Chapter 10
Sirius:
After the bathroom incident Sirius had to work a lot harder to keep himself under control. To not stammer and blush profusely every time his Moony talked to him. Laid his large sturdy hand on Sirius’s shoulder when he came downstairs for breakfast after Sirius had spent maybe a little too long in the bathroom cleaning himself up and blow drying his hair before tying it into two braids with ribbons at the end that had fake pearls stitched into them.
Sirius was wearing the sparkly black corset from earlier but he had haphazardly changed his skirt to a pink one to match his hair ribbons. He had also put on the moon and star necklace that Remus had gotten him years ago and added some earrings. He wanted to look nice for his Moony. He only wished that he had some mascara and lipgloss too to really finish everything off and get Remus to touch him more. Maybe even call him baby again if Sirius was really lucky.
“You look good,” Remus nodded as he let his hand fall away from his shoulder, looking Sirius up and down in a way that definitely left him feeling slightly tingly. “Changed your skirt,” he noted.
“Oh, yeah. I um- I did.” Sirius barely managed to scrape a sentence together. “And thanks Moons. You look really good too. But um, you always do.” But Sirius hadn’t meant to say all of that. Had meant to stop somewhere after ‘thanks Moons’. Seeing Remus all but naked that morning had really screwed with Sirius’s ability to filter himself.
“Thanks love.” Remus smiled a bit and nodded, going to pull something out of the oven. And he was calling Sirius ‘love’. Sirius unsuccessfully tried not to swoon internally at that. Remus put what turned out to be quiche on a hot plate on the table and pulled Sirius’s chair out for him as Sirius went to sit. Served him a slice of quiche—a corner piece just like Sirius liked best—before going to serve himself, and it was so nice to have his Moony back the way Sirius knew him. Well mannered and kind, handsy when he wanted to be but never too much to be annoying, and so thoughtful and considerate. Fuck, Sirius loved him. Wanted him to the extent that it was embarrassing.
“Um, thank you, Re,” Sirius spoke when Remus served him his food. Remus smiled like he knew what he was going to say next.
“If you thank me for giving you food Sirius…”
“For cooking! That’s different. I should thank you for that.” Sirius insisted. But Remus rolled his eyes with a smirk.
“I’ve already told you that you don’t have to. I appreciate it, Pads, I really do, but cooking for you qualifies as something basic that you don’t have to thank me for. You’re my guest and it’s my job to feed you. Can you understand that Sirius?” Remus leaned across the table as he spoke, assertive but kind as he rested his elbows on the table and locked eyes with Sirius to make sure he did understand what he was saying.
“I-” Sirius felt a bit at a loss for words. He had never been told that directly before, didn’t even know that that was how it worked. Always thought that please and thank yous and even sometimes I’m sorry’s were the price to be paid for food and other apparently common decencies. Now Remus was saying that wasn’t the case and Sirius didn’t know whether or not to believe him. “I- I think so.” Sirius nodded to show that he understood a little more than he actually did. “Um, thank you for specifying all that, Moons.”
Remus didn’t correct him on his possibly unnecessary thank you and they sat in silence for a while, leaving Sirius to try his best to digest everything his Moony said. He found that he couldn’t completely agree with it—still thought his thank yous were a little more necessary than Remus did—, but would pretend he did for Remus. Because Remus wanted him to. Still, Sirius was sure he would feel a pang of guilt each time he didn’t thank Remus when he thought he was supposed to. And he didn’t look forward to that.
When they were finished Sirius asked if he could clean up since Remus had cooked and Remus didn’t fully agree but said he could help. They were by the sink hand washing the dishes (even though Remus had a dishwasher) when Sirius worked up the courage to ask his next question. One that he’d been wanting to ask but holding inside for days now and still wasn’t sure he shouldn’t just continue holding inside forever.
