Fight For Me

Marlene

Marlene hated this rehearsal already.

First, Regulus had been late(which in itself was weird enough but Marlene wasn't going to push) and they had to wait to begin. He had refused to tell anyone what held him back but from the way Pandora kept squinting suspiciously at him, Marlene had a feeling she knew.

Second, James didn't show up. At all. Marlene knew he was here. Well, he was supposed to be. There was no way he simply forgot they had rehearsals, with the consistent schedule they had in place, and he had been here all throughout classes. She had sat next to him during lunch when he came back unsuccessful from his Reg-hunt. She distinctly remembered this because she had been the one who was stuck between James and Sirius, who had been distant with the former since the whole 'making-out-not-in-character-with-his-little-brother' thing. It was very awkward, Marlene never wanted to ever be in that position.

Three, because J.D. was not in attendance, they moved on from Dead Guy Walking. And for that very same reason, they couldn't do The Me Inside of Me (well, they could, there was barely any J.D. in there but Minerva had said there were other songs they could do), or Our Love is God. And, you might be thinking, oh, Marlene, why wouldn't you guys just do Blue? Well, she doesn't know but Minerva seemed to think immediately skipping to the second act was the best course of action, which meant the next song they were doing the blocking for was Dead Gay Son. 

And, typically, Marlene wouldn't be upset about that. Dorcas was getting the chance to put blocking to the song that would show their audience just how beautiful her voice was. And, even if Mary didn't have many singing lines, she was also getting her opportunity to be the centre of attention.

Those are both positives. The negatives- or, well, negative? A certain kiss due to happen halfway through the song.

Marlene watched from her spot on stage left with dreaded anticipation as they went through the song more and more times. Was this what Sirius felt, watching Regulus and James during Dead Guy Walking? This dark, rising thing as they drew closer and closer to that inevitable moment? It was a little different, sure, with Sirius watching their brother and their best friend lock lips and not stopping while Marlene watched her best friend with her crush - ew, she hated that word - and hoped to whatever god would listen that that wouldn't happen this time? Maybe she was a little jealous. She wanted to be the one to kiss Dorcas. Oh, well. Sue her.

When Minerva made the call to go through with it with music, Marlene felt like she was going to empty the half-frozen popcorn chicken she bought for lunch from the cafeteria all over her shoes and poor Cerci Greengrass, a tenth grade ensemble member.

Across the stage, Lily's shoulders were unusually tense as the music started up, her gaze pinned on Mary, whose character is in the midst of being berated by Dorcas'. Marlene tilted her head. Maybe something good could come out of this. She's watched Mary and Lily dance around each other for years, even while Lily was dating James. Maybe this kiss would be the thing that pushed the two together, the situation that urged them to work out their ridiculous amount of tension(maybe even in the bedroom, who knows?).

Marlene was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she nearly missed her choreography cue when Dorcas began to mouth along to the chorus.

The anticipation prickling under her skin felt like she was pushing a boulder up a hill antagonizing slowly. It built and built and built until Marlene thought she might explode in splatters of organs, helpless longing and jealousy.

Marlene's ears rang, a loud, buzzing sound bouncing along the empty walls of her head, void of everything but the sight of Mary and Dorcas kissing, in front of everyone, seemingly unaware of its effect on two very specific cast members.

Marlene felt revolted with herself for the sheer amount of disgust flooding through her veins. She was a lesbian, she was supportive, but this? This was one thing she couldn't get behind. It made her sick, seeing just what jealousy could do to her.

Across the way, Lily was not much better. Her teeth were gritted, her face as red as her hair and her fists were clenched at her sides. She danced on, piercing green eyes throwing daggers at Dorcas as she continued on with the song.

When hell was over, Marlene made a shitty excuse and slipped out of the theatre.

She found herself in one of the girl's bathrooms, one of the ones she avoided because of the conference meetings people seemed to hold there. She leaned against the sink and breathed hard, glaring at her pitiful reflection. She felt close to childish tears and the thought made her want to rip her hair out. Dorcas was playing a character. She did not like Mary. They were good friends, sure, but that was it. Friends. Dorcas did not want Mary and Mary didn't want Dorcas because Mary wanted Lily and Dorcas wanted her.

