Moonage Daydream

The last moon seemed to hit Remus harder than most, it was already a couple of days later and yet he was still exhausted. He barely held his head up during breakfast. James set a mug of tea in front of Remus. “Maybe you should go see Madame Pomfrey,” Peter suggested. 

“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired.” 

“You have been tired for three days,” Sirius pointed out. 

“I know. Leave it alone, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Rem, we’re just saying maybe you should go make sure you’re not sick,” James hummed. 

“I’m not.” Remus sighed, sitting up properly. “I’m not sick so just let it go.” He slowly ate his breakfast while the mail came. A letter dropped in front of Remus and his heart stopped. ███████ Lupin. He grabbed the letter, crumpled it into a ball and shoved it into his robes.  

James furrowed his eyebrows. “Is everything okay?” 

“I’ve been saying everything is fine.” 

“I know but, that letter-” 

“Don’t worry about the letter,” Remus growled. “Just leave it, the letter isn’t important.” 

James put his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. I’m dropping it. Be as gloomy as you want.” 

“Thank you,” Remus sighed. “I’ll see you later.” He got up and started walking down the halls, he opened the letter as he did. His parents wrote about Christmas, how they were excited to have him home soon, asked how his classes were going, all the usual. Absolutely nothing special or new from the past letters he’s received. He put the letter back in his robes and started towards his class with a sour frown on his face.  

~.~ 

Remus had found a rather cozy corner of the library to study lately. It was hidden in the back, far away from the majority of the students who came in to study or search for books. The section of books was filled with advanced tomes on magical creatures. He supposed the advanced study of magical creatures wasn’t a particularly popular class for the higher years. Regardless, Remus had started skimming through a few, finding one on werewolves. He pursed his lips; he should have known better than to read this book. Werewolves are vicious, they have no control over themselves during the moon. If one encounters a werewolf, they should not engage. If one finds themselves in the face of a werewolf, they should aim to kill as a werewolf will show no mercy. 

Remus sighed and slammed the book shut. “It’s that bad, huh?” Remus snapped up to see James standing by his table. “What are you reading?” James slid into the seat next to Remus. “Werewolves? What’s so upsetting about those?” 

“Nothing. Just annoyed with something else.” 

James nodded. “Is it your parents?” 

“No, my parents are fine.” 

“Yeah? That’s good. You haven’t told us much about your family, what are they like?” 

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Why do you want to know?” 

“Well, you're our friend. You know about my family, and Peter’s.” 

“Okay, yeah. You guys chose to tell us about it. So, what?” 

“It would just be nice to know,” James sighed. “You know you can tell me anything, right? We’re friends, I won’t judge you.” 

“Drop it, James.” 

“I’m just saying, you can tell me anything,” he pressed. 

“I said drop it,” Remus snapped. “Stop being nosy, there’s nothing to know, you’re just pushing for nothing.” He gathered up his books. “Leave me alone and mind your own business.” Remus marched out of the door. 

~.~ 

Remus sat with Lily and two of her friends, Marlene and Mary, on the common room floor in front of the fireplace. Remus chatted along with them while they neglected to do their homework, he found himself surprised by how easy it was to talk to the girls. He never had much experience talking to other kids his age, the few times he had it was awkward and stilted. Mary was energetic and loud; she had a bright pink piece of fabric to hold her kinky dark hair out of her almond eyes. She had a couple of freckles across her nose, a few shades darker than her deep brown skin.  

Marlene was sprawled out on the carpet, ripping up pieces of paper and tossing them into the fire. Her bleach blond hair surrounded her head like a crown, her skin was pale and nearly matched her hair, freckles were scattered across her crooked nose. “Should we maybe work on our essays?” Marlene asked and threw more paper into the fire. 

“Probably.” Lily reached over and took the paper from Marlene. “Stop it, that’s such a waste.”  

“Ugh, I don’t want to work on the essay. Remus, have you started yours?” Mary whined at him. 

“Well, yeah. Of course, I did.” Remus shrugged. 

“Gross. You’re too on top of the class, give the rest of us a chance.” 

“I already started too,” Lily hummed. Mary stuck her tongue out at Lily. 

“Ladies, you’ve stolen our friend,” Sirius teased as he came up to the group with James in tow. “We’re joining you.” 