“Re?” Remus hummed in acknowledgment, took the clean plates and put them on the drying rack. “Is it okay if-” Sirius shook his head. “You can say no. You have every right to say no, but you probably already know that… um, I know there’s not a storm so there’s kind of no reason to, but… would it be okay if- you know, if it wouldn’t bother you too much, if I slept in with you again? I’ve uh- I’ve really missed you Moons. And I always sleep so much better when I’m with you.”
Remus turned to look at him, dried his hands on a rag then set it down, looked like he was contemplating his answer—or maybe trying to think of a polite way to turn Sirius down—and Sirius’s nerves spiked tremendously at the suspense. He was about to say he was sorry and he shouldn’t have asked when Remus spoke instead.
“Of course, darling. I’d be happy to have you in with me.”
Sirius quite visibly shivered. His Moony would be happy to have Sirius in with him. And he had called him darling again. At this rate Sirius was going to melt into a pile of goo before he even got the chance to sleep in Remus’s bed again. Which would really be a shame because he wanted that almost as much as he wanted Remus.
“You cold, Pads?” Remus furrowed his brows in mild concern and Sirius didn’t have a better explanation so he nodded somewhat stiltedly.
“Um, yeah,” Sirius wasn’t even sure that he did feel all that chilly. Maybe a little, but it was Remus that had given him the chill.
“Hold on,” Remus jumped into action, making his way up the stairs then returning a moment later with one of his sweaters, a bulky beige one that looked soft and warm and made Sirius thank Merlin that he had said he was cold when he did. Remus slipped it over Sirius’s head and shoulders, and it was soft. It was so soft.
“Arms up,” Remus instructed and Sirius immediately obeyed, so beyond weak for the man in front of him. He slid the sweater the rest of the way on and Sirius had to refrain from leaning in to hug his Moony for being so thoughtful.
“I- I don’t know if this is one of those things that I’m not supposed to thank you for, but thank you Moons. For letting me sleep in your room with you and for letting me wear your sweater. It’s really warm and comfy and you really didn’t have to.” Sirius reminded himself again that now was not the time to ask for a hug. Remus had already given him enough.
Remus leaned forward just enough to plant a kiss on Sirius’s forehead, pulled back but didn’t go too far away.
“You’re welcome, love. But know that everything I do for you, I do because I want to.”
. . .
Hogwarts, Seventh Year:
Sirius had a problem, one that only his boyfriend could fix. His boyfriend who was still sleeping soundly despite Sirius having accidentally left a wet patch on his sweatpants in his sleep. Hard and wet first thing in the morning, he knew Remus wouldn’t appreciate being woken up, but Sirius really needed his problem to go away. Really needed to be fucked by his Moony until it did.
So maybe if Sirius did it gently…
He poked at Remus’s cheek and was only just able to prevent himself from grinding down on Remus’s thigh again when Remus groaned lowly.
“Moons,” Sirius half whispered, accidentally ground down on Remus despite himself and whimpered a little at the friction. Remus grumbled unintelligibly.
“Moons I- need your help,” Sirius tried again, a bit ashamed. Remus hummed then reached his arm down until his hand gripped at Sirius’s ass, not even opening his eyes as it came around to stroke Sirius’s embarrassingly hard length.
“With this, I assume?” Sirius gasped at Remus’s gravelly morning voice. His Moony cracked his eyes open and raised a brow— because he actually wanted Sirius to say it. Brought a finger around to his hole and teased at the entrance.
“Y-yes Re, please more.”
“Climb up here and sit on my face then darling,” Remus cooly instructed. “Good job waking me up instead of taking care of this yourself.” Sirius was quick to obey, but arranged himself on top of his Moony warily, supporting most of his weight with his arms and not pressing his ass too much into Remus’s face, because he didn’t want to squish him.
Remus turned out not being a fan of this however, grumbling,
“Told you to sit on me, baby, not fuckin’ hover,” before pulling Sirius down by the thighs, forcing him to let Remus support at least some of his weight.
