Chapter 1
Cerci and Pandora's light, loud laughter travelled the expanse of the common room causing many of the other fellow Slytherins who stayed after dinner to sit in the common room to turn around and glare over at them.
I roll my eyes at the typical behaviour knowing fine well no one really cares who is laughing or not and are just glaring to be pricks, looking away from them back towards the still two laughing girls, I get a glimpse of Regulus giving anyone looking over at us a death glare and even though he is drowned in Potter's quidditch jumper that falls down to his knees, he still manages to be terrifying towards anyone looking at the girls, making them all turn around and once Regulus seems satisfied that he scared them all away he turns back around to Pandora and Cerci and I let out a grin.
Can always count on Regulus to stay mean even when he decides to throw away the Black family legacies and date the biggest romantic to ever walk the halls of Hogwarts.
Last year had to be the biggest shock ever to not just me and our friends but the whole bloody school when during Regulus’s sixth year, over Christmas he said fuck it to his family values and ran away from home to the Potters. Only for us all to then discover he had been secretly dating Potter since the start of his fifth year.
The way we found this out was because as soon as we all came back from Christmas break the two were practically on top of each other in the train carriage with a very grumpy and tired Sirius saying, ‘They have been like this all Christmas’, sitting next to them.
Apparently Sirius hadn’t been too mad when he found out (Regulus said he locked himself in his room and hadn’t come out for two days, except to quickly grab food), but to be honest fair reaction if you asked me, finding out your best mate and brother have been a thing for a year and a half behind your back? Got to suck- but he got over it fine and Regulus and James have been sickeningly in love ever since, it’s nauseating.
I didn’t even get a note or anything from Regulus, my parents had to tell me he ran away and I was the one who had to tell all our friends-except Cerci who got told from her family- that he was gone and once we finally managed to hear from him it was a lousy note-
I’m fine,
At the potters, I left my family.
Sincerely,
RAB
And that was it, no warning that he was coming out after christmas with James, fuck me, I didn’t even know that he liked guys- I mean I sorta had a feeling- but never actually knew!
I remember standing in shock, month hanging open when we had finally found the carriage he was in, assuming that he would be stuck to Sirius side not Potters’, and all he had given us was a glare and a quick warning, ‘I like fucking guys, and that guy is James, get used to it or fuck off’ which had left James blushing, Sirius shouting out in disgust and me over my shock, full on belly laughing along side an amused Remus and Peter.
We then quickly found out, while me, Barty and Cerci had no clue of his thing with James, Pandora had found out at the start of the year and Dorcas had known since right at the start and helped hide them and keep people from finding out alongside Marlene, and that is actually how they ended up together we then found out, (apparently all the secrets were unfolding then,) all those times covering for James and Regulus left the two girls together loads and Mickinnon ended up finding out there was a few things she liked about girls way more than blokes.
I still remember being in shock, it still is weird sometimes, hanging out with the Gryffindors and watching Regulus and Dorcas be all nice and cute with their partners but it has been over six months since finding out so I’m used to it. Unlike some of the other Slytherins who watch Regulus trancing about in Potters jumper with disgust but they all know better than to say something, Barty is wicked with a wand.
I turn around then to look to the hallway I know leads to our dorm room where Barty went straight to after dinner and hasn’t came out since, I should probably go check up on him, as Regulus coming out and being with James wasn’t even one of the most shocking news about all of that, no that one goes to Barty…
Another burst of laughter from Pandora makes me turn around and face back to the girls, shaking my mind of all thoughts of Barty and the revelation he had told me about himself last year, a month after Christmas.
“Okay, I have heard the story Cerci is telling you dora, and it is not that funny.” I say, remembering over dinner when Cerci had told me the story of her muggles studies class, and how the professor had made a fool of himself trying to explain… something, I forgot, sue me, and how the whole class had been writing down the wrong thing before some poor halfblood student had to step up and explain to the muggles studies professor that no that doesn't work like that in the muggle world, I mean seriously, they got a muggle studies professor who doesn’t know about muggle stuff, idiots.
“You just can’t appreciate good humour Ev.” Pandora chimes, cheeks red from her laughter, while Cerci smiles smugly,
“Yea, Evan. You just don’t appreciate my amazing story telling.” She says condescendingly at me and I just send a rude gesture her way and she sends the same back before she goes on right back to her story that has Dora clutching her belly in laughter, I mean really the story was funny but not that funny.
I look over to Regulus who has a letter in his hand reading it over and I know for a fact it’s the same one he got from Potter this morning that he hasn't put down all day and has definitely read it a hundred times over already.
“You two are insufferable, you know?” I say to him mockingly, making him stare up at me cheeks blushing with being caught holding the letter before he stuffs it in his trouser pocket turning to glare right at me with his typical Regulus fuck off Black stare.
