Blue
Auditions were, perhaps, one of the more stressful situations of his life(definitely not the most stressful, that title goes to the…incident). It was definitely out of his comfort zone, dancing and singing on stage. It wasn’t a lack of talent, no, he was quite a good singer(if he did say so himself) and was a decent enough dancer. It was more so the people that had him more anxious. The idea of people watching him do these things - which he normally did within the comfort of his room or the shower - sent shivers down his arms.
All that being said, it was all the worth it when he saw his name on the castling list and seeing those of all his friends around it.
Sirius had practically body slammed students out of the way when they arrived the day the list was posted(much earlier than they usually would if it was any other day). Remus felt his heart flutter at the bright smile that bloomed on his face and, weirdly enough, when Sirius blew out his eardrums with his excited screech.
“Remus! Remu! Moony! Moonbeam! Moonshine! Moonlight! Moon of my life!” Sirius cried as they threw themselves at Remus, wiggling in his grip as they were unable to keep still, overwhelmed with zoomies. “I got it, I got it, I got it!”
Remus laughed. “I saw, my stars. Congratulations!”
Sirius’ head shot up, staring up at Remus with wide, excited eyes such a pale blue they were borderline grey. “You got in, too! J.D’s dad, a police officer and ensemble!”
Remus hummed. “Indeed I did.”
Sirius surged forward, hand coming to cup Remus’ jaw as she pressed a rather passionate kiss(not that he was complaining) for the school corridors to his lips. Remus grunted in surprise before his hands tightened their grip of her hips.
A loud wolf whistle pulled them apart. Pete stood with the rest of their group with a teasing smirk on his face, Marlene next to him with a matching expression, clapping slowly.
Sirius rolled his eyes, flipping them off over his shoulder. The group laughed before Mary had had enough of them just standing there, shoving Sirius and Remus out of the way of the cast list to check her name.
“What was that for?” Remus whispered while Mary, then Frank, then Peter celebrated as they read their names.
Sirius smiled, their soft smile reserved for Remus and Remus alone. The smile that made Remus fall for them all over again.
Yes, Remus Lupin was in love with Sirius Black, a thought he had accepted but couldn’t say, no matter how hard he tried.
“I’m so proud of you.” Sirius whispered back, standing taller to bump their noses together.
I love you, Remus thought as his cheeks warmed and his mouth parted in a surprised breath. I love you, I love you, I love you iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyoyiloveyou-
“I didn’t even do anything.” He breathed instead.
Sirius shrugged. “Can’t I be proud of you anyway?”
And, well, Remus had to kiss him for that.
“Lupin, move over!” Marlene yelled. “Let me hug my Chandler!”
Sirius pulled away, whipping towards Marlene. “You got McNamara?!”
Marlene nodded her head so fast Remus could hardly make out her eyes in the blur of features. Sirius screamed in sync with her and they practically tackled each other to the floor.
“Congratulations, Marlene,” said the smooth voice of Dorcas Meadowes as she strolled up with Regulus, Evan, Barty, Pandora and Xenophilius, who seemed like their honorary sixth member as of late. Regulus, blank as ever, quickly lost interest in the tangle of limbs that was his sister and Marlene, waiting a little impatiently, while Lily looked at the cast list.
Marlene peeked up at Dorcas with a grin. “Thanks.”
Lily gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet.
“Martha?” Peter asked.
Lily nodded, a small tear of happiness and disbelief slipping down her face.
“That’s lovely, Evans, it really is, but move out of the fucking way.” Regulus snapped, picking at his fingernails.
Sirius glared over at their brother, but said nothing.
Lily stepped out of the way, gripping on to Mary’s arm and repeatedly saying, ‘I can’t believe I got it, I can’t believe I got it, I can’t believe I got it.’
It didn’t take long for Regulus to find his name, tension draining from his shoulders and a relieved sigh escaping his lips.
“Well?” Evan demanded.
Regulus grinned, a full, genuine grin of happiness. “You’re looking at you’re Vincent Sawyer for this year’s-“
Regulus didn’t even get to finish before Pandora tackled him with an excited shriek. “I knew you could do it!”