Sirius whined when he felt Remus’s tongue enter him with absolutely no warning, darting inside of him expertly because Remus was good at this. Knew exactly what he was doing in bed and exactly how to make Sirius come. Thoughtlessly Sirius pressed back into Remus’s face, carelessly wanting more of his Moony’s tongue. Heard a somewhat muffled sound from underneath him of,
“Good boy.” As Remus pulled him in more. Remus licked around his rim then dove back in like Sirius was a dessert that he wanted more of.
“Moons-” Sirius moaned, and he already sounded wrecked. Wrecked because Remus kind of needed to shave and he could feel his stubble around his hole as Remus’s tongue danced around within.
“Re,” Sirius breathed, lifting his hips a bit because he wanted to try something out before the ecstasy took over. He shifted farther away from Remus, but missed the contact as soon as he did, so he cuddled into Moony's side and clung closely.
“What- I thought you wanted this, love?” Remus looked puzzled. He had some of Sirius’s wetness smeared across his face and Sirius unreasonably found himself feeling a little bashful.
“I do, Moons, but I was hoping-” Sirius pointedly avoided Remus’s patient but tired gaze, “was wondering if- you say the things you said in the shower the other day. If you’d be a bit mean to me?” Remus tilted his head up with an easy smile, held the side of Sirius’s face with a warm hand.
“You want me to degrade you, Sirius?” Remus didn’t sound opposed to it, in fact sounded curious but neutral, like he was just checking to see if that was what Sirius really wanted before possibly giving it to him. “Call you a slut again?” Sirius gasped lightly, felt himself harden even more, but it didn’t have quite the same effect as it had in the shower. Maybe because he wasn’t drunk on Remus’s cock, maybe because it was quite the same phrase.
“And call me pretty and stuff too,” Sirius amended, and Remus hummed.
“I can do that. Now what do you want, my cock or my mouth?”
“Whichever one you prefer, Moons. Really just want you in me however it works for you.” Sirius inhaled sharply as Remus started sucking a love bite into his neck, humming in satisfaction when he pulled away and saw the mark he left already darkening on Sirius’s skin.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest little whore, darling?” Remus’s voice rumbled and he left Sirius with a fond kiss on his lips. “Lettin’ me decide how I want to use you.”
. . .
Present Day:
Remus was on the front porch and had been for a while, but he didn’t look like he was doing anything. Curious, Sirius decided to head out and check on him.
“Re?” Sirius called out after he quietly shut the front door. Remus must’ve been in deep thought because he jumped a bit from his seat on the top stair. Sirius walked closer to find Remus with an opened but otherwise untouched pack of smokes, just staring at it.
“What're you doin?” He asked, getting Remus to tilt his head up to look at him before returning again to the cigarettes.
“Thinking of smokin’. Not sure if I can, but I feel like I need to. With the moon coming up and all.” Remus explained more candidly than Sirius had expected him to.
“I could, um, sit with you. While you do. Smoke too if you want,” Sirius offered in hopes that Remus would say yes. That he could smoke with his Moony again, because he really missed how relaxed and happy he got to see Remus when they did. And there were few things he loved more than seeing his Moony like that.
“Sure, love.” Remus agreed and Sirius was helpless against the smile that overcame him, rushing to sit beside Remus on the step. To take away some of his stress and just generally be around Remus any way he would let him.
Remus lit the first cigarette and handed it to Sirius—always letting him take the first hit, a habit he hadn’t grown out of. Sirius took a drag then handed it back to Remus with a,
“Thanks,” which Remus hummed in response to.
“You know you’re killin’ me with all your pretty outfits, Pads?” Remus asked but it didn’t sound like a question. Much more of a statement. A couple of hits in and he was already getting freer with his words.
“You think my outfits are pretty?” Sirius teased, secretly lighting up inside at the praise. He loved it when Moony complimented him. Sirius was pretty sure it was the best feeling in the world.
“Think you look pretty in them,” Remus shrugged. Acted like he hadn’t just paid Sirius the sweetest sort of compliment. Sirius didn’t want to spoil the possibility of any more falling from his lips just as easily, so he pretended things were much more casual with Remus.