When he doesn’t reply, my mouth falls into a lazy grin and I let my head roll back onto the back of the couch, facing up towards Regulus who is on the opposite end,
“Not even been two weeks back for seventh year and Potters’ already sent you a bouquet of flowers everyday, alongside three page long letters everyday, and if that letter doesn’t have the tiniest bit of dirty stuff in it-” Regulus goes to kick me but I dodge his hit “- then that's a completely unnecessary amount of words and really bloody pathetic, c’mon Reg, you have his cloak aren’t use meeting up in like, what, two weeks at Hogsmeade?” I say, avoiding another kick from Regulus at the pathetic comment.
“Shut up, Evan.” He bites, looking at me annoyed before staring at his trouser pocket and I know the pathetic git wants to pull the letter out and re-read it, I mean seriously when was Regulus a bloody romantic for Salazar sake.
“I used to wonder how someone like you could date someone like Potter, the bloody holiday Valentine if it was a person, but seeing you, like this,” I indicate with my hands to where he is staring at his pocket where the note is, “your just as bad.” This time he aims his attack.
“Ow, Reg!” I say rubbing my shin, glaring up at him, he just smirks at me before rolling his eyes and going back to staring at his trouser pocket, hands twitching beside him as he scowls down at it, obviously trying not to reach for it, to prove some point to me but this is honestly worse,
“For Merlin's sake Reg, just read the bloody letter or I will take it out of your pocket and read it out for you.”
Regulus glares over at me again, aims for another kick to the shin that I dodge it this time luckily, the wee shit has strength and it bloody hurts, before he reaches for his pocket and pulls out the letter, instantly a smile makes its way onto his face and I groan internally, no bloody wonder Barty doesn’t wanna sit here…
Cerci must have finally finished telling the story as Pandora's laughter has stopped, her smile still clearly on her face and Cerci’s own one matches hers as they both turn from where they are on the floor to look around to me and Regulus,
“I miss Dorcas.” Pandora says, out of the blue, pouting, looking over at the empty seat that Dorcas would usually sit in.
Regulus stops looking at the letter at this and puts it away sighing, staring over at the seat too,
“Yea,” he starts, “not the same in the common room without her here judging all of our life choices.”
We all sigh in agreement, since Dorcas is in the year above she left last year and so we have to do our last year without her and we have all agreed it just doesn't feel right, even though she is away living her best life travelling with Marlene, for us it feels like there is a hole there where she should be this year (and maybe just me but that hole is starting to feel like two people if Barty sitting in the dorm room alone all the time is going to become a daily thing…) though it seems like I’m the only one noticing that at the moment.
“It’s so unfair that she is in the year above!” Dora yells out dramatically, dropping her head onto Cerci’s shoulder who smiles warmly down at Pandora at the contact.
“Yeah, it is. Though she gets to be with Marlene, so she's lucky there.” Regulus says mindlessly, fingers tracing over the letter.
“You will be with James soon Reg, stop worrying.” Cerci responds to Regulus' disengaged face trying to make him feel better, we all know about the worry that Regulus feels all the time about not being out in the world with James and having to still be at school.
He feels as though James will forget him and when it comes for Regulus to leave James will have moved on and started a new life that doesn’t involve or have room for him, he has every right to have that panic in him after his whole childhood with his brother, with Sirius leaving for Hogwarts and starting a life that Regulus didn’t think fitted him, he has that irrational fear. Though we all know, anyone who has ever seen them together will know, there is no way in hell that James Potter is leaving Regulus for a second, that man is so in love with Reg it’s honestly unhealthy but luckily for him Regulus feels the exact same way.
“I know, I know.” He huffs out, eyes turning sad.
In an effort to change the topic and stop Reg from going into one of his moods I bring back the topic of Dorcas,
“Do use all remember when we all first became friends with Dorcas?” I ask, eyes lining with mirth and chuckling a little at the memory.
Cerci and Pandora chuckle at the memory too and Regulus is able to share a small smile too, the sad expression slowly slipping from his face.
“I was so scared at first.” Cerci whispers eyes lighting up with amusement at her younger selves actions.
“Same,” I confide, dropping my voice in a whisper to match Cerci, “It was so unexpected, I couldn’t fathom a word for like the first ten minutes.”
Pandora laughs out loud at that lifting her head off Cerci’s shoulder and turning to face me fully,
“I remember not believing use the next day when you told me that Dorcas had acutely gone through with my idea. Had really sat down and talked to use all night in the common room.” She said smiling, her voice light at the memory.
During our second year right at the start me, Barty, Cerci and Regulus were all sitting in the common room just like we are tonight. Pandora had gone to Ravenclaw common room that night.