Barty took a peek at the list and then turned to Marlene and Sirius. “Is that the pile of Heathers?”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
Barty threw himself down on the floor, crossing his ankles and folding his hands behind his head with a sigh.
“Are you our Duke?” Marlene asked.
Barty grinned, a sharp edge to it that Remus had grown used to this past week. “Right you are, McKinnon. I would guess who is McNamara and who is Chandler but I’m sure they could’ve heard your screams in Australia. And besides, Black has too big of an ego to play McNamara.”
Remus snorted, and chuckles fluttered throughout the group. Remus watched as Sirius’ nose twitched, obviously a little displeased with having Barty as Heather Duke but, knowing how she’s slowly been warming up to the younger boy, they’ll be laughing and making fun of everyone together in no time.
Evan read the list next, a beaming smile fluttering across his face, punching the air slightly.
“You got it?” Barty asked, and Evan nodded. Barty yanked at Evan’s ankle and blond haired boy tumbled to the floor, collapsing on Barty and accidentally hitting Sirius in the face.
“Watch it, Rosier.” Sirius growled.
Remus rolled his eyes and nudged him with his foot. “Enough. That wasn’t his fault and you know it.”
“Anyone else curious as to which part Evan got?” Peter asked.
“Oh, he’s Ram Sweeney,” Frank said, shrugging when everyone turned to look at him. “Saw his name looking for mine.”
“And I’m his mother,” Dorcas said as she read the list. “And the Westerburg coach.”
Mary grinned. “Guess we’ll be seeing more of each other, eh, Meadowes?”
“Let me guess. Kurt’s mom?”
“Correct.”
“Looking forward to it.”
“Congrats, Dorcas.” Marlene said from the floor.
“Thanks, Marlene.”
Pandora blinked at the list. “I got Vincent’s mother?”
Xenophilius peered over her shoulder. “So you did. They gave a lot of people second, small parts. See, I’m a police officer. Ensemble but slightly more specific.”
Peter hummed. “I noticed that, too. I’m also Vincent’s dad alongside Mr. Fleming.”
“Where’s Potter?” Regulus asked suddenly, glancing around the group.
Sirius narrowed their eyes. “Why do you care?”
Regulus glared right back. “I don’t. I’m simply curious. I wasn’t aware you two could last five minutes without each other.”
Before Sirius could snap back, Lily interjected. “He stopped by his guidance counselor's office for a moment. He should be here soon.”
“Speak of the devil and he shall appear.” Dorcas commented, nodding down the hallway.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” James said as he squeezed between people. He beamed when he saw everyone. “Ah. Hello. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting.”
Sirius shoved him towards the list without her usual ‘hello’ hug, proving just how anxious she was to see the results.
James laughed before dragging his finger down the paper, stopping almost immediately. He stood there for a moment, not saying anything and Remus felt his stomach drop.
“Is it- is it bad?” Peter asked, breaking the silence when no one else seemed keen to.
James glanced over his shoulder, face downcast. Well, for a second before he broke out into a blinding grin. “Anyone fancy a trip to 7-11?”
Sirius screamed, throwing himself at James much like he had done to Remus. James caught him with a laugh. The rapid conversation broke out almost instantly, Sirius talking far too fast for Remus to catch a word but James just matched him, replying just as fast, if not faster.
Remus had been jealous of James, once, many, many years ago. He’d hated just how perfect James and Sirius seemed to fit, two puzzle pieces with edges so clean you barely had to drop them together before they connected. He’d hated just how well James knew Sirius, how whenever Sirius entered a room, James was who they looked for. He’d hated how Sirius would drag James to a corner of the school yard and they’d have their quiet conversations, hushed whispers for no one to hear. James was everything Remus wasn’t. James was the type of person Sirius deserved, the endless happiness and comfort, the sunshine Remus couldn’t provide.