Yes, Marlene had worked past the 'Dorcas Meadowes will never love me' bullshit. Thanks to Madam Pomfrey's help - Marlene would literally go to war for that woman - she had managed to narrow down the issue to one thing: her parents.

Thanks to their close-minded view of the world and their tendencies to be overly load about them, especially around their children, Marlene had developed an incredibly common case of internalized homophobia. Though she thought she had, Marlene hadn't quite accepted herself because she knew her parents never would. They had a problem with how she dressed, they most certainly wouldn't be able to accept the fact that Marlene was never going to be able to have children of her own(because in their eyes, adoption doesn't count. Not that Marlene was particularly interested in adoption, anyway). They'd take one look at her partner(hopefully Dorcas, fingers crossed) and scoff. They'd tell her that it was all just a phase, that the devil was trying to infect her with sin and to pray the gay away. They'd try to send her to a conversion camp, legality be damned. They'd drag her to church and try and drown her in holy water if it would make her like men.

Because of this, Marlene had believed that while, yes, she was a lesbian, no other woman would ever find her loveable. That she and she alone was disgusting, was an abomination worthy of hate and an eternity of loneliness, simply because of her romantic preferences.

Poppy had helped her realize that this was not at all true. She had been there through Marlene's tears and her adamant denial. She had been there when Marlene worked through the bout of depression that followed, when she was sunk so deep in sadness at the fact that her parents had planted that belief in her. She had been there when Marlene had finally accepted that she was deserving of someone to hold, of being held. And she will be there when Marlene finally, truly accepts that Dorcas is hers, that Dorcas will be that someone, that Dorcas Meadowes is as crazy about Marlene as she is about her. She, realistically, knows Dorcas likes her. She's just not ready for a relationship just yet.

So why was she on the brink of curling up on the floor and sobbing when it was nothing? Dorcas and Mary were acting, for fuck's sake! What had happened was a completely normal and common occurrences in this world. She had no right to be upset.

The door swung open and Marlene met Dorcas' eyes through the mirror. For about half a second before she looked away, examining everything and anything that was not the goddess who sidled up behind her. Seeing Dorcas, who had obviously followed her from the rehearsal room, made her cheeks light up in shame.

Hands came to rest on the counter on either side of her, caging her in as Dorcas pressed her front up against Marlene's back. Marlene swallowed, cheeks burning for an entirely different reason. Dorcas rested her head on Marlene's shoulder, tilted inwards so her breath fanned over Marlene's neck. She suppressed a shudder.

"Look at me."

Marlene's gaze immediately snapped towards Dorcas', utterly helpless when faced with the low murmur mumbled against her skin. Bright blue meet the darkest of browns through the mirror and Marlene couldn't breath.

"I didn't think the kiss would bother you that much." Dorcas said.

Marlene looked down, fingers tapping on the countertop. She focused on the beautiful hands either side of hers, watching the glittering silver rings that made her throat run dry. One of those hands moved, trailing up the front of Marlene's body and splaying wide around her throat, index finger tucking under her chin and she stopped breathing. Dorcas pushed up, forcing Marlene's head to follow.

"Breathe, lover."

Marlene was helpless but to inhale, a fragile thing that stuttered and Dorcas smirked.

"I'll ask again, why did-"

"You didn't ask the first time." Marlene felt the need to clarify. Dorcas chuckled, a rumbling in her chest that Marlene could feel against her back, and squeezed gently. Marlene let out a pathetic whimper that made her want to crawl in a hole and never leave but the pride gleaming in Dorcas' eyes erased all traces of shame.

"I guess you're right. Why did the kiss affect you so much? You do know that I'm all yours, right, lover?"

Marlene whimpered again. God, the pet name was doing crazy things in Marlene's abdomen and she was going to need the butterflies to stop or she was going to throw up(but for them to stop, Dorcas would have to stop and Marlene would rather die). "I know."

"Then why?"

Marlene hesitated. "I was jealous."

Dorcas smiled. "I could kiss you, if that would make you feel better."