Me, Barty and Regulus had all been friends since the beginning of first year because we were in a dorm together and soon me and Regulus were partnered with Cerci for a project in potions about halfway through first year and because we did so much work for it outside of class -and Barty ended up tagging along but didn’t help at all and really just made it all so much worse- we all became friends and soon Cerci just started hanging about with us more than her dorm mates. We learned later on that she didn’t really get along with them. Resulting in Barty and Regulus threatening to curse some people and having to have me and Cerci calm them down before they had the chance to do some real damage to Cerci’s roommates; like I said Barty is good with a wand and Regulus is even better.
Pandora, I knew obviously from our childhood. Being cousins with Dora was the best thing about growing up in that house, having someone to lean on and hang out with at boring family and pureblood events, it made it all go by much faster and before we knew it we were heading to Hogwarts and were not able to attend all the stuffy events our parents just happened to love so much.
So I introduced Pandora to Barty and Regulus at the start and she fell in love with them both right away and decided that she was now best friends with them both, they had both looked so scared that this random eleven year old ravenclaw girl deemed them soul friends now for life, but both since then have grown fond of Pandora's free spiritedness, and then when Pandora met Cerci they clicked right away being as similar as they are.
Though that night as we sat in the common room, minus Pandora, was when the sixth and last member of our tight knit group joined.
We all knew who Doracs was, she was this popular third year in Slytherin and was friends with Charity Burbage and Aurora Sinistra that were her dorm mates and was often seen talking to the likes off Mulciber or Avery, oh how much Dorcas regrets being there friend, if only for two years.
She had sat with us that night after having a horrible fight with Charity and needed to cool off and we so happened to be there.
“Hey Evan can you pass me the-” Cerci starts but is unable to finish her sentence when the booming noise of loud angry footsteps are heard, coming from the entrance to where the girls dorms are and out walks a very angry and frustrated Dorcas Meadowes, her newly braided hair, a big difference from her afro she used to style her hair in from second year, was messily pulled to a ponytail to the side of her head and she was wearing a baggy green Slytherin jumper with black joggers.
She stomped into the room, wearing nothing like her usual fashionable attire and her face was like a storm, the anger was so clearly there, dripping off her and making everyone closest to her step back.
“Merlin, who pissed her off.” Barty muttered, even his usual loud carefree voice was turned down as if even Barty- someone who couldn’t care less about others and what the consequences of his actions caused him- knew that Dorcas was not to be crossed right now.
Dorcas was, well, intimidating to say the least.
We all knew of her from the beginning of our first year, she was a very intelligent second year who got the best grades out of that full year -minus maybe Evans- and was known for incredible style that won her popularity throughout her house as well as others but she was also mainly known for being part of Mulcibers crowd. A group of people that nobody touched or messed with, well back then anyways, even Barty watched his mouth around them sometimes, though that stopped happening around third year after that Barty spew all the shit he wanted. It was only really the “Marauders” who didn’t take their shit. And Dorcas, maybe not an enabler of it all, was still there and was still frightening in her own way.
She was always a sorta shadow behind Mulciber or even Avery, watching with her bone shilling glare, she was able to stop them both from going to far with barely lifting a finger, her magic surrounded her constantly that being near her there's no way you can’t feel it seep into your skin, feel it deep inside your body, sending goosebumps across your skin making you shiver at the power that never leaves her, maybe that's why she was so frightening then, to everyone, because she never said a thing and even though you felt it, she never showed her true power, her full ability with magic. That's why she was frightening, because you never knew just how strong she was, how far her magic could go. At least you knew what to expect with Mulciber, but with Dorcas, well that was a mystery that no one felt like finding out.
So when she stepped in the room, everyone near her felt her magic and everyone near her stepped back.
“Do you think she had a fight with Mulciber or Charity?” Cerci whispers to us as we all subtly watch Dorcas as she stands still near the door to enter the girls dorms, hands tight in a fist at her side as she looks about, her anger clear on her face as well as her confusion on where to go now that she left her dorm.
“What do you mean?” I whisper back to Cerci, as nobody else seemed to answer, too busy watching Dorcas and I was curious as to what she meant.
“Well, I’m guessing Charity since she just came from her dorm…” Cerci says mindlessly still quiet, still fearfully watching Dorcas who stays still in the dorm room, uncaring to all the eyes she knows are on her.
“Cerci, what are you talking about?” This time it’s Barty that speaks up, stealing a glance away from Dorcas to send a questioning glance at Cerci who just now seems to realise that we don’t know what she is on about.
“Oh, well, you know it’s what everyone has been talking about for three weeks, since literally the start of this year? How do yous not know?” She sounds baffled saying it, like we are really clueless to not know what is going on.
“Don’t lump me in with them Cerci, give me more credit, I heard them arguing last week.” Regulus buts in, “Dorcas and Mulciber.” He adds quickly to clarify to us who was arguing.
“Wait, why are they arguing?” I ask, confused. Barty sits along with me with a confused face, waiting for this all to be explained to us because for some reason it's lunacy that we didn’t know this was going on.
