Fight For Me

Do you know how hard it is to avoid the love interest of your character in a musical is? Because Regulus does and his friends, who are supposed to be on his side through the thick and thin, the tough and the easy, the good and the bad, keep laughing at him.

"It's not funny." Regulus hissed. Dorcas continued to snicker at him and Barty only laughed louder.

"You're right," Pandora said loyally, face stoic for all of three seconds before she broke out into a wide grin, giggling behind her hand. "It's hilarious."

Regulus threw his head back and groaned.

"Why are you avoiding him again?" Xenophilius asked, slipping in next to Pandora in the deserted hallway of Hogwarts Secondary School's basement.

"He's being a pussy." Evan said unhelpfully, stealing a handful of movie theatre popcorn from the bag in Barty's lap, which he somehow got between the start of school and now.

Regulus scowled at him. 
"I am not being a pussy. I'm humiliated."

Barty rolled his eyes. "You and Potter made out on stage and missed your cues. Boohoo. You both liked it so stop fucking whining and jump his bones already."

Regulus elbowed him sharply in the kidney and Barty groaned. Evan jumped to save the popcorn that nearly spilled when Barty hunched over, completely ignoring his boyfriend. "I can't do that. Potter doesn't want it."

Dorcas stared at him, unimpressed. "Really? Do explain, oh wise and all knowing Regulus."

He glared at her. "He kissed me as long as he did because I didn't stop. He would've continued on with the choreography if I had just followed the blocking."

Evan snorted. "That's not what it looked like."

"You didn't see how James reacted when you left, Reg," Pandora said gently. "He was all bashful and looked like he wanted to follow you out."

"He was embarrassed because we fucked the song and he probably wanted answers as to what the fuck happened," Regulus grumbled, tucking his knees up under his chin. "Why else does he keep trying to corner me?"

"He wants to talk to you, Regulus." Dorcas said, exasperated.

"He's confused. You kissed him, liked it, then ran away. He wants to know if you reciprocate his feelings." Xenophilius commented.

"He also wants to fuck you- ow, Reg, that fucking hurts." Barty whined, rubbing his bicep where a bruise was sure to form.

"Stop saying stupid shit. All of you, stop saying stupid shit. James Potter does not like me and he does not want to 'jump my bones.’” Regulus crossed his arms and glared at them all, slouching down against the wall.

Evan sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Fine. Whatever you say, Reg.”

Pandora frowned and sat up straighter. “No. I’m not letting this go. James Potter likes you, Regulus, and you like him. Talk to him, swap out whatever your brain is telling you for the truth. Let him love you, because you deserve it. Don’t push him away. It’ll only make you more miserable.”

Regulus wanted to call bullshit but couldn't force himself to speak under Pandora's fierce stare, demanding him to accept it. And he wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to. He wanted to give in to the desire to melt into James Potter, to let him hold him, to feel soft lips on his again, to have gentle hands caress his skin, to be caged in strong arms, to have someone to fend off all his demons with. He wanted, wanted, wanted but couldn't bring himself to believe that he could have.

James Potter was the most pure person Regulus had ever had the fortune of meeting. Bright eyes and an even brighter smile, a glowing aura that radiated from his bones. It was in his very nature to care, to protect, to love. He was the sun, the thing that kept so many people alive. James was warm, rays of happiness and comfort bursting from his heart and being soaked up by everyone around him.

The thing about the sun, though, is that it burns. Sunshine is only reassuring for so long until your body begins to peel, skin screaming to get away. Regulus was so scared to be burned. James made him feel like he was soaring and Regulus was terrified for the moment his wax wings would melt.

Regulus has been hurt time and time again. By Walburga, by Mulciber, by Sirius, by the world. He couldn't handle being hurt by James, and Regulus could see the way the sun is inching closer and closer to an explosion. Regulus wasn't stupid. The red eyes, the skittish behaviour, the unusual secrecy- Regulus saw it all. James was cracking, burning brighter and brighter in an attempt to make everyone believe he was okay. James was struggling and Regulus was too much of a coward to help him. James needed someone by his side just as much as Regulus did, but he was too selfish to allow both of them that comfort. James could give every part of himself to anyone who needed it and Regulus couldn't manage to repay the favour.

So Regulus wouldn't except it. He wouldn't believe James Potter wanted him, wouldn't let him talk to him. Regulus was a stupid fucking lizard who was undeserving of someone so beautiful, so perfect, so good. James may need help but Regulus would do nothing but make it worse. So, for both of their sakes, he would do what he does best:

Run.

"I have to go." Regulus mumbled, standing up and throwing his bag over his shoulder.

The last thing he heard before he was sprinting up the stairs was Pandora's disappointed sigh.

Regulus wasn't really aware of where he was going but, like every other time a crisis spontaneously sprung itself onto him, he found himself in Minerva's office.

"Reg," she greeted, not looking up. "I was wondering when you'd find yourself in my office again."

Regulus scowled. "Not you, too. I came here to get away from the teasing, thank you very much."

"You're avoiding James." Minerva commented. She threw a granola bar at him, well aware of his tendencies to skip meals.