“That’s about the same, isn’t it?” Sirius took a deep inhale then blew out the smoke, trying to do the smoke ring thing that Remus knew how to do but Sirius still hadn’t mastered. Remus chuckled at him knowingly.
“You have to curl your tongue darling. Like I’ve shown you.” Remus’s hand fell naturally down to Sirius’s waist, pulling him into Remus’s side with a squeeze. Sirius hummed at the unexpected warmth.
“Trying to,” Sirius partially grumbled.
“Make a U shape. Like this,” Remus showed him his tongue all curled up in the right way then blew a perfect ring of smoke. Then another. Sirius tried again but couldn’t do it. He thought he had almost done it one time but messed it up by coughing.
The more he smoked the closer to Remus he got, not even aware of it until he was high and cuddling hardcore half on top of his Moony. And Remus allowed it. Potentially even welcomed it. Sirius didn’t know how long it lasted, Remus’s hand running pleasantly between his waist and his hip and Sirius half folding himself into him in return, but eventually it culminated in both of them high and Sirius at least, quite hungry.
“Moons?” Sirius peered up from his place cuddled close into Remus’s shoulder, nudged the corner of his jaw with his nose lightly.
“Mm, yes princess?” Remus paused his hand’s movements and tickled up Sirius’s side, making Sirius giggle but also kind of fall apart inside, because Remus never called him ‘princess’ and even though he expected it was just Remus teasing Sirius hadn’t expected the name to have such a profound effect on him.
“Stop- mercy Re-” Sirius got out in between giggles and Remus let his hand rest, letting Sirius fall away from him but leaning back in enough that it didn’t really feel like he’d fully left.
“You wanted something, love?” Remus smiled, so carefree now that he was high. Completely separated from all his usual tightness and reservations.
“I’m hungry,” Sirius’s stomach rumbled as if to emphasize his point. Remus laughed breezily then stood up, offering Sirius his hand and pulling him up with him. Sirius tripped a bit as he got up, but Remus was quick to catch him—steadying Sirius with both hands firmly on his waist and if Remus wasn’t holding him so firmly Sirius thought he would’ve fallen over simply from that.
“Well I guess we’ll have to make you something then,” Remus led Sirius indoors and into the kitchen, leaving one hand to linger on his waist and pulling the other away only to open the door. Sirius felt all warm and tingly inside and he wondered if Remus felt the same. If he was letting his hands linger because he wanted them to.
Thrilled at the rare offer to actually allow Sirius to help make something, Sirius was quick to ask,
“Can we make cookies, Moons? Please?” Cheerily as he clung onto the arm of Remus’s that wasn’t distinctly on him, maybe even jumping up and down the tiniest bit, but it was just because he was excited. Remus letting him help make something for Sirius to eat was pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity. His Moony was typically so adamant on doing it all himself.
“Yeah,” Remus chuckled, he seemed to find Sirius a lot more charming when he was high. “We can do that.” Remus picked Sirius up and sat him on the kitchen counter then started pulling out ingredients, because Remus’s version of letting him help tended to be Remus doing most of the work anyway but giving Sirius a couple of easy activities so he felt like he was contributing.
“Chocolate chip?” He asked and Sirius nodded enthusiastically.
Remus got out a bowl, a fork, and a carton of eggs and handed them to Sirius, instructing him to,
“Crack two eggs in there, then mix ‘em up, love.” Sirius got straight to work, trying his best not to get any eggshells in the bowl. Remus started mixing up dry ingredients and setting aside the wet ones, leading Sirius to ask,
“Are those for me?” With a crooked sort of smile. Was Remus actually letting him contribute past a placating chore or two that he could easily do himself? Sirius started to get his hopes up.
“If you want them to be,” Remus nodded and Sirius grinned about as widely as he could, nodding rapidly because yes, he absolutely did. He even moved the set aside ingredients closer to him so that Remus couldn’t change his mind.
“Thanks, Re. I really like it when you let me help.” He somewhat shamelessly admitted. The weed had made him a bit too honest, not that Sirius minded too much, because it seemed to be doing the same to Moony, who smiled like he was charmed.