“Merlin,” Cerci starts chuckling, “You two, always in your own world.” She says, looking at us fondly. Though the comment makes Barty mutter under his breath ‘not always in my own world’, I just roll my eyes waiting on her or Regulus to explain to us what the hell has been happening in that friend group that we have missed but every other Slytherin apparently hasn’t.
“Well it's been happening like every day, Mulciber makes one of his nasty comments and Docras just starts going off at him, and the the exact same with Charity when she says something cruel, apparently she had her wand to Mulcibers neck last week threatening him, and apparently he looked scared shitless.” Cerci finishes off, voice something quieter than a whisper as she, along with the rest of us, takes notice of Dorcas leaving her still demeanour across the room closer to us.
“Wow, don’t want to be near her right now in in case she blows and we all finally see just how much damage Meadowes can do.” Barty quietly says amused, his eyes falling back to Dorcas but his amused smile drops as soon as he see’s the direction Dorcas is heading in, and his face it’s not the only one that drops as we all watch Dorcas mother fucking Meadowes sit right next to us.
There is a tense silence as we all watch holding our breaths as Dorcas sits down, on the chair that would soon be allocated as hers, none of us dare move. Being this close to Dorcas her anger drips off her body in the form of magic, making my body tense up even more as I can feel the magic vibrating off her in waves.
Once she is in the chair she lets her head fall back and grounds loudly, really not caring at the second years watching her and before we can try, I dunno, discreetly move away and let her be, she rips her head up and looks straight at Regulus,
“Black, right?” She asks, her eyes never wavering from Regulus' cold gaze, looks like he has finally found someone who could level him in having an intimidating stare…
“Yes.” Regulus replies slowly, and I watch Regulus transform from my friend to a Black, as his shields go up with Dorcas' attention being solely on him.
“Your family is all big and powerful, yes?” Regulus nods reluctantly, “Then you can definitely ask them if they would be willing to cover up a body, no?” She finishes before adding, “No, wait make that two, Nick is a right bloody git too.” Her intense gaze heightens when she finishes her talk on what, I think, is a plan to murder Mulciber and I’m guessing, with Cerci’s information, Charity.
“You really think my family, one of the most wealthy and powerful families part of the sacred twenty eight, would care about a petty high school disagreement.” Regulus doesn't phrase this like a question, we all know the answer, no, they wouldn’t care less especially if Mulciber and Charity were spreading the same shit that his parents, his whole family, believed in.
Dorcas doesn’t even seem disappointed; she just shrugs, going back to lounging with her head resting on the back of the chair before muttering, “Worth a shot, eh? Could just cover it up myself.” She finishes with a smirk that looks grim but for some reason has me biting my cheek to stifle a smile of my own, who wouldn’t want to see Mulciber gone.
Seems I’m not the only one when Barty speaks up, bold as ever to talk to Dorcas bloody Meadowes, “Well if your planning on getting rid of Mulciber count me in, and my dad is head of law enforcement at the ministry, definitely a job that could come in handy if one was wanting to get rid of a body discreetly.” Barty says with a grin.
“Crouch?” Dorcas says matching Bartys grin but her is more smaller, subtle. Barty nods while she looks him up and down with her imitating stare, making me -not even the person she is looking at- shiver and the intensity of her eyes, before she turns away and her eyes land on Cerci.
“Greengrass?” She asks.
“Cerci,” Cerci replies cheerily suddenly over her nervousness that she had for Dorcas earlier, “Call me Cerci if you're going to call me anything, or come up with a nickname, I have been asking these guys to give me one for ages and they won’t.” She says, huffing out a pout at the end.
“There’s nothing to give you a nickname for.” Barty replies in a chuckle and Cerci turns from where she is sitting on the ground to look up at Barty,
“It’s not fair, Regulus has Reg as a nickname,” “Don’t like that name at all” Regulus cuts in but Cerci just talks over him, “You have Bee or Junior, Pandora has Dora or Pan and then Evan has Ev or Rosy, you all get two bloody nicknames and I can’t even get one!”
“To be fair, I only have one.” Regulus offers knowing the affect his words will have on Cerci and she reacts in the exact way I know Regulus was expecting, she huffs and a loud annoyed noise from her throat glaring daggers -well, not really daggers, Cerci never managed to make her eyes look anything but kind- at Regulus while he just thins his lips to hide a smile.
“And if we are being critically correct here, I have three, given Barty is already technically a nickname.” Barty chimes in, making Cerci groan louder.
Dorcas watches this all in amusement, but I still feel surreal with her there, like why are they all acting like Dorcas Meadowes hasn’t just sat right next to us and knows our bloody names, well not mine anyways.
Though I thought too soon,
“Evan, Evan Rosier?” She says my name in a familiar way, like she has spoken it before, and yes my family is part of the sacred twenty eight but I’m not that well known like Regulus and it’s not as if we have ever spoken so for her to say my name with such familiarity weirds me out, and causes me to just stare at her not responding before Barty from where he is sitting next to me nudges me in the ribs before responding for me,
“Yea that's Rosy.” He says cheerily, giving me an odd look, while I just glare -focus away from Dorcas- at him rubbing the spot he hit my ribs.
