Cursed

"Why do I keep doubting him?" Ianto lamented.

It does not serve you to punish yourself, Little Brother.  Much has changed for you, in a very short time.  It is understandable that it will take time for you to process these changes.  After all, it is that same instinct that is telling you to protect your own heart, now.  Time will help you to process these changes, and you will no longer find it necessary to guard yourself so vigilantly.  You are both giving every indication that you wish to follow the inclination of your blood.  Should you do so and become mated, the inclination will become Truth.

"What does that mean?" Jack asked from the edge of the clearing as he moved to sit beside his lover.

Dragons and unicorns mate for life," Gwydyon answered.  "This is our Truth.  A fact of our existence.  Should you allow it to become your Truth, it will be a fact of your existence, as well.  It will be something you would be inclined to neither question nor regret.

"Forever is a long time not to regret something so fundamental," Jack said, and he did not fail to see Ianto slump beside him.  He turned to Ianto and tried to reassure, "I have nothing against the idea, Kitty.  I promise.  But I need to understand."

"I know," Ianto said, his voice quiet, and Jack was certain that was not entirely true. 

"I mean it," Jack asserted.  "Just like our bond, the thought of this fills me with comfort and reassurance and hope.  But I do need to know how it works, especially if it's going to be a fundamental change in my nature."

Jack made sure that he was completely open along their bond so Ianto could sense the truth of his words.  After a long, studying look, Ianto gave a slow nod and turned back to Gwydyon.

"It would be a shift in our nature, right?" he asked.  "In the same way that I've taken on Jack's vortex, and my nature has become immortal?"

Just so, Gwydyon replied.  Should you choose to make this your Truth, it will settle into your being.  Nothing dramatic, as you are already together.  But others will not turn your head, draw, or attract you, as they might once have done.  Or if they do, the desire to explore that will not be as actively engaged.  Happily mated pairs seldom find a need to seek comfort elsewhere.

Ianto turned to Jack and took one of his hands.  "Jack, the bond is more than enough for me.  We don't have to do anything more.  I don't want you to feel obligated or trapped.  I would never ask that you change who you are, for me."  He looked down, then up at Jack again, a shy expression gracing his features.  "I'm actually rather fond of who you are," he added with an attempt at a lopsided smile.

"And you feel like me giving myself to you in that way would mean I was changing who I was?" Jack asked, his face carefully neutral as he tried not to show his disappointment.  But really, it was his own fault.

He could do monogamy.  And he respected those who did.  He just seldom found anyone who he was willing to commit to, in that way.  But he had.  Sarah, his wife.  Estelle, for a while.  Lucia.  And he hadn't been the one to end any of those relationships.  He had lost Sarah and their infant child to the Spanish flu.  The war had dictated the end of his relationship with Estelle.  And Lucia had been the one to part ways with him, not the other way around. 

But those were not the stories he told.  And that was not the side of himself he had allowed any of the team to see, though he had given Ianto glimpses of it in the past few weeks.  But it went back to what Gwydyon had been saying.  Ianto was still processing the many, many changes that had rocked his life in recent weeks.  It was to be expected that he had not necessarily taken all of it on board, yet. And some things probably did bear repeating, particularly as Jack had retread certain ground repeatedly when speaking of his exploits.

He remembered Ianto's words to Rhys at Gwen's wake.  Ianto knew that Jack's stories were just that – stories of his past.  And though they did paint a picture of quite the lothario, that was not Jack, anymore.  He trusted that Ianto knew that, but that wasn't necessarily the same thing as Ianto believing Jack was willing to become Ianto's monogamous mate for the rest of their very long lives.

At the moment, Jack couldn't imagine wanting anyone else.  And even that was against what he would have declared his nature to have been, just three short months ago, so he wondered whether he was already feeling not only the influence of the bond, but also the influence of the blood in Ianto's veins on that bond.

A quiet Hmph from Gwydyon, accompanied by a small puff of steam from the dragon's nostrils drew his attention.

Keep in mind that the unicorn blood only settled two weeks ago, and my blood is only now in the process of settling.

Ianto looked as though he was uncertain as to why Gwydyon was pointing this out at this moment, but Jack nodded his understanding with a rueful smile.

That was him told.

These had been his own thoughts and feelings and inclinations coming to the fore, now it was safe to do so in the presence of their bond.  Which meant that he had already been leaning in that direction well before either creature's blood settled in Ianto's system.  So he could trust this was coming from his own heart and would only be reinforced and anchored as the creatures' blood settled.

Ianto glanced from Gwydyon to Jack and back again, and Jack had the distinct feeling that the younger man had twigged to the meaning behind the rather unusual exchange.

"So you're saying that whatever Jack might be feeling, it's unlikely that it has been influenced by the blood."

Correct.

"And the only influence the bond has had is to make us feel safe enough to admit to these feelings?"

Also correct.

Ianto nodded as though doing his best to take that on board.  He turned to Jack.  "And you seem... disappointed that I might doubt your ability to be monogamous."

"No," Jack replied.  "Not disappointed.  Well, maybe a little.  But," he sighed, "it's another sea change for you to process and accept, and I understand that might take some time."