“Sorry I don’t let you more, Pads. Just wanna take care of you, ya’ know. Even if sometimes it’s too much.” And fuck, that was candid. Sirius had not been expecting that. Nor the absolute reverence and sincerity with which Remus explained that he wanted to take care of Sirius. It made Sirius’s breath hitch and his heart skip a beat. How did his Moony always end up doing this to him?
Sirius was halfway through the wet ingredients before he was able to regain his composure, to formulate his words well enough to properly answer.
“It’s never too much, Moons.” Sirius spoke softly, gently because he didn’t want to spoil the moment. “I like how much you take care of me. I’ve never really had that from anyone else but you before. I-” Sirius stopped himself. “You make me feel safe, Re, that could never be too much.” And maybe he had admitted too much, been too honest again, but he didn’t feel that way when Remus went to take Sirius’s bowl from him and warmly tilted his chin up with his hand, running a calloused but still soft thumb across his cheek. Didn’t say anything but his fond smile and warm hand spoke for him.
“Do you want to mix everything all together, Pads?” Remus offered, his voice soft, sweet like Sirius’s had been and it felt so natural and easy when Remus poured everything into the same bowl then handed it to Sirius with a spatula. Sirius was quick to steal it from him and whip everything together until it mixed into a batter-like consistency, spilling some flour in the process.
Remus chuckled fondly at him and enthusiastically, Sirius kept mixing, Remus standing between his open knees where Sirius sat on the counter. Sirius might have been mixing a little too enthusiastically though because before he knew it a glob of batter had flown up and stuck to his face. Landed right on his cheek and meekly, Sirius stopped his mixing and set the bowl down beside him, a bit embarrassed. Let out a small,
“Sorry,” that was very near a whisper.
Remus seemed to be transfixed by it though, placing one hand on Sirius’s leg and using the other to wipe the batter off Sirius’s face with his thumb, offering a light,
“It’s alright, love. Easy enough to clean up,” then bringing his thumb to Sirius’s mouth and giving him the chance to lick the mess off.
Unthinkingly, really just so transfixed with Remus that he forgot anything else, Sirius leaned forward and sucked the thumb into his mouth. Licked it clean slightly past the point of getting the batter off then let it go reluctantly and Remus swiped it smoothly across Sirius’s bottom lip before pulling it away.
Remus took the hand that was resting on top of Sirius’s leg and moved it into Sirius’s hair, solid against the back of his neck, then moved his head in closer. Only inches away from Sirius now and taunting him with the impossible possibility of having Moony's lips on his own.
“You’re so unbelievably pretty Sirius,” Remus mumbled deeply and Sirius was only able to take half a breath before Remus was tilting his head up and kissing him. Warm and decadent and lazy as his tongue pressed against Sirius’s lips, asking for permission, Sirius opening his mouth immediately to give it.
Then Remus’s hand was pressed against his back, pulling him in as the other one toyed with his hair, pulled it and made Sirius gasp, Remus using that opportunity to explore further into his mouth. He pulled away only for a second to bite at Sirius’s lower lip, soothe it over with his tongue, then go back to robbing Sirius of all his senses as Sirius melted against his body. Soft sighs and a muffled moan escaping him as his Moony made quick work of him.
Sirius expected it to end far sooner than it did, but Remus didn’t seem to be in any rush for it to, pulling under one of Sirius’s thighs in a silent urge for Sirius to wrap his legs around him. Sirius did, hooking his legs comfortably around Remus’s waist and then Remus was picking him up, supporting all of his weight himself then pressing him against the fridge, letting his hands roam up Sirius’s waist and ribs, squeezing tight over his corset and making Sirius moan when Remus’s hand fit easily around his torso.
Remus pulled away, but looked reluctant to, both of them out of breath and Sirius still pressed up against the fridge, the metal cold against his back.
