i predict that u haven't done the astronomy homework
NAME GUIDE:
snake-whisperer = pansy
salazar-was-daddy = blaise
one-shirt-wonder = harry
rons-oedipus-complex = hermione
the-snake = draco
friendly-neighbourhood-cryptid = fred
smexy-carrot = ron
Saturday 14:03
snake-whisperer:
blaise help
salazar-was-daddy:
What now
snake-whisperer:
i’m writing smut
salazar-was-daddy:
Aren’t you at work rn?
snake-whisperer:
.
yes
*[snake-whisperer:] sent an image*
salazar-was-daddy:
Were there children around???
It’s giving those famous authors who craft their masterpieces in random places
snake-whisperer:
omg
speaking of masterpieces
salazar-was-daddy:
What
No
Please no
snake-whisperer:
Pregnancy looked gorgeous on Will. His supple body had blossomed out, rounding his hips, and causing his breasts to swell. He’d gone from board flat to double d breasts in a matter of months, giving Hannibal fresh, delicious skin to bite at
salazar-was-daddy:
STOP
STOP.
snake-whisperer:
ur no fun
swear u said u wanted to ride will graham yesterday
salazar-was-daddy:
Yeah but not Pregnant Will Graham
snake-whisperer:
obvs that’s just the after effect of u riding him
salazar-was-daddy:
Do you know how sex works ?!?!?!??!!?
snake-whisperer:
i dont get hung up on the details
boring ass
salazar-was-daddy:
What.
snake-whisperer:
virgin ass
salazar-was-daddy:
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
snake-whisperer:
shh. virgin ahh
salazar-was-daddy:
Okay.
Since you’re so intent on chatting shit
I can assume that you’ve done the astronomy chart and predictions?
snake-whisperer:
i predict
that this pussy
salazar-was-daddy:
Is
Is that it
snake-whisperer:
does there need to be any more?
salazar-was-daddy:
I guess not
snake-whisperer:
anyway its fine trel wont fail me
ive got that astronomical rizz
salazar-was-daddy:
Bye.
Sunday 17:56
one-shirt-wonder:
Mione
I was late to my lesson today
By 2 minutes
rons-oedipus-complex:
Oh my god
What did she say
Did she eat you or what
Are you just a pile of bones rn
one-shirt-wonder:
She said
*clears throat*
*thick russian accent* vat du u hev tu sei for uor silf
rons-oedipus-complex:
REALLY ??
one-shirt-wonder:
no.
She just looked at me w her scary eyes and then showed me the work she’d done since last lesson
(8 pages)
rons-oedipus-complex:
Damn
That girl’s not an academic weapon she’s a WMD
one-shirt-wonder:
FR
I am scared
Why do they need me
Is it for my soul
My beautiful pure innocent soul mione
rons-oedipus-complex:
Okay well i wouldn’t go that far
First of all your soul isn't That desirable
one-shirt-wonder:
Okay ykw
Shit up.
Shit the fuck up.
rons-oedipus-complex:
Harry do you mean shut up?
one-shirt-wonder:
NO
I meant
Shit
Up
rons-oedipus-complex:
Go text your bf I’m not entertaining this
17:59
one-shirt-wonder:
Draco
Draco
Draco
the-snake:
Yes harry what’s up
one-shirt-wonder:
If you were gna eat someone’s soul would you eat my soul
the-snake:
Totally
I would devour
Leave no crumbs
No crust
Eat that shit raw no cooking nothing
one-shirt-wonder:
Damn
I love you so much
the-snake:
Yes harry I love you too
one-shirt-wonder:
Going teary eyed rn
the-snake:
You’re so weird
Monday 4:03
the-snake:
Hermione
I acc did the astronomy chart
6:32
rons-oedipus-complex:
YOOOO
IM SO PROUD
the-snake:
What can i say im an academic weapon
rons-oedipus-complex:
That’s my baby guys fr i gave birth to u
the-snake:
I came out of you
rons-oedipus-complex:
This is so funny stop
the-snake:
It’s true i did
20:46
*[salazar-was-daddy:] sent an image*
Just spilled an entire can of baked beans on myself
Trying to get food while
Ahem
Unsober
snake-whisperer:
you’re so fine
vogue magazine called
salazar-was-daddy:
I ate
Vouge magazine’s pussy for that
snake-whisperer:
.
