first love
Tuesday, 7th Setember 1976
Remus should have known from the moment he looked into Sirius eyes that he would hurt him at some point, after all, silver always did. Sirius didn’t sleep in their dorm during their first day back at Hogwarts, and even though Remus tried to, he couldn’t help but wonder where he went to. Sometimes, when he looked at him and noticed how he lost his sparkle, he felt like he was being to hard on him, but then he would remember what he did and stopped caring.
All of his friends tried to act like the Prank never happened and Sirius was never in their group, which was fine by him, but he always caught himself observing him, all alone. During the first classes, he sat by himself in the back of the classroom, but when they needed to make duos, he ended up with Crouch. The boy kept trying to make Sirius laugh, hugging him and squeezing his cheeks. He looked a little uncomfortable, but happier than he usually seems, which, honestly, made Remus feel a little sick.
He knew the reasons why Sirius was sad, why he was miserable, but he wanted it to last just a little longer,just so he could forgive him. After all, how could he stop loving him? Sometimes, you can love someone as naturally as breathing and still hate them for something they’ve done. It was strange talking with his friedns sometimes when he realized something was missing and that something was Sirius Black.
"Moony! We’re going to be late for class if you keep walking like that."
He rolled his eyes, James could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.
"I know, Prongs, I’m not stupid. We still have tem minutes left."
They walked through the halls in a normal pace now, that was until Marlene noticied a new poster on the warnings board.
"Guys! They’re going to make a talent show, we should watch it together! It’s this Friday at nine"
Mary and Lily sighed with excitement, but James just pressed Remus’s shoulder.
" Are you okay, mate?"
He looked at James, feeling sick again. Sirius was a great singer.
" Yeah," he muttered "I’m excited to the show on Friday."
They finally walked into class and stopped talking. Sirius didn’t show up. The day continued to pass, but Remus didn’t notice it until he was laying in bed talking to James.
"I can’t forgive him, James. And I know he feels sorry, but that’s not enough right now."
"I know, Moony. But his like a brother to me, and no matter how much he fucked up, I shouldn’t have said those things to him."
For a moment, Remus’s heart stopped.
"What things? I thought you agreed to let the talk with me."
James looked embarrassed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I’m sorry. I did agree, but when I saw him, crying like he was the victim, I just couldn’t help it. I have always been bad with holding my tongue."
Remus swallowed hard, he didn’t want to feel bad for Sirius, but he couldn’t help it. He knew that the only people he cared about were his friends.
"Maybe we should talk to him, just to know if he’s okay. He’s not showing up to the classes and he spends all his time with his brother. It’s like he’s a whole different person."
James looked at Remus for a while, wondering what would be the right answer.
"Maybe. But maybe we should see how long it will take for him to try to talk to us. He’s the one who messed up after all."
Remus thought for a while, his mind was a mess.
"Yeah, I guess so."
He laid there and let his thoughts run through his mind. Thoughts about Sirius, the first boy he was ever in love with. The first boy who ever broke his heart. He kissed a few other people during the summer break at the Potter’s, trying to pretend that he didn’t care about the awful break up. He felt a little more guilty when he thought about the way Sirius lost all his friends with the Prank, but it was inevitable, Sirius digged himself into that hole.
The Friday night show should make him feel excited, but he wouldn’t stop wondering if Sirius would be there, singing some song that they used to listen together. Everything reminded Remus of him, and that made him want to just stay in his room being miserable all day long, but that was not an option, so he just ignored the obscure thoughts and continued living.After all, he could always blame his temper on the very new full moon.