“Ah, no you’re not.” Marlene tossed a wadded ball of paper at Sirius. “No boys.” 

“Remus is here!” Sirius gawped.  

Mary shrugged, looking at Remus. “Eh, he doesn’t really count.” 

Remus raised his eyebrow at her. “Excuse me? What do you mean by that?” 

“Well, you know,” Lily started. “You’re an exception. You aren’t like the other guys, you’re more like one of the girls.” 

“Yeah, exactly!” Marlene agreed. 

“No, I’m not!” Remus growled.  

“Whoa, what’s the problem? It’s a compliment,” Mary huffed. 

“It’s not to me. I don’t want to be one of the girls,” Remus snarled. “I’m a boy, not a girl, you know that. What, next you’re going to tell me I look like a girl too?” 

“What, no, Merlin, what’s your issue?” Marlene scoffed, sitting up. “What’s so bad about being a girl?” 

“Nothing! I just don’t want to be one!” 

“Well, great! You’re not one!” Mary groaned. “Why are boys so temperamental?” 

“I’m not being temperamental,” Remus scoffed, getting up. “Just stop calling me one of the girls.” 

“Fine! Then stop hanging out with us!” Marlene yelled, throwing a balled-up paper at Remus while he walked out. 

Remus marched up the stairs to his dorm room and slammed the door shut. He threw his bookbag onto his bed and paced the room. He growled to himself, hating how he talked to his friends. “God, I’m such a jerk,” he muttered to the room. 

After several more minutes of pacing, Remus finally got changed and hid in his bed with the curtains drawn closed. He listened as James, Sirius and Peter all came in, talked amongst themselves, got into their own beds and fell into silence. He laid in his bed awake for hours. Remus heard a small shuffling from one of the beds, footsteps were approaching his bed. He sat up when James threw back his curtains. “What the hell are you doing?” he whispered harshly. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” James answered, crawling into Remus’ bed. Remus shuffled to the side to make room for James. “You’ve been really weird today.” 

“What’s your point?” Remus hissed. 

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been upset a lot, and you acted so weirdly with the girls, why were you so mad?” 

“It’s not your business, leave it alone.” 

“You’re my friend, so it is my business. You’ve been moody and angry, and you yelled at the girls. What’s up with you?” 

“I said to leave it alone,” Remus huffed, turning away from James. 

“Come on, why are you so upset? You can tell me anything.” 

“James! I said leave it alone, now get out of my bed!” Remus shoved James away from him. 

“Oi! Shut it! I’m trying to sleep!” Sirius yelled from his bed. 

James scoffed, getting out of Remus’ bed. “Fine, I’m going. I’m going.” 

“Finally,” Remus groaned, shoving his face into the pillow. He sighed and tried to fall asleep. 

By the next morning, Remus was exhausted. He slumped down to breakfast, refusing to look at James the entire time. Peter looked tentatively between the two. “Is everything alright?” 

“Everything’s fine,” Remus quipped.  

“You woke me up last night,” Sirius complained. 

“Sorry,” James mumbled. 

“We should get to class,” Remus announced, getting up from the table. He went off to class in silence. Once again, they had to work with a partner. Remus found Coren, another Gryffindor boy he had rarely talked to, rather than trying to make up with his friends. James and Lily kept shooting sour looks at Remus throughout the class. 

~.~ 

Remus paced around the dorm room, going over what he was supposed to say in his head. It had been three days since the fight. Lily, Mary, Marlene, and James were still hurt. He huffed, heading down to the common room. The girls weren’t there but, James, Sirius and Peter were. Remus clenched his fists and walked over. “James? Can I talk to you?” 

James looked up at Remus and pursed his lips. “Yeah. Fine.” He stood up and walked over to a secluded corner with Remus. “Listen, I’m sorry I pressed you so much. I should have backed off.” 

Remus’ eyes had gone wide at that. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry I yelled at you.” 

“It’s okay. Are we cool?” 

Remus nodded. “We’re cool.” 

“Great. Have you talked to the girls yet?” 

“I will, I just haven’t found the chance to talk to them yet.” Remus rubbed his arm and looked to the ground. “I was a jerk.” 

“You were, they were pretty pissed at you. I think the girls are in their rooms, so you’ll have to wait. Come on, you should sit with us.” James led Remus over to where the other boys were sitting. Peter tensed up until James put his hand on Remus’ shoulder. The two sat down with everyone. “Okay, we have to work on these horrid essays,” James groaned.  