“Pandora's Cousin?”
“You know Dora?” I asked shocked, and it's that shock that makes me speak for the first time in ten minutes since Dorcas has been in our presence.
“Yea, nice little Ravenclaw. Known her since last year, and talked to her quite a bit. She has been bugging me about all use for ages, thought we should meet, that we “would get along”” She says the last bit in air quotes, in an airy voice not far from Dora’s making me smile.
“So what?” I say a bit more confidently, “Decided to see if Dorcas word was true?”
“We must be better than Mulciber and Charity at least.” Barty says knowingly and we all freeze simultaneously, even Regulus looks nervous. Barty and his bloody loudmouth, going and bringing up shit we barely know anything about. Will Dorcas be angry about us poking our nose into her friendships, if you can even call what she has with them that, will she curse or hex us?
Though Dorcas does nothing of the sort, she acutely snorts and bubbling laughter comes out of her before she gives us all a look, like a parent or teacher scolding you, “Does everyone know about the arguments recently?”
“Hard to miss.” Barty replies instantly making me huff out an incredulous laugh,
“Shut up you twat, you and me both knew fuck all about it until like, fifteen minutes ago.”
“That's cause you are both Idiots,” Regulus supplies before turning to Dorcas after watching in amusement Barty aim a hit for my head for outing him in his lie and not even helping me, the bastard, “We knew about it,” Indicating to him and Cerci, “Those two are just blind to what is right in front of them.”
Dorcas just smiles resentful at everyone knowing before breathing out a tired breath, “Well in that case since yous know I was wondering if I can sit with yous tomorrow, I just can’t be arsed right now with them.” She says them vaguely but we don't need to ask who she means, it’s a surprising comment but after learning that she knows Pan not so much, she’s probably been trying to get Dorcas to sit with us for ages.
“Of course.” Cerci replies in an instant, ever so kind.
“Thanks,” Dorcas says, eyeing the rest of us warily but when I give her a small smile and Barty gives her a grin and Regulus slowly lets his Black son act go away and sinks back into the couch, her eyes turn thankful that she has a place she is able to go while her friendships are rocky, “And Cerci about that nickname, I will think of one.”
And that was that, Dorcas sat with us the next day for breakfast, then for lunch and then for Dinner, and that continued to happen for all the days after that.
Pandora was ecstatic when finding out, telling Dorcas repeatedly that she knew this was always a great idea and that Dorcas should have just listened to her earlier which just made Dorcas roll her eyes but smile warmly at just how right she was.
Cerci also never got that nickname, I mean really there just isn’t much we can shorten her first name and last name to, Green? Grass? But we did settle on something that was basic, but made Cerci incredibly happy so it stuck,
“I remember Ci here going on a rant about nicknames and how she didn't have any.” Regulus says in amusement,
“Well now I have one,” She smiles, “Even though it’s shit.” She adds, laughing lightly because yes the nickname is awful and basic but Cerci can’t deny she loves it.
“Hey! Give us some credit your name was hard to work with, Barty did the best he could.” I say mindlessly, mind returning to the many days me and Barty popped out random nicknames to suit Cerci during second year before Reuguls had enough and told us to just say one and that was it and Barty blurted out with Ci, but I mean could have been worse.
At the mention of Barty though, Pandora turns towards the entrance to the dorms looking sadly at them, seems I’m not the only one noticing his absence then, before speaking up, “Is Barty coming down at all today? He wasn’t here last night either.” She says, her voice sad though at her comment Regulus glances over to next to me, where Barty usually sits, before his eyebrows knit together in confusion and he himself glances at the entrance to the boys dorm, and my heart breaks a little for Baty. Regulus hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t there…
“Should we go get him..?” Regulus questions looking unsure himself, when did Regulus have to question if he could go get Barty, had he himself felt the gap there? Though before Cerci or Pan could jump at the opportunity to all take a trip and get him, I can already presume in the back of mind the type of … situation Barty is currently in and would not want them all there, especially Regulus.
“I’ll go get him, gits probably fucked off for a shag with some girl or bloke but better safe than sorry.” I say quickly, getting up quicker and heading for our dorm after a quick bye from the girls and Regulus.
It's no secret that Barty is bi, he came out shortly after Regulus did last year, and as much as he hooked up before it doubled with the amount of new people he could openly hook up with.
It was a shock though to most of our group, while Regulus we all sorta thought, maybe? But with Barty none of us knew at all, I was the first person he came out to, I mean he never really told me but after the secret he said before… well it was given that he was bi. Everyone was surprised by it, Regulus the most. Which is surprising in itself, there seemed to be well, more to it because Regulus reaction to Barty coming out was just not how I would expect his ‘best friend’ to be supportively, I almost thought, shit, Regulus is homophobic before remembering I’m an idiot and that he fucking came out first didn’t he?
