Cursed

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Ianto’s curiosity got the better of him, again.  “I am very grateful that you showed up when you did, but how did you know to come?”

Gwydyon drew in a deep breath, then sighed, and Ianto felt the intense heat of his breath as he began explaining.

Your body accepted my blood, and it has been working hard to integrate it.  But I wonder, how was your experience of the new moon yesterday?

Though the non sequitur confused him, Ianto couldn’t help but smile.  “Yesterday was lovely,” he admitted.  “It was a little trying, in terms of making myself speak, and all I wanted to do was curl up and just… think… about things,” he wasn’t sure how to describe it.  And it wasn’t like he’d had a lot on his mind.  Nothing in particular to ruminate upon, at any rate; but it was nice to just allow his mind to drift.  “Usually, my mind tends to race, but yesterday it was all... floaty.  It felt… nice.  Peaceful.”

I am sure you have noticed that the unicorn’s blood responds to the full moon. 

“Yes,” Ianto replied, his voice sounding a bit droll.  “Just as, I assume, the dragon’s… your blood responds to the new moon?”

Yes.  We tend to become still and introspective at the new moon.  Silence is preferred, and just as unicorns find joy in movement at the full moon, dragons find joy in the stillness at the new moon.

“As lovely as yesterday was, I do have a concern.”

Yes?

“My work doesn’t much care about moon phases.  What happens when I need to be sharp and articulate and to move quickly and decisively at the new moon?”

I imagine it will be very similar to how you force yourself to do those things when you are tired.  These are inclinations, not imperatives.  And while it is always wisest to listen to the rhythms of the various aspects of your being, there will of course be times when it will be impractical to do so. 

“So I just resist the inclinations?” Ianto asked, his voice dubious.

It will take more effort, but yes, you can resist them.  You will miss the joy derived from following those inclinations, but it will do you no harm.  But I will entreat you, Little Brother.  Do all you can to avail yourself of every opportunity to experience joy.  Life is both too short and far too long to miss out on the joy.

“I…” Ianto cleared his throat.  “I find I don’t really know what to do with joy.  It’s a bit… foreign.”

All the more reason to take advantage of every opportunity.  Allow yourself to get used to it.  Allow yourself to feel it.  Allow yourself to deserve it.

“It’s not that easy.”

Very few things that are worthwhile ever are.

“I’ll try,” he promised.

A wise choice.

“But what does this have to do with you showing up today?” Ianto asked, smiling.

It’s about resonance.  Or attunement, perhaps. 

“I don’t understand.”

Think of how a musical instrument must be tuned before it can play its notes properly.

“Okay,” Ianto said slowly, wondering how the dragon knew about tuning instruments.

With the unicorn blood, you had the instrument, but your run during the full moon and meeting with the blessing was how the instrument was tuned.  And once that happened, the blood settled into your being, so it is now a part of you rather than something foreign living within you.

“Did my quiet day yesterday help your blood to settle?” Ianto asked uncertainly.

No, that is simply what our blood wishes to do, during the new moon.  But just as a unicorn’s run through the forest settled Ayla’s blood in your system, so a dragon’s flight would help my blood to settle, as well.

“So you were headed this way already?”

Indeed.  My plan had been to allow you to see me and then meet you here to offer you a flight. 

“Why today?”

Gwydyon tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and basked in the warm sunlight.

It is a glorious day for flying.  I felt a hint of your fear this morning and realized your friends’ plan for you, today.  As I got closer, I felt more and more of your panic, and then I saw your predicament.

“Wait.  You felt my panic?”

Until it settles, which it has already begun to do, by the way, the blood is still partially mine.  So I feel what it is experiencing, but mostly only if I am in close enough proximity.  I did not feel the full force of your fear until I was almost here.

“Small mercies,” Ianto murmured, thankful that Gwydyon had not felt the full measure of his fear and panic for the entire morning.  Then another question arose.  “The blessing told me of the attributes the unicorn blood has given me.  What about the dr… I mean, your blood?  How will it affect me?”

The unicorn blood lets you know when someone is being untruthful.  And it gives you a sense of danger.  Truth and safety.

“Purity, they called it,” Ianto nodded.  “And they said your blood would offer power.  How so?”

It will let you know when you are being challenged or threatened. 

Ianto remembered how it had felt that day at the hub, when Gwen was challenging him.  He could only describe it as a powerful experience.  He paused, studying Gwydyon’s face.  “But there’s more, isn’t there?”

I believe the human expression is that there are two sides to the coin.  On one is power, but on the other are wisdom and restraint.

“I’m not sure I understand the connection,” Ianto frowned.  When Gwydyon did not immediately reply, he took it as an invitation to speculate.  A small part of his mind protested; after the morning he’d had, he could hardly be expected to be clear-headed, much less sharp-witted.  But the dragon’s expectant look quietened that little voice, and he turned his mind to the task.

“Oh.”

Yes?

“Pure power would be destructive, if not properly controlled.”  This is what everyone had been telling him for weeks now, about his magic.