Marlene wanted her to. She really, really wanted her to but...no. "Not yet. Soon, Cassie, I promise-"

Dorcas tightened her grip on her throat until Marlene stopped talking. "Marlene McKinnon, I would wait for you until we're on our deathbeds if you needed it. Don't you dare try to commit or promise something you aren't ready for. Alright, lover? Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere. I swear it. And I may kiss Mary for this musical, but it means nothing. You are the only one I want. Understand?"

Marlene felt tears welling up in her eyes. Dorcas Meadowes, for her stoney exterior, was such a sweetheart. She attempted to nod the best she could but Dorcas squeezed again. "Words, lover."

"I understand."

Dorcas smiled and let her hand fall, winding tight around her waist. "Good."

Lily

When Marlene and Dorcas returned from wherever they had been, Marlene seemed to be in a much better mood, all the jealousy she had felt during Dead Gay Son was diminished and she was back to teasing Peter, roughhousing with Sirius and snickering with Barty.

Must be nice.

Lily stared at Mary, who has tenaciously - and successfully, much to Lily's annoyance - avoided her since Halloween. Was it a dick move to kiss her while drunk? Very much so, yes, Lily would be the first to admit that. Was that exactly how she planned to confess? No, not at all. Did she mean every last word she said, every action she did that could even vaguely be considered as a confession? Yes, yes she did. And she would tell Mary this is she stopped avoiding her.

But no. Mary seemed determined to ignore Lily with as stubborn persistence that could rival Regulus. That is not a statement to be taken lightly. Regulus would run to the ends of the Earth if it meant avoiding confrontation and he was damn good at it, too. Poor James.

Poor Lily. Everything she's ever wanted is right at the tip of her fingers and yet so, so far away because Mary Macdonald wouldn't slow the fuck down.

When rehearsals let out, Lily gripped Mary's arm before she could run off and dragged her to a secluded spot outside, tucked behind the greenhouse.

"Lily- Lils, what the fuck?" Mary demanded when she was finally released, her escape route blocked by a very irritated Lily, who had her arms crossed and her foot tapping at a speed that would put James to shame. "I have to get home-"

"No, we have to talk. I'm not going to let you dance around me anymore, Mary."

Mary shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "Lily, I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Bullshit!" Lily cried. "You've avoided me since that fucking party because of something stupid I did drunk! I shouldn't have kissed you that night!"

Mary stared at her, eyes blank but Lily's known her long enough to see the despair trying so hard to disappear. "You regret kissing me?"

Lily groaned and ran a hand down her face. "No. I don't regret kissing you, or saying any of the things I did. Kissing you was one of the best experiences I've ever had and everything I said about how you make me feel and the things you do to me are true. They are the most honest, genuine words I have ever spoken. I regret the fact that I did it drunk. I regret the fact that I did it in a way you felt the need to avoid me. I regret that it happened in a way that hurt us both."

Mary was quiet for a moment before she said, "So, you're saying you wouldn't be opposed if I kissed you again?"

If relief was a tidal wave, Lily Evans was happily drowning. A wide grin spread across her face. "Get over here, Macdonald."

Peter

"Hey, Pete! Wait up a sec!"

Peter paused and glanced over his shoulder. He internally groaned at the sight of Frank taking quick, long strides in an attempt to catch up to him before he got too far on his walk home for it to be impossible to catch up with him(Peter was a notoriously fast walker and was never allowed to lead their large friend group anywhere). It's not that he didn't like Frank, he just didn't feel like talking to him right now- or anyone, for that matter. He wanted to go home and curl up in bed with a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream(that shit was better than drugs, argue with the fucking wall), traumatize the characters of his current ongoing fanfiction(a Swiss/Rain/Dewdrop fic from the metal band, Ghost, if you were curious) and listen to the playlist that was guaranteed to make him cry every single fucking time. Perhaps this wasn't the best set of coping mechanisms but it seemed to be doing the job thus far so leave him to sob in peace.

Frank, however, seemed determined to ruin his depressing evening plans and fell into step beside him as they headed in the direction of both of their houses.

"How are you holding up, Pete?" Frank asked after two songs worth of semi-awkward silence.