That was before, though. Before Remus realized he was just being stupid, that James and Sirius would never be anything more than what they were; bestest of friends, platonic soulmates- whatever you wanted to call it. Remus realized that James was to Sirius what Lily was to him. That was fine. Sirius didn’t want blinding light and loud comfort from her partner. She wanted anything Remus could give, the soft, dulled presence he was. Remus may not have rays of his own, but he could reflect some of James’ excess light and have his own, duller glow. And that was okay. That’s what Sirius wanted.
“You- you’re J.D?” Regulus asked. His voice was level, dry as it always was but there was something in the way his fingers kept twitching suggested he was not happy.
“Yeah,” said James. “Who’d you get?”
Regulus swallowed, eyes losing focus as he disappeared into his mind, something Remus saw him do a lot. Something Remus saw Sirius do a lot when he first life the House of Black.
“He’s your Sawyer.” Pandora filled in quickly, naturally, as though she’s done so a thousand times. Remus doesn’t doubt she has, with how easy it was for her to do. No one said anything about it. No one noticed it, aside from Regulus’ friends, Remus himself and-
Sirius’ face was a mix of emotion. Concern, suspicion, sympathy, anger, pity. All within seconds of each other, it was like scrolling rapidly through your camera roll, desperately trying to find the image you’re looking for. Sirius couldn’t seem to find which emotion to settle on so they didn’t, face falling blank. Remus frowned. He’d talk to them later.
James broke out into a wide grin, a twinkle of mischief and delight sparkling in his eye. “Oh, really? Can’t wait.”
Remus tilted his head, a smirk gracing his face. No fucking way.
Regulus cleared his throat, looking everywhere but James. “Right. I’m going to class.” Then, without another word, he turned down the hallway, practically dragging Pandora with him. And where Pandora goes, Xeno and Evan follow. And wherever Evan goes, Barty isn’t far behind. And with all her other friends gone, Dorcas said goodbye and followed after them.
“Ms. McKinnon, Sirius,” McGonagall announced as she appeared in the corridor. “I suggest you get off the floor, lest you get trampled by students or you’re found by a less…forgiving teacher.”
Marlene quickly stood to her feet as Minerva took off down the hall, offering her hand to Sirius, who gratefully took it. At least, until Marlene heaved her off the floor and let her drop just before she gained her balance.
“Fuck you McKinnon!” Sirius screeched as he fell back on his ass. Marlene did nothing but stick her tongue out and cackle at him.
Remus held a hand out to his partner. Sirius narrowed their eyes at it suspiciously. “You aren’t going to drop me, are you?”
Remus smiled softly. “Never, my stars.”
Sirius blushed as she broke out into a grin. She placed her hand in Remus’ and it stayed that way, even after Sirius was steady on her feet.
“We should-“ Marlene began but was cut off by the obnoxious scream of the school bell.
The group quickly dispersed to their classes and no one got to hear what it was Marlene had wanted to say.
For about twenty minutes.
Fruity Pebbles
Cake Wife: AS I WAS SAYINF WE NEES TO CELEBRAT
Ronald Macdonald: YES WHEN AND WHERE
My Stars <3: WITH BOOZE I HOPE
Cake Wife: HOW ELES WOIULD RE CLEBRRATE
Thing 1🦌: JUST DANCE PARTY AND SLUSHIES?
Frozen 2.0: MAKING DISSTRACKS ABOUT PEOPLE IN SCHOOL
Ed Sheeran: AND POSTING THEM ON FACEBOOK SO ALL THEIR MOMS SEE IT BUT NOT THEM?
To Be Frank: WHY ARE WE YELLING?
Thing 1🦌: WHY NOT?
too much work.
Cake Wife: BOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thing 1🦌: BOOOOOOOOOOOO
Frozen 2.0: BOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ronald Macdonald: BOOOOOOOOOOO
To Be Frank: BOOOOOOOOOOO
My Stars <3: OI DON'T BE MEAN TO MOONY
yeah. take pity on me. i'm gay.
Ed Sheeran: Look around you, Rem. You're not special
ouch.