“You’re absolutely fuckin’ torturing me, baby.” Remus breathed heavily. Sirius didn’t know what to say to that, still couldn’t quite speak properly anyway so it wasn’t as if he could respond if he knew how to. Remus really had robbed Sirius of his senses. Remus planted a much briefer kiss on the tip of his nose, and yeah, Sirius was still feeling twirly inside.
“It’s my fault though, too crazy for you to control myself.”
. . .
Present Day:
Remus:
Remus was sure he had screwed up hundreds of times in his life, likely more than he could count, but his latest screw up had been getting high with Sirius then subsequently making out with him in the kitchen. Having his star back in his life had been an absolute onslaught of negative and positive emotions—too many of them to properly make sense of—and with the wolf gaining more and more control of him, forcing Remus to act on his most basal urges like he had in the kitchen, Remus was making a complete mess of things.
He could make all the excuses he wanted, that Sirius was just so cute and touchy when he was high, that it was bound to happen at some point, Remus could even blame it completely on the wolf, but at the end of the day he knew that it was no one’s fault but his own. He had seen Sirius’s pink pouty lips and the cookie batter so near them and gotten carried away of his own volition. A single touch to that soft and wanting surface and Sirius looking up at him with his owlish eyes and Remus had folded more quickly than a lawn chair.
Remus had not only wanted to touch Sirius, but to have him. To claim him and make his star his again. It was a greedy and impulsive urge that he had far past entertained. Only realizing how severely he had screwed up when his high had faded and he had time alone to think while making dinner, Sirius in the living room looking through Remus’s records.
Or at least he had thought that was what Sirius was doing until he felt a pair of slender arms hooking around his waist. Felt a cold body pressing up against his own from behind, a kiss landed on the highest part of Remus’s shoulder Sirius could reach. It made the wolf inside Remus rumble in satisfaction, but Remus himself knew it was too soon. Too indicative of Sirius expecting more kisses in the future. And Remus wasn’t sure he was ready for that.
He put down the pan of vegetables he was cooking and turned around, holding Sirius at the waist to ensure he didn’t go anywhere.
“The kiss, love-” Remus had to address it. Had to get it out of the way so they had equal expectations and wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of it any further than they had to.
“What about the kiss?” Sirius asked softly, adorably. “I liked it…” he spoke in a barely audible whisper. Remus put a soothing hand to his star’s cheek. That made what he had to say all the more difficult. But it would be crueler to give Sirius false hope and then take it away.
“We were high, Pads. It can’t count.” He tried to phrase it gently. It broke his heart to let Sirius down. “It was my fault, love. I shouldn’t have done it, and please know I didn’t do it to hurt you. But part of it was the wolf acting for me as well as the weed and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry, I really am.” Remus expected Sirius to look sad, but instead he looked angry, huffed in irritation and shoved Remus in the chest.
“It doesn’t count? Really, Moons? That’s total bs and you know it. We’ve kissed plenty of times while high. It’s always counted. It can’t not count now just because you don’t want it to.” Sirius shook his head and looked upwards like he was trying to push away tears. And Remus felt like absolute shit for being the one to cause that.
“I care about you, Sirius, a lot. And I don’t want to give you false hope…” Remus trailed off, felt immensely selfish for admitting.
“What, by touching me like this Moons? By calling me what you used to call me when we were together? By kissing me? Is that not giving me false hope? Because I love when you do all that Re, I really do, but you can’t be making me think you want me when that isn’t the case.” Sirius got out quite eloquently—although somewhat sadly—and Remus knew he was right. It stung because Remus had almost been ignorant of how his indecision would actually affect Sirius. How it would hurt and confuse his star. And it wasn’t that Remus didn’t want him, he did. It was just that he didn’t want to dive in headfirst only to get his heart broken again.
He wanted to have Sirius, to take care of him, love him, and keep him safe, but he didn’t want to ruin things too early on. In short Remus wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
“You’re… right,” Remus admitted after a while. “I want us to have a second chance Sirius, I want you, in more ways than I can explain. But I also don’t want to hurt you, although I’m afraid I already have. And I don’t want to base our relationship off of what the wolf wants around the full either. Because that’s not a solid foundation to build anything on.” Sirius glared at him but slowly softened, though he didn’t say anything. Remus ran his thumb across Sirius’s cheek fondly, hoping to ease him into voicing his opinion.