okay
22:13
smexy-carrot:
Harry are you okay ???
one-shirt-wonder:
help
hilp
smexy-carrot:
R u ok?
one-shirt-wonder:
i am pissing
pisisisisiisisisisusuususussi
smexy-carrot:
HARRY ARE YOU OKAY
smexy-carrot:
R u high or something?
one-shirt-wonder:
oh did i not say
yes
i thought we knew
*[one-shirt-wonder:] has sent a video*
i was not expecting this
smexy-carrot:
Why is Blaise dancing shirtless around the room pls
one-shirt-wonder:
idfk
we watched wolf of wall street
he got ideas
smexy-carrot:
Casual serve tbh
*[one-shirt-wonder:] has sent a video*
smexy-carrot:
HARRY
MR ONE SHIRT WONDER ARE YOU GENUINELY OK
Bro the breathing i can’t tell if it’s real or not
Take care of yourself please
smexy-carrot:
Harry?
Harry????
smexy-carrot:
Oh for gods sake not again
Im not sending you the hw this time because you got fucked up instead of working
Tuesday 7:49
one-shirt-wonder:
jokes on YOU
i did do the homework last night
smexy-carrot:
What ?? Harry you could barely speak out loud let alone do the astronomy wishy-washy predictions shit
one-shirt-wonder:
why do you think i got
high
in the first place
smexy-carrot:
Oh
Oh damn
one-shirt-wonder:
that’s right
im about to get my very first a* in astronomy
19:21
one-shirt-wonder:
too much radio not enough head
the-snake:
Is that supposed to be a hint Harry
one-shirt-wonder:
it’s not even a hint tbh
it’s just a statement
one-shirt-wonder:
do smth about it
the-snake:
How about you do the astronomy homework instead
one-shirt-wonder:
AHA
BITCH
i already did it
guess it’s gonna be just you getting a detention from tre-lamey
the-snake:
First of all
You’re lame for that stupid ass pun
Seriously
This is like one of those specific icks
one-shirt-wonder:
WHAT
DRACO WHAT
NOOOO
WHAT ABOUT LOOOOOOVE
WHAT ABOUT USSSS
the-snake:
Fine
I’ll be nice
I won’t even mention to the group chat
one-shirt-wonder:
which groupchat
which groupchat draco :)
the-snake:
I’ve done the astro hw too yk
one-shirt-wonder:
damn
where’s that spidermen pointing at each other picture when i need it
the-snake:
You have the internet on your phone harry
It is readily available
one-shirt-wonder:
shit up
shit the fuck up
the-snake:
Right that’s it
You’re going on the groupchat
one-shirt-wonder:
WHAT
WHAG=
DRQCO WHAG
19:28
cunt
the-snake:
Guys my boyfriend is
So lame
rons-oedipus-complex:
He has been my best friend for 7 years!!
And I agree
snake-whisperer:
nice Hermione
i knew you belonged in cunt gc
rons-oedipus-complex:
Thank you Pansy
snake-whisperer:
now let’s make out
rons-oedipus-complex:
No, thank you Pansy
the-snake:
I’ll make out with you Pansy
snake-whisperer:
kys Draco
salazar-was-daddy:
Wait don’t kys before you tell us what makes you say Harry is lame
Apart from… the obvious
the-snake:
The obvious?
salazar-was-daddy:
His shoes
snake-whisperer:
his victorian doll glasses
rons-oedipus-complex:
His morning everything
snake-whisperer:
him
the-snake:
Right.
Pansy i’m not sending you the astronomy homework
snake-whisperer:
WHAT
WHAT
salazar-was-daddy:
Your only crime was slaying and this is your punishment??
rons-oedipus-complex:
God gives his hardest battles to his sexiest soldiers fr
salazar-was-daddy:
You served. Now you pay the price
snake-whisperer:
i feel like this is divine punishment for being a bitch all these years
salazar-was-daddy:
God must’ve overheard our ft
snake-whisperer:
but i NEED to keep people humble
rons-oedipus-complex:
Pansy you know I can just send it to you right
snake-whisperer:
hermione
when r we making out
rons-oedipus-complex:
Oh god
snake-whisperer:
sounds like the enthusiastic response of a woman head-over-heels in love what do you guys reckon
salazar-was-daddy:
Pansy just take the astronomy homework and the L please
the-snake:
For all our sakes