James has been sitting inside for days now, helping Lily with chores from time to time. It was raining for the past week and his chest felt tighter every day, like the clouds were suffocating him. He couldn't bring himself to read or listen to music, just nothing.
They barely got new messages from others from The Order, about the war, which meant things should be going well, and he didn't understand why he felt like crying so often. He even declined offers from Remus, Sirius, and Peter to visit, for some unfathomable reason he couldn't bear to talk to anyone more than once a day, otherwise, he would start to spiral.
Today, he woke up to the sun shining through the window, warming up his skin. He could hear Lily making breakfast and coffee in the kitchen, and the birds chirping not being interrupted by thunderstorms. He took one deep breath, then another. For the first time in days, he really felt alive.
With a smile on his face, he walked down the stairs and wished Lily a good morning.
’We should invite Pads, Moony, and Wormtail for a bit, don't you think?’ James said, not having seen his mates for too long for his standards. Lily smiled, nodding happy to see him so cheerful.
With that, James decided to go on a run, to clear up anything left on his mind. And so he ran and ran, and ran until he got behind Godric's Hollow.
He stopped in the middle of a meadow, to calm down before a run back home, when he noticed a butterfly flying around him. He stood still, not to interrupt it and just watched for god knows how long.
The butterfly was strange, the strangest he’s ever seen. It was greyish blue, with darker spots and edges, flickering around James like it wanted to befriend him. Eventually, he mustered up the courage to lift his hand up, as slowly as he could, seeing if the butterfly would sit down for at least a second. To his astonishment, it did settle down on his thumb.
He didn't know for how long he stood there, observing, until the butterfly flew up. A bit sad, he put his hand down, but the butterfly didn't fly away, not at first. Instead, it flew closer to his face, lingered, and just for a moment, settled on his cheek.
Before James could do anything, it flew up, until he couldn’t see it anymore.
After some more time, he decided to run back. He felt light, wondering if he didn't turn into a butterfly in the process.
In front of the door, he already saw Sirius’ motorcycle. Excited to see his friends after so long, he opened the door, so fast it hit the wall a bit.
What he did not expect was his best friend in tears, being held by Remus and Lily from each side, all sitting on the sofa.
‘Pads? Padfoot what happened?’ he blurted out, rushing closer with a worried face.
‘Regulus-’ Sirius couldn't get anything else out.
‘What? What happened to Regulus? Why are you crying? Sirius answer m-’
‘Regulus is dead.’ said Sirius sternly, and bursted into tears again.
James’ vision was blurry. He thinks he managed to say he’s really sorry for Sirius’ loss before he stumbled out of the living room to the kitchen, where he leaned on the counter, his head spinning. He felt sick, not like crying yet, not before he made sure it wasn't real.
It couldn't be true, how could it be true, it had to be made up by the other side to mess with Sirius, it couldn't be real… He kept on repeating inside his head.
Then, he remembered.
The butterfly.
The butterfly with wings the same colour as Regulus’ eyes.
The butterfly that sat on his thumb where he wore a ring from Regulus before they broke up.
The butterfly that sat on his cheek, where Regulus liked to kiss him the most often.
The butterfly.
It was you.