“Does that make sense to you, love?” Remus asked when he didn’t. Sirius sighed in defeat and nodded.
“Yeah, but I don’t agree with it, Re. I know you’re trying to protect me but it’d be easier if you just let it happen. I’ve told you plenty of times that Moony isn’t as bad as you think he is. And I don’t think you would’ve let him kiss me if you didn’t also want to.”
Remus found himself charmed by Sirius' optimistic sweetness, which might’ve been more accurate than Remus would like to admit, but he also knew that that sweetness wasn’t entirely accurate when it came to his lupine counterpart.
“That’s sweet, darling, but I think you might be seeing Moony through rose tinted glasses.” He lowered his voice, darkened it a bit, because they were having a serious conversation but he still wanted to tease Sirius a bit. “Liking how he fucks you instead of remembering you he hurts you,” Remus continued, and Sirius mouth opened in surprise, his star blinking several times before coming up with his rebuttal.
“It’s not- entirely that. It’s-” Sirius stopped but Remus hummed encouragingly for him to continue. He wanted to hear what his star had to say.
“I know you would never hurt me Re, not on purpose. And I know that you can stop him—Moony. But I also think that Moony doesn’t truly want to hurt me either. I trust him. Even if you don’t.” Sirius spoke determinedly. And he sounded so sincere, so dedicated that it almost made Remus lean in to kiss him again. His star who believed in him so much, even when Remus didn’t believe in himself.
Remus was left at a loss for words because Sirius had caught him, trusted him, and trusted the dark side that he couldn’t always control. Wasn’t at all swayed by it, and still, never saw Remus as a monster. Even if, at least technically, he was.
“Alright then, love.” Remus surrendered. Sirius smiled so widely, all the brightness returning to his eyes.
“So you’ll keep kissing me?” He wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders hopefully. And in all honesty Remus likely wouldn’t be able to stop himself from doing so even if he tried, so he gave in on that too.
“If that’s what you want.” Sirius nodded decisively.
“It is, Moons. In fact I think I’ll die if you don’t kiss me.” He spoke with the sincerest little smile. Remus smiled right back, it was impossible not to smile around his star.
“Well we wouldn’t want that, would we?” Remus pulled Sirius close by the waist and leaned down enough to give him the kiss that he was so clearly angling for. Soft and slightly more chaste than earlier and something Sirius smiled into. Remus let it go on for a while, pulled away to kiss him again, this time more briefly and found himself smiling too at the end. At Sirius’s hazy and happy face, his adoring eyes and his soft gasp as Remus pulled away.
“There you are,” Remus kissed his forehead too, couldn’t resist giving Sirius that too. “You won’t be dying anytime soon, will you?”
And oh how quickly Remus had gone from regretting their stoned kitchen kiss to being so glad they had shared it.
. . .
When Remus strolled into the backyard to check on his garden he was met by an unexpected sight.
Sirius with blood running down his chin and some of his neck, holding onto a long dead rabbit that he was still currently sucking the life out of. He was startled when he realized that Remus had seen him and nervously dropped his rabbit, wiped the blood off of his mouth with the back of his hand, froze where he was and looked guiltily at Remus.
“S-sorry Moony,” Sirius stumbled over his words a bit, directing his gaze downwards as Remus approached him without judgment. “I- I didn’t mean for you to- to see that.” Sirius wiped at his chin again but still had some blood around the corners of his mouth.
“You have to eat, love.” Remus wiped the last of the blood carefully from Sirius’s face when he got close enough to touch him. He did so tenderly because he could tell that Sirius needed it. “And catching bunnies in my backyard is incredibly tame as far as I’m concerned.” Remus reassured him, because Sirius looked so worried, likely concerned Remus would think less of him or be scared off and Remus wanted to show him that he wouldn’t.