Though soon enough the shock was over with and everyone carried on normal with Barty being bi, I mean everyone else is as straight as the leaning tower of Pisa so it’s not that anyone judged and got over it quickly, supporting Barty with coming out. Though Regulus and Barty since then have been well, odd, Regulus spent more time away with James and Barty well, Barty spiralled into self pity and destruction. I can’t tell if the reason for the odd relationship between them has anything to do with Regulus’s odd reaction to Barty coming out or it has something to do with the drunken state that I find Barty in as soon as I walk through the door to our dorm.
“Rosy!” Barty shouts upon realising my entrance to the dorm, his cheeks are flushed due to the alcohol, the array of empty fire whiskey bottles lying about the place tells me it has been an even worse night than others.
“Merlin, Barty…” I mutter trailing off at the end as I take in the state of Barty and the dorm room, there is empty bottles lying everywhere and Barty’s clothes and some of Regulus (That I will definitely have to clean before Reg notices), are thrown about the floor and Bartys bed curtains have a hole in them, some magic gone wrong he has obviously tried to attempt while drunk.
Then there's Barty with his flushed cheeks and wonky grin, that makes him look like he’s just been having a fun time by himself but when I look closer at the all too familiar red nose and eyes, with the tear stains down his cheeks that seem to be permanently there this year, my heart hurts for my friend and his obvious suffering that he tries so hard to avoid. He is still in his school uniform though it is all a mess with his tie hanging completely untied around his neck with nearly all his buttons undone. I huff out a tired breath dragging my hands down my face, knowing what an absolute nightmare Barty is going to be to get into comfy clothes, I mean seriously couldn’t he just get changed before getting drunk.
“I tried to do a spell, the em, … well I forgot it now but accidentally put a, a, eh…”
“A hole?” I fill in for him. Barty’s face lights up at me and he breaks out in a hollow chuckle,
“Yes, yes that's it. Too smart for me Rosier, a hole! So you might wanna fix that…” He says the last bit sheepishly because of course it will be me cleaning up the mess he has made.
“Let’s just get you changed and ready for bed, you drunkard.” I start to grab him by the arms to help pull him up when a sharp knock is heard at the door and both me and Bartys face go white, when the recognizable voice of one Regulus Black sounds through the door,
“Evan? Barty? Look, this is ridiculous that I am knocking on my own bloody dorm door but can I …” He lets out a strained noise before muttering ‘can’t believe I’m asking’ before continuing, “Can I come in?” His voice before annoyed is now hinting on a tad of desperation. So not the only one to notice a little strain when it comes to their relationship.
I turn to Barty who shakes his head pleading at me with his eyes. I can tell what he is saying, please don't let him in, don’t let him see me like this, don’t let him see how much he affects me.
As the door handle starts to turn I quickly drop Bartys arms and make my way swiftly to the door jumping out before Regulus can come in.
“What the fuck Evan!” Regulus screeches at my abrasion movement, causing me to bump into him knocking him back on the adjacent wall, he pulls off the wall to his full height and yes, even in Potter's stupid jumper, he looks at me and his piercing angry gaze is intimidating as hell.
“Sorry!” I blurt out holding up my hands in surrender, Regulus just rolls his eyes letting the anger drop along with his shoulders before his eyes trail away from mine towards the dormitory door.
“Is he … okay?” He asks tepidly, almost unsure if he should even be asking or if it’s just something he should know, supposedly being his friend and all.
“He’s well, you’ve seen him this year, not in the best shape.” I say, not wanting to lie because there no way I can say, ‘what do you mean Reg, Bartys great, never fuckin better’ when we all know what a bloody lie that is, but I know I just can’t tell him the truth for why Barty is upset.
“ … yea.” Regulus says but still looks unconvinced staring at the door, I run a hand through my hair beginning to get impatient knowing I just need to get back to helping Barty before he whips out another bottle from nowhere and drinks it and starts setting more holes in all of our curtains.
“Look shit with his dad isn’t great,” which isn’t exactly a lie, “He’s got his mum but you know what a dick his dad is and he’s much harder this year with wanting Barty to get a job at the ministry after school. You know the pressure is getting to him, he just needs space and time.” I say hurriedly. What I’m saying isn’t even a lie anyways, we all know how shit Bartys dad is, how strict he is with Barty with wanting Bee to be someone he just isn’t and it’s got worse last year and now going into this year. So yes it’s not the reason Barty is currently on the other side of his door drinking his sorrows away, no no, that is something entirely different but that does not mean his dad isn’t getting to him and it is just the sorta lie that Regulus is going to have to take and be happy with.
“If you're sure…” Regulus says, looking at the door and for a second he looks about ready to go in and comfort Barty and I just really can’t have that for all our sakes.