Regulus caught it, just barely avoiding getting hit in the face. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Why?"

Regulus, stubbornly, didn't answer.

When the silence dragged on a little too long, Minerva pinned a look of expectancy on him over her spectacles.

"I was interrogated once already today, I won't be again."

Minerva hummed, returning to whatever it was she was working on. Grading, maybe? "Was there anything else you wanted to discuss or are you simply looking for an escape?"

Regulus hesitated for a moment before blurting, "Can we avoid Dead Guy Walking in rehearsals?"

Her gaze snapped up again. "I beg your pardon?"

Regulus shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Can we avoid Dead Guy Walking in rehearsals? Please? I just- I can't do it, right now. Can we move on and come back to it?"

Minerva tapped her pen on her desk a few times, thinking. "I'll see what I can do."

Regulus' shoulders sagged, a tension he hadn't even known was there dispelling. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Regulus! Regulus, wait!"

Regulus cursed under his breath, glancing frantically around the empty corridor. He had attempted to take the long way around the school to the theatre in hopes to avoid James but stupid fucking Potter seemed to be waiting for him.

"Regulus, please."

Regulus grit his teeth, begging his wavering resolve to harden despite how much he wants to give into James' pleading tone. He doesn't turn around, knowing damn well if he sees James' expression, he'd give him everything he wants and more. Regulus can't bare to hear what James has to say. It would crush him, scar him, burn him, and that was not something his current less-than-stable mental state could handle.

So, he moved faster, legs speeding up in hopes to reach the door and disappear into the crowd of theatre kids before James could corner him.

And, because the Fates have it out for him and his life is nothing but a fucking joke, he doesn't make it.

James gripped his arm with a strength that reminded Regulus that he used to play on the rugby team, among other various sports. He yanked him back and forced him to face him. James' eyes are wide and wild, like he's one wrong word away from shattering. He can't sit still, foot tapping on the ground and his free hand twitching. The bags under his eyes seem to go unnoticed by everyone else but Regulus sees them, clear evidence of poor sleep and James' obvious mental distress. His lips are twisted into a frown and it's so strange to see anything but a smile that Regulus couldn't help but stutter in his desperate attempts to shake James' grip.

"Stop running from me." James said. His voice is hard, determined, but Regulus can hear the underlying exhaustion. James is tired, tired of trying, tired of being happy, tired of playing Regulus' games. Maybe if he could push him just a little bit farther...he might leave him alone.

That sparks a newfound vigor in Regulus and he twisted his arm harshly. James doesn't budge, fingernails digging in to his skin hard enough that Regulus knew bruises were sure to form. "Potter, let me go."

"Not until you have a conversation with me like a normal fucking person." James snapped.

"Did you ever consider in that tiny brain of yours that I don't want to have a conversation with you?"

James shook his head, a concerning, near-manic smile forming on his face. "Does it ever get tiring, Regulus?"

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific, Potter. Lots of things I do could be considered tiring."

"Running," he said and Regulus froze. James chuckled darkly. "Running from your problems, your emotions. Do you ever think about the people you may leave behind?"

Regulus swallowed, looking away from the intensity of James' stare but the older boy's arm shot out, gripping his chin and forcing him to look back. Regulus' breath caught and tried desperately not to think about how fucking hot that was.

"Please," James whispered. His eyes glinted with something Regulus often found looking back at him in the mirror: sadness. His heart clenched. James Potter, sunshine happy boy, was terribly, terribly sad and there was nobody to help him. "Please tell me that I didn't just dream that kiss. Tell me you liked it, too. Tell me I can have you. You already have my heart, love, tell me that I have yours."

And Regulus wants to, more than anything. He wants to give himself over, wants to be gentle with the vital organ cradled in his palms but, no matter how much he wishes he wasn't, Regulus is but a Black. He isn't 'gentle.' He's incapable of being soft. So, instead of protecting James' heart, he squeezes instead. Maybe then James will give up, maybe he can spare him the blood Regulus' thorned soul will shed before his spikes are buried in too deep.

He scoffed, pulling himself of James' loosened grip. "No. Gods Potter, can't you take a hint?"

James' face fucking dropped and Regulus was choking on guilt. "What?"

"This is what I was trying to avoid, Potter but no, your annoying ass is so blinded by your own wants that you can't respect other people's wishes."

"No- Regulus- that's not what I-"

Regulus shook his head, stepping back. His heart cracked with every frantic word James tried to get out but he knew it was himself holding the mallet. "Just stop it, Potter! You never know when to quit, do you? You push and push and push and- it's too much! You're too much! Just leave me the fuck alone!"

Was Regulus trying to hurt? Yes. He threw words like knives and hoped they would strike, that's just what he does. He hadn't anticipated that statement to be quite so sharp.

James flinched back hard and his eyes glazed over with tears. Regulus instantly wanted to backtrack but he held his tongue. This was for the better.

"Alright," James said, voice cracking. He took a fleeting step back and a tear spilled down his cheek. "Sorry. I won't bother you anymore, Regulus."

He turned down the hall and sprinted out the nearest door.

Regulus swallowed a sob and forced his eyes to keep dry. He had a rehearsal to get to.