Peter glanced over to him, an eyebrow raised. "...fine? You've been with me all day practically, Frank, what's with the sudden concern?"

"It's not sudden, I've just never had the opportunity to bring it up before," Frank explained. He glanced over, eyes sympathetic and Peter swallowed. He would be infinitely grateful to every higher power to have ever existed if one of them were to spontaneously grant him with the gift of teleportation. "You were outed-"

"To the entire school, yes, I remember. That's not exactly something you forget." Peter cut him off, grumbling as he glared at the sidewalk.

"And you haven't talked to anyone about it," Frank said. "I'm giving you the opportunity now. How are you holding up?"

"I appreciate the concern, Frank, but if I wanted to talk about it, I would've brought it up myself."

"I'm not sure you would."

Peter side-eyed him sharply. "What?"

"I don't think you would ask for help. If you were, you'd go to either Sirius, James or Remus. But with the stronger bonds between Sirius and James, and Sirius and Remus, you feel a bit left out. You don't want to 'cause any more problems,'" Frank used air quotes. "Because you're scared that you'll start to feel like a burden, they'll exclude you and you won't be a part of your little group anymore- what do you call yourselves? The Marauders? Doesn't matter, you get my point."

Peter's mouth dropped. "I don't-"

"You do."

"I'm going to need you to stop psychoanalyzing me, please. It's making me feel seen and I don't like it."

Frank laughed. "No. Sometimes, you need to feel seen Peter Pettigrew. You're not alone. You're not a burden to them. Talk to them, talk to me or anyone else. We're here for you, just like you're there for us. So, I'm going to ask you again. How are you holding up?"

Peter sighed and tilted his head back, staring up at the sky. It wasn't quite yet late enough for the sky to darken but it was getting damn near close. 
"Upset. Very fucking upset."

Frank hummed. "I bet."

"I had already accepted who I was a long time ago. A couple years ago now. I've been trying to work up the courage to tell people because it was supposed to be my secret, my thing to tell and share with who I trusted. But stupid fucking Mulciber, of all people, somehow found out and took that moment from me. Suddenly I didn't have a choice. Everyone knew. I couldn't pick and choose anymore and instead of being Peter Pettigrew, a Marauder with an interest in plants, I was Peter Pettigrew, the unloveable freak."

"You're not unloveable, Pete."

Peter laughed and it clawed at this throat. "I will never find a partner, Frank. I know some aro people do, but I am not one of them. I do not, and will never, feel a romantic connection to someone else. I am the very definition of unloveable."

"There are multiple ways to love someone, Pete."

Peter's head whipped towards him. "What?"

"There are multiple ways to love someone," Frank repeated. "There's romantic, sure, but even that can be too broad a term, sometimes. There's familial love, sexual love(which I understand is not exactly your cup of tea, either) and platonic love, too, among others. I love you. James loves you, Remus loves you, Sirius loves you, Marlene loves you, Lily loves you, Mary loves you. We may never share a romantic connection but we still love you nonetheless. Just because you may not experience love the same as everyone else does not make you unloveable. You're funny, compassionate and maybe a little mean sometimes but those are all qualities that make you very easy to love. You're sincere, you're trustworthy, you're loyal. You are loveable, Peter Pettigrew. And I will continue you to tell you so until you believe me."

Peter couldn't help it. He really tried to bury it, tried to blink away the tears and smother the rising sob but he couldn't help it. Peter whimpered, hid his mouth behind his hand and his vision went blurry as tears raced themselves down his face.

Frank reached over, drawing him into a tight hug and pulling their walking to a halt. It was a little awkward, given the height difference(Frank was the second tallest in their friend group, bested only by Remus, and Peter was only the slightest bit taller than Sirius and Lily) but they made it work. Frank settled his chin on top of Peter's head and rubbed gentle, reassuring circles into his shoulders. Peter gripped him tight enough to strain his breathing, if only by a bit, but Frank didn't let go, keeping his arms wound around him until Peter's cries had dulled to soft sniffles.

When Peter did look away, he wiped his eyes to clear his vision so he could properly meet Frank's gaze. "Thank you."

Frank beamed down at him. "Anytime, Pete. You just say the word."