"You've been around, Jack," Ianto nodded.  "I hope you understand why I might worry that going from many lovers to just one – just me – might bore you, after a while."

"You underestimate yourself, Ianto Jones," Jack smiled one of those small, genuine, happy smiles that Ianto flattered himself that only he got to see.

"No, I know we have fun," Ianto smiled that shy, sweet smile that belied the wicked mind of a skilled lover.  "But I'm one human man.  And not a single prehensile tentacle in sight.  And you're used to… variety."

"I've experienced variety," Jack conceded.  "But I can't say I'm used to it anymore."  A raised eyebrow from Ianto had him continuing, "It started getting to me after..." he paused.  "After Lucia, for about ten years, I just shagged anything and everything in sight.  I didn't let any of it matter.  And it all became so meaningless and unsatisfying.  I kind of gave up.

"I didn't stop altogether," he added with a shrug of a shoulder, and a snort from Ianto made him chuckle.  "Had to stay in practice after all,” he added with a wink.  “But with you, it started to matter again, and I realized how much I'd missed it.  It was one of the reasons I kept coming back, even though I also tried to keep you at arm's length.  I couldn't stay away, but I was so afraid.  I knew losing you would destroy me.  And now it won't," he smiled.  "And I'd rather have just you and let it matter than have all of those other experiences that were meaningless.”  He sighed before adding, “You know, I can do monogamy, Ianto."

"I know," Ianto said quickly, desperate for Jack to know that it wasn't his commitment or resolve that Ianto was worried about. 

"And I'm not going to get bored," Jack added with a rakish grin.  "I've always been a firm believer that boredom is the result of a poor imagination."  He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Ianto's nose.  "And you and I both know that neither of us lacks imagination.”

“No, that's true enough,” Ianto laughed. 

So we have established, Gwydyon said, humor in his voice, that Jack cannot be trapped and will not be bored.  Does that ease your mind, Little Brother?

“Yes, it does,” Ianto answered and looked at Jack.  “I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize,” Jack said.  “You've had a lot to process, and it's not like I didn't cultivate a certain reputation that this flies in the face of.”

Ianto nodded, agreeing, but also feeling that it was disloyal to keep doubting Jack, again and again.

“Hey,” Jack reached out and cupped Ianto’s cheek.  “You're not being disloyal.”

Ianto blinked, surprised that Jack had read him so clearly.

Jack chuckled.  “You pride yourself on your loyalty, Ianto, and I know that you've regretted every wobble you've had in your trust in me.  But I see it differently.”

“How so?” Ianto asked.

“Each of the things that has caused you to doubt has been a wall that I erected between my heart and you.  It’s only natural that each has given you pause.  But what's important is that as we've faced each one, we've torn it down.”  He gave that small smile again.  “I'm not sure there are any left.  And soon, it will be just you and me, with nothing between us.  Nothing left to cause doubt or worry or fear.”

“Jack, I…” Ianto seemed to catch himself, but then he smiled brightly and leaned forward.  “Nothing left between us,” he whispered, closing the last bit of distance between them and kissing Jack tenderly.  “I like the sound of that.”

***

After a few final words of encouragement and fond acceptance, Gwydyon took flight, leaving Jack and Ianto alone in the clearing.  Sensing they were alone, Ianto pulled Jack into a blazing kiss.

All of the terror and desperation and excess adrenaline crashed through them, and clumsy hands fumbled at their flies until their cocks were freed from their confines.  Jack moaned decadently as Ianto growled, their need building with every pull and tug. 

It was over far too quickly, and their frenzy had carried an almost violent edge to it, but other than a matched set of love bites, neither was any worse for wear, and both felt a bit calmer.  Jack used a handkerchief from his pocket to clean their hands and then gathered Ianto into his arms, holding him close, surprised to find that the younger man was trembling slightly.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Too much adrenaline,” Ianto replied.

“How about lunch and then a nap,” Jack suggested.

“I'm not sure I could eat,” Ianto replied, and he hesitated.

“What is it?” Jack released his hold on his lover so he could see his face.

“I think I need a break,” Ianto said, feeling ashamed of his own weakness.

“I don't blame you,” Jack replied, surprising his lover.  “I know I would.”

“What?” Ianto looked shocked.

“You did try to tell us.  I think it was important for you to have that flight with Gwydyon today, but it didn't have to go the way it did.  I'm sorry I didn't understand.  Not really.  Not until way too late.  They should never have put you on that broom.  And I should have helped you make them understand.”

“I… I was doing okay,” Ianto defended.

“You were,” Jack agreed.  “But if you were only meant to float a couple of feet above the ground, we could have safely done that inside, and the result of any panic you might have experienced in an enclosed space would have been more limited.  We should have listened to you, Ianto.  I should have listened to you.”

“Thank you, Jack,” Ianto said.  “But strange as it may seem, I am glad it went the way it did.”

“But you need a break,” Jack nodded.

“It's been a lot,” Ianto admitted.

“Well, how about we head to Bracelet Bay, to regroup?  And maybe spend a few days with your grandmother.  And then if your friends still think you need more training, we can do that before we head back to work.”

“Okay,” Ianto smiled.

They walked hand in hand through the Forbidden Forest and back to the castle.

***