“Look Reg,” I say, stepping in his way and trying to look as apologetic as I can as I watch the subtle drop of Regulus' eyes when he realises I’m not letting him in, Barty doesn’t want him in. “He just needs space.”
Regulus scoffs, “But not space from you?” He questions, hurt seeping into his voice even if he tries his best to hide it, almost achieving but I know him way too well.
“Look he needs someone to look after him, and that has sadly and believe me when I mean annoyingly too, fallen onto my shoulders. Look Reg, I’m sorry really, he just needs space, he will be fine in the morning. He always is.” I say with a smile, trying to act as cheerful as I can in the situation I’m in with my two best friends barely being able to function properly as ‘friends’.
Regulus just nods, walking away, and I only have a second to feel guilty before I head right back into the dorm and find a recently finished crying Barty right next to the door, obviously having been listening.
“Blaming my dad,” he gulps, “good call.” He says sloppily, eyes dropping, barely being able to focus on me.
“Well I’m sure your dad is to blame for your awful handle on emotions somehow.” I say grabbing his arms and helping him over to his bed as his whole entire body leans on me, not being able to make his feet work.
Bart lets out a snort at my quip before his voice turns solemn “Thank you for not letting him in.” He whispers to my ear, face pressed into my neck with the way his body and head is leaning against me.
“You need to talk to him one day about all this-” I try saying but I am shut down right away.
“No, no, no! I can't Ev, I just can’t-” His voice breaks in the sentence and he hastily tries to pull himself together, stop the tears from pouring out of his eyes as because even though I have already bared witness to his tear stained cheeks, he will never let me really see him cry, he does that alone by himself and I am always there to deal with the afterwards of it.
“I can never tell Regulus that I love him, I just can’t.” He quietly states with so much determination in his voice, I believe he will see this secret to the grave even if it means the destruction of his and Regulus’s friendship.
And there it is, Bartys big secret, the even more shocking news I found out right after Regulus came clean with Potter.
It was so surprising at the time to hear such a declaration from Barty, Barty Crouch who has shagged his way through nearly everyone available and some not available at Hogwarts but has been in love with Regulus since bloody fifth year.
Then ever since then Barty has had to deal with the knowledge that the person he loved loved someone else. You would think that Barty would have struggled worse seeing Regulus and James together, but in reality Regulus was always with James and not really us and when we did all make plans together Barty could easily get out of them. Regulus, so indulged in his new relationship, wouldn't even notice the lack of Barty's presence.
Though with James gone, Regulus is back to being around again and that is just torture for Barty, being around the one he loves and unable to do anything about it. Especially with Regulus' constant attachment to James being everywhere, in the flowers he gets, in the letters he constantly reads, the clothes he wears, in the words he speaks.
Barty’s pain has just gone tenfold this year and his answer to subside his troubles is to drink it away and with me being the only person he has told of his secret it’s up to me to keep it and help him out when he gets into states like these.
After some silence I finally get Barty to his bed, starting to take his already basically unbuttoned shirt off as well as his trousers to get his pyjamas shorts and top on.
“Did I give you permission, Rosier?” Barty flirtatiously says, wiggling his eyebrows at where my hands are placed at his trouser zipper.
“Come off it Crouch, you aren’t in the right mind to be teasing, just start going to sleep you twat.” I say huffing out a chuckle of my own, can always rely on Barty to be seconds away from passing out and still flirting his way through everything.
“Don’t get shy on me now Rosy.” He says curling my nickname on his tongue when he speaks it in such an indecent, salacious way that no wonder he’s able to get whoever the fuck he wants when he speaks like that, honestly what a whore for everyone he is.
“Shove off it, you prat and focus on, oh I don’t know, getting over Regulus.” Immediately the bantering mood that Barty was building up drops and I know it was a low blow to bring Regulus back up to the surface but I can’t be arsed to deal with Bartys teasing while looking after him right now.
The rest of the time me getting him dressed is in silence and I should feel bad but I really don’t. I have been looking after Barty since last year like this, and don’t get me wrong I would do it in a heart beat for any of my friends but today I’m just too tired and contemplating what would have happened if I just let Regulus in and showed him what was really happening, maybe then Barty and Regulus friendship would have been fixed way faster that it really took.
I notice Bartys still tear stained cheeks and leave him lying down on the bed to head to the bathroom to get a wet cloth to clean his face.
Along the way I pick up the empty bottles and shove all of Regulus' clothes to his bed -too tired to put them away properly, will just have to deal with Regulus annoyed tomorrow- and shove as much of Bartys clothes as I can towards his bed. I drop all the empty bottles in the bin and grab one of the cloths, running it under water, when I finished I squeeze some of the water out before taking it back over to Barty, grabbing up a cup on the way and filling it with water.