“I already finished mine,” Remus admitted. 

Sirius smacked Remus with his parchment. “I hate you; I haven’t even gotten halfway through.” 

Remus laughed at him. “Do you want help with it?” 

Sirius perked up. “Really? Yes! Yes, I do.” 

Remus chuckled, moving to sit beside Sirius. “Okay, I’ll help you.” He leaned over to look at Sirius’ parchment, going over his essay.  

It had been hours since they started, most of the common room had cleared out already. Remus and Sirius still sat on the sofa; they had gotten sidetracked trying to play a version of table-top quidditch on the coffee table. Remus groaned when Sirius scored on him again. “You’re cheating, you must be.” 

“No,” Sirius laughed. “You’re just bad at this and don’t know the rules.” 

“Then you should have taught me!” 

“Boys, you should head up to bed now,” Jackson, the head boy, told Sirius and Remus.  

“How late is it?” Remus whispered to Sirius. 

“Well, I’m no expert, but I’m assuming it’s pretty late,” he whispered back. Sirius giggled as the two made their way back to their room. “We barely got any work done,” he sighed. “Next time.” 

Remus chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, next time.” He grabbed his pajamas and started toward the bathroom to change. 

“Why do you change in the bathroom?” 

“Because, unlike the rest of you, I’m modest.” 

~.~ 

Lily, Mary, and Marlene had kept Remus at arm's length ever since his outburst. Remus finally got them alone in the library. “Listen, I didn’t mean to get so mad.” 

“Why did you?” Marlene asked. 

Remus sighed, wringing his hands. “I don’t know. Just, uh, insecure I guess.” 

“Insecure?” Mary scoffed. “Are you serious now?” 

“Yeah. Look, I’m sorry. I was a jerk; I shouldn’t have been so mean.” 

 “You definitely were a jerk,” Lily agreed. She crossed her arms and stared Remus up and down. “And really mean. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl.” 

“I know! I know that. I just, um, I don’t know. I felt like I was being called a girl and was insecure. I know there’s nothing wrong with being a girl, you’re awesome.”  

Lily nodded, eyeing Remus. “Yeah, we are awesome. You’re an idiot.” 

“I’ll help you with your essay,” Remus offered. 

Mary hummed, looking to Marlene and Lily. “I do kind of need help with mine.” 

“Mary!” Lily scoffed. “Come on, is that all it takes for you?” 

“He looks sad!” Mary half whispered. “Plus, he’s sorry and my essay is in the toilet.” 

Marlene shrugs. “We could just give him another chance.” 

Lily huffed. “Fine. We’ll forgive you. Just don’t be a jerk like that again or I will end you, got it?” 

“Understood.” Remus nodded. “Can I sit?” Lily waved at the seat in front of them. 

“Great, now I need help.” Mary shoved her essay in front of Remus. “Come on, smart boy.” 

~.~ 

The train came to a stop at Platform 9 ¾. Remus glanced out the window, looking for his parents. James waved excitedly at a couple Remus assumed were his parents. Sirius had a sour frown on his face as he looked out over the crowd. 

“So, I guess we’ll see each other in the new year,” James hummed. “We’ll write each other, yeah?” 

“Erm, my parents hate mail, we’ll see,” Remus fibbed, getting his trunk down. 

“Your parents hate mail?” Peter said incredulously. “Why?” 

Remus shrugged. “They’re weird?” 

“Fine. Try to write us then, or we’ll track you down and show up at your place,” James joked.  

Remus shook his head and laughed. “I’ll do my best.”  

The boys made their way off the train and onto the platform to wait for their parents. Sirius frowned when he saw his. His parents were tall and slender, they had sharp features, like Sirius, except they seemed to be harsher. “Alright, Happy Christmas, see you all soon,” Sirius hummed, giving a strained smile before leaving.  

James went off with his parents next, giving Peter and Remus a clap on the back. Then Peter left. Remus waited awkwardly for his parents to arrive.  

“███████!” Remus cringed when he heard his name, turning to see Hope rushing toward him. “Look at you!” She kissed his cheek sweetly. “Oh dear, you look like such a boy in those jeans,” Hope scoffed. “Let’s get you home, I’ve bought you a new Christmas dress.”