Waking up in bed with Regulus is not always rotting in the sheets, cuddling, kissing and telling how much they love each other. Most of the time is painful. The moment Regulus opens his eyes he wishes he didn't, his body jolting the moment he gains consciousness.
The moment he opens his eyes is painful, not because he's sleepy and wants to stay in bed cause it feels too comfy. He doesn't want to start the day, he doesn't want to feel awake, to feel alive, to exist. There's moments when he thinks the only time of his life that doesn't make him completely overwhelmed and stressed is when he's sleeping, unconscious.
James can't do anything, If not trying. So in morning while James admires Regulus like a painting, he wakes up. He slowly opens his eyes and already frowns his eyebrows and makes a pained expression. When he raises his gaze to James he jumps, then recognize him. "Morning" he tries to say, brushing his hand over his back. Physical touch is something that, unexpectedly, Regulus needs in the morning and James is happy to give it to him. Regulus' breath is already irregular, his body tense and his arms shaking. James keeps holding him untill he sheds a little tears over his temple. It's so heartbreaking seeing it when it happens, seeing someone you love struggling so much with being alive it's scary and you want it to happen to you, so that they don't have to bear it. But you can't, the only thing that you can try to do is trying to listen, and help them, but it's not always easy.
Sometimes one little tear becomes a mess of sobs, other times he wishes he could properly cry and let it out, but he can't. He feels full of pain and empty at the same time. He feels a pain on the chest and a hole. "It's okay" James keeps saying, but that's all he can do, there's nothing that could help him. James takes his shaking hands and stop them from moving. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, we can stay here all day." And they do.
But that doesn't help Regulus feel better. The next day is worse, because he has to get up, he failed once he can't do this forever, but he doesn't have the strength for doing that. So he lays there, hours, days and the guilty destroys him. When he gets up he can't do anything either. He can't concentrate, he avoids so many things and he's not really there.
But James is there. And his presence is what keeps him going. What keeps him hoping that someday he'll wake up and no longer bear this feeling. When Regulus can't get up, James jumps the lessons with him. When Regulus doesn't show up for dinner, James goes to his dorm with food. When Regulus can't concentrate or study, James helps him. When Regulus needs to cry, James holds him. And when Regulus needs to be alone, James leaves him. James hates it, leaving him when he's not feeling well, but he respects that and waits.
"I can't do this anymore" Regulus murmurs and these words hurts James too "You can. You're so strong." Regulus takes a big breath and bear it, for him, because he can't be a dead boyfriend, a dead little brother, a dead friend, a dead son. So he endures and endures and endures
"It won't last forever" is what he keeps reminding himself "it won't last forever".