“I’ve been worried I’d bite you, Re.” Sirius furrowed his brows, looking furious with himself. “I wouldn’t mean to and I’d never want to, but- I just thought since I hadn’t eaten in a while and I can’t rely on regular food alone, that maybe if I had a rabbit or two I would be okay. That I wouldn’t- um, bite you because I really don’t want to.”
Remus smiled warmly at him, his sweet considerate star who didn’t deserve to be this worried, this at war with himself. Was mad at himself just for killing a rabbit, although Remus was sure that wasn’t solely what it was about.
“You’re alright,” Remus spoke calmly, going to pick up the rabbit for him, handing it back to Sirius and brushing the strands of grass that had gotten on it off. “But please Sirius, finish your food. I don’t want you to go hungry.” Sirius shyly took the rabbit and Remus made a mental note to go out into the forest that bled into his backyard and catch some more for him. He was sure Sirius could do his hunting on his own, but it seemed to upset him so much that he had. Or maybe Sirius was upset about being seen for his true nature, the one he was at war with and couldn’t fully control. Remus could understand that, but he wanted to ease his star’s inner turmoil as much as he could, and he could tell it was difficult for Sirius to go back to eating with Remus still standing there.
“Would you like some privacy to finish your meal?” Remus offered gently and Sirius was quick to take him up on it, nodding sharply.
“Please,” Sirius nearly begged. Remus pressed a kiss against Sirius’s temple before letting his hand fall away.
“Come inside when you’re done. I’ll help clean you up.” Remus turned to go inside. So he would be gardening later. Not that he was all that bothered by it, he had already half given up on the garden. It was starting to be more work than it was worth. Remus was really only trying to salvage it because it was nice to be able to grow his own herbs and not have to run to the store for them.
Oh well, Remus thought, he could always just clean the kitchen or read a book. Both of those options sounded more enjoyable than hacking through the overgrowth and weeds trying to find something salvageable besides the miraculously thriving basil and rosemary plants—which were too resilient for even Remus to kill.
A few minutes later Remus heard the back door open and shut and then Sirius was standing bashfully in front of him barely able to meet his eye.
“Um, I’m done. I buried the rabbit, hope you don’t mind. I just figured, you know, it was the least I could do. And I’m- sorry you had to see that.” His voice was small, ashamed, but Sirius himself looked healthier now, revived because he had finally fed himself like he needed to.
Sirius still had a bit of blood on his face and hands, though he had wiped most of it off, and his hands were covered in dirt from burying the rabbit. Slowly, so as not to startle Sirius, Remus led him upstairs to the bathroom, lifting him up and placing him on the bathroom counter when he got him there. Wordlessly Remus wet a rag and used it to wipe the rest of the blood off, cleaned Sirius’s face completely before moving on to his hands, deciding to take his time with those.
It would have been more efficient if Remus just had Sirius run his hands under the water, scrubbed them clean with soap. But that wasn’t what Sirius needed right now, so slowly, wetting, rinsing, then wringing out the rag, Remus took his time in gently cleaning each individual finger. Getting all traces of blood and grime off with small amounts of soap before moving on to the next. Cleaning the palm of Sirius’s right hand then kissing atop it before going to clean his left.
“Re,” Sirius breathed ever so softly at the action, holding his hand to his chest like it was more valuable now that Remus had kissed it. Remus got his other hand clean too and dried them both more thoroughly with a towel, then noticed that there were a few streaks of blood staining the top of Sirius’s shirt, which would only upset Sirius more when he saw it.
“I’m gonna get you a change of clothes, okay love?” Remus left him for less than a minute to grab one of his sweaters from the closet, coming back to Sirius already lifting off his shirt, eager to as soon as he saw Remus offering him his sweater. A navy blue, brown, and white argyle one that was soft and warm enough that Remus hoped it would give Sirius some extra comfort. Sirius changed into it in a blur then launched himself into Remus for a hug. Mumbled,
“Thanks, Moons,” and wrapped his arms around him tightly for it.
“Anytime, Pads.”