Cake Wife: NORW INOOEBYANT RJINFS MWWD RO NR DISSCISSED
Frozen 2.0: ...what 😃
To Be Frank:mhm yeah totally understood that
Ed Sheeran: Good job, sweetie 👍
Thing 1🦌: excusie? one more time?
My Stars<3: In all the time i've known you you'd think i'd come to understand this mess and yet, here we are
translation?
Ronald Macdonald: 'more important things need to be discussed'
My Stars<3:God is a woman and her name is Mary
Ed Sheeran: PREACH!
Thing 1🦌: frrrrrrrrrr
Ronald Macdonald: bow down, peasants
Thing 1🦌: 🙇♂️
Cake Wife: 🙇♀️
My Stars <3: 🙇
Ed Sheeran: 🙇♀️
🙇♂️
Frozen 2.0: 🙇♂️
To Be Frank: 🙇♂️
Ronald Macdonald: thats right
Cake Wife sent a link to the song 'Celebration' by Kool & The Gang
Ed Sheeran: Yes, Marls?
Cake Wife: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
the one word you spell right.
Cake Wife: HET! I SPLED LOTS OD WORDDS RIBHT
To Be Frank: for example, the word 'lots'
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Cake Wife: PARTY
Frozen 2.0: YES PARTY WE GET IT
Frozen 2.0:WHERE THO
Thing 1🦌: I can ask mom?
Cake Wife: Effie 😍🥰️☺️😚🥵️🙇♀️❤️️
Thing 1🦌: why is my mom's name and 'party' the only words you can spell?
Cake Wife: anyfing dor Effie 🙇♀️
Thing 1🦌: EWWWWWWWW
Thing 1🦌: SHE'S HAPPILY MARRIED
Cake Wife: divorves exsists
Thing 1🦌: NO
Thing 1🦌: I REFUSE
monty's hotter anyways
Thing 1🦌: MOONY?????
Cake Wife: I WILL NOT STAND FOR SUCH BLASFEMEY
Ronald Macdonald: you were doing so well 😢
To Be Frank: look at my son...pride is not the word I'm looking for
Frozen 2.0: lmao
Thing 1🦌: I asked mom. She says its okay, as long as we clean up afterwards and don't vomit on the carpet
Frozen 2.0: IT WAS ONE TIME I'M SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Cake Wife: QUWEN EFFIE'S HOISR AGTER SHOOL
As Marlene so eloquently demanded, they all met up at the Potter household as school went out.
Sirius shimmed his shoulders as they stepped into the house. "I think I still have some left over vodka from auditions."
Remus laughed as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled out as he went to sit down. "Sounds good, sweetheart
Remus tapped his phone to wake the screen, freezing instantly. Staring back at him was an email notification.
An email from the University of Ottawa.
Remus had applied last year, as one typically does, to one of their literacy programs. The thing is, though, he had neglected to tell Sirius about it. They hadn't really discussed what would happen to them once they were done with high school. Remus knew, and he'd bet Sirius knew as well, that he was going to go onto post-secondary education. He had always planned to and he liked to acquire knowledge like jewels. Sirius though...Remus wasn't sure. Perhaps he would go to an arts school, it'd help him get roles easier. But...they've never been so far apart before. Remus lives only a few streets over, has for nearly his entire life. The only time he hasn't was...the incident but Sirius hadn't known Remus then, that was different. Remus didn't want to make Sirius feel like they were being abandoned. Remus knew what that felt like, even if it wasn't entirely by choice, and it wasn't fun.
The incident happened when Remus was four. It was late at night, Remus had just had a nightmare and his mother, Hope, who had been born and lived in England up until her teenage years, was a firm believer in a nice cup of tea would fix everything. Hope had started the kettle, had grabbed a tea bag of her non-caffeinated herbal blend meant to induce sleep and was singing softly to Remus when the window had smashed. A person, Remus doesn't remember whether or not it was a boy or a girl or if he simply couldn't tell, had broken into their home. They were armed, dressed in all black, and clearly unprepared for Hope and Remus to be in the kitchen. Hope had tried to scream but the criminal had slit her throat before she could make any real noise. The quiet gurgle Hope gave as she choked on her blood is a sound that has haunted Remus for his entire life, repeatedly plaguing his mind when he was at his most vulnerable.
