means.” 

Miss Direction gasped dramatically. “Ladies! Did you hear this? The little boy doesn’t know what drag is.” She stood up to look at her friends. 

“What do they teach in schools?” One of them sighed and laughed. “Where’s his education?”  

Miss Direction sat on a bench by the bar entrance, motioning for Remus to sit with her. “Do you know what crossdressing is?” Remus nodded, taking his seat next to her. “Well, I’m a man, who dresses like this sometimes. When I dress like this, I have a different name, my drag name. We’re called drag queens,” she motioned to her friends. “We have fun, we dress up, we dance and put on shows.” 

“But... why?” 

“Because it feels right. This feels correct, it makes me happy, and I feel whole,” Miss Direction explained. “Why else?” 

Remus nodded and hummed. “I dress like a boy.” 

“Does it make you happy?” 

“Yes. But I don’t want to stop dressing like a boy,” he added. 

“Then don’t. Keep doing it.” 

“My parents want me to stop.” 

“My parents wanted me to stop too,” she hummed. “But then I didn’t. I’m better for it. If I stopped, I wouldn’t be me, I’d be someone else, someone who’s fake. Do you have a name, little boy?” 

“Remus. My name’s Remus.” 

“That’s an excellent name, Remus.” 

“Can I be a boy?” 

“Are you not already?” 

Remus smiled and kicked the ground beneath him. The dormitory stairs would agree he was. “Yeah. Guess so.” 

“Then you don’t need my permission.” Miss Direction put a kind hand on his shoulder. “You should be proud to be trans.” 

“Trans?” 

“Transvestite, transexual, transgender. It’s short for all of them, it means someone who’s born one way, but their outside doesn’t reflect the inside. Like, being a boy, but maybe your outside resembles something different.” Miss Direction shrugs. “How does that sound?” 

“It makes sense. I like that, I really like that.”  

“Good. Then you take that and be proud of it.” 

“Will you be here again?” 

Miss Direction chuckled. “You’ve got a crush on me or something, little boy?” 

“No! I just wanted... wanted to know more. And talk to you again,” Remus mumbled.  

“I’ll be here again,” she hummed. “Where else can I get a drink and meet pretty boys?” Remus chuckled. “You should get home, little boy.” 

Remus nodded, hopping off the bench and waved goodbye to the ladies before starting off towards his house. He grabbed his bike from the rack where he locked it up and started racing back, he had to hurry to beat sunrise.  

~.~ 

Remus smiled brightly when he saw the Hogwarts Express again. He hadn’t spotted his other friends yet, but he was sure to find them on the train. He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek before getting ready to go back home.