Indeed.  Even a young dragon – by itself, and with very little in the way of effort – could decimate this forest.  And despite the fact that only maturity brings a degree of conscious thought to our kind, even the immature among us have the inner wisdom and restraint to refrain from fulfilling such destructive potential.

Something clicked in Ianto’s mind.  Everyone had been talking to him about control, but he had struggled with how to properly achieve it.  But allowing his intuition – or wisdom – to guide him, and showing restraint in summoning and directing his magic…  That made sense to him in a way the concept of control hadn’t.  He drew in a deep, relieved breath as something that had been knotted up inside relaxed, and he felt more stable and confident than he had, before.

Truth be told, he could feel everything flowing through his being, if he focused enough.  His magic, so long missed, was the most familiar.  He felt more alive, now it was back.  Then the unicorn’s blood.  Despite the fact that it had been with him for years, it felt a bit different, now it had settled – a subtle influence that was more part of him now rather than something separate that he was carrying around.  More recently, the vortex had begun churning through him.  And finally, the dragon’s blood, which was also settling into something more subtle and less… harsh.

The return of his magic had been such a relief; and yet, with the vortex powering it, he had felt uncertain – as though he was on a runaway horse (or perhaps runaway broom would be a more telling metaphor), barely hanging on.  The lectures on the need for control had stemmed from that, in part.  That, and his habit of reaching for everything he could in order to force his magic to do what he wanted.  That was no longer necessary, but it was taking a lot of effort to overcome the deeply-ingrained habit.

But he could practically feel the dragon’s blood settling in his system, and as it did so, he felt himself come into sharper focus.  For the first time in his life, he felt like himself, and it was glorious.

“What?” Ianto looked at Gwydyon, who was chuckling again.

It is a pleasure, and an honor, to see you come into your own, Little Brother.  Someday you will fly on your own terms, but for now, it is enough for you to BE who you have become.  Your suffering has been immense, but it has forged a being like no other.

“Thank you,” Ianto said, feeling himself flush slightly at the compliment.

You are well loved, Little Brother.

Before Ianto could respond, they were interrupted by a very loud telepathic shout.

IANTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwydyon chuckled.

And here approaches one who will help me make my point.

“The unicorns called him my mate,” Ianto said, feeling hesitant.

In all but declaration.

“I’m afraid of saying it,” Ianto confessed.  “After everything that’s happened, I just…” he sighed.  “I’m afraid.”

That is understandable.

“And I don’t think he wants to say it.”

Or perhaps he awaits the right moment, when you are well and won’t mistake his meaning or motivation.

“But…”

Yes.

“That would mean…”

It does.

“But how do you know?”

Until my blood settles in your veins, I feel what you do, given proximity.

“You said that before.”

And because you are right here, I feel your bond.  So do you, but it will take time for you to get used to discerning what is there and trusting it.

“I do trust him,” Ianto said, but his voice sounded uncertain, even to him.

But you do not trust yourself to hold his interest.  You fear he will tire of you.

“Yes.”

Did you know that dragons mate for life?  Unicorns do, as well.

“Jack doesn’t carry the blood of either,” Ianto pointed out.

Ah, but he is bonded to one who does.

“Wait.  But that would mean…”

Just as the vortex is shared along the bond, so are the gifts of the unicorn and dragon.  Perhaps not to the same extent, but the influences are there.

“So now he’s trapped?” Ianto felt as though a physical blow had landed.

What?  No!  Of course not!

The vehemence of Gwydyon’s denial broke Ianto out of the nascent panic attack that had been threatening.  “But,” he swiped at his eyes, which had begun to stream.  “Jack doesn’t like labels.  He told me one time that he hates the word ‘couple’.  Which heavily implies that, under his own influence, he wouldn’t want to be part of one.”

Gwydyon cocked his head so he was looking past Ianto to Jack, who was now standing at the edge of the clearing, a pained expression of remorse and regret on his face.

Little Brother, Gwydyon began, his voice low and patient, Please understand two things: first, the bond between you can force nothing.  Like the blood running through your veins, it merely influences certain inclinations.  And those inclinations can be overruled by force of will, just as we were speaking of your will being able to override the full moon and new moon tendencies influenced by your blood.  Nothing shall happen against your or Jack's will.  So you may set your mind at ease, on that score.

"And the second thing?" Ianto asked, his face showing relief, but still sorrow. 

I would invite you to consider when Jack said these things to you.

"What do you mean?" Ianto asked.

From the edge of the clearing, Jack could feel Ianto's mind begin to shift from panic to logic.

Well, Gwydyon replied in that same slow, deep, bone-rattling tone that was somehow still a comfort, Did he say those things before your bond was formed, or since?

"Before," Ianto answered, frowning as the logic of Gwydyon's words begin to take root.

Then perhaps those words were a function of Jack attempting to keep his distance so he could protect his own heart.  And by the same token, he no longer needs that sort of protection, so perhaps those words no longer hold true.

"Oh gods, I've done it again," Ianto said, realization dawning.  "Why do I keep doubting him?"

***