The murderer hadn't been done there, though. When Hope was without a pulse and Remus was sobbing loud enough that he should've woken up his father, if he didn't sleep like a fucking brick, the killer had taken the knife covered with his mother's blood and, like Remus had been nothing more than a piece of wood for an artist to carve, began to coat it with his own. Mark after mark, slash after slash, so deep it left facial scarring, among many, many others.
Lyall Lupin hadn't heard his son's cries until he was already half-dead from blood loss. Lyall Lupin hadn't come down the stairs and knocked the intruder unconscious until the damage was already done. His wife was dead, his son dying and their attacker on his kitchen floor, covered in both of their blood and barely a spec of his own.
Lyall had rushed Remus to the hospital. He was fine, aside from major scaring and a truckload of new mental issues. Lyall had packed them both up soon after and moved to Godric's Hollow, a new place for a fresh start without such a horrible memory springing to life the moment he went for his morning coffee.
They had moved in next to Lily, and next to her was Severus. Though Remus hadn't liked Severus, it was nice, having close friends who never asked what the hell had happened to his face.
In the new town, Lyall had to work two jobs to pay their rent and keep them alive. He barely had time for Remus. Remus liked to keep himself out of trouble, despite being the mastermind behind most of the Marauder's pranks. He didn't want Lyall to worry about more. So, Remus tried his best to stay out of detention, to keep his grades up, to make Lyall's life as easy as possible.
In conclusion, Remus knew abandonment intimately and the last thing he wanted was to make Sirius feel like she was being abandoned. But he didn't want to loose her either.
"Lily? Can I talk to you for a second?" Remus asked, voice a little tight.
Lily's brows furrowed in concern. "Is everything alright?"
Remus stood and nodded up at the stairs. Lily followed as he led her to Sirius' room. Remus threw his phone down on the bed and sat a good distance away from it, hands crossed as he leaned on his thighs. His legs bounced as his mind ran a mile a minute, every single thing that could go wrong flashing through his brain.
"Rem?" Lily sat down next to him, placing a gentle hand on his forearm. "What's wrong?"
"Just- just look at my phone."
Hesitantly, Lily picked up his phone and she almost instantly dropped it again with a surprised gasp. Remus cringed. "You applied to the University of Ottawa? When?"
"Last year," he mumbled. "Can you- can you read it for me?"
Lily tapped a bit and Remus had to bury his face in his hands to keep himself from analyzing Lily's expression.
She let out a little shriek that had Remus' head snapping up. "What? What is it? Did I get in?"
Lily covered her mouth with her hand, eyes shining with unshed tears as she rapidly nodded her head. "You got in."
Remus snatched his phone from Lily, eyes flying across the screen as he greedily took in the words. He slumped back on the bed, a disbelieving smile growing on his face. "I got in."
"You got in!" Lily launched herself at him, tackling him back on the comforter.
Remus laughed, elated. The academic validation was doing wonderful things to his dopamine levels. He was on cloud nine and he was loving it. He, Remus Lupin, was going to do to the University of Ottawa!
Then, of course, because Remus Lupin can never be happy for long, he was rapidly slammed back into the ground.
"Oh fuck," he said, shooting upright. He felt like he was going to be sick. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."
"What?" Lily asked.
"I haven't told Sirius." Remus whispered.
Recognition flashed through her gaze before morphing into sympathy. "Oh, Remus. Just talk to him. It'll be fine. You're Sirius and Remus. He'll understand."
"I need to get drunk," Remus announced. "Very, very drunk."
Lily sighed. "Remus, that is not how you respond to this."
But Remus was already standing. He practically ran down the stairs. Sirius had already poured everyone shots and Remus was eager to join in, drowning his looming issues under lots, and lots of vodka.