I push the cup into Barty’s hand telling him to drink it and he abides, and I take the cloth to his face cleaning it, taking away any traces of his pain that night. While slowly rubbing the cloth along Bartys cheek, Barty puts the cup down on his desk next to his bed and looks up into my eyes with a look I can’t decipher but it makes me nervous.
“Bee?” I ask when Barty doesn’t say anything after a while, just continues to stare and I slowly take away the cloth from his face, satisfied that I have cleaned it fully.
“You take such good care of me Rosy.” He says shedding a small gentle smile, so rarely seen on Bartys face when usually it's a large grin that takes the expanse it.
“Well someone has to.” I reply letting out a rough chuckle.
When Barty continues to say nothing, staring up at me, confusion begins to set in me and I feel like I am missing something, eyebrows burrowing together, I ask out loud before realising I am planning on saying anything,
“What are you looking at, you git, creeping me out not saying anything. Very unlike you.” I say jokingly, trying to ease the tension that somehow has made its way into the conversation, simmering between us.
“Just thinking.” He replies mindlessly, eyes not leaving me for a second.
“Thinking about what?” I inquire, curious to know.
“A way to getting over Regulus.”
“And what's that?”
“Is to get with someone else.”
“I thought you were still hooking up with other people?” I ask confused, Barty definitely got with some Hufflepuff girl last week If I remember correctly.
“Yea but, with the same person that I’m just as close to, no different people, no strings attached will help I think...” He says, eyes sparkling with an idea that I feel oblivious too as his logic really isn’t making sense in my head.
“You must be really drunk because that makes no sense. What does it matter if it's one person compared to loads, you are still gonna struggle getting over Regulus until you talk to him or meet someone new, which you can’t do if it’s no strings attached, see? Your logic makes no sense.”
“No listen, If it’s one person it’s easier I can just go to them when I need, you know, to not think about Regulus instead of getting drunk, instead of drinking my sorrows away I can fuck them away, much healthier. With one person, who I know and trust then they will understand the deal and understand it’s no strings attached and won’t get hung up and fall in love with me, you know how irresistible I am to these random hookups, then they can help me because they will know the situation.” Through Bartys whole speech his eyes bore into mine and his voice sounded way more sober than it had mere minutes ago, and for some reason his logic maybe even made a little bit of sense? At least it would make him drink less, so bonus.
“Okay, I kinda get it, but who in their right mind would sign away to doing that with you, because trust me, I know, you think about Regulus a lot, that's a lot of shagging dude. Need to find someone with a lot of stamina.” I laugh at the end, imagining what poor bloke or bird Barty already has in mind for this idea.
Though when Barty looks at me, something suggestive in his eyes I can already tell I’m not going to like what comes out his mouth, “Well how's your stamina Ev?” He asks flirtingly. And I was correct, I did not like what came out his mouth.
“What!” I push back from him and start checking his head for injuries, because there is no way he just asked me that.
“You heard me, there’s no one I trust more, Evan, you know how much I have been struggling and you can help me, pleasee.” He says, and that's just then when I remember how drunk he really is when the stuttering comes back, and his eyes begin to droop again and I realise that all this was, was a random drunk Barty thought that means nothing and his randomly sober speech from before was just that, random and non important.
“Merlin, go to sleep idiot.” I say, pushing his head back to the pillows and taking my way over to my bed to get ready for the night.
After I brush my teeth and do the toilet quickly, I think about Barty’s crazy request in astonishment and amusement. Oh of all the random shit Barty has come out with this one takes the cake. And to think I fell for it for a second makes me roll my eyes at myself.
Just as I’m heading to bed, Regulus enters but at this point Barty is sound asleep if his light breathing is anything to go by, so it’s safe. I smile an apologetic smile to Regulus and he just gives a small tint of his head walking to the bathroom and locking himself in, getting ready for bed.
Seeing Regulus makes my mind wander back to Barty and his stupid suggestion but was it really stupid at all? I mean his pain he has whenever he is around Regulus is not going away anytime soon it looks like, and if that means the drinking is going to get worse than I can just imagine how that's going to affect Barty negatively in the long run, so if shagging someone is the way to stop him from drinking I say great plan.
Obviously not with me, but I’m sure we can find someone who could fit the deal, if we both looked together, there had to be someone. I don’t think I can keep up with a drunken Barty every night and having to repeatedly lie to Regulus over and over again, I just can’t anymore.
Though I shake myself off the idea because I bet you anything Barty has forgotten it by tomorrow and you should never focus on someone's drunken words because that's all they are, drunken words that they never remember the next day anyways. No point spiralling over a conversation only you can place in your head.
Shortly after that I fall asleep to the sounds of Bartys light breathing and Regulus shuffling about in bed, the opening and closing of a letter, no doubt re-reading Potter’s letter the pathetic idiot, who is oblivious to Bartys slowly chipping away heart.
One boy mourns in a bed for the boy in the next, while the boy in said bed reads the letter from the one he loves, oh how tragic unrequited love is.